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BlogHer '07: The rest of the story (part one)

OK, so I've already talked your ear off about how fabulous it was to meet my bloggy-blog friends at the BlogHer conference in Chicago last week. However, let us not forget that it was, indeed, a conference, meant to educate Web geeks on various tricks and trends of the blogosphere. And I was ready to be educated. After blogging for almost three and a half years, I've found my niche. I'm done with fiction (except TLF), and I dream about being the Internet's version of Dave Sedaris (except not gay).

Anyway, I had a clear list of objectives regarding what I wanted to gain from the conference sessions:

• Get a better feel for the business ramifications of blogging. While I plan to stay away from ads and other money-making ventures on this here site, my Parents blog does provide me with income, and I'm open to pursuing similar opportunities with other companies. In those instances, I'd like to know how to market my image and handle my taxes.
• Learn how to increase traffic to my blog. Hey, if I didn't want readers poking their noses into my deepest thoughts, I wouldn't have a Web site, right? Plus, I'm not technically savvy at all, so receiving pointers from an expert or two certainly couldn't hurt.
• See the inner workings of the blogosphere. How are communities formed through writing online? How do they change? How do people change once they belong to one? And how long does it take before the participants move on to the next one?

As you can see, I had high hopes for these sessions. But I've always loved attending conferences, and now that I'm no longer in school, I's gotta get my nollige any way I can.

Here we go.

DAY ONE

(Breakout #1) Business of You: Self-Branding and Self-Promotion

The write-up for this one talked about "exploring how to think of yourself in what might be a new way...and how to use both online and offline media to promote your work." Bring it on, I thought. I already knew about branding from working in communications, but I wanted to make sure I was doing everything possible to present a consistent image on my blog.

I'm sorry to say I was deeply disappointed in this session, especially because it was the one I was most excited about. There was simply no structure. I waited for somebody to turn on the projector, for some sort of formal presentation that gave everyone a starting point from which to work with, but no. Nobody ever defined what branding was or why it was important. There were no examples of Web sites or bloggers who were doing this successfully, no handouts to summarize important notes. Basically, the panelists stood up front and took questions from the audience, questions that often had nothing to do with each other and skipped all over the place, making it hard to follow a logical train of thought. I also didn't like how discouraging some of the experts were about dabbling in different topics. Apparently if I want to have a popular blog, I need to pick one topic and stick with it, and judging from my ginormous list of categories, I suppose I've resigned myself to permanent C-list status. But Dooce is the master of miscellaneous, and she's one of the most financially profitable bloggers out there, so obviously that's not a hard and fast rule.

Despite the lack of actual content, I did scribble a few gems onto my notepad, my favorite one being "the importance of being authentically interesting and interested." If you want to get anywhere in blogging, you can't robotically comb through Web sites and leave generic comments like, "Your blog is so funny! Visit me at blahdeblah.com." If you want to talk at people, set your sights on print media. If you want to participate in conversations beyond your demographic and you're genuinely curious about what others have to say, that's when you turn to blogs.

In hindsight, I wish I had attended the Identity session titled "The Life Stages of Online Communities." Anybody go to that?

(Breakout #2) Technical: Find Out Why Bloggers Care About Web Standards

This session promised to provide information on how to make your blog easier to navigate for people with disabilities. Kerflop had mentioned the importance of following web standards on her blog a while back, and the subject's piqued my interest ever since. Also, my company works very closely with a local organization that finds jobs for those who are blind or visually impaired, so I see firsthand the significance of making sure your Web site is accessible to everyone.

Anyway, the speakers definitely made good on their promise. Did you know that thirty-eight percent of people with some sort of disability are online? Afflictions range from visual impairment and colorblindness to not being able to use a mouse. There's no way I can list everything I learned, but here are some of the biggies:

- Don't make a link open in a new window without warning. For those with impairments or disabilities, this makes it difficult for them to get back to their original starting point.

- When composing text for a link, don't be lazy and write "click here." For those who can't (for whatever reason), they have no idea what you're referring to.

- Visual captchas exclude those with poor vision from commenting on your blog. Use a text-based one if you can (I know Movable Type offers this option, but I'm not sure about TypePad).

