What to Expect When You're Not Expecting Anything

The Sunday before Easter started out like any other Sunday, except that Luke and I didn't make it to church. We rolled out of bed around 8:30, lounging around our apartment in tee shirts and underwear, devouring three blueberry muffins a piece in an effort to liven up a free breakfast at home. I continued my DVD player's love affair with the third season of Sex and the City, initiated the day before while Luke was in Michigan for work, while he surfed the Internet for potential city parks to visit later that afternoon. We talked about Easter and how nice it would be to relax in Indianapolis in lieu of a six-hour round trip to vist family and friends scattered throughout the Chicagoland area. We debated over the dinner menu for our cozy little holiday, lazily wondering if we were in the mood for turkey or ham.

Since it was the first of the month, Luke updated his "Walking America: A Year on Wilderness Trails" calendar that hangs above the computer station in our bedroom, and it reminded me that my own Peter Rabbit masterpiece needed flipping as well. As I tacked the new page to the wall, I noticed I was on day thirty-nine of my cycle. There was nothing particularly alarming about this, seeing as the last few months have followed this same pattern, so I figured I was due the next day. However, after studying all my not-at-all-inconspicuous date circles indicating Luke's and my...er...special marital time, I thought, hey, I've still got two First Responses left. Why not pee on a stick?

So I did. And two minutes later, I almost peed again, this time all over myself, out of pure, unadulterated shock. For the first time in my twenty-seven years on this planet, I saw a second pink line. It was faint, but it was there.

"LUKE!" I yelled, arms shaking as I held onto the bathroom sink, my lower lip already beginning to quiver. "THERE ARE TWO LINES ON THIS TEST OH MY GOD OH MY GOD."

"What?"

"JUST GET IN HERE AND LOOK AT THE TEST. IT SAYS I'M PREGNANT, RIGHT? YOU WOULD CALL THAT A SECOND LINE, RIGHT?" And I kept talking just like that, in all caps, while pestering my husband for his non-medical opinion regarding the actual existence of the life-changing second pink line.

"I think so, honey."

"SO THAT MEANS I'M PREGNANT, RIGHT?"

"I think so, honey!"

For the next thirty seconds we kind of just stood there, dazed and confused with this unexpected piece of information, and then he sauntered over to the kitchen table and started flipping through yesterday's mail while I exploded all over our bathroom.

OK, so that didn't really happen, but by that point I was a dry-heaving mess. It's probably safe to assume I lost all concept of rational thinking at the same time I lost my urine.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS? DO YOU THINK I'M PREGNANT OR NOT?"

"I would say so, honey," Luke said for the third time in five minutes, poor guy, totally wanting to reassure me before I lost my already-fragile grip on reality and totally not knowing how. Luckily, I had the perfect solution.

"GO TO WALGREENS AND BUY MORE TESTS. RIGHT NOW. WHY AREN'T YOU PUTTING ON YOUR COAT." (Nope, no question mark there. NO TIME FOR QUESTION MARKS!)

He was gone in eight seconds. Meanwhile, I decided to occupy myself by making the bed and taking the second test. Thank the Lord for bonus packs.

And there it was again. A second pink line, only this one was dark enough that I started to think maybe, just maybe, the universe wasn't filming a special April Fool's edition of Candid Camera.

Now that I had two sticks confirming my future presence on the Mother ship, all I could do was sit and sob and pray to God not to take away my baby before Luke returned from the pharmacy and I could pee on two more.

He returned. I peed on two more. Positive, each one. (You don't say, Frema!) And that's when we both cried and Luke kissed the second of my two gut rolls as a "hello" to the newest member of our family. Before the day was out, we had celebrated with pizza and a trip to the bookstore, where I purchased The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy and The Real Book of Birth, because I am already terrified about pushing this miracle out of my special place. Last Monday I only made it through a half-day of work because I came in to discover an army of ants crawling all over my desk and the facilities manager decided to spray my office and I skidaddled the hell out of there as fast as my legs could carry me because OH MY GOD I WILL NOT ALLOW MALICIOUS INSECTS OR THEIR DEATH JUICE TO KILL MY BABY.

