What're you lookin' at? | Ramblings from a self-proclaimed yada yada yada...ist

Take me out to the ball game (and house hunting, too)

Luke and I are experiencing a series of busy weekends; two weeks ago it was visiting friends in Kentucky; tomorrow we will leave for a four-day stint up north to hang out with family and specifically to see my brother-in-law, Jason, my sister Ryan's husband, who's home from Iraq until the beginning of August. And this past Sunday, we took Kara on her first big trip downtown. It involved a company-sponsored picnic at a minor league baseball game, walk down the canal, and parking at a nearby museum because it was too damn hot to let the car seat bake in the sun.

Things are OK here. After a month-long hiatus, Luke and I began house hunting again; we viewed a couple of properties on the south side of Indy boasting more homes in our price range and a respectable commute to my work. The first house was adorable but the living room was too small, and the second? Well, all I can say is sellers, STAGE YOUR HOMES. Don't leave bags of unopened Cheetos on the kitchen counter. Don't leave a collection of your husband's boxers on the master bed for all to see. Get rid of the '70s paint on the walls, and patch up the cracks. You can even get crazy and vaccuum your cat hair! Our realtor saw potential, but all we saw was BLECH. Also, filth. Also also, a crappy back yard, but the BLECH and filth weren't helping matters any.

Speaking of the home-buying process, somebody recently e-mailed me to request more information about our experience grabbing a piece of the American Dream. (Hi, Ingrid!) Seeing as we don't have a house yet, I don't know how helpful I can be, but I'm happy to share the steps we've taken thus far.

For years, various loved ones have tried to convince Luke and me to buy a house, but we had valid reasons for taking our time--the biggest one being our uncertainty regarding how long we would stay in Indianapolis. I accepted my current job in the spring of 2005, and by the time Luke moved in that September, I decided our stay would be short term. We spent almost every weekend traveling north to visit family, we had a hard time making friends, and Luke had an even harder time finding a job. Planting roots just didn't make sense. I paid special attention to the home-buying chapter in Suze Orman's Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke but didn't plan to act on it until we moved closer to home. In fact, right before we learned I was pregnant with Kara, we had agreed to begin what we assumed would be a long and ardurous job search in the Chicagoland area because we wanted to expand our family but we didn't want to do that without having our nearest and dearest close by.

Whoopsie.

Those two pink lines put a temporary damper on moving--I wasn't keen on switching to a new insurance plan or ob/gyn practice, especially since I loved my doctors so much--so the new plan was to resume searching after I gave birth. I wasn't happy at work, anyway, and it felt like the right time for a fresh start.

But this spring, everything changed again. I returned to work and found a completely different atmosphere from the one I left, one that was better in every way possible. I adore my new supervisor as well as the financial incentives that take the form of cash bonuses every three months. And now that we are a one-income family, those incentives are more important than ever. Plus, it didn't take long to see that my earning power was much stronger here than it would be in near Chicago. There's no way we could afford our current standard of living and take on a house and still keep Luke home with our kids--something that means a lot to both of us right now. The conclusion was a no-brainer: we had to stay here.

I'm glad we've stayed in apartments for as long as we did. I'm glad we were able to get through such a tumultuous time in our lives without stressing over costly home repairs or decreased property value or whether or not we bought into a good school district. It was absolutely the right move for us, and we have no regrets.

But suddenly, the new right move meant buying a house.

Thanks to a hefty year-end bonus (how awesome is my job, I tell you? Pretty freakin' awesome), we already had enough money for a small down payment stashed in our savings account. We met with a local housing organization to see if we qualified for any special loan programs (not so much, thank you, bonuses) (I'm just kidding, bonuses, please don't leave me), and then met with a mortgage lender at our bank to talk about how much house we were willing to buy. We got the name of a realtor from one of my co-workers, interviewed her over coffee at Panera, and then we were on our way. I thought we would have something in no time and close by the end of July, just in time to wrap up our apartment lease.

Again with the not so much.

It's not that we haven't seen a ton of houses that could possibly meet our needs. Hell, we even bid on a few, but the offers never worked out, and again, I have no regrets, because looking back, we were in much too much of a hurry and made compromises we probably shouldn't have made. The first house was great, but the living room had a funky "cut-out" in the wall that I realize I hate now. The second house had a dimly lit kitchen without access to much natural light. The third met our three-bedroom requirement, but one of the kids' bedrooms would have been much smaller than the other, and while I loved the other features, I never got over that one. I think I breathed a sigh of relief when that deal fell through.

