What are you looking at?

It's our anniversary

In honor of our three-year wedding anniversary, Luke and I drove to Merrillville last weekend to drop off the kids with his parents and enjoy some one-on-one time together. Even though things are getting easier at home (Nathan has four weeks of sleeping through the night under his belt, holla!), life is still crazy busy for us, and most of our energies are funneled into changing diapers, washing dishes, folding laundry, or some other maintenance-related activity. We weren't gone twenty-four hours, but oh, my gosh, we SO needed this.

Our destination: New Buffalo, Michigan, and the surrounding wine trail. Since we didn't want to spend the whole day parked in front of a bar, we decided to hang out at the Round Barn Winery, where for five dollars you can sample five traditional wines, one dessert wine, and one house vodka. Luke and I have never been regular drinkers, but we do enjoy wine and also hella-cheap activities for the older-than-two crowd, so this was a perfect way to kill two birds with one stone. We bought a bottle of the Cabernet Sauvignon to take back to our hotel room that night. Neither one of us tried the vodka--I sampled a second dessert wine (note to self: not a fan of dessert wines), while Luke traded his vodka and his dessert wine for beer.

 

I'm not an idiot who fake drinks out of paper bags but I play one on the Internet!

Afterwards, we drove into town and spent some time at the New Buffalo City Beach, just talking as we strolled along the lakeshore.

 

It's only been through my relationship with Luke that I've grown to love the beach, and since a lot of our vacations have been beach-centered, it makes sense that I think of it as "our" place, no matter where we are.

 

After making a quick pitstop at our hotel to change clothes, we went to dinner at Timothy's Restaurant at Gordon Beach Inn. It was a pricier meal than we originally planned on, but there was a fireplace in the dining room and no high chairs to be found. Worth every penny.

 

Part of the reason we felt comfortable having such a fancy dinner was that our hotel room was free. Luke had leftover reward points saved from his last job, so he used them to snag a reservation at a Fairfield Inn that had only been open eight weeks. I really loved the decor and took silly pictures of the carpet in the hallway to adequately capture the memory.

 

After dinner we grabbed some ice cream and headed back to the hotel, where we watched The Suze Orman Show and the end of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and then turned off the TV to drink our wine and talk and talk and talk. We were up by 6:30 a.m. the next morning, so eager were we to get back to our babies, even though they were in perfectly wonderful hands and probably wouldn't have minded a little more play time with Grandma and Grandpa Dunscombe.

 

This trip will live in my memory as one of my favorites. It was the perfect amount of time to be away--long enough to recharge the marital battery, but not so long that missing the kids affected our ability to have a good time. It was so nice to just hang out with each other like we used to. We won't be doing it every weekend, but we have talked about making it a point to get out, just the two of us, every month or so. We're even trying to institute a weekly date night at home, though we have yet to actually follow through on that one. To be fair, Tuesday was the Billy Joel/Elton John concert, and while we had to miss the finale in order to relieve our baby-sitter, we did spend a good portion of Elton's "Levon" performance looking at pictures of the kids on Luke's cell phone. That counts as quality time when you're parents, right?

 

Happy (belated) anniversary, honey.

Minus the cup of Joe

Are Luke and I the only people who dig listening to music on their TV?

Last fall when we moved into our new house, we finally bit the bullet and signed up for satellite service after three years without any cable whatsoever. Which was all very well and good for us, but we still weren't into formally introducing Kara to television. It wasn't that hard at the apartment when we only had a few choice channels at our disposal, but suddenly there was TLC and Lifetime Television for Women and TBS and TNT and SOAPNet oh my God, SOAPNet, I missed you most of all. It's hard to completely abstain from watching those types of shows during daylight hours, and I'm definitely guilty of watching All My Children while she's running around playing with her toys, but overall we're careful to limit her overall exposure. However, when nothing's on it can feel oddly creepy throughout the house, and we're often too lazy to go upstairs and sort through CDs to bring downstairs, and there's no good place to stash the CDs downstairs, and there's only so much Baby Einstein and Fischer-Price you can take before you want to cut out your own eardrums.

Thankfully, it wasn't long before we discovered the beauty that is satellite radio via dish service, giving us the music variety we need without having to shuffle through our DVD player all day long. There are a few stations we listen to more than others--where was Love Songs when I needed it the most?--but by far the winner in our house is the Coffee House, where singer/songwriter tunes reign supreme. It's a slightly biased station, as in any given hour you can bet you'll hear at least one song from Tracy Chapman, Ryan Adams, Ray LaMontagne, or the the Indigo Girls, but it's great background music to have on while going through the motions of your day-to-day.

