Flowering

It never fails; going for long periods of time without updating means I'm guaranteed to suffer from writer's block so severe that I spend hours reading blogs Twittering posting on Facebook avoiding the necessary task of "catching up," which in my case means covering as much literary ground as possible using the fewest number of words. Doesn't that make for fun reading! And yet here I am, catching up, anyway. Hopefully, for the last time, made possible by...

Parents.com
On Monday I wrote my last entry for "Parental Discretion Advised," the blog I religiously posted to three times a week for two-plus years on Parents.com. Farewell, mainstream Internet exposure! Adios, freelance check that covered my mortgage with six cents to spare! May we someday meet again.

All last week there was a lump in my throat when I thought about saying good-bye to two years' worth of writing and comments that spoke to some of the most exciting (and sleepless and heart-breaking and frustrating) times of my life; it didn't help that I spent hours combing through the archives and reminiscing over those early days when I was pregnant with Kara and everything seemed so simple--Luke and I eating dinner at Culver's every Friday, just the two of us, before our childbirth classes at the hospital; sleeping in and going for pancakes before ANOTHER trip to Babies R Us; cleaning our entire two-bedroom apartment in sixty minutes or less; and waiting, waiting, waiting in those final days for Kara's arrival, walking the halls of that spotlessly clean apartment, fingering sleepers, folding baby blankets, longing for her to come and wondering what it would feel like to hold her for the first time. Losing access to my Parents blog means losing a physical connection to those memories, and I am so, so sad about that, even though for months I've been ready to move on.

I'll talk more about the logistics of my Parents relationship soon; for right now, I want to focus on being thankful that I had the opportunity to share my experiences on such a widely popular platform in a way that padded my bank account, too. Also, a HUGE thanks to those of you who took the time to follow both blogs--steady traffic is the reason I was able to re-sign when other contracts were allowed to run out. I never, ever took those numbers for granted.

 

Luke and Kara at our family trip to the Indianapolis Zoo last Saturday. They're looking at rhinos. Or maybe ostriches. Whatever. The important thing is daddy-daughter pictures = adorable.

 

Nathan and I in front of the llamas at the petting zoo. My seven-month-old (!) is equally adorable but not as impressed with animal antics. He's probably entertaining himself by wondering why his mom thought it was a good idea to match that hat with those pants. If you ever bump into Clinton and Stacy, son, tell them Mommy needs pants that don't slide off her ass.

Priorities
There's been enough transition in my life lately--the closure of Parents, a new reporting structure and improved clarification of department goals at work--that have inspired me to evaluate where I funnel my energy and to make sure that my own values and goals are receiving more of my time and not less. I also attended a women's health conference on Friday where I sat in on sessions about life balance and intentional change, which got me to thinking about how often I use being a mother to young children as an excuse to avoid pushing myself in challenging situations. One of the speakers talked about her daughter's love for animals and her passionate desire to go on an African safari. She talked and talked and talked about it until her mother finally told her to GET ON IT already, and in the end, it only took her two years to save the money. Two years! She probably spent more than double that just sitting on her hands, lamenting the impossibleness of it all, and now not only has she achieved her goal, she's got the rest of her life to make another one come true. A simple story, but it was enough to get me talking with Luke about our personal goals and plans for the future. I really liked the exercises from those conference sessions, so maybe I'll post my responses here sometime soon.

Anyway, so far I've found that implementing little changes one day at a time has made prioritizing a more manageable task. In the beginning it was as simple as committing to my 5K training and letting go of the guilt I felt in abandoning the Shred. Silly, right? But that's the thing about me: if when I embrace a new project or activity I can't find a way to sustain it long-term (i.e. longer than ten days), I eventually give up and start pursuing the next new thing. For example: I love that I'm training for this 5K even if I don't love every minute of the actual training, and I sure hope I make it to race day, but after September 26, then what? Soon it'll get colder and the days will be shorter and I don't want to run on the trail after dark and how much will it cost me to buy warmer gear and what do you know, I've just up and killed my running career. If I can't stick with it, why even start?

But that kind of attitude won't get me anywhere, so I'm trying to change my way of thinking. Maybe this isn't a character flaw like I originally thought; maybe I just need to admit that I have a shorter attention span than the long-range planner in me cares to admit and start embracing it. Maybe it's OK if running (or whatever activity I'm into at the time) doesn't end up holding a permanent spot in my life; that doesn't mean it doesn't serve a purpose today. 

