What're you lookin' at? | Ramblings from a self-proclaimed yada yada yada...ist

Preparing my nest; also, let's count how many variations of "damn" appear in this entry

I think depression and nesting are in the same boat. As in, they're both terms that get tossed around way too casually and far too often.

For example, a person might feel sad for a couple of days, maybe a week even, and label themselves as depressed, when really it's a condition that doesn't apply unless that sadness stretches on for weeks at a time, preventing said person from completing normal, everyday tasks. In high school, I thought listening to mix tapes of easy listening love songs and prank calling my ex-boyfriend meant I was depressed, when in reality I was just a big fat loser with no life. Sad? Yes--on many levels. But depressed? No.

Same thing with nesting. Just because a pregnant woman vaccuums her rugs or washes a sinkful of dishes doesn't mean she's nesting. Maybe she's always been a neat freak. Maybe she's releasing pent-up energy. Or maybe, just maybe, she's simply cleaning her damn house.

Lots of people think I'm nesting, but I think I'm just doing what I always do: meticulously preparing for a significant life event. I did it when Luke moved in. I did it again when we got married. And I did it once more when we upgraded our apartment. It only makes sense I'd want things in order before we introduce a new human being into our home.

That isn't to say the nesting instinct doesn't exist. One of my company VPs relayed a story about his wife pushing him out of bed at twelve-thirty in the morning during her last month of pregnancy insisting he take out the trash. Our sales director told me that days before his wife gave birth to their first child this summer, she was on her hands and knees scrubbing their floors even though she'd just mopped them the day before. To me, those are signs of nesting--irrational yet uncontrollable urges that must be satisfied NOW because OH MY GOD, THE BABY IS COMING.

I have not reached that point yet. Luke and I have made countless trips to the grocery store to stock our pantry and refrigerator, and yeah, I make sure all the dishes are washed and put away before bed every night (what woman wants to come home from the hospital to cereal bowls crudded with dried-up Raisin Bran?), but in my non-gestating state, that wouldn't be anything unusual. I'm almost hoping I do something crazy like get up at six in the morning to dust all the pages in my books, just to know what it feels like. And if I do, I promise, Internet, you'll be the first to know.

Anyway, I'm not really feeling the Q&A stuff tonight, so instead, I'll just present another round of... 

Project Freka: Prenatal Edition

• Write thank-you cards for shower gifts
• Purchase life insurance
• Create will-like document to secure guardianship and general well-being of Frema-Useless Clutter offspring
• Start Roth IRA for Luke (because if we don't now, we never will)

How naive am I for thinking there's still a chance we can fit this one in?

• Complete application for private student loan consolidation (who wouldn't mind saving thirty bucks a month? Not me, that's for damn sure!)
• Wipe down bedroom blinds (ours, baby's)
• Clean car (wash exterior, disinfect/vaccuum interior)
• Fill out engagement book (because really, enough with the procrastinating already)

I'm crossing this out because it ain't gonna happen. Handwriting anything these days requires a special focus I just don't have anymore. Maybe postpartum.

• Order wedding pictures from photographer (for reasoning, see above)

This one's off because I want to wait and see how the first couple of months of my temporary unemployment go before spending hundreds of dollars on something that isn't a breast pump or a car seat (hot damn if we don't already have to investigate the next size up). If we have money near the end, we'll place an order.

• Print recent family photos and sort them into albums, seeing as eight weeks from now I'll be mostly preoccupied with somebody else's eating, sleeping, and pooping habits

Even though it's actually doable, this bad boy's gone, too, because I don't want the pressure.

