"The Moist Maker" sounds much tastier than a calzone

Blasted food and its effect on second-trimester gestating women! The drama continues.

(Though not with Subway. I finally figured out the solution to my sub-versus-wrap dilemma. Double meat! Genius! AND DELICIOUS.)

The farther along I get in this pregnancy, the hungrier I get, at least for the first part of the day. If you don't believe me, let me tell you that today's lunch included a Weight Watchers Smart Ones calzone, an apple, banana, pear, and a roast beef sandwich. God help me, I PACKED A ROAST BEEF SANDWICH AS A MID-MORNING SNACK. With cheese, even! The sandwich was gone before ten, and that's only because I had a nine o'clock meeting. Restraint and Self-Control, see you in February 2009.

Anyway, by eleven I was fishing around the company freezer to retrieve my calzone, but it wasn't until I had unwrapped it that I realized it wasn't my calzone at all, but one of those Hot Pocket things that Jim Gaffigan used to poke fun at, and a feeling of shame washed over me as I compared myself to the professor in Friends who shamelessly stole Ross's post-Thanksgiving turkey sandwich and only ate half before throwing the rest away. I imagined the owner of the Hot Pocket lamenting the loss of his high-calorie treat much like Ross did, releasing a gutteral "My Hot Pocket?!" cry loud enough to send every pigeon in the Indianapolis area off in search of less tortured pastures.

But now that it was opened, what could I do but eat it, write a note of apology, and carry on with my life? So I stuck the Pocket in the microwave, taped a note to the freezer offering my smaller-but-healthier Smart Ones calzone in return, and waited three minutes for the dinger to go off.

Turns out my packing the sandwich wasn't just a piggy move after all, because the Hot Pocket smelled absolutely terrible and inspired a gag reflex so horrendous that I tossed the whole damn thing in the trash. I almost ripped up the note and went for my Smart Ones, but the guilt of eliminating somebody's lunch entirely was reason enough to hold back. I quizzed a few of my coworkers to see if they were the owners of the offending Pocket, but nobody was, though I did learn the IT director is quite fond of them, so I'll check out that lead later this afternoon.

When revealing my plight to one of the director's colleagues, she was sympathetic. "Now, you don't have a lunch," she said.

I just nodded. Nobody has to know about my sandwich but me.

P.S. House info is coming! The inspection is scheduled for three o'clock tomorrow, and I'm allowed to take pictures, so I'll try to relate that tale sometime this weekend. In the meantime, might I placate you with shots of my eight-month-old? She really is the cutest.

No, my daddy doesn't spike my bottle with Starbucks, why do you ask?

My mother, a sandwich stealer? Heavens to Betsy!

Comments

[Lindsey]

How is she getting so old already?!!!! She is looking more and more like a little girl rather than a baby...I just can't believe it! She is so pretty! She looks a lot like you! There also is something about her that really reminds me of Luke's dad.

[Whitney]

Oh my gosh! She is SOOOO cute, Frema! I just want to squeeze her chubby little cheeks!!

[Summer]

Sorry for the foul language...
But holei fucking shit. She is so big! she doesn't look like a little baby anymore..
She's gorgeous... num num num smack smack... *wipes lips*

[Rachel]

When I saw your gmail chat status message, I thought "omg, she stole someone's sandwich!".

Clearly you did not, but if you had, you're pregnant, so it would have been ok. Well, maybe not to the person who's sandwich (hot pocket) you would have stolen.

Kara's hair is getting soooo long!!

[Hilary]

Hey, a pregnant lady's got to do what a pregnant lady's got to do.
There are seriously no words for how cute Kara is. My goodness gracious. Eyes and cheeks and dimples oh my.

[Jen L.]

Ew, hot pockets ARE kinda gross. I actually had one while I was pregnant...and then vomited. Bleh.

KARA IS SO BIG! She has changed so much just since the last pics you posted! Wow, what a cutie pie. Can you believe how fast they grow up?

Can't wait to hear about the house!

[Liana]

Oh wow. I didn't think it was possible but your baby is even CUTER than before. Oh the facial expressions! Oh the shiny baby hair! :)

[Christina]

Boy did THAT take me back to my 9am snack discovery in my 2nd tri- it was missing! I went to the equipment counter (with all men) and shouted "WHO has denyed my unborn his morning snack?" Well, the offender raised his hand and I felt bad right away, I didnt expect anyone to fess up. I did get a bilzzard out of it, alls well that ends well.

Kara is getting cuter, which, by the way, isnt fair to the other kids. heheh.

[the wifey]

oh my gosh, she has the cutest little cheeks =) i love her pose in the second picture. oh, and thank goodness you packed the extra sandwich. what would you have done without it??

[ann]

Oh My God!!! She's so cute! She looks like a little girl, not a baby anymore.

Congrats on the house. Hope all goes well.

[Molly]

Ohhhh I was food crazy this time around, too. Now I'm not sure if it's gone away some, or if I consider six large meals a day just the norm? (Answer B, for sure.)

Kara looks so BIG in those pictures!! Love the captions, ha!

[Jenny]

SO CUTE!!!!

And I can't wait to see house pics!

[Liz]

She gets more beautiful everytime I see her little chunky cheeks!

[nonsoccermom]

I love that second picture! She is SO CUTE.

[Christar]

Holy crap!!!!! She's SOOOOOOO cute!!!!

[Sara]

de-lurking to tell you that you one of the most beautiful little babies I have ever seen! Can't wait to see how precious #2 is!!