- When posting images, make sure they're properly labeled. You can do this by clicking on the "Edit HTML" window of your post draft and editing what appears in quotes after the "alt." Make sure the text relates to the picture so those who can't see it can still follow along.

Go to www.webstandards.org and www.allaccessblogging.com for more information.

(Breakout #3) Technical: Technical Tools to Build Traffic

This session is a no-brainer; it divulged precious information about how to bring more traffic to your Web site. I loved it and took tons of notes, too many to share here, but the entire presentation can be found at www.elise.com/blogher, as well as additional resources. This session rocked. I can't wait to set aside enough time to actually put these tips to use.

In case it wasn't obvious, both of the technical sessions I attended more than fulfilled my expectations for objective number two.

(Breakout #4) Identity: The State of the Momosphere

I may not be a mommy blogger, but if the Parents.com gig continues to go well, I very well might be one soon, and I wanted to hear what others have to say about the mom culture online. This was another Q-and-A session, but that made sense, considering the subjectivity of the topic. There were three panelists, one of them the great Cheeky Lotus.

I have to say, the dialogue that took place during this session was really interesting, even if I didn't agree with everyone's opinion. A lot of attention was paid to the monetizing aspect of mommy blogs, whether it be posting ads, freelancing, or reviewing products and services for a fee. Some argued that a woman's time is valuable and deserves to be compensated, while others speculated that the reason many people are uncomfortable with mothers receiving this kind of attention from businesses is due to the fact that, traditionally, "woman's work" has been more sacrificial in nature, and critics just aren't used to viewing moms in a more professional light. Yet another person said blogging about your children is no different from blogging about crafts or food, which I strongly disagree with. Is an apple pie going to grow up in ten years and ask you questions about a story you posted when he was still in diapers? I didn't think so.

That's not to say I think mommy blogs are sell-outs. I don't. But let's not pretend that writing about your kids doesn't have the potential for major consequences down the road. As I get closer to the end of my pregnancy, I constantly worry about how I'll portray my life as a mother online and how much I'll reveal about my baby. It'll be important for me to remember that my words and pictures will be available to millions of strangers around the world, and it's my job to protect her integrity, which is just as if not more important than sharing the joys and pitballs of being a parent in today's world. I love telling my story but would hate exploiting hers. Luckily, I've seen a number of bloggers balance these aspects of their lives beautifully, so I'm hopeful I can do the same.

If you attended any of these sessions, feel free to add to what I've said. Tune in tomorrow for Day Two.

Say hello to your friends

Oh my God, people. I am so tired.

This overwhelming sense of fatigue started when I woke up on Thursday--after going to bed at two o'clock in the morning--to update blogs, pack, clean, and shower before heading off to Chicago and has stayed with me ever since. My life battery, she's losing juice fast, and in addition to catching up on work and blog writing, there are seven episodes of All My Children taking up space on two VHS tapes demanding my undivided attention. There's also a husband who I missed very much and would like to spend some quality time with before I take off again this weekend for a family camping trip. Hopefully I can recharge before then.

But you didn't come here to listen to me bitch and moan, you want the 411 on BlogHer! (At least, I hope you do; if not, you're in for one boring week.) There's so much to talk about that one post couldn't possibly cover everything, so today I'll talk about the social aspects of the conference, while my next couple of entries will zero in on the sessions themselves.

Where to begin? I was so nervous on Thursday about meeting so many of the people I've connected with over the blogosphere. I feel most at home behind a computer, where I can craft my words carefully and Photoshop my acne, and I was afraid about not meeting everyone's expectations. But when Molly and I arrived at the W Lakeshore and caught Isabel, Stacy, and Lizarita chatting it up outside the glass doors, I felt myself instantly relax. I may not have met these people before, but I knew them. It was going to be OK.

For our first night in town, we all had dinner at Navy Pier and entertained each other with conversation. It was wonderful--no stumbling over words, no fawning all over ourselves, just talking like friends who hadn't seen each other for a while. Looking back at all the hustle and bustle that took place over the three days I was in Chicago, I so appreciate that we were able to sit in Charlie's Ale House for two hours and just be. And the spinach dip? Totally a bonus.

