Here you go, folks! My first national sample, available right here, revels in the glory that is therapeutic drug monitoring, blood and urine specimen collection, and insurance billing! With a byline! Unfortunately, I had to forfeit my super-cool alias, but look! A comma with letters after my last name! Print your copy today! Also, !.
In other, non-fluid-related news, I was making out my own bills last night and realized some changes need to be made. My boss was generous with my starting salary, so that I can afford the cost of living in Indianapolis and dine on foods other than Ramen noodles and Spaghetti-Os. (Except I don't cook, so I totally live on Ramen noodles and Spaghetti-Os.) However, the little things are starting to add up. The cell phone bill I was hoping to eliminate but can't since I travel so much on the weekends; the landline bill I could have avoided if my phone had better reception; savings, 401(k) and money-market deductions; electricity; rent that is almost three times the amount of my $220 apartment back in Rensselaer (ah, those were the days!). And soon, the addition of student loan debt. If I ever want to shop again, I have to make some changes. There is only one bill that can afford to go.
That bill? Is the (gasp!) cable bill.
I hear that some people forgo (gasp!) cable by choice and go on to lead normal, productive lives, without the pure joy that is SoapNet, The Learning Channel, and USA. They are not interested in All My Children nightly recaps or marathons of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. They are not familiar with Monk. And yet, they carry on. They use the extra 60 bucks for more Important things like feeding homeless children in Africa and drinking beer.
I do not want to become "some people." I don't want to live life never watching another episode of What Not to Wear or a TBS-edited Sex and the City. They don't have SVU Labor-Day marathons on NBC. And is CNBC a cable station? Will I ever watch The Suze Orman Show again?
But the Adult part of me knows it must be done. The Adult part knows that cutting (gasp!) cable is the only way to get me off the damn couch. I will devour books in the lovely reading corner I've staged in my bedroom. Talk to God. Have money for DSL service since I'll soon receive a PC courtesy of my boss, who is eager to empower me to "bring work home." In one fell swoop I'll have established a Roth IRA, encouraged a pay raise and saved my very soul.
That is, until Luke gets to Indy and our financial incomes become one. But no pressure, sweetie. Honey. Love of my life. No pressure at all.
I read your article on blood and urine and my grade would be:
a-/pee +
get it? A Negative (blood) and then I follow it up with a low-brow urine joke. . . hahahahahahahahahaha.
Yes, with my post urine for a treat!
Help me I can't stop.
Posted by: Steve | July 26, 2005 at 05:24 PM
I think that you should keep cable until you get the internet. You can not live without both! You need at least one of them.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 27, 2005 at 01:46 AM
Has anyone talked to you about basic cable . . . you know, the 13 dollar version of cable that only has the first 20 channels or so? It lessens the blow of losing cable all together.
Posted by: Adam | July 27, 2005 at 04:12 PM
I do believe that I can say with almost no doubt, that you are in fact, probably, my most responsible friend (even if we can't confer about the most recent episode of "Sex and the City" or "Law and Order").
Cable or not, I'm proud of ya!
Posted by: Maura | July 27, 2005 at 07:35 PM
Have you thought about stealing cable from your neighbors? I know it's unethical, immoral and illegal, but.....what a rush!
Posted by: Phil | July 28, 2005 at 01:27 PM