Let's Count How Many Times the Word "I" Appears in This Post

My first year out of school I was kind of a mess; jumping headfirst into a master's degree, arms flailing about wildly as I fumbled through my PR directorship for my alma mater, during which I succumbed to late nights at the office, early mornings slamming "Snooze" for an extra nine minutes, and loooong days clicking away at the keyboard. Because my position was originally intended to be part-time while I went to school, part of my compensation package included free room and board in an administrative suite in one of the female residence halls. While it was a little depressing to admit that I, a college graduate, still lived in a dorm, breakfast, lunch, and dinner were free. Then there was grant money, and a promotion to full-time, but the room and meal plan were still mine for the taking, and since my cooking skills equaled grilled cheese golden brown, I took it.

As evidenced by this entry, I like to eat. When I'm happy, I enjoy going to restaurants and rejoicing in my good fortune. When I'm sad, it's in the ritual of pulling my Breyer's carton from the freezer and scooping out generous portions of strawberry goodness that I take comfort. To put it bluntly, there's a food for all my moods.

Anyway, one winter morning I went to button my dress slacks, slacks I'd painstakingly chosen during my budding relationship with New York and Company, and realized I couldn't get the button through the hole. Forty damn dollars for a pair of pants and my gut was too big to suck in. I suppose celebrating the New Year by digesting a chocolate chip cookie dough blizzard from Dairy Queen every day for the month of January is bound to catch up with you.

I decided to do something about it. The following week, I attended my first Weight Watchers meeting. According to my membership book, which I still hold on to today, I weighed in at 140.2 pounds. According to their handy-dandy chart, that number should've been between 118 and 123. My perceived obesity made me want to throw up a little in my mouth.

So I jumped on the wagon and gave it my best shot. I counted points. I dusted off my Sweatin' to the Oldies videos and jogged with my roommate. I stocked up on those mini fudge bars they peddle at meetings and lived on mushroom soup and slices of bread layered with enough low-fat cheese and tomato that it could pass for a sandwich. I lost weight. Seventeen pounds' worth. And I kept it off.

For a while.

I followed the program pretty religiously for almost a year before I stopped attending meetings. By that time I was at a managable 123 and felt I could keep it off on my own. Who needs a group of women cheering you on to shapely victory when you can model a size-six summer skirt in the dressing room of the local NY&C?

When that dressing room stopped motivating my food choices, I don't know. Last year's move to Indianapolis was hard. I was alone in an unfamiliar city, and there was a month between jobs where the only physical activity that inspired any sort of enjoyment was laying on the couch and shoveling spinach dip into my mouth, one blue-corn tortilla chip at a time.

Luke and I don't have a scale in our apartment, which is mostly a good thing, but occasionally I'll step on the one strategically placed in my sister's bathroom during a weekend visit. I'm careful to submit myself to this grueling examination of the mass only after my morning business has been attended to, just to ensure I'm not stuffing my suitcase with unnecessary cargo. (And to any woman who says she doesn't, I point my finger and say LIAR!) (And also, whaaa?)

At last weigh-in, I was 139.

Why am I sharing this with all of you? To hold myself more accountable to the fact that I've not done enough--anything, really--to get back in shape. Before it was strictly for asthetic reasons, like wanting to see a slimmer face in the mirror. Now I have a doctor to appease, a husband to stick around for, and a baby to incubate (eventually, people, hold your horses, I'm not pregnant yet), as well as the knowledge I've done this once before. I can do it again.

If Luke and I had the money to spare, I'd happily take on Weight Watchers again, but as it stands, we just added him to my insurance, rent went up thirty bucks, and we've run out of CDs to sell. Therefore, I'm prescribing myself a regimen of daily exercise and food journaling. I won't count points and I won't limit myself to bread and water. Instead, I'll opt for moderation and take it one day at a time.

My progress thus far: On Monday I walked almost three miles in less than an hour on Indy's beloved Monon Trail. Striding in time to my "Breain's Walking Tunes" playlist on Luke's iPod, I thought, "I can do this! This is easy!" Not even the sight of some guy's middle-aged, bike-riding buttcrack could deter my enthusiasm. My euphoria stayed with me until I woke up the next morning to a pain in my legs that argued for a less rigorous follow-up. After scarfing down two ginormous tacos, I walked around the complex for twenty minutes until I was interrupted by a French Canadian who had an appointment to meet with someone she'd never met before in building 4047 and couldn't remember if they were supposed to meet at her apartment or somewhere down the road and she tried knocking on the door but the dishwasher was an older model and apparently loud enough to drown out the sound of her knuckles against wood. After saving the day with my cell phone, I figured I'd had enough excitement for one evening.

Today I slacked off and didn't take a formal walk, unless you count plowing through the aisles of Super Target for the new Dixie Chicks CD, but I did have a light dinner of pretzel logs and a bowl of Cocoa Krispies.

I feel better already.

Also, forty-seven. Contractions don't count.

Also also, I'll be damned if Blogger isn't giving me crap about posting pictures. AGAIN. Like it's a free service or something.

Comments

[Lost a Sock]

You go girl!! And also, I can't believe you posted your weight on the internet, not that you have anything to be embarrassed about because you weigh as much as two-thirds of my right foot and look great, but still, a gutsy move that I admire you for, and sometimes I love run-on sentences just like you so appropriately and funnily (nonsense words are fun too, no?) used in your save the Canadian cell phone incident.