• Renew domain registration and TypePad account
• Burn TLF soundtrack for Audrey out of gratitude for her mad summarizing skillz (I totally intended to create a kick-ass play list for the sequel, but...well...I didn't)
• Organize baby's room/assemble baby gear

Our rocking chair was finally picked up by the upholstery shop owner on Wednesday morning, and after offering profuse apologies for not doing so last week, promised to have the whole thing done by this weekend. I did not complain. The stroller, play yard, and swing still need assembling, but I'm not concerned. Like I said last week, we don't plan on taking any big family outings during the first few weeks of Freka's life that would require toting her around for long periods of time (and if we did, we inherited a Baby Bjorn from my brother- and sister-in-law that'll work just fine), and the play yard isn't as necessary for the first few months, so as long as we (read: Luke) can get the swing put together this weekend, life is good.

• Research nursing bras/camis
• Prepare and freeze several meals for easy reheating during baby's first few weeks
• Explore cheap birth announcement ideas
• Purchase and wrap Christmas presents
• Find a pediatrician
• Install, inspect car seat

Done! Luke and I both visited a local fire station this week to have our car seat and bases inspected by a certified car seat technician, and all I can say is these inspections should be required of every parent with a driver's license and an automobile by law. BY LAW. It's amazing to know how easy it is to create hazardous traveling conditions for your child.

• Pack hospital bags

I can't believe how quickly time is flying by. I have a couple of work meetings tomorrow and Monday, but other than that I'll be "on call," working from home through next Friday. I've decided to begin my maternity leave on Freka's due date (December 10, if that hasn't been grilled into your brain already) whether she's here or not because dammit, I am Done, and my practice will recommend induction at week 41, anyway, and I can't imagine not taking them up on it. Even though, in my heart of hearts, I still think this girl's coming early.

Please baby girl, come early. Momma's begging you.

NaBloSickofthisO

OK, is it just me, or is the Internet not as enthusiastic about NaBloPoMo this year? Last November, everyone seemed more inspired to write; now, it's often just an obligation, something to do when we'd rather be lying on the couch waiting for the two-hour, sure-to-be-awesome episode of Deal or No Deal. (Or is that just me?) Plus, the tingling in my left hand has become so bothersome that I'm now sporting a wrist brace, which makes typing extra fun.

In other words, let's just get this entry over with.

Project Freka: Prenatal Edition

• Write thank-you cards for shower gifts
• Purchase life insurance
• Create will-like document to secure guardianship and general well-being of Frema-Useless Clutter offspring

Like I said a few days ago, on Sunday night I finally purchased Suze Orman's will and trust kit, even going so far as to complete a durable power of attorney for health care form that only needs a few signatures to be official. The kit is easy to use and designed to make sure you're meeting the legal guidelines required by your particular state, Suze herself walks you through each process with her lawyer (the one who helped her create the kit), and the documents can be updated any time. However, I'll be holding off on finalizing anything until after Freka's born. There are two reasons for this:

- The will template asks several questions about children that we can't answer properly until the baby is actually here, and I don't care to create a document that'll outdate itself in just a couple of weeks (or days, dear God please let it be days).

- All of these things specifically ask for the mailing address that appears on my driver's license, which still features info on our old pad next door. I would've have it changed it by now except I'm terrified the Bureau of Motor Vehicles will require me to list the current amount of tonnage attached to my belly, which is thirty pounds heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight. Again, I'd rather wait and do this stuff until our official documentation can feature up-to-date information (not to mention a weight that wouldn't make me cry under non-gestating circumstances).

So, because there's nothing else I can really do at this time, I'm crossing this bad boy off my list. Go me.

• Start Roth IRA for Luke (because if we don't now, we never will)
• Complete application for private student loan consolidation (who wouldn't mind saving thirty bucks a month? Not me, that's for damn sure!)
• Wipe down bedroom blinds (ours, baby's)
• Clean car (wash exterior, disinfect/vaccuum interior)
• Fill out engagement book (because really, enough with the procrastinating already)
• Order wedding pictures from photographer (for reasoning, see above)
• Print recent family photos and sort them into albums, seeing as eight weeks from now I'll be mostly preoccupied with somebody else's eating, sleeping, and pooping habits
• Renew domain registration and TypePad account
• Burn TLF soundtrack for Audrey out of gratitude for her mad summarizing skillz (I totally intended to create a kick-ass play list for the sequel, but...well...I didn't)
• Organize baby's room/assemble baby gear