We looked some more after that, but at that point we were seeing at least three houses almost every day in an area I wasn't crazy about, and they weren't working out, either, and soon we had to admit that for now, enough was enough. Even though our interest rate was fluctuating, even though we didn't want to renew our lease, even though we just wanted to be done with this process already. We made sure Pam knew we still wanted to work with her and stayed away from all things real estate for almost a month and a half. We increased our down payment. We opened our minds to other areas, based on recommendations from friends. We signed our lease for another three months, buying us a little more time. And we agreed to trust our gut; it's OK to walk away from something simply because it doesn't feel right.

We also decided to stick with our original mortgage number, which is probably the main reason this search has taken so long.

If the only change in our finances was an increase in the rent category, it would be easy to commit to a higher monthly payment, especially when an extra twenty bucks can buy a more sophisticated home, and especially when work is going so well (I really should write an ode to quarterly bonuses). But when we consider the effect this move will have on our heating, air, and water bills, not to mention the costs associated with actually maintaining a home, it's not something we can do and still be able to sleep at night.

So, that's where we are. I think the biggest lesson we've learned is not to settle. Buying a house is a huge investment that will affect us for years to come; our world will not collapse if we have to keep resigning our lease until we find the one that's right for us.

I have also learned that as of Sunday, I'm now The Type of Person Who Owns Tacky Resident Memorabilia:

In my defense, I needed a few more shirts for this physically awkward "too big for regular clothes but too small for most maternity wear" phase. But I probably won't wear this to Friday's cut and color in Chicago.

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Over at Parents, I've been talking about family cars and soap opera names. Does life get any better than that? I think not.

Also, I heard "Summer in the City" on the radio today, and it made me think of Sweatin' to the Oldies and how much I love Richard Simmons. Just in case you were wondering.

After four plus years of blogging, you'd think the stage fright that used to accompany each blog post would be gone. And when I was writing regularly, it was. There wasn't a lot of pressure on any one entry because the frequency of posts balanced out the crap.

Now, though, it's a wonder if I update more than once a month, so even though I'm coming up with ideas all the live-long day, I don't follow through with most of them because I think, Is that something I want sitting on my front page for three weeks? And usually it's not, so my blog collects dust, when in fact all those little nothings could have equalled a semi-interesting collection of pseudo twitters, and then you wouldn't have to click on a blog that's been dormant since the first of the month.

Anyway, with this entry, I'm not going to overthink flow or grammar or even quality, because I received three totally awesome e-mails from blog readers this weekend alone, not to mention the outpour of support I've gotten since announcing baby Number Two's impending arrival, so I'm totally feeling the love for the Internet, and it almost makes me wish I'd bitten the bullet and gone to BlogHer this year, except there's no way I could afford it and the idea of traveling to California is too intimidating and what business do I have going to a blogging conference when one of my blogs is treated like an ugly step-sister?

(I really should have said Cinderella, since she's the one who got dumped on, but she was gorgeous and had a fairy godmother and eventually snagged the prince, so no tears for her.)

• Still nothing new on the house front. Luke and I set up a meeting with our realtor for Wednesday afternoon so we can touch base and talk out some different ideas. She's been in touch via e-mail, but we haven't seen her since early June, and it seems appropriate to catch up face-to-face. We're exploring a few neighborhoods that weren't on the radar before, and we've saved up a little more money to add to our down payment, but we still have to stick within the original parameters we set for our mortgage, so really, nothing significant has changed. We signed our lease for another three months, so the goal is to close on something by Halloween, because another three-month lease would put us at the end of January, and there's no way I'm moving when I'm thisclose from being nine months pregnant. I'd rather stay in the apartment for another year before going through that kind of stress. We'll see what happens.
• Last Friday I saw a car in front of me hit a bird, and it spiraled in the air and landed right underneath my Cobalt. That was pleasant.
• Did you know I'm one of ten finalists to win a Chicco Trevi Twin double stroller? It's true! Last week, one of my readers e-mailed me to share news of a contest hosted by Amazing Trips, and 55 commenters posted stories as to why they thought they should win the stroller. I posted a sob story of my own about having a baby and being pregnant with a baby and saving for a house and hello, there are no money trees where I live. Jen chose ten finalists, and it turns out I'm one of them! Voting takes place until 11:59 p.m. tomorrow, so you have plenty of time to visit her site and take her poll in the left side bar to stack the odds in my favor. I don't think I'll win--I'm up against a foster-to-adopt mother and a woman expecting her second set of twins--but I'd like to give it the good ole college try. Thanks for the heads up, Cameron!
• All the talk of BlogHer reminded me that I never wrote part two of 2007's BlogHer: the rest of the story recap. My bad.
• Like I said, I'm not too bummed about missing it this year, but of course this is when Amalah goes again. Also, boo hoo over no free swag.
• My very pregnant sister Samantha and her husband, Dan, came to visit during the Fourth of July weekend, and with them they brought boxes of crap I've been storing in my parents' basement for oodles of years. At first I was nervous about finding a place to keep everything, but then I realized that eighty percent of it really was crap that could go straight to the recycling pile. Most of the loot included old Baby-Sitters Club and Archie comic books, and while I would love nothing more than to build a shrine in honor of my childhood reads, the books weren't properly stored, so they were covered in dust, and I had (have) a bad habit of scribbling on pages when I'm reading, so it's not even like they were in good enough condition to pass on to my kids, thus sharing the eighties love. I did keep a few of my favorites (a few being twenty), but the majority were shipped off to Goodwill because I didn't know what else to do with them. I doubt they're sellable, but hopefully they'll give some of the clerks a good laugh.
• I also found other gems like handwritten notes from middle school (complete with origami-like folding) and another (lesser) masterpiece by lil' Frema:

