Guess what? Two days ago marked five years of blogging for me under my Frema alias. In people years, this would require me to schedule a series of vaccinations and enroll my domain in the most hoity-toity kindergarten program I could find. I think. April birthdays make the cut-off, right?
Anyway, here I am, five years into parading my life on the Internet, only it's hard to take any satisfaction from it, seeing as these days my online presence is mostly limited to fulfilling my contractual obligation to Parents.com. (Well, that and Twitter, which I joined just this past Monday, God help us all.) I still read a ton of blogs, but my commenting is sporadic at best; that paired with my wishy-washy updating schedule makes it hard for me to see myself as a viable member of the community. I visit some of my favorite Web sites, notice my name's been removed from their blogrolls, and realize that others must sense the disconnect, too.
When I first started blogging, I had high hopes. I watched Amalah's popularity skyrocket when she first got pregnant and wanted similar success for myself. I dreamed of quitting my day job, gaining a mass following, and becoming a go-to expert on the blogosphere and even social media as a whole. And when the former self-coined Queen of Everything gave me a plug on her influential ClubMom site, it seemed like that could actually happen. I was offered a freelance gig with Parents alongside bloggers who brought in much higher numbers than me and felt humbled and honored to be included in their ranks. I thought that if I tried hard enough, Parents.com could be the beginning of much bigger writing opportunities down the road.
It was also when I had to decide how far I was willing to go to snag those opportunities.
Did you know that the first time Parents asked me to blog for them, I turned them down? It's true. The original offer included me moving my entire personal Web site over to their server and shutting down my Blogspot domain altogether, with the possible exception of Tragic Love Friday, which was still going strong back then. (TLF, I still miss you, sob) I understood their reasoning that doing so would encourage more readers to follow my blog if they couldn't find me in two places at once, but in the end I decided that my personal site had a better shot at longevity and politely turned down their offer. I said the best I could do was start a separate Parents blog dedicated to various pregnancy and mothering topics and reserve the miscellaneous, non-baby stuff for my TypePad blog. Lucky for me they agreed, and in three months I'll have two full years of paid blogging under my belt, and I am so, so thankful. It's been a joy to share my parenting experiences with so many wonderful people and find support for this new life of mine from moms who have been where I am and lived to tell the tale. It's a hard site to write for in that I'm always balancing my goal of sharing my story as honestly as possible without violating my children's privacy, and I'm sure there are lots of mothers who wouldn't do it at all, but I figure so long as I don't post anything that would hurt or embarass them as teenagers (naked pictures, hateful thoughts, etc.), I can go to sleep at night with a clear conscience. Plus, that paycheck covers our mortgage, so they're getting something out of it, too.
Since then, mostly because of my Parents gig, I've gotten a few requests for product reviews and writing freelance for other sites, but they either weren't a good fit or didn't pan out. Last summer I received an e-mail from a PR rep for Frito Lay who wanted to send me a box of low-sodium chips and trail mix for me to try out and also share with my readers, and I was all, BRING ON THE MAD MUNCHIES, and she pledged to follow up with a questionnaire to see how I liked their products, only I never spread the wealth and she never sent the questionnaire, so in the end all that did was add a pound or two to my post-partum tire of a belly gut, thank you so much, Frito Lay.
Anyway, my laissez-faire attitude toward monetizing this blog somehow turned into a new desire to keep it a sponsor-free place, a place just for me where I can spew my thoughts without obsessing over stats and RSS subscribers and whether or not I'm bringing in more readers than blogger X over there. For all my interest in attending conferences and studying SEO and learning how to make a blog more Google-friendly, I'm not sure what I'll end up doing with all of this information. I'm not interested in peppering my titles with key words, and I have no idea how to submit my posts to all the social media sites the cool kids are using these days--del.cio.us, sk*rt, kirtsy whaaa? I'm lucky I have a MySpace page, and even that's horribly outdated.
After five years of trying to figure out where my place is in the blogosphere, I wonder what the next five will bring. I hope to find more time to update as life settles down and continue to connect with those of you willing to put up with my current drive-by posting. I know that I'm less concerned with the financial aspect of blogging and more interested in writing for writing's sake, striking a balance between deep-level and more lighthearted posts. I'm also passionate about keeping this space my own and managing it as I see fit, which so far means giving myself permission to edit posts when I think I've been unclear, delete comments that feel like an attack on my character (I can count on one hand the number of times I've done this), and put an end to discussions that take a turn for the worse (thankfully none so far). I'm not writing this blog for the greater good of mankind or even bloggerkind. This blog is for me, and while it might not measure up to the standards maintained by the A-list bloggers, I'm proud of it, just the same.
Once again, a well thought out position has been generated. It is the best for this point in time. Good job.