(Get used to the caps-lock voice. It's probably going to stay with us until my November 29th due date, as estimated by my ob nurse, who also informed me that I needed to adjust the lower seat belt strap when riding in the car so it doesn't tighten around my belly in the event of an accident. "Just like Kyra Sedgwick in Singles," Luke offered helpfully. Thanks, dear, for easing my troubled mind.)

(Also, I'm pretty sure she was recommending this for when I'm actually showing, but that hasn't prevented me from hooking a thumb through said lower strap and pushing it away from my stomach, you know, so the baby can breathe. I am such a good mother already.)

To this day we've taken six tests, bought three books (and two magazines to boot), purchased Baby's First Onesie, and started an official list of names; I've also taken it upon myself to start combing through Amalah's pregnancy entries in between projects at work. We waited an agonizing five days before telling our families so we could deliver the news in person, which involved presenting each set of grandparents with an Easter basket and a commercially manufactured Hallmark greeting introducing the future tiny object of their affection. My mother's reaction was straight out of a sitcom, pulling the card out of the envelope and waving it around dramatically for three minutes before finally reading out loud "You're going to be..." and then stopping mid-sentence, dropping her jaw, and turning to the kitchen table for emotional support. (Like mother, like daughter.) As for my father, well, he had to lie down. At six-thirty. For the rest of the night.

And now, in the middle of my sixth week of gestation, finally I have permission to tell the Internet.

Internet, we're having a baby.

Those EPT readings were both positive, I swear.

Comments

[Erika]

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy for you! What a terrific feeling! I compared every week of my pregnancy with Amalah's, it's oddly comforting (ESPECIALLY WHEN OVERDUE).

Am I the only person who checks blogs early in the morning? Because "What're you lookin' at?" is far down on my alphabetical favorites list and I've been the first comment 2 days in a row!

[roxanne]

Yippee!!!!!!!

Congrats and I can't wait to read all of your caps lock posts for the next eight months!!!

[Liz]

Yesterday, after reading your Big Announcement post, I cracked up when I saw that you had already created a "Baby on Board" category.

So glad this dream is coming true for you!!

[Molly]

Friend, you are the peeingest damn thing I've ever met! Nice work with your new second line trick!

[Katie]

I'm so excited for you! I'm about 3 months ahead of you. I'm not sure how much you appreciate unsolicited advice, but I'll give mine again anyway:
1 - "homebirth midwives rule, hospitals drool (even for first-time moms)"
2 - I would also recommend Mothering magazine as the best pregnancy/mothering magazine :-)

[Frema]

Katie: I will be sticking with a hospital, so as long as you don't judge me for that, we're cool. :)

[Jessi]

CONGRATS!!!!! I'm so excited to start hearing about all you're experiencing, as I'm hoping to not be far behind you! Can't wait to hear what you're having! And the multiple sticks? Cracks the holy crap out of me! CONGRATS!!!!! (I can't say it enough!)

[VirginiaGal]

The way you told your parents is priceless. I'm hoping to be able to do something similar when the appropriate time comes.

[Rachel]

When I got pregnant with my first daughter, the line was so faint on that test I thought it was negative. Only when I went back a few hours later and looked a little closer did I notice it!

Congratulations, again, to both of you!

[Carrisa]

Yay for Frema!!!! Weren't we just emailing about this subject last week? Did you already know then you sly little minx?

I have been picking out my baby names since I was a kid. They have changed over the years, but it's so much fun!!!

[Marriage-101]

All I can say is "Wow, you must pee a lot." I like Luke's post too. He sounds a little pressed for time though. Only 7 1/2 months to go! :)

[culotte]

In between making shmoopie noises for you, I also wondered how you managed to pee so frequently.