Left to right, starting from the back: Carrisa, Lizarita, Lizzy, Molly, me, Isabel, and Stacy

 

On Friday morning, though, the anxiety flared up again as I rummaged through my suitcase, wondering if I'd be dressed alright and how I'd make out interacting with actual strangers. When Molly, Lizarita, and I stepped outside to wait for the conference shuttle and I noticed all the skirts and heels, I thought maybe it wasn't such a great idea to don shorts and a tee shirt. I even had a sweatshirt tied around my waist, like I was a high schooler going away to summer camp. However, once at the Pier, I breathed a sigh of relief over seeing the wide variety of dress attire. And I'm pregnant, so comfort totally trumps sophistication. Right?

My big moment of geekdom took place after the last session of the day, "The State of the Momosphere," for which Lena of Cheeky Lotus, one of my favorite reads, was a panelist. After the moderator wrapped things up, I grabbed my camera and made my way to her like a groupie with a backstage concert pass to one of her favorite bands. I told her how much I loved both of her blogs and managed to give her one of my business cards without making a fool of myself. I also scored the picture you see below. I'm surprised Lena was even able to look me in the eye, what with all the oil patches radiating from my face.

Afterwards it was time for a cocktail party on Navy Pier's rooftop, where we all spent a couple of hours visiting. I was tired, hungry, and desperately needing a shower, but it was a great time. I talked to a few bloggers I never expected to meet, like Zoot! We bonded over Harry Potter, Christopher Pike, and our complicated history with Catholicism. Lucky for her I was able to swipe an oil-absorbent sheet at my cheeks and forehead first.

Another group shot, this time with the addition of Jackie, a fellow Saint Joe alum, and Angela of CPA Mom fame. They're the ones making a Molly sandwich.

Saturday was a little easier to get through, as there were only three sessions instead of four. I had lunch with my contact from Parents.com along with Emily from Not That You Asked and Lindsay of Surburban Turmoil, who also write for the Parents Web site. It was nice to talk about how the gig was going for everyone, and our editor assured us that the site's glitches will be ironed out soon, so those of you who've experienced trouble registering or commenting, please don't lose heart. Your call is very important to us.

Cool Moment for Saturday: Jessica of Kerflop came up and introduced herself! I've read her site since the birth of her daughter and commented a few times, but I had no idea she knew who I was. That rocked.

There's so much more I could say, but I'm not sure it's necessary. Some folks will roll their eyes over all the BlogHer posts and write the conference off as a hierarchial rah-rah love fest disguised as personal and professional development, but that wasn't my experience. I had a great time meeting everyone I came in contact with, regardless if they knew my blog, and nobody asked me to kiss their ring or curtsy before I spoke. I wish I'd been able to branch out a bit and meet a wider variety of people, but I also wanted to make sure I spent time with the bloggers I'd already established relationships with. Who knows when we'll see each other again?

But at least there'll be an "again." Freka can't wait to meet all her new friends in person.

Do you think the camera caught Lizzy by surprise? Fear not, Liz, this shot's much better:

Jumping on the 10 Seconds Bandwagon

I'm growing out my bangs. I miss Deal or No Deal. I don't like my stomach rubbed, pregnant or not. AT&T and Sofa Express are currently on my shit list.

I think every little girl should look up to Nancy Drew. Atlas Shrugged is one of my favorite books. Tragic Love Friday is nowhere near the same caliber, but if you were into Flowers in the Attic or any soap opera, ever, this is so your cup of tea.

I recently scored my first paid blogging gig, HOORAY FOR ME.

I wish I knew how to make that Technorati tag work so BlogHer could show me some love.

BlogHelp

At this time tomorrow, I'll be packing up my car and preparing to drive to northwest Indiana, where I will pick up my party companion and head into downtown Chicago for three days and two nights of eating, networking, and conferencing at BlogHer 2007, where I will learn about the ins and outs of self promotion, increasing traffic, and technical tricks that will probably make my head spin. I'll meet online friends I've been talking to for months--in some cases over a year--for the first time. I'll introduce myself to bloggers I've never heard of and others whose writing I absolutely adore. I've got a fun maternity wardrobe and savvy business cards and comfortable shoes for traipsing up and down the length of Navy Pier. Packing will be a snap. I'm ready.

But so, so nervous.