Our rocking chair is presently awaiting pick-up from a local upholstery shop owner, who's confident he can have it ready for us by my December 10 due date. Other than that, all we have to do is assemble the stroller, play yard, and swing, and of the three, the swing is probably the one I'm most concerned about, seeing as we don't plan on taking any big family outings during the first few weeks she's here and we already have the crib and bassinet ready to go, so the play yard isn't as necessary right now.

• Research nursing bras/camis
• Prepare and freeze several meals for easy reheating during baby's first few weeks

OK, we didn't actually prepare anything yet, but we did stock up on some frozen pizzas and crock pot dinners to have on hand for those times when we're too tired to do anything more complicated than turn on the oven or plug in an appliance.

• Explore cheap birth announcement ideas
• Purchase and wrap Christmas presents
• Find a pediatrician
• Install, inspect car seat

I seem to be playing phone tag with someone from our local fire department, but at least we're making progress.

• Pack hospital bags

Last time I provided an update, Molly left a comment asking if I thought we'd be able to get to any of the photo projects on my list. Honestly? I don't know. The wedding photo ordering may have to wait since that'll likely involve a couple of hundred dollars, but printing out our favorite family and friends pictures from the last few years shouldn't be that big a deal. I also hope to fill out our engagement book, but with my new hand problem, all that writing might be too much for me right now. I'm already worried about Monday, when I'm supposed to transcribe notes for a story at work, so I'll just take it one day at a time and see how it goes.

These things aren't on the list, but I'm pleased to say that Luke finally got his flu shot, I've completed all grading duties for my adjunct teaching gig, and the two of us have a meeting scheduled for this Friday at eleven o'clock with the pastor of the church we've been going to so we can talk about Freka's baptism. Things are really coming along, and I feel like I can finally start to relax.

Which I will do in exactly twenty-four minutes with Howie Mandel.

Soon to be listless?

Glory be, the end is near.

Work has finally slowed down, my Saint Joe class meets for the last time tomorrow, and this list feels much more managable. It's been two weeks since I last posted an update, and though I think I should have more to show for my lengthy hiatus, I'm still proud of myself for being able to wrap up a couple of the biggies.

Project Freka: Prenatal Edition

• Write thank-you cards for shower gifts
• Purchase life insurance
• Create will-like document to secure guardianship and general well-being of Frema-Useless Clutter offspring
• Start Roth IRA for Luke (because if we don't now, we never will)
• Complete application for private student loan consolidation (who wouldn't mind saving thirty bucks a month? Not me, that's for damn sure!)

I'm cheating just a little bit, crossing this one off, but all I have to do is fax some supporting documentation to Sallie Mae's main office, so I'm marking this puppy DONE. After playing phone tag for almost an hour with the automated Fembot on Saturday, I finally reached a real, live person who walked me through the pre-approval process (again), and today I received an e-mail confirming my status. I've already signed the application electronically, so once I fax the paperwork, I'll finally be on my way to saving that blasted thirty bucks a month. This was a huge pain in the ass, but it's oh, so worth it to owe that much less to Sallie Mae.

• Wipe down bedroom blinds (ours, baby's)
• Clean car (wash exterior, disinfect/vaccuum interior)
• Fill out engagement book (because really, enough with the procrastinating already)
• Order wedding pictures from photographer (for reasoning, see above)
• Print recent family photos and sort them into albums, seeing as eight weeks from now I'll be mostly preoccupied with somebody else's eating, sleeping, and pooping habits
• Renew domain registration and TypePad account
• Burn TLF soundtrack for Audrey out of gratitude for her mad summarizing skillz (I totally intended to create a kick-ass play list for the sequel, but...well...I didn't)
• Organize baby's room/assemble baby gear

There's a few reasons this item is still considered active; while all of the initial baby essentials (bassinet, crib, changing table) are ready to go, we still have the baby swing, play yard, and stroller to deal with. Plus, I'd like to replace the fabric on the rocking chair my mom and dad gave me a few years ago because the fifteen-years-old pink-and-green pattern is totally freaking me out. We have the fabric; we just need the time. And the motivation. I hope both will come into play this weekend; otherwise, I just might succumb to a two-day sob fest over missing my sister's post-wedding wedding shower on Sunday.

