My own Doogie Howser, M.D.

In my 31 years of life, I've completed almost three pregnancies, but it is yesterday's brief conversation with a grade-schooler that wins the award, hands down, for "Most Shocking Gestating Dialogue."

SCENE: Retail outlet store, where Luke and I were stocking up on summer clothes and baby onesies (our first time buying for three children at once, OMG). Kara and Nathan were occupying themselves by an activity table filled with toys, where a few other kids were also hanging out. Several of them were from the same family, including a little boy who was maybe five or six years old - seven, tops - and who I was already having issues with mainly but not completely because he kept grabbing things out of Nathan's hand.

BOY: (eyes me up and down) You're going to have a baby.

FREMA: That's right.

BOY: (To Kara) Your mom's going to have a baby.

KARA: (Enthusiastically, because she loves interacting with other kids) Yes!

BOY: (Back to me, matter-of-factly) They're going to cut you open!

FREMA: (In her brain) ...

FREMA: (Actual words) They don't have to.*

FREMA: (In her brain, a second time) ...

-------

Twenty-four hours later, and I'm still not sure what to make of this. I wasn't wearing my "C-sectioners Unite!" sandwich board, and layers of clothing combined with an impressive amount of belly flab ensured that my scar wasn't visible to the general public, so unless he had x-ray vision or possessed a Sixth Sense type of power that alerts him when a surgical patient is near, I can only assume that BOY's mother had gone under the knife herself and shared that tidbit with her son. Which, okay; I personally don't think I'd choose to give that young a child that much information, but then again, my oldest still wears a pull-up at night, so who knows? Really, I was most surprised that a) he apparently believes all babies are delivered this way and b) he chose to talk about it in such a manner with A COMPLETE STRANGER.

For those to whom this applies: What's the weirdest thing a child has said to you about your pregnancy?

* Actually, my doctor and I are in agreement that they pretty much DO have to cut me open, but hell no was I going to support that kid's logic. Seriously, I've seen infants share toys better.

Comments

[Jen L.]

Ha! When I was about 5 months along and just starting to really poke out, a little girl came up and said, "Are you going to feed that baby with your boobies?" I just kind of stood there until she went away.

[Parsing Nonsense]

I've never had an awkward gestating conversation with a child before, but I did inadvertently explain c-sections to my nieces once. We were playing with puppets, and they decided I was giving birth to six of them, which they yanked out through my stomach. I said c-section, they said what's a c-section, aaaaaand then I had an awkward conversation with their mommy.

[eva]

No comparable experiences here but WOW am I glad to not be the only one with a three and a half year old GIRL ("girls train so much easier and earlier" "my daughters were all done with diapers day and night at two!" etc etc) who sleeps in a pull up. Mine still wakes up with it wet most days too.

I have had a few little kids ask me about my breasts and stare openly while I breastfeed in public, but it didn't bother me, just for some reason really seemed to upset THEIR parents!

[Molly]

Kara's still pretty young, but if she asks how baby brother is coming out will you explain? (Actually, I never considered the possibility that this could come up in conversation when you are actually having him and I'm with your kids, and how much they know and how much you want them to know.)

My guys have seen my c-section scar that runs from my navel, down, a million times. And when they've asked, I've shared. Actually it was in my best interest to share as we brought each baby home, so the older kids understood they had to be gentle around my belly. So it's pretty common knowledge here, and truthfully I don't think we've yet to discuss any other points of exit since they didn't apply to my children in particular.

[Shawnna]

I've never had an awkward conversation, but wanted to say that I had the music that always plays at the end of a Doogie episode in my head while I was reading your post : )

[lisa]

I'm a middle school speech therapist and I kept waiting for one of my students to say something about my growing belly. Finally, the LAST one I ever would have expected to notice ANYTHING said, "Hey Miss--you got a baby in there?" Every week he'd come in and ask, "You still got that baby in there?"

He asked me one time something about how the baby got in there and I told him he needed to ask his dad (he was an only child of a single dad) and he said, "I don't think he'd know. He's too OLD!"

Also, my three-year-old is still in Pull-Ups at night. I feel 100% ok about that.

[Jen]

Four year old still in a pullup. MOTHER OF THE YEAR. ha ;)

[Jen]

(and that's a pullup at night. daytime, we're all good.)

[daddyd]

That kid is way out of line in several ways. Number one was not giving Nathan his share of the toys.Nathan is great to play with and the kid might learn how to do that getting along action. And number two was thinking that he is just so smart as to be a doctor in knowing how to best care for mothers.

[youngin]

My 8 yo nephew: "Hi aunt Crystal. I see you are fat and full."
Me: "Do you know what I am fat and full of?"
Nephew: "Yeah, baby."

Consequently all the wonderful pictures said nephew drew for me because I didn't have any kids stopped shortly before my daughter was born. : (

[youngin]

Oh, and children lack filters . . . that's all it is.

[kim]

I just bought another package of pull-ups for night. My daughter still sometimes wets her bed at night. We are going on vacation, so she will be sleeping with me. I do not want her to have an accident with her sleeping next to me. She is almost 4.

I don't remember any strange comments from kids while I was pregnant.

[Joanne]

Ha, I am from NJ but live in Indiana and I am always, always amazed at what strangers will say to me and ASK of me when I am at the store or whatever. I've lived here forever and it still shocks me.