All that to say, you can do it!!

:0)

[Lisa]

Good luck! Mind you, your "fat" weight is my GOAL weight!

[Lost a Sock]

Also, blogger was acting like an ass to me too, with the picture thing. And, I have often thought of using that very same entry title as I use the word I constantly, and am conscious about it. I.

:0)

[Fraulein N]

I don't do scales, unless they're in the doctor's office, and then I kind of have to. I don't know how much I weigh (and don't wanna know, lalala), but I'm pretty sure it's more than 139.

But whatever your weight goal is, I'm sure you can reach it. Maybe NY&Co. (love them!) can serve as motivation again? Even if you don't buy, you can always try stuff on to check on your progress.

[PJ Librarian]

I found a trick around blogger's photo posting issues. Recently, it would only let me post pictures using the non-jusification choice. But, I have gone back in under the HTML coding and adding the left, center, or right justification. So far, it is working out for me.

[Anonymous]

Breyers???????? No No No EDY's from now on!!!! Gotta keep my hubby employed!!!! What I would give to weigh 140 again............not gonna happen.

Aunt Ruthie

[Jenabeeb]

Yes, I would kill to weigh what you now do. You looked fabulous in your wedding pictures so I don't think you have much to worry about.

I can definitely relate to your "food for any mood" - food to celebrate, food to comfort - mode of operation.

Good luck as you proceed.

[Luke]

Well, Super Target is a pretty big store.

[daddy d]

Here is something that I don't and won't do much at all, promise. Coaching ... take one day at a time in this way: one hard long working day (like Monday) and then a soft easy day and then a hard day. Hard/easy is the way to make progress. Do not go hard each day. That is just too much for anyone. One day hard and the next day soft to allow the body to rebuild. The next hard day pushs the body and then let it rebuild with a soft day. The soft day is just to move some blood around to do the repair work. Hard/easy/hard/easy/hard ... it also is OK to take a day completely off once a week or so.

[Adam]

Thanks for your comment today - it prompted me to check out your blog and get caught up. Congratulations to you and L - I am so very happy for you both.

Good things are happening in my world, and I'll certainly be sure to email you all the details and my new contact information soon. The blogging will continue during the summer months.

[mjd]

And then yesterday Blogger's comment section was malfunctioning, not that I have much to say.

Best of luck with your plan, and exercise is always good.

[Britt]

I always count a stroll through the store as exercise. Heck! You moved didn't you? It's not like they have a drive-thru window!!

Actually, why don't they have a drive-thru window? I better right a letter.

[butterflygirl]

Love reading your blog.

I'm using HTML coding for pictures. Number Twelve taught me that one.

[Sambo V.]

I've always had weight issues. I HATE thinking about it. Anyway,you already look great and this will only make you feel better about yourself! ;)

[Anonymous]

Just hang in there kiddo and you'll get those extra pounds off, you definitely have the drive to do it!

I started doing a regimen of mine own a few months ago and I must say not only does it feel great to put on clothes that you haven't worn in a while, but I feel better physically (not nearly as tired).

Trina

[Isabel]

Damn blogger and the pain it is causing all of us.

Free service or not, they suck this week.

I did WW the year before I got pregnant (okay, and the first three months of this pregnancy). I love it.

My friend did it on her own, without going to meetings or paying any money, and she lost a ton of weight. So don't feel like you have to pay money to be skinny!!

(and maybe, once I'm back to work or something, I'll start back up on the WW wagon)

YOU ROCK. Keep up the good work.

[verniciousknids]

Gambatte (good luck) with the exercise!

[Elizabeth]

Damn blizzards did me in too.
M&ms and chocolate frech silk pie. mmmmmmm.

Good luck!
maybe you could try a pedometer. I hear you're supposed to walk at least 10000 steps a day. And then based on what you walk, you can step it up in increments to a goal # of steps.

[Number Twelve]

You can do it Frema! :-)

[Phil]

I know how the weight issue goes! Two years ago, I lost 25 pounds, and kept it off for about a year. Gradually over the last 12 months, it's pretty much all back. wtf! Motivation is definitely key. You know this! Sounds like you're off to a good start. Good luck!

[Christar]

My mom used to do weight watchers and lost 65 pounds. She stopped going, and gained all the weight back and then some. She started to diet again on her own in October, and has lost 50 pounds! I'm so proud of her!
I started power walking on my treadmill about a year ago, and I've lost about 25 pounds. I still walk as much as I can, along with Pilates. Now I just need to give up the junk food.

[Lindsey aka Randy]

I know how you feel. I was actually up to 160 at one point--okay, by the time I graduated college and all I did was eat and drink. Since then (it's been 2 years I've kept it off) I've lost about 30-35 lbs. and I'm a healthy 126. So, being a person who once had a lot to lose, i totally have faith that you can lose the weight!! And if you think less about the weight and more about how good your body feels when you are exercising, it makes it SO much better. I still struggle with body image and weight quite often, but it's getting better. You looked awesome in your wedding pics, so I wouldn't be too worried, but everyone could be healthier...and it's a lifestyle change not a one time thing, ya know? You can do it!! You go girl!!!