• Research nursing bras/camis
• Prepare and freeze several meals for easy reheating during baby's first few weeks
• Explore cheap birth announcement ideas
• Purchase and wrap Christmas presents

Done. Done done done done DONE. Every present purchased, every present wrapped while feasting on back-to-back episodes of Murder, She Wrote. I snagged the first season more than two years ago and still have yet to make it through all three discs, but I'm OK with that. Jessica Fletcher's wiley antics deserve to be savored.

• Find a pediatrician

Also done. Over the last two weeks, Luke and I interviewed four pediatricians and have decided to go with doc number three. It feels good to know we made a conscious effort to find the best physician for our baby--someone who'll look out for her best interests and respect our wishes the best he can.

• Install, inspect car seat
• Pack hospital bags

There are a few things not this list that really should've been added--contacting the church where we plan to have Freka baptised, buying and addressing Christmas cards so all that's left is to stuff them with birth announcements--but rather then overwhelm myself, I'm just going to keep chipping away at what's here until every single item's been dealt with. At this point, though, I'm most concerned with drafting our will and inspecting the car seat bases currently strapped into our back seats. Everything else can be dealt with postpartum.

Holy shit, we're having a baby.

One little story before I sign off: I was interviewing a new hire this afternoon, and we chatted a bit about my upcoming maternity leave and Luke's stay-at-home dad plans. The employee was an older man, so it threw me off when, at the end of our conversation, he said, "So, I guess that means you'll be bottle feeding?"

"No," I replied, but then I stopped, not knowing how to finish my thought. I couldn't bring myself use the word "breast" around a man I'd just met twenty minutes ago, no matter how innocent the context. "Well, since I'm going back to work, we'll eventually be using a bottle to feed her, but..." And my voice trailed off, hoping he'd get the point.

So, to answer TasterSpoon's question from yesterday, the mix of busy bodies ranges from repeat offenders to those who haven't even received their first paycheck yet. Lucky me.

It's the most blogiful time of the year

First off, I totally had plans to blog yesterday, because the list, she is on FIYAH. I was also going to talk about how Halloween is the one time of year where I truly miss cable, because slasher films from the mid-eighties just aren't meant to be rented. You're supposed to stumble upon them while aimlessly flipping through stations, gasp in delight, and quickly grab a blanket so you can cover your eyes when Gage is hit by the highway truck and again when his aunt Zelda screams "You'll never get out of bed again!" into the camera.

Oh, well. It's not like I would've had time to watch anything, anyway. I was too busy preparing for class and contemplating my own demise as a result of signing up for life insurance.

The fun, it is non-stop in the Frema-Useless Clutter household.

Anyway, I didn't blog, and you knew that, but now you know it wasn't an attempt to make sure I had something to write about for this year's very first NaBloPoMo post. Also, it looks like our computer is going to see DOUBLE the posting action, seeing as Luke has decided to hop on the blogosphere bandwagon. Be sure to show him some love this month, will you?

Enough overexplaining. On with the list.

Project Freka: Prenatal Edition

• Write thank-you cards for shower gifts
• Purchase life insurance
• Create will-like document to secure guardianship and general well-being of Frema-Useless Clutter offspring
• Start Roth IRA for Luke (because if we don't now, we never will)
• Complete application for private student loan consolidation (who wouldn't mind saving thirty bucks a month? Not me, that's for damn sure!)

