What to Expect When You're Not Expecting Anything

The Sunday before Easter started out like any other Sunday, except that Luke and I didn't make it to church. We rolled out of bed around 8:30, lounging around our apartment in tee shirts and underwear, devouring three blueberry muffins a piece in an effort to liven up a free breakfast at home. I continued my DVD player's love affair with the third season of Sex and the City, initiated the day before while Luke was in Michigan for work, while he surfed the Internet for potential city parks to visit later that afternoon. We talked about Easter and how nice it would be to relax in Indianapolis in lieu of a six-hour round trip to vist family and friends scattered throughout the Chicagoland area. We debated over the dinner menu for our cozy little holiday, lazily wondering if we were in the mood for turkey or ham.

Since it was the first of the month, Luke updated his "Walking America: A Year on Wilderness Trails" calendar that hangs above the computer station in our bedroom, and it reminded me that my own Peter Rabbit masterpiece needed flipping as well. As I tacked the new page to the wall, I noticed I was on day thirty-nine of my cycle. There was nothing particularly alarming about this, seeing as the last few months have followed this same pattern, so I figured I was due the next day. However, after studying all my not-at-all-inconspicuous date circles indicating Luke's and my...er...special marital time, I thought, hey, I've still got two First Responses left. Why not pee on a stick?

So I did. And two minutes later, I almost peed again, this time all over myself, out of pure, unadulterated shock. For the first time in my twenty-seven years on this planet, I saw a second pink line. It was faint, but it was there.

"LUKE!" I yelled, arms shaking as I held onto the bathroom sink, my lower lip already beginning to quiver. "THERE ARE TWO LINES ON THIS TEST OH MY GOD OH MY GOD."

"What?"

"JUST GET IN HERE AND LOOK AT THE TEST. IT SAYS I'M PREGNANT, RIGHT? YOU WOULD CALL THAT A SECOND LINE, RIGHT?" And I kept talking just like that, in all caps, while pestering my husband for his non-medical opinion regarding the actual existence of the life-changing second pink line.

"I think so, honey."

"SO THAT MEANS I'M PREGNANT, RIGHT?"

"I think so, honey!"

For the next thirty seconds we kind of just stood there, dazed and confused with this unexpected piece of information, and then he sauntered over to the kitchen table and started flipping through yesterday's mail while I exploded all over our bathroom.

OK, so that didn't really happen, but by that point I was a dry-heaving mess. It's probably safe to assume I lost all concept of rational thinking at the same time I lost my urine.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS? DO YOU THINK I'M PREGNANT OR NOT?"

"I would say so, honey," Luke said for the third time in five minutes, poor guy, totally wanting to reassure me before I lost my already-fragile grip on reality and totally not knowing how. Luckily, I had the perfect solution.

"GO TO WALGREENS AND BUY MORE TESTS. RIGHT NOW. WHY AREN'T YOU PUTTING ON YOUR COAT." (Nope, no question mark there. NO TIME FOR QUESTION MARKS!)

He was gone in eight seconds. Meanwhile, I decided to occupy myself by making the bed and taking the second test. Thank the Lord for bonus packs.

And there it was again. A second pink line, only this one was dark enough that I started to think maybe, just maybe, the universe wasn't filming a special April Fool's edition of Candid Camera.

Now that I had two sticks confirming my future presence on the Mother ship, all I could do was sit and sob and pray to God not to take away my baby before Luke returned from the pharmacy and I could pee on two more.

He returned. I peed on two more. Positive, each one. (You don't say, Frema!) And that's when we both cried and Luke kissed the second of my two gut rolls as a "hello" to the newest member of our family. Before the day was out, we had celebrated with pizza and a trip to the bookstore, where I purchased The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy and The Real Book of Birth, because I am already terrified about pushing this miracle out of my special place. Last Monday I only made it through a half-day of work because I came in to discover an army of ants crawling all over my desk and the facilities manager decided to spray my office and I skidaddled the hell out of there as fast as my legs could carry me because OH MY GOD I WILL NOT ALLOW MALICIOUS INSECTS OR THEIR DEATH JUICE TO KILL MY BABY.

(Get used to the caps-lock voice. It's probably going to stay with us until my November 29th due date, as estimated by my ob nurse, who also informed me that I needed to adjust the lower seat belt strap when riding in the car so it doesn't tighten around my belly in the event of an accident. "Just like Kyra Sedgwick in Singles," Luke offered helpfully. Thanks, dear, for easing my troubled mind.)

(Also, I'm pretty sure she was recommending this for when I'm actually showing, but that hasn't prevented me from hooking a thumb through said lower strap and pushing it away from my stomach, you know, so the baby can breathe. I am such a good mother already.)

To this day we've taken six tests, bought three books (and two magazines to boot), purchased Baby's First Onesie, and started an official list of names; I've also taken it upon myself to start combing through Amalah's pregnancy entries in between projects at work. We waited an agonizing five days before telling our families so we could deliver the news in person, which involved presenting each set of grandparents with an Easter basket and a commercially manufactured Hallmark greeting introducing the future tiny object of their affection. My mother's reaction was straight out of a sitcom, pulling the card out of the envelope and waving it around dramatically for three minutes before finally reading out loud "You're going to be..." and then stopping mid-sentence, dropping her jaw, and turning to the kitchen table for emotional support. (Like mother, like daughter.) As for my father, well, he had to lie down. At six-thirty. For the rest of the night.

And now, in the middle of my sixth week of gestation, finally I have permission to tell the Internet.

Internet, we're having a baby.

Those EPT readings were both positive, I swear.

Comments

[May]

Yay babies! I also took a picture of my pee-stick when I found out. I didn't even have a blog to share it with! I wanted to keep a record of that crazy-amazing-terrifying feeling. And yeah, go for the hospital. I had a midwife & planned to do it natural, but ended up having an unexpected emergency c-section to save my baby & probably myself. Midwives are awesome though. Hooray for modern medicine! Hooray for babies!

[Lawyer Mama]

Congratulations! (Delurking here.) And welcome to the mama train. It's a hell of a ride, but the company's great.

[Tara]

I found you through Amalah over at Mom's Daily Dose. . .

CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm almost in tears, I'm so happy for you. I remember the moment I finally had a positive pee-test (after 2.5 years of trying to conceive), and I had to take several tests to be sure. I was over the moon, as you are.

My son will be 2 in just under 2 weeks, and I'm STILL over the moon. It just keeps getting better.

So again, congratulations, and welcome to the club. :-)

[Ivory]

Congrats! I wandered over from MDD, and am expecting a baby Dec 2nd, so I am excited to find other bloggers who will be expending at the same rate. :D

[Christar]

Yay!!!! This is such exciting news for you! I'm SO happy for you! :) I just became an Aunt and have been a sorta step mommy for about 3 years, and have loved every minute of it. I am excited to have kids of my own someday, but for now, I am happy with just being a step mommy in training, and an aunt! :) Congrats, congrats, congrats!!!!! :D From how you've patiently waited and your posts about it, I KNOW you'll be a great mommy!

[Emmakirsten]

Your posts totally cracked me up, thought I would surf somewhere else on your site and found this, Love the writing in all caps, like i could hear you bellowing to hubby for more tests. It's great. Congrats if I haven't said it yet.

[debi]

I remember this and it was so sweet. I am happy for you. From what I know of you ,you are a planner. I slop my way through life, always have and frankly I hate that about me.You and Luke seem like such wonderful people. Your babies will only enhance everything you are. I know we should embrace wherever we are in life but I do envy that place you are now living. Thank you for letting us join you in your joy.