Listening to the Coffee House has expanded our iTunes playlist considerably, so I thought it might be fun to share some of the newer stuff I'm listening to these days.

"Sweet Pea" - Amos Lee
I first heard this in a recent commercial for a cell phone provider--the one where the dad takes his daughter's stuffed animal on a business trip and photographs it in different places. That little girl looks a lot like I imagine Kara will in a few years, so the song stuck with me; when I heard it on the Coffee House, I recognized it immediately and knew I had to have it.

"Love is All Around" - Toby Lightman
This was played constantly during the first couple of months I was home with Nathan, so whenever I hear it, I think about my adorable little family. I like to sing it to Kara (the parts I can recite from memory, anyway), and when I get to the "love, love, love, love" part, she always smiles.

"Amie" - Counting Crows
When Luke and I lived in Rensselaer, we once attended a coffee house set by a local band who played this song, so now whenever I hear it, I think of that time in our lives when we were dating and holding down two apartments even though we shared a bed at least five days a week. This version isn't that different from the original, but I like the Counting Crows, and I don't know, it felt more age-appropriate to download this one.

"Brand New Day" - Joshua Radin
I first became a fan of this one on an episode of House where Foreman and 13 are in bed together and Wilson finally washes out his dead fiancee's coffee cup. Apparently the Coffee House liked it, too, because now it's in constant rotation. While filming a home video of Kara last week, this song happened to be playing in the background, making me love it even more. I'll try to post the video sometime soon.

"Beautiful Wreck (Live)" - Shawn Mullins
I've always liked Shawn Mullins, starting when he released his "Lullaby" single in the late nineties, so this was an easy sell.

"Hello" - Schuyler Fisk
This song strikes me as one teenaged Frema would have taken to, setting it to repeat on her CD player for hours while reminiscing about former loves and missed opportunities. As an adult, I listen to it and reminisce about teenaged Frema's (many) (many many many) mistakes. Hello, hindsight, my old friend.

"Wonder" - Natalie Merchant
When I was in high school, I thought Natalie Merchant was boring. Now as a 29-year-old wife and mother, I think she's brilliant. This song has Girl Power written all over it.

"Least Complicated" - Indigo Girls
Seriously, ALL THE TIME. Only switch out " Least Complicated" with "What Are You Like?" which I'm not so much a fan of. This one's cool, though.

"Come On, Get Higher" - Matt Nathanson
I knew about this one before the Coffee House, but I couldn't bring myself to sing along because of the "swing of your hips" line. It gives me the tinglies. I'm over it now that I hear it multiple times all the livelong day.

And two non-Coffee House staples:

"Saturday in the Park" - Chicago
The opening chords to this song always transport me into a state of J.D.-like reflection. I heard it in a movie or TV show around the time I was pregnant with Kara and included it on a CD of baby-rocking tunes for myself, so now I assoicate it with those early months with her.

"The Book of Love" - The Magnetic Fields
Peter Gabriel's version of this song was featured in the Scrubs season finale last week, during the J.D.'s futuristic home-video montage, and I bawled like a baby, partly because Scrubs has been a pastime of Luke's and mine since almost the beginning of our relationship, and I was so sad about Zach Braff leaving the show, and also because the lyrics are simple but also really beautiful.

What are you jamming to these days? Really, I want to know.

Also, all this music talk totally has me jonesing for another CD swap. I can't believe it's been almost three years since the last one! As far as themes go, I was thinking something along the lines of either a summertime mix or a life soundtrack sort of thing. Anyone game?

Send me on my way

Yesterday, for the first time in over a year, Luke and I went to church.

Our hiatus wasn't intentional. We went once with Kara last Easter and fully intended to start going regularly until BAM!, knocked up again, and the morning sickness came with a vengeance, and it was all I could do to make it to work on time, let alone pursue "optional" activities like praising Jesus beyond the confines of my home. When we moved into our house last fall, we discovered a darling little Episcopalian church not ten minutes from our subdivision, and after reading more about the parish online we talked a good game about going, but we were overwhelmed with settling in and I was ginormously pregnant and then soon I had Nathan and excuses excuses excuses. I finally decided that if we waited to go until we were ready, we would never be ready. So after breakfast, I told Luke enough is enough. We quickly showered, wrangled the kids into the car, and arrived a few minutes into the first reading (a freaking miracle for us these days).