I seriously think about this one every day, and most certainly every time I write a damn check to Sallie Mae. Until I fill out the application, it's like I'm throwing money away. This does not please me, but neither does the idea of having to wade through screenshot after screenshot of my thirty-year financial servitude.

• Wipe down bedroom blinds (ours, baby's)

Here is where I brag about the awesomeness of Luke's parents, as they came to Indy last weekend to help us get things ready for Freka's arrival. My mother-in-law was concerned about the possibility of lead paint being in our mini-blinds, so she graciously offered to replace the ones we had hanging in our bedroooms. Which means our lungs safe and our hands were saved from the tedious task of cleaning each blade individually, which is exactly what I would've done otherwise. I had two containers of disinfectant wipes just for that purpose.

• Clean car (wash exterior, disinfect/vaccuum interior)

Luke and his dad did such a great job of cleaning out BOTH of our cars that I'm crossing this one off the list, even though the exterior wasn't touched on either one of them. If we can make it through a car wash on the next warm day, great, but who cares, I no longer have crusted up juice stains in my cup holder. 

• Fill out engagement book (because really, enough with the procrastinating already)
• Order wedding pictures from photographer (for reasoning, see above)
• Print recent family photos and sort them into albums, seeing as eight weeks from now I'll be mostly preoccupied with somebody else's eating, sleeping, and pooping habits
• Renew domain registration and TypePad account

One down, one to go. I actually tried to renew my TypePad account, but I think I've got it set to do that automatically? I can't tell, but I suppose I'll find out come December 10th, won't I?

(Also, December 10th? Shit. I should be in labor on December 10th!)

• Burn TLF soundtrack for Audrey out of gratitude for her mad summarizing skillz (I totally intended to create a kick-ass play list for the sequel, but...well...I didn't)

Not only did I burn said CD, I also threw in a copy of my Lionel Richie-approved* cheesy love songs mix just to reward her patience. They were mailed off yesterday morning, so Audrey, you can expect them either tomorrow or Saturday. Enjoy.

• Organize baby's room/assemble baby gear

Every stitch of baby fabric--bedding, clothes, changing table pads, socks (little baby socks!), hats, bibs--all of it has been washed, dried, folded, and put away in little baby drawers. The first three activities weren't so bad, but I nearly gave myself a heart attack trying to organize the drawers. I knew I wanted to sort each one by age, but should I group together the onesies and sleepers or the onesies and pants? Should I separate the short-sleeved onesies from the long-sleeved onesies? Is it appropriate to toss the socks in the drawer with the wash cloths?

Final answers: Onesies and sleepers, I certainly tried, and most definitely, especially when there's no other alternative and I wasn't about to run to Target a third time for a yet another set of plastic drawers.

We also prepared the crib, fooled around with the changing table some more, and assembled a TV cart to place next to the rocker, resulting in a lovely feeding station for the baby. This TV cart was insanely important to me; I don't know why, except the books talk about having a feeding station and where else would I put my glass of water while my boobs are busy sustaining our child's livelihood and please don't argue JUST GET ME THE DAMN CART.

• Research nursing bras/camis
• Prepare and freeze several meals for easy reheating during baby's first few weeks
• Explore cheap birth announcement ideas
• Purchase and wrap Christmas presents

The shopping is on, folks! Three gifts have already been taken care of.

• Find a pediatrician

We have two consults scheduled with area pediatricians featured on a list provided by my ob/gyn's office. By Tuesday afternoon, we'll know if one of them's a keeper.

• Install, inspect car seat

It took the strength and patience of three grown men, but the car seat bases are locked in and ready to go. Now all that's left are the inspections.

• Pack hospital bags

Words can't express how happy I am to report that in case of emergency, we have four--yes, FOUR--bags packed with essentials like pillows, blankets, bed clothes, nursing pads, slippers, and rations for our stay in the hospital. The only things keeping me from throwing them in my trunk are that I still have to pick up a nursing cami and select Freka's going-home outfit. Everything else? Done.

