The names have all changed since you hung around, but those dreams have remained and they're turned around

Well. I'd like to think you guys are ready to welcome me back with open arms, but after gauging your responses to Kara's recent posts, it appears my presence on this blog is obsolete. Luckily, I'm the parent, and this is not a democracy.

(Your mom's a democracy!)

Clearly, I'm feeling much better.

Ever since I posted that last entry, I've been debating when to return. As much as I love being a part of the blogging community and using this site as a means for creative expression, the way in which I was participating needed to change. I had gotten so caught up in posting for posting's sake that I forgot it should mean something to me. Tuesday night would roll around, and I'd want to talk about my upcoming high school reunion, but instead I posted a Weight Loss Wednesday because that's what I was supposed to do. So I did, even if I didn't want to. Thursday night would come, and I'd be inspired to write about the latest Clinton/Obama debate (first forty-five minutes equalled BOGUS), but instead I poured through e-mails about the return of Tragic Love Friday because tomorrow was Friday and that's what I was supposed to do. So I hatched up a few plotlines, even if I didn't want to.

You see the pattern, yes?

I wanted to return but wasn't sure how to break that cycle. I wanted to get back to the days where I blogged because I wanted to, not out of obligation. So I filed those questions away and focused on writing for Parents, trusting that when the time was right, I would know.

This past Saturday, I knew.

It happened at a conference here in Indianapolis, where local bloggers came together to provide insight on how to enhance one's personal and professional presence on the Web. I originally signed up to learn more about blogs as they relate to smart business practices but walked away with renewed energy for my own blogging vision and met some great people who will serve as blogging resources for me in the future. (If only I'd met Doug Karr and Chris Baggott before teaching my class! Missed Opportunity, you are a son of a bitch.) Like I said earlier, this blog is not a democracy. I like that it makes people happy, and I really enjoy the conversations, but ultimately, it's an archive of my life. A place where I can assign words to my feelings and explore new territories and reflect on what kind of person I want to be. And in order to make it worth my time--something I have much less of these days--I have to do it on my terms.

So I'm making some changes.

Effective immediately, I'm discontinuing all weekly features on this site. No more Weight Loss Wednesday, Brain Fest Friday, or Tragic Love Friday. I'll still write about health and wellness, but I won't let the calendar dictate when I do so. I'll still pose funny questions for us to laugh over, but I'll let them come naturally instead of forcing inspiration when it doesn't exist. And as for Tragic Love Friday.... What can I say? The whole idea of a part three started with readers volunteering to help, but when push came to shove, nobody had the time. And I completely understand. Hell, I don't have the time, and it's my damn story. A bunch of us came up with some great ideas, and hopefully, one day, I can do something with them. But until then, we'll have to make do with lil' Frema's original masterpiece, which I still think is pretty effing awesome, and if you haven't read it yet, now you know there's one more way to kill time at the office. You're quite welcome.

The new plan is to start including blog posts about topics that are important to me but haven't received much air time here in the past. Perfect example: politics. I am not a political guru by any means--ask me to name the mascot for the Democratic party and I will probably mimic a deer in headlights--but now that Luke and I are parents, now that we're laying down roots in Indianapolis, now that I'm old enough to appreciate how politics affect my quality of life--I'm determined to take a more active interest in our local and national elections. I want to figure out who I stand for and who stands for me. I want to ask hard questions and receive thoughtful answers from you. I've been afraid to tackle issues like that in the past because I am super sensitive and HATE the idea of someone judging me just because I hold a different opinion, even though I read posts from plenty of bloggers with completely different views and always appreciate seeing issues from other angles. As Doug said at Smaller Indiana's conference on Saturday, "Afraid of conflict? Don't blog." And not blogging? Is not an option.

I want to learn more about the opportunities available through blogging and make that learning process more transparent here. I presented a Blogging 101 session at a writing conference last fall. I studied blogging issues for a whole freaking semester! Why didn't I link to that PowerPoint? Why not post my syllabus? I don't know. But I won't make those mistakes again. 

I also plan to do a better job highlighting the writing I do for Parents.com. I'm not sure why I downplayed this before--I'm proud of the work I do for them, just as if I were freelancing for a print publication. Plus, I've found that with my friends who write for other Web sites, the more they link to those gigs in their personal blogs, the more likely I am to read them. I trust that's the same for you. If not? Um, that's OK, too. (Frema says through gritted teeth because total monthly page views play a key role in renewing blogger contracts. But no pressure. Am Zen.)

After experiencng a brief, emotional bump in the road, life is sunshine and roses again. I have a wonderful husband and beautiful baby girl who both have given new meaning to my life. I work for a company that (finally) challenges me creatively and compensates me well, thanks to a new supervisor and more structured environment. Dare I say I love my job now? That I like being both mother and breadwinner? Because I think I really do. I'm no longer resentful that Luke's at home with Kara instead of me. How can I be when he's so damn good at it? It's no accident we each ended up in the roles that we did. Even though I miss them something fierce when I'm away.

Anyway, the point is I'm in the perfect place to take this blog to the next level and make it more reflective of who I am today.

So that the answer to "What're you lookin' at?" continues to be me.

Comments

[Kiri]

I've never commented before (longtime lurker), but I wanted to say a big "Yeah!" that you're back. Your blog has always been interesting and creative - and I'm glad that you're back with renewed enthusiasm!