• You're probably thinking, Oh no, she didn't, but oh yes, I did. And I will share it with you, when I have time to scan the pages.
• Speaking of books, remember Cringe? The one that's publishing my tragically misspelled poem about unrequited love? Well, it's coming to a Barnes and Noble near you on August 27th. There's going to be a huge release party in New York in September, a release party I most definitely cannot afford to attend, but there's also going to be a national book tour, and if there's a stop anywhere near Indianapolis, I'll do whatever it takes to show up and read my submission. You'll come, too, won't you?
• When looking for the above linked-to entry, I scrolled through a mass of third-trimester pregnancy photos, and my God, I was a house. The belly, so huge.
• You are still not allowed to say such things to me. One of my coworkers came up to me last week and said, "I think you're showing already!" and I smiled weakly, but people. It is never OK to tell a woman she's getting bigger.
• Still crying inside over not seeing Sex and the City while it was at the show.
• The recent slew of new-baby celebrity names have been terrible. I feel like Knox should be the worst of the bunch, but I can't get over Honor. All I can hear is, "I don't know about you, but I'd sure like to get Honor!"
• MY baby is doing just fine, thank you for asking. Kara turned seven months last Thursday and continues to crawl and pull up on furniture like crazy. She also has a great time eating the peas, carrots, sweet potatoes, and butternut squash Luke purees just for her. And holy crap, does it save a lot of money. Do you know how much commercial baby food costs these days? Not cheap. She eats some store-bought things--mostly fruit--but still, mad props to my husband for owning this task.
• Motherhood Uncensored recently wrote a post about super-secret bastard iPod songs, and many readers shared their own bastard songs, but most of them were "safe" bastard choices like "Brick House" and "Come On, Eileen"--songs that nobody's REALLY embarrassed to admit to. I offered a few illegitimates of my own, but it wasn't until weeks later that I remembered the one song I absolutely love that until now, I've NEVER shared with anyone:
• "One on One" by Hall and Oates. I bet you didn't think it was possible for this tune to set the stage for Deep Thoughts about life and love, but it does. It really, truly does.
• I love Judge Judy with a passion usually reserved for cheesecake and those little fries at Steak 'n Shake. I want her to be my grandma.
• Dear Abby can be a fun aunt.
• I still write my Parents blog.
• You should read it.
• I spend way too much time thinking about baby names. Swistle's blog doesn't help.
• I'm hooked on All My Children again, and I think the current plot is just a terrible ploy to write Annie off the show and facilitate a Ryan-Greenlee reunion. I hated them together, but I loved watching them get together, if that makes any sense. Also, I don't like the new Colby, and I love that Erica continued to blow out her hair and do her make-up IN PRISON.
• I'm giving up on non-fiction for a while because it's hurting my brain. I tried to read The Feminine Mistake because I was intrigued by the premise but after forty pages I realized she was talking about white-collar, six-figure-dollar professional women, and not the average mom trying to make it on a middle-class or working-class income. Hell, Atlas Shrugged would give me less of a headache.
• On a related note, guess what I'm reading again.
• I think Ayn Rand's philosophy is crap, and I usually end up skipping the main character's hundred-page agenda-toting monologue at the end, but hot damn, do I love this book.
• The Fountainhead is awesome, too.
• In college I wanted to take an independent study focusing on Ayn Rand, but because nobody in the English department felt qualified to take it on, I worked with a professor who had a background in politics. That was cool with me because I loved him, and plus I'd already taken his Intro to Political Theory class where he covered Atlas Shrugged, which is how I read it for the second time and actually the reason I signed up for the course in the first place.
• This was fun!
• I promise to post more, even if it's just a couple of lines here and there.
• It's now almost midnight, and waaaay past my bedtime. The things I do for the Internet.
• Here are pictures of my kid.

