Dear God, help us all. Because on September 7th? This body will find itself on a Parisian runway. The chances of that body looking like the one on the right? Not so good.
When Indianapolis Ambassadors first sent out a request for models for its fall style show, I didn't give it a second thought. A Carrie Bradshow fashion icon I am not. The promotion indicated the show was in good fun and provided an especially creative way for new members to acclimate themselves to the group. Not scary! Fun! But still. No.
Until this morning, that is, when I received a frantic e-mail from the social activities coordinator saying that five women and three men were still needed for the style show. So, out of guilt for not having attended a single volunteer event yet, and out of responsibility to this blog ("that night will SO make for a killah entry!"), I offered up my services.
For the most part, I don't really suffer from low self-esteem. Even with all its blemishes and rolls, I'm pretty satisfied with my body, as long as it's dressed in pretty clothes that properly disguise what I don't like (stomach and thighs) and accentuate what I do (collarbone?). But it took me a long time to get this way. Growing up, I can remember flipping through The Big Bopper and Teen Beat with my sister Samantha and telling her confidently, "All the singers and actors in here have, like, 600 people working to make them look pretty. Every normal person has stomach rolls and love handles." I truly believed this until I went bathing-suit shopping in college and saw one of my friends sport a bikini. Her stomach was flat as a rock, and as far as I knew, she didn't live on a bread-and-water diet or have a personal trainer stashed in her dorm. I took a harder look at myself, thought, "Maybe a person's gut ISN'T supposed to hang over her jeans." Interesting concept.
It didn't help matters that, in the same year, a guy I was dating patted my belly and said, "I don't remember you having this when we first started going out." The day after "the incident," his mother cooked pancakes for breakfast (yes, he was 28 years old and living with his mother, I GET IT now), and I couldn't handle more than four bites. I was too embarrassed to eat in front of him.
Things got better, though. In 2001 I met Luke (actually bought him, but that's another entry), who has never made me feel inferior or ugly or unlovable in the four years we've been together, just one of the many reasons why I want to him father my children. In 2003 I joined this program and lost 22 pounds. (It really does work!) I also made it a point to visit my ex the following summer, "just to hang out," when my ultimate goal was to hear him say, "God, you look great! Don't you ever eat?" Which he did, so IN YOUR FACE, EX NUMBER TWO.
In the last year, I've slacked off. I will not tell you how many of the Weight Watchers pounds I gained back, and there are moments when I look into a full-length mirror and understand how anorexia is so popular among women. But I am doing my darndest to take better care of my body and also quit placing such high expectations on it. Sometimes you just gotta have that Ben and Jerry's fix and move on with life.
In the meantime, though, I've got a style show to prepare for.
Work it, baby, WORK IT!
Can't wait to see the pics. There will be pics, right? :-)
Posted by: Liz | August 09, 2005 at 05:54 PM
I would like to go on the record saying that I welcome the addition of scantily clad women to your blog.
Posted by: Steve | August 09, 2005 at 06:03 PM
YEAH! Er...I mean, no, let's just see more pictures of Frema. That's all I want to see. Yep.
Posted by: Luke | August 10, 2005 at 12:10 AM
Let me know when the big event will happen. I'll probably be there shopping anyway.
Posted by: Anonymous | August 10, 2005 at 11:16 AM
The anonymous comment was Kendra. . . She told me.
Posted by: Steve | August 10, 2005 at 01:00 PM
That's AWESOME! You will be so fabulous, can't wait to hear all about it!
Posted by: PaintingChef | August 10, 2005 at 05:37 PM
When Carrie was on the runway in season 4, she thought she was a non-model, too... but she was definitely more fabulous than the model-models.
You'll be beautiful - and even more so because you're doing it for a good cause and to help out a co-worker.
And to please your greedy, bloghead friends. Who are much obliged, by the way.
Posted by: Becky | August 10, 2005 at 05:41 PM
I finished it. Book 6 really kicked my ass! Call me when you're done.
-ME
Posted by: Chris | August 10, 2005 at 06:30 PM