Posted by: daddyd | April 30, 2009 at 07:35 AM
You SHOULD be proud! Do you know you were my first blog friend? 'Tis true! I had a pitiful little blog of my own for family and such before I got pregnant. Once Dean was on his way, I discovered your Parents blog, which led me to this blog, which got me checking out the sites on your blogroll, and the rest is history! The sites I found not only inspired me to shake up my own blog, but also provided me with an amazing community of friends and support. When we finally meet IRL (which won't be at BlogHer 09 due to husband's 20 year reunion...boo), I owe you a big hug of thanks for opening my eyes to the great blogosphere!
Happy blogversary! (Is that the right word?) No matter how sporadic your posting, it is wonderful for you to have this record of your life with Luke and all of Kara and Nathan's milestones, not to mention all the other fun Frema things. And LOTS of us understand what parenthood is like and certainly can't expect you to chain yourself to the computer instead of snuggling those two cuties that live in your house.
You rock a lot. And so does your mom.
Posted by: Jen L. | April 30, 2009 at 07:53 AM
Jen L: A classic "your mom" joke! I'm so touched.
Posted by: Frema | April 30, 2009 at 08:07 AM
I am not sure that I have commented before, but I read here and at Parents. Do I love reading Sundry and Amalah? Hells yeah. But does it mean that since you post less frequently here I'll delete you from my reader, no. I still enjoy reading you and I think that a blog should be more for you than anything else.
Posted by: Stephanie | April 30, 2009 at 08:08 AM
I miss TLF too! But I'm glad to see whatever you have time/motivation to share.
Posted by: Blanche (Mrs. Higrens) | April 30, 2009 at 09:05 AM
I like your blog just the way it is. You shouldn't worry about not posting as often as others. I've long since abandoned clicking your site every 20 minutes for an update (which, thank goodess for Google Reader)!
Posted by: Liz | April 30, 2009 at 10:19 AM
I am thrilled when I see your blog in my google reader. It's always the first one I read if there is a new one!
Posted by: Jana | April 30, 2009 at 10:37 AM
I love your blog. I spent a very happy few weeks going back to the beginning and reading your archives after first finding you on Parents. I love your perspective on things and I LOVE TLF! I always get excited when I see you have a new post and totally understand how truly busy you must be! Happy Blogversary!
Posted by: Bren | April 30, 2009 at 10:46 AM
Happy Blogiversary, pal!
A couple months ago Kraft sent me certificates for three free packs of their new hormone free cheese to give out in a contest or something on my blog, plus ten dollars to have a grilled cheese night with my kids. I pocketed the ten bucks, picked up the free cheese for our house, and never did anything with it on my blog. I did, however, become a loyal hormone-free Kraft mom, so my $4 per week in singles purchases has to mean something, right?
Posted by: Molly | April 30, 2009 at 11:33 AM
In the months after Keaton was born things got pretty rough with all the crying and nursing problems I was having. In a desperate search for information on Parents.com I found your blog and wow, it made such a difference in my life. It was like entering the Wardrobe and finding this whole different world. Reading about your experiences with Kara (and subsequently finding your personal blog) made me feel so much less alone. I was a blog virgin and through your blog, blogrolls and links I found myself a place to learn with others, participate in awesome discussions, laugh and just be able to feel connected at a time when things were pretty grim. Thank you for writing your blogs. You have become a mentor to me as I (slowly) learn how to navigate writing my own and I so appreciate it.
Posted by: rkmama | April 30, 2009 at 03:18 PM
You know I'm a loyal reader, and as a fellow momma working outside the home, I get why you can't blog more often here...and I only have ONE kid! Like rkmama and Jen, I think you were one of my first blog friends that I didn't know in real life, and through your blog I've found them and others, so THANKS and Happy Blogiversary!
ps, yes we all love Amalah, dooce & co., but they are not blog friends who know me from adam, so I'm more interested in the relationships (eek - not in a creepy way I swear) that I've been able to build with other bloggers who may not get a zillion hits a month.
Posted by: eva | May 01, 2009 at 02:14 AM
and that would be the reason I still read you even if I don't comment very often:)
congrats on the five years!!
Posted by: wolfbaby | May 01, 2009 at 10:52 PM
Happy blogaversary!
Posted by: Bethany | May 02, 2009 at 10:46 PM
Great job on this post, I appreciate how honest you are about what your goals are and how those have panned out. It's really hard to look at the amalah's and the dooce's of the world and not feel like, "Hey, I could totally do that."
I think you're right on when you say that it's a question priorities, and what you want your blog to be. Sure, I too would love to make an income from my blog but I also don't want to change it to be something other than what I need it to be for me.
It's a tenuous balance, and one you have to keep fixing all the time. You're doing great, and your updates are always a delight. You're Superwoman, never forget that.
Posted by: Parsing Nonsense | May 04, 2009 at 03:04 PM
Frema, it's been a joy to read along as so much has happened for you and your family over the past few years. I don't know how you manage to do all that you do! I'd much rather read your far-between posts than more regular updates from someone who is posting just for the sake of posting something new, or trying to drum up sponsorships by dropping all the right keywords and tags.
Relationships with the blogosphere change and evolve just like any other relationship. Just do what works for you at this very moment!
Posted by: Operation Pink Herring | May 06, 2009 at 12:31 PM