 

Here's Kara catering to her love of sharks. The pure joy on her face almost brings me to tears. I hope she's always this happy.

 

Meanwhile, Nathan caters to his own desires of spitting up on everything in his path--carpet, pillows, flooring, and favorite my work fleece. Thanks, son.

Money
With the loss of my Parents gig comes the loss of money. Money that we counted on to cover day-to-day expenses, invest in savings, and eat out as often as we wanted. Without it, things are tight. Not "We're going to lose our house" or "Which adult gets to eat today?" tight; more like, "Damn, PB&J for dinner AGAIN?" tight. We can pay all of our bills without issue, and we're still putting something away in savings and my 401(k); we've just needed some creative thinking, is all. 

We've attempted to follow a budget on-and-off for years, but this was the motivation we needed to stay on track. So we referred back to our old spreadsheets and totaled receipts every week and when we tallied our expenses at the end of August, we were only $83.43 over budget. People, this is HUGE. But obviously, there's still work to be done, as my last Parents check is due in the next couple of weeks, so if we screw up in September, we'll have to pull from savings to make up the difference. I've got a longer post brewing inside me regarding personal finance strategy, but I will share this: Learning how to auto-calculate sums in Excel? LIFE-CHANGING. You're welcome.

 

Kara at the White River Gardens, which is adjacent to the Indy Zoo and therefore covered in our annual membership fee. Doesn't it look like her hands are in full bloom? I love that. What a great metaphor as I (we) take my (our) next steps.

Comments

[Liz]

That's a good blog post title :)

I'm also training for a 5K.

RE: The Budgeting: I suck at it. And PB&J is what I have for lunch today.

[rkmama]

Love the pictures you interjected between your writing. What an awesome way to accentuate the new paths you are pursuing.
Bill and I are finally out of denial and have started living on a budget instead of out of our savings account which sucks because we have to think about every single purchase we make but now we're on the track to getting rid of our debt and hopefully into a more fitting dwelling in the next 2 years. It's hard but it feels good to be in control.

[Heather]

I'm a CPA and I STILL struggle with budgeting. I get the concept... but put into practice... yeah not so much. Hope yours goes well. :-)

[Must Be Motherhood]

You look great, and it sounds like you're starting to feel great and make goals, which is excellent! (In terms of exercise, I think switching it up every 2 months or so is good for your body anyway--as long as you keep moving!)
I love the Botanic Gardens next to the Zoo. Sometimes we skip the animals and just play with the train and in the fountains and have lunch in the grass.

[AJU5's Mom]

Great pictures! I bet you will figure the budget out fairly quickly. And pasta is another cheap meal that the kids often love!

[Jen L.]

I love this post.
Hooray for next steps.

[Molly]

What a great post this was. I really enjoyed it.

I'm sorry to see Parents go, but glad you will be here more. It's you in either place, but I've always liked this font better. Ha!

Also, I too am doing a 5K (wal-king, though) on the 26th. Will we be in the same city? For the same cause?

[Molly]

Wait. It's not the font. It's the color scheme I like here.

Also, you look smokin hot up there in the zoo picture!! Can't wait to see you this weekend!

[daddyd]

Getting things done is hard work. There needs to the desire and then the know now to get it done. Life style questions are most difficult. After, this next 5K is the future. Wait and see how this effort plays out before choosing what is next. I went 10 years of jogging with an eye towards racing. It was great fun. You will see how you feel after the event. Just remember don't start too fast. You can always pick up the pace later on. Don't burn up your energy at the start. Acceleration the pace over the whole distance is the most productive use of energy.

[daddyd]

All the pictures are nice. The ones of the children are very nice. Doing life together. Grandpa likes them all.

[Sasha]

I followed you on Parents.com, & am a fellow shredhead. But the past 2 weeks, I just haven't done it. I've been going for 2 mile walk/jogs instead. Doing the shred, I lost a lot of weight in the beginning but nothing after so...back to the workout drawing board I go!

[Jenny]

Oh yea...from reading above it sounds like I will see you tomorrow, too! I hope...

[Joanne]

It looks like Kara isn't climbing in the shark tank. Just my loony kids then. You look great!