Sitting in the pew, Nathan strapped to my chest in the baby carrier (now that I've conquered my fear of all the straps and buckles, I am in love love LOVE with the baby carrier and use it all the time for walks, shopping trips, etc.) while Luke held Kara on his lap, I couldn't help but think about how far I've come in my spiritual journey. As a child, I hated going to church--the low lighting put me to sleep and I spent the majority of the time checking out neighborhood boys--and even as a young adult it often felt like a chore, going through the motions to pay tribute to my faith and/or trying to fit into the mold of the customized tradition I grew up in. It's taken me twenty-nine years, but I'm now in a place where I gravitate to God not out of fear or obligation but from a place of gratitude and an eagerness to learn more about my place in this world. The pastor gave a wonderful sermon about trimming the fat from your life, and she said something that deeply rang true for me. "There are two ways to get enough," she said. "You can gather more, or you can desire less." That's what I want to strive for, embracing the whole "less is more" concept; to live a life mostly devoid of clutter and outside noise and focused more inward. I want friendship and outreach and plenty of time for rest and reflection. (Clearly there is room to grow in this area.)

Can I do all this and still subscribe to regular date nights with my DVR? Only time will tell.

But I digress.

After the service, Luke and I were approached by several members of the congregation and given a brief tour of the facility. We saw the nursery where Kara can hang out during Mass if we so desire, and we learned about various ministries and received pamphlets spelling out the church's kid-friendly programs, and by the time we made it back to the car, we were hooked. I've already requested christening information because Nathan will be four months old soon and the former Catholic in me can't help but think we should have closed the deal on him a long time ago. But God gets it. At least, that's what Luke said when I commented on his opting out of the kneeling parts of the service to keep Kara at bay. "He has lots of kids. He knows what it's like," he said.

Now that Nathan has cleared the newborn stage and Kara is continuing to blow our minds with her quirky little-girlisms, I'm nervous but excited to venture beyond our comfort zones to become more community-oriented. On Friday night we had one of my new coworkers over for dinner so she could meet the kids, as she'll be watching them when Luke and I see Billy Joel and Elton John next week, and on Saturday we test-drove a Gymboree class for Kara, and amidst all the activity I started feeling a little sad because for the longest time it's just been Luke, me, and the kids, perfectly content to hole up and remain separate from the outside world, quietly enjoying our family. Now as we welcome more people and activities into our lives, we'll have to lose a little bit of the intimacy that goes along with doing everything on your own. Luckily, we'll lose the loneliness, too.

Also, maybe some pregnancy weight.

(OK, so that one's all me. But I can't complain too much when the end results are so damned cute.)

 

 

I blame the sobfest on the return of Aunt Flo

So! Gymboree kind of sucked. At least, that's what I yelled once we were safely out the door and I could sob freely in the car.

Our first problem was showing up late. Fifteen minutes late, to be exact, because I didn't print out directions and Luke and I bickered over the best route to take and even though we knew we'd only catch two-thirds of the class, we showed up anyway because it took us a freaking half-hour to get there and we weren't leaving without scoring some bona fide Gymboree fun, dammit.

And thus, the tone of the day was set.

We got our name tags at the front desk, and Luke tended to Nathan while Kara and I entered the play gym. Most everyone was crowded around an inflated balance beam, instructor at one end, the parents supporting their children on the other. The kids eagerly walked across the balance beam into the instructor's arms. I waited my turn and tried to do the same with Kara, but she only took a few steps before she lost her balance and fell into my arms. We tried a second time, but nothing doing. (I’m sure it didn't help that I was trying to rush so as not to hold up the line.) I smiled weakly at the teacher and followed Kara as she ran away from the beam and up to various children, pointing excitedly and oohing with delight. My heart melted a little as she went up to a girl and tried to kiss her face, but the little girl wasn't very receptive. I apologized to her parents. "She has a little brother at home and kisses him all the time," I said. They smiled politely and replied, "Sophia's more into her personal space."

Fair enough.

Next, we all surrounded the balance beam to play the Freeze game, which basically consists of slapping your hands on the beam in time with the music and stopping—er, freezing—when the music stops.

Kara wouldn't touch it. It was all I could do to just keep her next to me.

We gathered in a circle for a series of Follow the Leader sorts of games paired with more singing. Stomp your feet, touch the ground, that sort of thing, but Kara wasn't interested.

We pulled out a parachute and encouraged all the kids to sit in the middle, but Kara wouldn't do it. I even physically put her in there myself, thinking she'd warm up when she saw the other children, but she just cried out and ran back to me. She freaked out a little when we gathered underneath and clung to me the whole time.

She wouldn't touch the bubbles the teacher blew into the air. She wouldn't clap her hands during "If You're Happy and You Know It." And on the way out of the gym area, she refused to accept a Jimbo hand stamp.

