On Tuesday I hit the 23-week mark. My, but time flies when you have a mini-gymnast pummeling you from the inside! (That's what she said! - BA DUM BUM HA HA I BEAT YOU TO IT)
For comparison purposes, here's an entry featuring a shot of me pregnant with Kara at the same point in time. And here's one with Nathan.
Can you tell how good I feel about myself in this picture? The warm and fuzzies are the combined product of a long-overdue haircut from my regular salon to clean up my layers (many thanks, state refund check) and being the recipient of a batch of maternity clothes from Katy and another member of our book club (faded shirt is mine; stylish cargo pants, unfortunately, are not). For so much of this pregnancy I've been looking worn out and frumpy, and it feels so good to regain a little bit of my former, pre-gestating self.
Baby Brother continues to be on the move for much of the day and night, and it's been a lot of fun to get an unexpected kick in the middle of a meeting or during an episode of Law and Order: SVU. You'd think my body was reaping the benefits of all that calorie-burning because I find myself ravenous for food practically 'round the clock, to the point that last night I dreamt I was at my parents' house enjoying a GRIDDLE'S WORTH OF BACON. As of today I've only gained about two pounds of baby weight, but once you start dreaming about greasy pork products, I suspect it's all downhill from there.
Speaking of weight, the weight of my belly is finally starting to wear on me, and its size is making simple activities like going to the bathroom a monumental accomplishment. I find myself rolling around like a cue ball on a pool table, desperately trying to find that one right angle that will allow me to empty my bladder completely instead of in stages. Getting in and out of bed? Motherfucker, that hurts. If only I could just take this thing off for a while to give myself a rest, but apparently that is not how this process works.
Despite continuing to be plagued with pain from my diastasis recti, I've still been too cheap to buy a maternity belt; however, in my defense, the waist band on my borrowed jeans today is certainly tight enough to hold those muscles in place until I can prop my feet up again. Luke and I are pretty decided on Baby Brother's name, and in spare moments throughout my day I find myself writing it over and over, along with Kara's and Nathan's, and then mine and Luke's, and good Lord, sometimes I still can't believe we are going to be a family of five. I'm getting so excited to see him and hold him and welcome him into our lives. For all the worries I had at the beginning of this pregnancy, I am equally joyous right now, knowing with every fiber of my being that this baby was meant to be with us.
It's also about now that The Comments start to fly.
Every pregnant women deals with them, and by now you would think I could let these types of remarks roll off my back and take them for the well-intentioned conversation-starters they (sometimes) are, but I can't. I am more apt to hold people accountable for their words and for adhering to basic human etiquette, even if sometimes it's only in my head.
That said, may I present to you:
WHAT NOT TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO'S EXPECTING: A BRIEF GUIDE
Regarding size
"Wow, look at you. Have you grown? Because you look so much bigger than the last time I saw you."
[immediately followed by]
"Seriously, in just the last week your belly has gotten so much bigger!"
"Are the kids asking a lot of questions? You know, since you're so big now."
"Are you okay? You just look really...tired. I can see it in your face." (Which: I know I did people, but if you think knowing that makes it easier to hear, newsflash! It doesn't.)
Regarding three
"Was it planned?"
"So you have two kids already. Wow, two. And you're going to have a third! Oh my gosh!"
"My husband and I would love it if we had more, but I don't think we could do it to ourselves on purpose."
"Were you trying?"
"Luke is going to have his hands full with three kids at home! Does he ever just need to get away for a while once you get home?" (Bonus points for including this in the same conversation with the first two statements on size)
For those of you in the I've Been Pregnant Camp, which comments drove you up the wall? Do share.
"Oh girl, you must be about to pop any day, you are huge!" and "My, you look tired. Aren't you pregnant ladies supposed to sleep really well?" Yesh, try sleeping with toes in your ribs and a head bouncing on YOUR bladder and see how well rested you are!
My absolute favorite, "Wow, 2 babies in 2 years, huh? You DO know how this happens, right?" no dummy, i don't realize marital relations cause (2 very much wanted) pregnancy. Asshats!
Posted by: Trilby | March 10, 2011 at 12:51 PM
My favorite, and the one that will not go, is are you going to try for a girl? I got this when I people found out I was pregnant with my second son, and I get this often when people find out I have two boys. Would I like a girl? Sure. But you know, if I do get pregnant again, how about I just try for a healthy baby?
Posted by: Amy | March 10, 2011 at 12:53 PM
Oh yes - the "omg, three kids, you're crazy, it was an accident right?!" comments - super annoying. Also we already had a girl and a boy so no one could figure out why in the hell we would want another.
