34 weeheeheeheeks

I'm not sure why I felt compelled to include all those he he hees in the title, except that I am quite ready to be done with this gestating business, thank you very much, so if you read it in a whiny, slightly labored tone of voice, you'll have a pretty good grasp of where I am emotionally. You are welcome.

 

I don't have any shots of me at this point with Nathan, but I do with Kara. Click here to check them out.

(Sidenote: I will have you know that the maternity coat pictured in that entry has more than paid for itself. I've used it twice, Samantha's used it once, and I even lent it to a sister of my coworker's. Money well spent, for sure.)

Current stats: To date, I have put on approximately 15 pounds, making Baby Brother's the slowest weight gain of all three pregnancies. I credit some of this to doing a slightly better job of managing what I'm eating - less red meat, more salads, fruits, and vegetables (though my sugar intake is atrocious) - and some of this to being on my feet more as a mom to two little kids (though Luke continues to be wonderful by handling the laundry, cooking, and majority of post-dinner clean-up). When all is said and done, I doubt I'll hit 30 pounds by the time the baby is born. You wouldn't know it, though, because I feel so much heavier this time around, and much more aware of my size. It truly does feel like this child could fall out of me at any given moment. Others must agree: I can't tell you how many times people have widened their eyes or covered their mouths in shock after I tell them when I'm due.

"Do you really think you'll go that long?" (This is where I pull out my mom card and gleefully reply that, as a matter of fact, I do think I'll go that long, because I've done this twice before and this is just the way I carry.)

"But you're carrying so low!"

"Your feet and your shoulders look okay, no swelling." (Thank you, doctor, for your thorough exam and expert wisdom.)

"You look like you're going to have that baby any day!"

"We'll need to get you something for your desk, huh?" (You know - because of my gargantuan belly.)

"Will your belly go back to normal?" (Okay, that one was from Kara and therefore not offensive at all, but I couldn't resist.)

"Honey, you look miserable."

That last one was said to me by a complete stranger last weekend while waiting for a quarter pound of roast beef at the deli. All I could do was smile thinly and say, "I'm not," before turning away. I don't care if you have lady parts or if you've delivered children, if that's the way you choose to start a conversation, we are not in this together.

See? Not miserable at all!

I'm operating on some level of fatigue almost all the time. Baby Brother is super active almost all the time. And now that we're in the final stretch, I'm starting to panic over all of our to-dos almost all the time. 

The cars need to be cleaned out. The infant base needs to be installed. The paint still needs touching up. Nathan's baby book still isn't done. We haven't cleared out kitchen space for baby bottles. The baby gear needs a steam clean.

Oh. And we need a name.

The front-runner we've been carrying around all this time, a name I love and would still be happy to use in the first name slot, will likely be delegated to middle name status to fit into our new naming strategy.

I go back and forth on nursing almost every day - sometimes eager to give it another go, other times determined to crack open the formula on Day One. And almost every time, I reject any concrete decision I've reached and instead encourage myself to adopt a "Just For Today" type attitude and not look any further than that. It's been working really well so far! (end sarcasm)

I have also started getting more anxious about handling those initial weeks and months of babyhood, as crystal-clear details of Nathan's newborn period have been coming back to me with a vengeance. Nodding off during a three a.m. feeding when the sky is dark and everyone else is asleep. Bouncing him to sleep an hour later, eyes barely open, with one hand in a bag of Donettes because eating something is the only thing keeping me from passing out, feeling utterly alone. Struggling to manage the stairs after my c-section. Crying over clothes that still didn't fit.

I'm sure this is true for most women, but I am completely out of my element in the newborn period.

(Edited to add: It wasn't until reading Eva's comment below that I realized I completely glazed over Kara's period. Aside from nursing difficulties, she was actually a dream baby - sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, content so long as she was snuggled, etc. But still, she was my first baby, and just learning how to be a mom was overwhelming enough. So, while I am open to having an easier experience this time, I'm trying to be realistic and just accept that I don't handle infancy well.)

Before I get too panicked, though, I try to remember the good things. Snuggling on the couch. The grasp of a baby hand around your finger. Watching siblings fall in love. The knowledge that each day brings you one step away from the most difficult period of that first year and one step closer to a wonderfully new version of normal.