Last year I complained about the entries that followed in the wake of BlogHer, noting that the posts seemed to be solely comprised of pictures marrying women and alcohol, links out of context, and inside jokes the rest of us outsiders weren't a part of. I vowed that if was able to attend in 2007, I would do a better job of sharing what I believed to be the most appealing aspect of the conference: the ability to market yourself and learn more about the trends underlying this fascinating, still-new form of expression.

I'm nervous this goal will be overshadowed by a desire to impress strangers I may never see again.

Don't get me wrong; I'm so excited to meet my online buddies, hear their voices, dish out hugs, and take tons of pictures. I hardly consider them strangers. But I'd be going to this thing even if I didn't know another living soul. I have a class to teach, Web sites to polish, and a lot of information to learn. I want to learn it. I want to see how far I can push myself in this genre, because as much as I love TLF, fiction is no longer my bag, baby. I'm lucky enough this year that Luke and I can afford for me to go and the conference is only a three-hour drive from home, in the very city I grew up in and still love, and there are no children to worry about (yet, oh my God). The last thing I want to do is get so caught up in socializing that I miss out on something that might one day enable me to maintain a full-time writing career from home.

Below is a list of the sessions I plan to attend. The sessions are grouped into different "tracks," which are featured in parantheses.

Day One
10:45 - 12:00: (Business of You) Self-Branding and Self-Promotion
1:30 - 2:45: (Technical) Find Out Why Bloggers Care About Web Standards
2:45 - 4:00: (Technical) Technical Tools to Build Traffic
4:30 - 5:45: (Identity) The State of the Momosphere

Day Two
10:30 - 11:45: (Business of You) Blog to Book and Back Again
1:30 - 2:45: (Business of You) Professional Blogging: Ways and Means
2:45 - 4:00: (Business of You) Professional Blogging: Business Considerations

Aren't the topics wonderful? There are so many to pick from, but I think I'll glean the most insight from these.

Anyway, there's a lot to do before I leave. I have to pack, pretty my toenails, update my Parents blog with two more entries, and prepare this here site for my absence. I plan on posting a little somethin' somethin' tomorrow will even attempt to a TLF post for those of you unable to join in on the Chi-town fun. However, if TypePad goes wonky and the entry never publishes, you can't say I didn't try.

Tragic Love Friday and I'm Going To BlogHer WOO HOO

So, in case you weren't following the comments yesterday, BlogHer cofounder Elisa Camahort addressed my concern regarding whether or not this year's Chicago conference would be in an affordable price range, and she laid my fears to rest when she said one could attend both days for around $250, which includes breakfast, lunch, and cocktail appetizers for each day. Her good news was all it took for me to return to BlogHer's Web site, grab the HTML for one of their "I'm going" buttons, and voila! I'm going! Molly and I are going, and Isabel is going, and her BBF HollowSquirrel is going, and did I mention the venue will be Navy Pier? You all remember my connection with the Pier, right? Move outta my way, muthafuckas, because I'm getting myself a salted garlic Parmesan cheese pretzel or two or three, cholesterol be damned, is all I'm saying.

Oh, and also, for those of you worried about my not having an ob/gyn already, I schedule my womanly exams faithfully every December with my general practitioner. I don't care who's down there with my who ha, so long as the ultimate result is a clean bill of health.

On to TLF.

People, we have twenty-two pages left before the sequel, and rather than stretch it out for as long as I can, I'm just going to type in excerpts of normal length so we can move on to bigger and more dramatic storylines. However, before we move on to part two, I'd like to give non-TLF readers a chance to join in on the fun without having to spend an hour or two reading the archives to catch up on what they've missed. So I'm hosting a little contest. Whoever writes the best Tragic Love Friday synopsis will win their very own copy of...

Beverly Hills, 90210: The First Season. What better way to pay homage to TLF's theme of love, betrayal, and batshit-insane teenage antics then with the gang that started it all?

All participants will receive a little something for their efforts, which will be equally fabulous but about thirty dollars cheaper.

The winning review will include character descriptions of our main players, summarize all major plot points (how you choose to work in this information will be entirely up to you), and feature a word count no longer than an average TLF post. It also has to be funny as hell so non-TLF readers will be persuaded to hop on the part two bandwagon. Submissions must be turned in by the Wednesday after part one's last excerpt is posted, which should happen in the next few weeks. Don't stress out too much over spelling and grammar, as I promise to fix typos, missing words, and the like. I will NOT edit sentence structure or overall content. That's all you, sugar.