You look great! At this point in all three of my pregnancies, I'd gained 20-25 lbs. and was not feeling or looking the greatest. I'm a runner (unless I'm pregnant) and normally in pretty good shape so the extra weight was always such a drag.
Posted by: Dorie | March 10, 2011 at 01:03 PM
I was always pounded with the "Hope it's a girl!" comments when I was pregnant with number three, after two boys. Then people inevitably wanted to know if I would have a fourth to try for a girl if I ended up with a third boy (you know, in case my other children simply weren't stacking up.) Fun times!
Recently someone said to me (and I'll go ahead and take some responsibility here for dragging my readers along through our recent adoption turmoil) that they were looking at a recent picture I posted of myself and I look very sad in my eyes. Just, in general. (Yikes.)
You look wonderful, my friend. I can't wait to meet this baby.
Posted by: Molly | March 10, 2011 at 01:04 PM
You look absolutely amazing.
Maybe it's because I was so sick for most of my pregnancies and didn't start showing until much later, but I didn't mind comments about my size. (Although about a week before I delivered Rowan one of Bill's friends shouted across the field at a crowed softball game "Jesus- how many do you have in there?" Yeah. I suppose I could have done without that.) With my first it really bothered me when people said "shouldn't you be bigger by now- is the baby OK?" but by Keaton I realized that most of these and other comments don't come from a place of malice or even rudeness- most people are either just trying to make small talk or genuinely curious. My indifference to this could also be because, although incredibly uncomfortable, I sort of love the changing shape of a woman throughout pregnancy. {Though it could also be because I haven't been pregnant in almost three and a half years and have forgotten how much it can suck :).)
Posted by: rkmama | March 10, 2011 at 01:21 PM
I had twin boys and then was pregnant with another boy. People loved to ask me if I was going to try again for a girl (Implying I had enough kids already). Since then, we have had another child, and she is a girl (so there....)
Posted by: Tess | March 10, 2011 at 01:27 PM
The 'were you trying' question comes up no matter how many kids you have. This is our first, and I still get it!
Posted by: christine | March 10, 2011 at 01:30 PM
The one that gets me every time ... "Have you figured out what causes pregnancy yet?"
Posted by: Linda Stewart | March 10, 2011 at 01:37 PM
"Are you sure there aren't two in there?"
Or, upon hearing the answer to, "When are you due?": "Oh, you're never gonna make it!"
With my first pregnancy (which took months of trying), I emailed the news to a few people who didn't live close-by. A male friend of ours, who thinks he's funnier than he is, emailed me this response: "Do I need to start paying child support now? LOL" That was it. No congratulations, nothing. I was so mad at him!
The only thing a pregnant woman really wants to hear is that she looks fabulous. (Unless it's, "I have an extra candy bar here...") You, my dear, look fabulous!
Posted by: Ashley | March 10, 2011 at 01:47 PM
You look great! I always hated the "my you are going to have your hands full", no shit sherlock. Gah. Or are you sure that's your due date and it's not sooner? Sheesh. I still get the "you have your hands full" and mine are out of strollers, etc. Heck one of them is as tall as me!
Posted by: Erica | March 10, 2011 at 01:54 PM
No one ever noticed I was pregnant, up until the week before I was due. It made me paranoid that I was so grotesquely obese before getting pregnant that you couldn't tell the difference between my regular belly and my nine-month-old-fetus occupied belly.
The only obnoxious comments I got while pregnant was on my choice of having Aidan at a birth center rather than a hospital. People told me I was crazy, that Aidan could stop breathing once we got him home, that they made epidurals for a reason, yadda yadda.
That annoyed me. I mean, I never give people a hard time for choosing pain meds, why can't the same courtesy be extended?
Posted by: Parsing Nonsense | March 10, 2011 at 01:54 PM
"Are you sure it's not twins?" YES, MAH BELLY IS VERY LARGE FOR 13 WEEKS. I am aware. Also: bite me. (And I'm sorry, Frema. I thought you said TWO POUNDS. Pretty sure I'd gained two pounds before my first stick came up positive. OMG, all these jerks are are right. I AM going to be huuuuge. Hey, maybe it's twins!)
"Wow, due in September? That's going to be one long, hot summer." Very true. Not much I can do about it, though, THANKS.
Posted by: Operation Pink Herring | March 10, 2011 at 02:02 PM
I think the stupidest comment I ever got was "when are you and your husband going to try for another one?". I was almost 7 months pregnant at the time with a HUGE belly. I point down to my stomach using both hands and said "maybe after I have this one!". I know people don't want to "assume" but it was pretty obvious! You look awesome!
Posted by: Bren | March 10, 2011 at 02:07 PM
"Oh my, four? Wow. How does your husband feel about that?"