It has also helped to think of upcoming seasonal milestones and benchmarking where we should be at that point. This has been particularly encouraging to do with a summer baby. For example:

• By Halloween, the baby will be four months old and sleeping in longer patches at night, if not all the way through. I will definitely have adjusted to being back at work by then. And won't it be fun for the five of us to go trick-or-treating together?
• By Thanksgiving, the baby will be almost five months old. Nathan did so well in the baby carrier at that age, so we should be out and about as much as we want. (Not that I plan to wait that long to use it, of course.) The fall weather will be perfect for hikes at the park. Also, I should be in much better shape physically than I've ever been at this point, so long as I'm consistent with running and my Jillian Michaels videos. (I'm already physched to try her newest one, Ripped in 30. Yes, please!)
• By Christmas, the baby will be six months old, experimenting with solids and crawling. What a fun December it will be.
• By Luke's and my sixth wedding anniversary next May, the baby will be almost a year old and most likely walking. Walking! Surely all three kids should be easy enough for someone else to care for them overnight, so Mommy and Daddy can sneak in a getaway.
• Speaking of May, the Mini is in May. I so want to run the Mini next year! Training would be another way to keep my fitness level on track.
• By next June, the baby will be one year and on the way to ditching bottles, formula (if we choose to go that route), and purees. We should also be free of our credit card debt by then. The perfect ingredients for an active, amazing summer.

Each baby is different, so I of course can't bank on all those milestones coming to fruition, but generally speaking, these are the stages where I remember things becoming significantly easier to manage with both Kara and Nathan, so I'm allowing myself to be hopeful. Plus, even if it doesn't, it's really the overall message I'm clinging to: that every day does get easier. I know this from personal experience now. It really does get easier.

Comments

[daddyd]

For sure, we have that next May number six covered. Time will fly by, but having completed such tasks before adds to the current joy. Good job.

[eva]

I love the way your mind works with all this planning, forecasting and scheduling!

Also I dreaded the newborn phase with Emily and it was simply wonderful, exactly the fall in love, cuddle and nurse forever bliss that it's supposed to be. TOTALLY OPPOSITE to how the newborn stage went with Megan, so you never know, Baby Brother could be a dreamy newborn!

[Jen L.]

I also appreciate your planning! I'll bet Baby Brother falls right into the rhythm of your family. We already know Kara's a great big sister and I'll bet Nathan will love being a big brother.

I love that post with the coats--very fun to revisit. My maternity coat has gotten a lot of mileage, too, I'm happy to say. It's latest user just gave birth and another friend just found out she's expecting, so I imagine it will make its way to her come winter.

Hang in there...not much longer!

[Bren]

I remember counting down the first 6 weeks after Maggie was born because that was when she was supposed to get "easier" to handle (sleep wise anyway). With Abbie - it was seriously a piece of cake. We hit 6 weeks and I was like "where did that time go??". I too kept "planning" how we would hit milestones and get to do things and now? We just do them. It helps to have the most laid back child on the planet but each time is a crap shoot - you just don't know! And regarding the comment of "you look miserable" - I would have said something like "you don't look so hot yourself!".

[Jess]

37 weeks a few days ago. My last one was born right at 37 weeks, and so my subconscious is all 'TIME TO GO!!'. I'm so done.

Carrying around a 15 month old while chasing a 6 and 7 year old, while having all those fabulous end of pregnancy BLAH moments is so exhausting. And honestly? I just want to pee less. Is that too much to ask?

[Beth]

Hi-I'm just a random stranger from the internet. Been reading for a while now...I was just wondering if you'd considered baby-led-weaning for this one? Generally solids start at a later age, and instead of purees, the baby just gets whatever the family is eating. It just seems like that might work better with your family's lifestyle and being so active. I used it with my second (mine are 20 months apart) because for the life of me I couldn't figure out how to feed myself, the baby and make sure my toddler consumed something in a reasonable amount of time without making myself crazy. Just a thought! I hope the next weeks fly by for you!

[Maggie]

Frema - I think you are so great! And I'm looking forward to "meeting" your new baby boy. I also dread newborn days. Good luck!