Congrats!!

[Frema]

People, a peeing machine I am not. You have no idea how much juice I drank that morning to make sure I was ready for those tests!

[mjd]

Wow, 13 comments...a few moments ago there were six. As you know, the Daddy D/MJD household is overjoyed with the news. The Easter Basket surprise was perfect. I waited for your two posts; then, of course, I had to blog about your big surprise. You and Luke will be such good parents.

[Silly Hily aka The Hilarazzi]

Your first real pregnancy post was just as I expected it to be....fabulous! You crack me up. This is going to be so much fun Frema!
I also peed on many sticks with my first pregnancy. I saw the line, I knew it was there, but my husband insisted we get one of those that said "pregnant" or "not pregnant." So, off we went to the drug store around the corner to pick some more tests up. I made sure to grab the biggest glass of water I could to down on the way so I would be ready to pee the second we got back home.
Congrats again!!! I can't seem to say it enough.

[Debbie]

You are bringing back so many memories! Enjoy this time...your first is so special and everything is so new.

Congrats again, November will be here before you know it!

[Lucky]

I think I must be the only one who only peed on one stick. Of course, there was no doubting it was positive. The + was there. Oh, just wait Frema. I'm only 2 1/2 months into this mommy thing and I love it. Now, my pregnancy, ugh. I felt horrible 85% of the time. Hope you have a good one!

[Kelly]

Eek! I am so very excited for you! This post cracked me up, and took me back to the excitement I felt when I peed on multiple tests and saw those multiple lines.

Wishing you a very happy and healthy 9 months!!

And yes, Amalah's pregnancy archives are awesome to read during this time! :)

[dee]

Congratulations! I am so behind on blog reading and so absolutely shocked and happy to read this!

[Fraulein N]

YAY. I think maybe caps lock fever is contagious because I just WANNA GO SQUEEEEE! Congratulations, AGAIN. It cracks me up that you found out on April Fools' Day; what a great story to tell the Fremling.

Which reminds me: thought up an unbearably cute Internet Moniker for the little-one-to-be yet?

[christine]

Congrats! I really needed the laugh today - that was a great post! My coworkers probably think I'm insane, I'm laughing to myself and rubbing the tears out of my eyes because I'm laughing to hard.

[Diane]

You are friggin' hysterical Bree.... HYSTERICAL!!!!!!!! So glad you didn't in fact explode. :-)

[MLE]

Squee! Congratulations to you both!

[CPA Mom]

I think I have a new career as a fortune teller. The SECOND I read your post title, I said, outloud since I clearly am not all together here, "Bree is pregnant". And lo, I was right.

We did multiple sticks too as that darned second line was always so faint I knew it couldn't be true. Congrats on your special marital times working so quickly!

[Isabel]

I love the picture of all the pee sticks. And I love that you took so many of them. I don't think I took more then one when I was pregnant with Babboo. But it was a ghetto one from the dollar store that I had to mix and shake and dude, it was just ghetto. And I don't think it was very "positive" and like Rachel I looked at it later and it was more postive, so I was sure I was prego.

So exciting!! I am going to stalk you even more now.

[Audrey]

I am still just bursting with excitement for you! The very first thing I did when I woke up this morning was run to my computer (okay, maybe I stumbled sleepily, but still) to read this post. (I'm finally getting around to commenting now, after reading it a second time.) I can't wait to hear all about your pregnancy and the new lil' Frema (or lil' Luke)! And am I the only one who wants to see a picture of your Baby's First Onesie? Because I do. Want to see it, that is.

Also, I know this is far less exciting than those six positive pee sticks, but I nominated you for an award over at my blog. Check it out when you get a chance.

[Audrey]

Oh, and one more thing. The fact that Luke gave a hello kiss to the newest member of your family makes me postiviely melt with the cuteness of it all.