[Douglas Karr]

Wow! Sounds like you're motivated and inspired. I'm now a subscriber! I'm so glad you enjoyed the BlogIN!

[Katie]

I think you should at least do a notification post each time you post at Parents. I can't get the Parents blog to work with my feed reader, so I have to check it gasp-MANUALLY-gasp!

[liz]

woooooot!

(yay!)

[Molly]

Wahoo! So glad you're back - in two places!

[PaintingChef]

I'm thrilled you're back. Our blogs grow and change as we do and sometimes the growing pains can be... unexpected and hard to deal with. I'm in the midst of it too my friend.

Just wanted to say that I'm so happy for where you are right now, you sound truly content and I think that's awesome. Looking forward to seeing what's next!

[cagey]

Good for you! I firmly believe that my Audience of One should always be ME. :-)

Also, I had a difficult time linking to my former paid gig. It felt whorish. However, I wish I would have linked to it more than I did. Therefore, I definitely encourage you to link away and let it go. There is no shame in being paid for your writing.

[Janssen]

Hooray! I'm glad you're back :)

[Marriage-101]

Welcome back! I can't wait to read all about this new "you" and all the issues and events that are important to you. That's what blogging for yourself is all about, right?

And yes, please please please link to the Parents posts. I too have trouble getting it in my feed reader and I often forget to check it.

[Virginia Gal (Mrs. Higrens)]

I'm so glad you are coming back!

I know that whatever you choose to write about will be thought-provoking (when appropriate), funny (also, when appropriate), and touching (again, when appropriate). Not to mention, well written!

I too forget to check the Parents posts, so I'll ditto the request for an update link when you post there. Even if that's all you include in that post.

[Jen L.]

Awesome to have you back!!!!!

[The Bug]

So great to have you back!

[Isabel]

You know what I have to say to this?

BRING IT!

I'm super excited to hear from you on the bigger topics you haven't posted on before. I think we all have so much to offer, and I'm anxious to read what you have to say!!

(I've missed you over here...!)

[Christina]

Welcome back! I love that you have settled in to your new dual self and are working it Frema Style.
Blogging is hard, when I have a day with low #'s I always worry about what I did "wrong" or am I getting boring- and how to "fix" it every step of the way. When really I need to write what I want no matter who agrees or comments. I need to write when I have something to say, not becuase its been 2 days with out a post. Right? Right! Cant wait for all of the changes 'round here.

[Liana]

YAAYY! Welcome back! It's YOUR blog and I'm so glad you're re-claiming it as such.
I'm excited to read more soon! :)

[heidikins]

Huzzah! Welcome back! (I do hope, however, that Little Miss Kara will still have semi-regular posts, because those? are awesome!)

xox

[becky]

Yay!!!

[Keri]

Love your writing. Glad your back!

[Operation Pink Herring]

I am so happy for you! And happy to have you back. Hooray for ditching the features if they weren't working for you. And feel free to highlight away on the Parents.com stuff... I actually LIKE it when bloggers I read talk about their other stuff they're doing/writing.

Hooray, hooray.

[eva]

Great post! You should definitely blog about what moves you, whenever you want to, and not impose a crazy schedule on yourself. And I'll be interested to read your political opinions, far more than I was in TLF or your current weight :) But, um...I noticed a lack of Kara in this post. WHERE IS YOUR CUTE CHILD??!! Please rectify the lack of photographic evidence of her adorable-ness asap. Thank you.

[Christin]

Yay Frema!!! So glad you are back. and am going to check the parents page right now!!

[Katie]

What a great, new outlook to have!! Welcome back :)

[Jana]

Yay! Not that Kara isn't a great blogger, but you have been missed! And thank you. The little 'afraid of conflict, don't blog' comment helped me. Although, the few times I have stirred it up on my blog, people take it personal. I may have to stir it up more and just say to hell with it!

[Marilyn]

Yay! Very glad to hear this. We want YOU, the authentic you, any way we can get it. Features are no biggie, but your own voice is what matters. :) You keep on rockin' it.

[daddy d]

Well thought out.

[FBQ]

First time commenting to say I enjoy reading your blog (loved TLF - I would laugh out loud at work and then have to make up ridiculous reasons why I was laughing) and I am glad you are back. I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
P.S. your daughter is adorable!

[Jackie]

Welcome back! I missed you! I don't care what you write about or how often, just enjoy it!

[Must Be Motherhood]

Monarchy can be underrated at times, in certain places. Blogs are one of them.

[Erika]

I'm a longtime lurker/Frema-Useless Clutter supporter and I just wanted to say that I really admire how gracefully you've handled the transitions you've gone through lately.

Childless though I am, I imagine that juggling a career, motherhood, and wife-hood is not easy and I think you've done brilliantly so far.

Also, every time I see your baby she makes me laugh with delight. She has the most joyful face I've ever seen (probably because she has such good parents.)

[Amy]

I love it when I have epiphanies and my life suddenly makes more sense.

Glad to have you back and in such high spirits.

[Fraulein N]

I'm so glad Frema Got Her Groove Back.

[Jenny]

yea!!!
So glad you are coming back to grace us with your internet presence, but even happier that life is sunshine and roses for you!
(Kara can keep posting too, however. We won't complain! ;)

[Rachel]

Welcome back!! I cannot wait to read! You are an amazing writer and I'm glad that you chose to be you on here!!!

Although, periodically, when you're not feeling well or something, Kara is totally welcome to post.