Right. Cause he wasnt there for this one. I'm the friggin second immaculate conception.
"You sure do have your hands full! What are you gonna do when the next one is born?"
Um, drink? Lock them all in a closet? Smoke crack?
People are so stupid. I had one lady tell me that breeders like me are why the earth's resources are being depleted. As she gets into her HUMMER. So not kidding.
Posted by: jess | March 10, 2011 at 02:20 PM
It's not super bad on a scale of bad comments, but I always hated it when people would say something along the lines of "Once they're out you will wish they were back in." Being pregnant was fine for me, no complications, but I was so huge and tired of being uncomfortable and tired all the time, there was no way I would want them back in me.
Posted by: Erica | March 10, 2011 at 03:13 PM
I have a brand new maternity belt just sitting in a pile to go to goodwill. I bought it 10 weeks ago at my doctors suggestion, wore it twice and hated it. Plus it didn't solve my problem, which ended up needing physical therapy and a specialied belt plus weekly visits. Please, Please let me send it to you!
Posted by: Mrs. CPA | March 10, 2011 at 05:19 PM
I got (while pregnant with my third) "wow you must be busy". Actually I wasn't. That's why we had another one.
And I LOVED to watch old ladies squirm when I was hugely pregnant with my first and still working (as a nurse so I couldn't wear my rings) and I looked about 15, and I KNEW they wanted to ask if I was an unwed mother who got knocked up by some passerby, but really, what could they SAY?! They'd ask all kinds of innocent questions about when I was due, did I know if it was a boy or a girl etc until I put them out of their misery by saying something along the lines of, "well, my husband really wants a boy...". That shut them up!
Posted by: Julie | March 10, 2011 at 09:25 PM
Not sure if it's worse than the "You're HUGE" comment from a coworker when I was 30 weeks or if it was the recent, "Can I ask you a rude question? Are you pregnant?" a month ago when I am most certainly not... Ouch.
Posted by: Erin | March 10, 2011 at 10:07 PM
I totally win here. Every time I went to Walmart from 3 months on the greeter (a different one each time) would offer me the automatic cart. I couldn't possibly have looked that uncomfortable.
Posted by: younin | March 11, 2011 at 12:37 AM
The comment that I'm getting the most and that annoys me the most is, "So, you'll have a boy and a girl, you're all done right?" Ummm.....I don't know, I'm kinda feeling like 3 or 4, but if I were to say that, I can only imagine the look I would get.
Posted by: Jennifer | March 11, 2011 at 09:27 AM
You look adorable!
Whenever we announced that we were expecting, people said, "OH MY GOD! Where are you going to fit a baby in that tiny body of yours???" (I'm five feet flat.) Um, in my uterus, yo.
We lived in a very culturally diverse neighborhood in New York when I was pregnant and all the old Greek and Italian ladies loved to touch my belly and argue over whether I'd have a girl or boy. I always felt very violated, especially the day one of them was obviously speaking about my ginormous boobs in Greek. The Italian ladies were right in the end--boy.
I finally got so sick of being asked whether or not we were trying to conceive that I just started telling the story of Dean's conception. That usually shut them up. :) (I can be a little obnoxious when I want to...)
Posted by: Jen L. | March 11, 2011 at 02:19 PM
Always, ALWAYS the comments that implied my children were accidents. Yes, I DO know how this happens. And now that I have three, some people feel it's entirely appropriate to ask how we're preventing having a fourth.
Also, (and I'm sure you're getting this too) "I just HATE people like you who don't gain any weight!" Um, thank you? I hate you too???
Posted by: lisa | March 11, 2011 at 03:20 PM
I have a 2 year old, a 1 year old, and another due in August. The big one I hear is, "You still haven't figured out what causes that?" so annoying!!!
Posted by: Melissa | March 14, 2011 at 09:42 PM
Oh my God I cannot believe it has been so long since I've read your blog! How I missed it! You look great in the photo. I can't believe you are already so far along. So exciting! And I love the new blog banner! Luke does a great job.
Posted by: Jenny | March 16, 2011 at 12:37 AM
We have 3 boys and I'm due in July with #4. I am so overly annoyed with people asking if this one's a girl (were you trying for a girl, are you hoping for a girl...)!! Like that is the ONLY reason to have another baby, so we have at least one of each sex! GRRR. And people have said that with only seeing us with the 2 older boys (at church, 3-y-o goes in the nursery).
The other one I hate, but have only been asked by one person (the other pregnant girl at work, who WAS trying to have a baby, like they "planned") is "was this one planned?" I told her that none of them are ever planned. People just don't have that mindset these days, though.
Posted by: elizabeth | March 24, 2011 at 11:21 AM