[Brillig]

I'm de-lurking to tell you that I did exactly what you did. Peed on a stick, and then another, and then another, and then went out and bought more, and peed on them too. I TOTALLY understand that mindset. You simply CAN'T believe one little stick. Or two. Or six. Anyway, congratulations!

[PaintingChef]

Wow. Congratulations sweetie, that is great news! Also? Quite the impressive collection of pregnancy tests... are you starting a museum?

[Stacey]

WOOOO! WHEEEE! YEEHAW! I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED...LET ME JOIN YOU IN CAPS LOCK VOICE! Congrats to you both...this is going to be the most special time you've ever experienced...seriously. I must let this sink in for a while before I come back to catch up on TLF. But I am expecting detailed documentation of this entire pregnancy. And I'm posting my firstborn's birth story soon...do not let it scare you. :)

[Jen]

oh my... I started sniffling a bit, remembering seeing the 2 pink lines for our little baby!!! Such a crazy day that was... and it happened a lot like yours- I just thought, why not take a test? I was only like 2 or 3 days late and REALLY didn't think I was pregnant, but I had 2 extras in the cabinet so hey, why not? Boy was I shocked!

And honestly- don't be too scared about pushing the little miracle out of your special place :) My only advice is to gather as much info as possible so you'll be ready for any situation... and be flexible. It's not an easy process but it's only temporary and soooo worth it!!!

[mel]

Congrats! That's a lot of tests! :)

[Margaret]

Congratulations on your wonderful news. I still remember those days and my daughters are almost 21 and 17. It is a very special time; enjoy it!

[Lindsey]

I think I kind of started to hyperventilate reading this post. Only because I would freak out too at a moment like that!

[Cazzie]

Marvellous news on all fronts (visiting you from MJD's site). I was extatic when I tested positive with each and every one of my children.
May your pregnancy be wonderful and smooth and you enjoy everyday of it.
Bets are you aren't sleeping well beacuse you are sooo excited :) I know it, because I was just like that!!

[daddy d]

Isn't science wonderful. One test and then another as a check. In the old days, there was not such positive tests. May, the time between now and then be smooth sailing.

[Cindy]

Oh my Goodness - Congrats!!!
How exciting for both of you. Now just sit back and enjoy the ride. Hopefully it's a smooth one!
Will you find out the sex???

[Tink]

Fluttered over here from MJD's blog. Congrats on the new addition to the family!

[Katie]

I just thought of two questions:
1) Will this affect your blogging class this fall?
2) Will you change Wednesday's title to "Weight Gain Wednesday"? lol!

[jodifur]

CONGRATS!!!!!!

[Marilyn]

congratulations!!! What a wonderful April Fools (no foolin'!) for you! Enjoy the adventure ahead...

FWIW, whenever I've been pregnant I've always been uber-vigilant about my seatbelt placement. And I've always blamed Kyra Sedgwick in "Singles" for that.

[Jessie]

I happen to think that November 29th is a great due date, and I also think that all people born on that date are awesome. Oh, and yeah. That's my birthday. Hence why it's such an awesome day and you should totally have your baby on your due date. :)

[bdogg_mcgee]

Congratulations!! I'm so happy for you!!!!

[SJ]

Congrats again! Not only did you make me laugh and maybe even snort a little, but I cried a little too - happy tears of course!!

Exciting times - can't wait to read all about your journey to motherhood!

[Wacky Mommy]

cooooooooooooooooooooooooool!!!

[butterflygirl]

congrats!!!!

[Lena]

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Congrats! And welcome to the underbelly. Or, er, overbelly. Or or all-over-belly!

[Luke]

While I am very excited about the test results, I am not a big fan about keeping the pee sticks for an extended period of time. Ick.

[Amy W]

CONGRATS!!!

[cagey]

Very exciting!! You have my permission to pummel the first person who suggests eating crackers when you are suffering from morning sickness. hee!