What's happenin', hot stuff?

I'm supposed to do what with this?

A six-month-old's lament

Dear Internet,

Why is my mom all about the disappearing acts lately? This hiatus was even lamer than the last one. I didn't even get a chance to post! What's up with that?

Grrr,
Kara

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Dear Kara,

When you type negative comments about your mother using her very own blog, remember she can read them. Also, that she has the power to take that pacifier away faster than you can crawl after her.

Love,
Momma

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Well, if my non-literate baby daughter took the time to ask such deep and meaningful questions, the least I can do is answer them. Maybe you're interested, too!

But really, it's quite boring. I never intended this place to collect dust for as long as it did. Every few days I'd intend to post, but first-trimester yuck caught up to me, to the point that once Kara was down for the night, I was down for the night. I could pull myself together long enough to post on Parents, but not for anything that didn't absolutely require some level of attention. Plus, I'm still feeling hella overwhelmed about this baby (as evidenced by my recent Parents freak-out), and I wasn't sure what to say about it here. I go back and forth between feeling completely off my game about having two kids so close together and completely guilty that I'm not one-hundred-percent over-the-moon about our new addition, which I know is a gift from God, a gift I will love just as much as Kara. But right now the big picture is hazy, as the every day is spent battling UTIs, trying to find an appetite (yet simultaneously wondering why I've only lost a pound), sleeping whenever I get the chance, and bemoaning my overall lack of energy. I don't want to complain all the time. I don't want people to think I'm asking for sympathy. But I can't pretend I'm over this hump yet, physically or emotionally.

It helps that Luke and I have put off house-hunting for a bit. Our whirlwind touring process ended with us making offers on three houses in two weeks, none of which worked out. In all three cases the counter was too high, and the sellers weren't willing to come down any more, and we couldn't afford to go up more than a couple of thousand. The first house we bid on was actually a pipe dream -- it had only been on the market one day, so we knew they wouldn't be desperate enough to go down as much as we wanted, but it never hurts to try -- but the last two offers were acknowledged to be quite reasonable by the seller's agents. It sounds like in each case, the sellers owed more than the houses were worth and couldn't accept much less than their original purchase price. Which, OK, but then why is your house on the market? Why not wait until the economy improves and get more bang for your buck? Whatever. Luke and I are taking the next couple of months to save up a larger down payment (thank you, July bonus) and clear our heads so we don't settle on something that won't work in the long run. I really hope all three of those houses are still on the market when we get back on track. Maybe they'll like our offers then, bastards.

(Not that I'm bitter or anything.)

Things around here are OK. Kara officially turned six months old a couple of weeks ago and weighs in at a whopping 21 pounds and 11 ounces and measures 28 3/4 inches long. She's crawling, pulling up on furniture, kind of submitting to a somewhat regular nap schedule, and laughing. The laughing is the best -- full-on, belly laughs that I didn't think were possible for babies, but they are. And on Saturday night, we caught it on video.

I look terrible, and my voice is super annoying, but surely you can get past all that to appreciate my beautiful baby girl. We couldn't be more delighted with her.

FYI, we haven't been able to get a reaction like that from her since, even with the magic word "Oopsie," so let's just thank our lucky stars we captured it when we did.

(It's totally inappropriate for me to watch this clip and wish I'd pointed at my belly during one of the "Oopsies," right? Probably yes?)

Also, in case you were wondering, the newest Frema-Useless Clutter embryo (who from here on out shall be known as Number Two) isn't doing so bad, either.

There's not much to see right now, but the first picture includes a tiny yet helpful arrow to indicate Number Two's current residence. This ultrasound was taken when I was exactly six weeks along and suggests a due date of February 11, 2009. If I have another c-section (which my doctor suggests), I'd go a week earlier, putting my children just shy of 14 months apart. Tomorrow I will be eight weeks. This early part of pregnancy is going exactly like I remembered -- loooong, and also BLECH -- and I'm already waiting in earnest for that second-trimester burst of energy that didn't come until around week 18 with Kara. Hopefully, Number Two will be more considerate, but probably not. I bet Kara posted crib notes on the wall of my uterus, instructing future siblings on proper prenatal behavior, just to spite me.

For those of you who haven't stopped checking this blog for signs of life, I will do my best not to flake out again, but see above regarding BLECH. Thanks for hanging in there.