The whole time I was in there, I could feel my chest tightening, my body tensing, and even though we only made about twenty-five minutes of the class, I couldn't wait to get out of there and have a good cry. Overreact much, Bree?
 
It's just that I felt bad for so many reasons—for showing up late and throwing Kara into a situation she clearly needed to warm up to, for my baby not getting so much of what the other kids were doing so easily, for wondering what other people thought of her when really, I shouldn't have cared in the slightest. She's not even a full year and a half yet, and it's freaking GYMBOREE, not a college prep course. Who cares if she won't clap her hands in time?
 
I guess I do.

After I was able to calm down, Luke put the morning into perspective for me. He pointed out that the class is geared for kids ages 16 to 22 months, which means Kara was probably one of the youngest ones there; at her age, even a few months makes a huge difference. We don't know how old the other kids were or how long they had been attending; maybe it took them a few times to get the hang of it, too. Plus, this is the first time she's ever tried to participate in any kind of structured/timed activity; of course there's going to be a period of adjustment. She barely had time to get the gist of one thing before we were moving on to another. And just because today didn't go well in my eyes doesn't mean she didn't have a good time. She really did like seeing all the kids and even showed interest in some of the play gym equipment, but we had to hurry out so they could bring in the next class.

We'll be out of town the next two weekends, but in the last week of May, we'll try Gymboree again. The receptionist was nice enough to invite us back for another free class since we missed a good portion of this first one. In the meantime, we'll also look into other activities that Kara might like that are also a little more low-key. If anything, this just cemented my gut feeling that it's time for Kara to socialize more. The learning curve might be hard now, but it will be so good for her in the long run. And honestly, for me, too.

----

Excerpted from Parental Discretion Advised, originally published on Parents.com. Copyright 2009 by Meredith Corporation. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission.

Hers, mine, and ours

It was with great sadness that I recently remembered my negligence in posting about the fabulous visit my family received from the great Mrs. Lost A Sock and her baby bootie, Marin, while her boys were off at Notre Dame for the annual Blue and Gold Game a couple of weeks back. I love Molly more than my luggage and had an absolute blast laughing at our children together. Plus, Luke and I don't get many visitors, so her and Marin's willingness to drive three hours for a day-long playdate (God, I hate that word, it sounds so pretentious, but what else do you call a scheduled time for children of different households to interact with each other?) was especially appreciated.

So, without further adieu, may I present highlights from Baby Day 2009, Indy Edition:

 

One of the biggest goals Luke and I have for Kara this year is to find ways for her to mingle with other children on a regular basis. She loves other kids, adores them, even, and with Marin's happy-go-lucky personality, it was a no-brainer that the two of them would hit it off right away. It helps that Marin is used to being tackled like a football and Kara is happy to oblige.

 

Kara inches ever closer to her prey, shrieking with delight at the multi-colored gumballs dancing before her eyes, until...

 

Baby touchdown! Seven points for Team Dunscombe, or however many you get for demonstrating such athletic prowess on a young child who is unable to defend herself.

Meanwhile, Nathan and Marin weren't exactly popping open the formula bubbly to celebrate their eventual betrothal quite just yet. But hey, even Scarlett and Rhett had their share of troubles.

 

Marin: I've only known this guy for what, eight seconds, and suddenly my mom's all, "Take our travel swing, Marin's too big, Nathan's so handsome, blah blah blah." Meanwhile, I'm stuck in this totally boring bouncy seat that's covered in frogs and snails and turtles with nary a bright light or fishie in sight. Just wait, you good-for-nothing swing-stealer, you. Just wait.

Nathan: Boat?

 

Marin: Here they go again, forcing the two of us onto each other in hopes of setting the stage for the next Harry and Sally. Forget this. I shall now roll away gracefully in search of greener, less vomitous pastures.

Nathan: I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave. Also, brrrrrp.

 

Marin: I've got you now, punk. You think you're all that and a bag of Pampers, eh? I will make you regret the day you were born!

Nathan: My mom done told me to watch out for cougars!

Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly, what a day.

* * *

After a long, gut-busting afternoon together, the members of the Frema-Useless Clutter household had no choice but to bid a sad farewell to our Lost A Sock girls. Molly and I asked Luke to get some shots of all the women and children together.

That went well.

 

The two little ones got through it OK--Nathan's happy to suck his own fingers, why not somebody else's?--but poor Kara was already an hour past her bedtime and therefore an hour past her prime. She went from slap-happy to what-in-the-sam-hell crazy in sixty seconds flat.

 

Why does my son look like he's undergoing Baby's First Hangover? Marin, smile! Kara, where are you going, honey, the camera's over here...?

 

Good flippin' enough.