Please tell me you think this is a fun idea. In the meantime, we've got a baby to find!

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CHAPTER THIRTEEN - KAYLA

I woke up to the sound of my bar door being opened loudly. I glanced at the small clock at the foot of my bed. 8:30 A.M. I jumped out of bed and found myself staring into the eyes of 2 police officers. "Kayla Evans, we have to give you some bad news," one of them said, looking grim. I shook my head. "Whatever it is can wait. A nurse should be bringing my baby here to be fed. She SHOULD have been here an hour ago."

[You know, because babies fewer than three weeks don't really care when they eat. They're breezy!]

"At 12:27 A.M. last night, Katherine Marie Evans, your daughter, was reported missing from the prison's nursery."

[So she's probably still hungry, then.]

"No," I whispered. "You must be mistaken." I felt my legs turn to jello. One of the officers noticed my wariness and grabbed my arm. "It's all true. Now sit down so we can ask you some questions."

My head started to spin. I stumbled and fell on my bed. My vision started to blur. I was vaguely aware of the officers in the room. They ignored my condition and started firing questions at me.

[For this scene, I like to imagine Kayla throwing herself dramatically on the mattress while the cops roll their eyes and uncap their Bic pens. Honestly, what some people will do for attention!]

"Do you have any idea of who could have taken the infant? Have you any enemies? Or," the policeman asked, raising his eyebrows, "did you arrange the whole thing?"

[Dun dun dun!]

It took all my willpower to keep myself from knocking him out. "I love my baby," I sobbed. "I would never hurt her. How can you accuse me of such a thing?"

"Because you started receiving visitors the week of the baby's birth, and then suddenly she's gone," he snapped.

[Oooh, good point. Nice job, lil' Frema!]

"Believe me, I would never--"

"Shut up!" he shouted. "How can I believe you? You, who killed your lover and attempted to murder his pregnant fiance! She lost her baby. Why should I think that you care about yours?" He shook his head in disgust, and motioning to the other officer, they left me alone.

[So, now that I've berated the kidnapped baby's mother and thrown out wild accusations, I'll just be on my way. Nothing to see here!]

I cried for a long time. When I finally calmed down, my thoughts wandered to the welfare of my child. Was Katherine being fed? I breastfeed her. How would she react to formula? Was she even alive? Why did the kidnapper take MY baby?

The kidnapper. Who was it? They had to know the set up of the building. First chance I got, I'd call Jenna and we could--

A terrible thought occured to me. [And the lightbulb finally goes off!] I banged on my door, yelling, "Guard! Guard!"

He came running. "What is it?"

My hands were shaking. "I - I need to make a phone call." He raised an eyebrow. "You're only allowed one call a day. You sure you want to make it this early?"

[Maybe you'd rather, I don't know, SHARE YOUR SUSPICIONS WITH THE POLICE.]

"Yes." We went to the phones, and I punched in Jenna's number. Her mother picked up on the first ring. "Hello?" I asked. "Is - is Jenna there?"

"Kayla? She's gone," her mom angerily said, sobbing. "Food, clothes, and our biggest butcher knife is gone. Don't you dare call again, you murderer!" The line went dead.

[And Mrs. Meddows is the proud recipient of today's Random Dialogue of the Week Award!]

I took a deep breath and screamed. I pulled at my hair. The guard tried to hold me down, but I pulled away. "No!" I screamed. "She took my baby!"

He slapped me then, and I felt the world fade away as I collapsed to the floor.

[More violence against women. Cassie's probably got two black eyes by now.]

[Also, Lifetime? Feel free to approach me about a movie script at any time.]

CHAPTER FOURTEEN - JENNA

My eyelids fluttered. Rolling my head from side to side to loosen the stiffness in my neck [your mom's got a stiffness!], I glanced sleepily at Katherine, who had nestled comfortably in my lap, and then at Michael, who was still driving. He looked like he would fall asleep at the wheel. I reached out and squeezed his shoulder affectionately. [A little lower, Jenna, a little lower....] "Hey there, angel. I think it's time for you to catch some Z's, don't you?" He smiled at me and yawned. "Don't worry about me, Doll. I'm fine. We crossed the border into Wisconsin a few hours ago."

[What? Doesn't everyone drive through Wisconsin to get to Iowa? Clearly geography was not my best subject in school.]

"Really? That's great." I took a look at my wristwatch. 9:00 A.M. I wiggled into an upright position. "Katherine should be wanting to eat soon."

[Sweetie, if Katherine hasn't eaten since she left the prison, she's probably dead. No need to rush.]

"I fed her already," Michael replied, his eyes on the road. "She woke up crying an hour ago, so I just threw together a bottle for her [one-handed, while driving]. A while later, she went back to sleep."

"I didn't know you knew anything about babies," I said, surprised.

"Sure. I have lots of younger cousins."

I stared at my companion's profile as we drove on. He was very cute, in a different way. [So now Clark Kent's not good enough for you? For cripe's sake, Jenna.] He was built, and he had wavy black hair that fell over his right eye. He also wore wire-rimmed glasses.

Michael was a great guy, but the girls I knew at school labeled him a do-gooder. [Don't worry, the kidnapping charges will take care of that!] He didn't date much. Sometimes I felt sorry for him; you could tell he was lonely.

A little while later, we came across a local drugstore. "Let's stop in," Mike suggested. I agreed. "We can't both go in with the baby, though. We'll be noticed." I ruffled his hair playfully. "You need a disguise, too."

I went in first. I felt like a spy as I purchased a baseball cap and a pair of black sunglasses similar to mine, and a few bottles of mineral water. I ran to the car and stopped in my tracks. Michael had his back turned towards me. Peering through the window, I saw him tickle Katherine; she made sounds that seemed like laughter. He said something I couldn't quite hear, and she laughed again. I smiled. Michael would make a good father someday. A good husband, too.

[Hello, Foreshadowing, my old friend...]

I tapped on the window. Startled, he gathered the smiling baby in his arms and opened the door. "Having fun?" I asked.

He looked embarassed to have been found playing with the little girl. "She needed a clean diaper," he said, blushing. I smiled and gave him the thumbs-up sign. "Sure, Mike. I believe you." I took Katherine from him and gave him the bag. "Here's your disguise. The water's for the baby." He nodded and got out of the car. "I bought everything. You don't have to go in," I said. He grinned.

"Nature calls."

Five minutes later, we were on the road again, only this time I was driving while Michael fell asleep with Katherine in his arms. I sighed. Michael didn't hesitate to join Katherine and me on our "journey." He must really care about what happens to me. I didn't deserve such a great friend.

[If she were a real person, I'd happily give her a second slap for being so damn blind.]

For the first time I thought about Kayla. She must be going out of her mind, I thought, but I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be. She didn't know if her baby was alive, dead, or being taken care of properly. [Kayla also wouldn't be thrilled at the thought of her daughter cruising around Wisconsin with her head in another man's crotch, but that's neither here nor there, I suppose.] I felt a pain in my heart as I thought of Mary Katherine, lying beneath 6 feet of dirt. My baby was gone because of the hatred Kayla felt for me.

Tears welled in my eyes, and I reached out and touched Katherine's cheek. She stirred and opened her eyes, giving me a curious stare. [Probably wishing this crazy woman would just leave her the hell alone to dehydrate in peace.] I pulled the car over and took her in my arms. Her mouth formed in a tiny O. As I held her to me, I thought of my actions. I had kidnapped my ex-best friend's baby. Even though I told myself I hated Kayla, I found myself rationalizing her actions. Yes, she made love to my fiance, but it was obvious that she'd never stopped loving him. And she didn't demand anything from David until she found out she was pregnant.

I hated to admit it, but I missed Kayla; I missed the girl who used to be my best friend. When had things changed?

When I started dating her ex-boyfriend.

I was crying. My body shook, and I began to wonder what I was doing. I was hurting my...my best friend. Michael's words came to my mind:

"'Make peace with Kayla, and yourself so you can go on with your life! If you leave with that baby, it'll never be over!"

God, how I wanted the pain to be over. As I gazed at Katherine, she smiled, showing me her toothless gums. Oh, I loved this baby like it was my own. It had just taken one look at her and she was in my heart. It would be like losing another child when I gave her back to Kayla.

But I knew that's what I had to do.

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Happy Friday, everyone!