Now go ahead and tell me I'm awesome.

* OK, it's not really Lionel Richie-approved. But it so would be if he knew it existed.

I would've packed my hospital bag last night but decided to watch 1408 instead

Things are looking up. Mainly because Luke's and my to-do list is coming along splendidly (more on that in a minute), but also because yesterday I finally received my (final) online order from Gap Maternity. This means I was able to come to work this morning donning black pants that don't cut off my circulation and a top that actually covers my entire stomach. I'm half tempted to audition for America's Next Top Model, that's how close to normal I feel.

Not all the items fit as well--a couple of the shirts are just as snug as my Target tees even though I ordered the next size up, and one pair of lounge pants bunches around my ankles--but it's so refreshing to have a wider variety of choices in my closet that I'm going to wear them all and OWN IT when I do.

Just like I'm owning this list.

Project Freka: Prenatal Edition

• Write thank-you cards for shower gifts

Done! I spent almost two hours on Sunday night crafting what I hope are thoughtful messages to all the family and friends who've sent us baby gifts these last few weeks; it would've taken longer had my sister not sent us home with pre-printed mailing labels for all the shower guests. Luke and I liked the idea so much that we whipped up a batch with the return address, so the only writing I had to do was for the actual card. Genius!

• Purchase life insurance

Though we don't actually have policies in place yet, we did decide on an insurance carrier and set up a medical exam for this Saturday, so the only things left to do are sign our applications, get approved, and pay the premiums.

• Create will-like document to secure guardianship and general well-being of Frema-Useless Clutter offspring

This isn't done yet, but we've decided on a will kit, a kit that also includes other Important Documents for things like revocable trusts and durable power of attorney. Easily available online for the low, low price of $13.50! Suze Orman, have I told you lately that I love you?

• Start Roth IRA for Luke (because if we don't now, we never will)
• Complete application for private student loan consolidation (who wouldn't mind saving thirty bucks a month? Not me, that's for damn sure!)
• Wipe down bedroom blinds (ours, baby's)
• Clean car (wash exterior, disinfect/vaccuum interior)
• Fill out engagement book (because really, enough with the procrastinating already)
• Order wedding pictures from photographer (for reasoning, see above)
• Print recent family photos and sort them into albums, seeing as eight weeks from now I'll be mostly preoccupied with somebody else's eating, sleeping, and pooping habits
• Renew domain registration and TypePad account

I've stopped deleting the reminder e-mails. Does that count as progress?

• Burn TLF soundtrack for Audrey out of gratitude for her mad summarizing skillz (I totally intended to create a kick-ass play list for the sequel, but...well...I didn't)
• Organize baby's room/assemble baby gear

Last week Luke assembled the bassinet and changing table, and I had a grand ole time on Saturday organizing all that glorious shelf and drawer space. Later that night, after spending a combined six hours at Babies R Us and Target stocking up on the (admittedly few yet still insanely important to us) baby essentials we didn't get at our shower, we camped out in Freka's room to cut off the tags on all her clothes and tear through package after package of onesies and sleepers to prepare them for the wash. Yes, I know that was premature, and yes, I'm aware she could still be a he, and no, I don't plan on dressing our son in outfits decorated with pink flowers and hearts, but what can I say? Luke and I plan to have more children, so we can always set aside what doesn't work for baby number one. Or we can pass them off to one of the gazillion pregnant women I currently know. Either way, my nesting urge will be sated, and at this point, that's all that matters.

• Research nursing bras/camis

You guys were right--Target's got 'em both. Enough said.

• Prepare and freeze several meals for easy reheating during baby's first few weeks
• Explore cheap birth announcement ideas

Sets of a hundred are only forty bucks through Walgreens, so Walgreens it is! In an effort to save on postage, we're going to stick the announcements in our Christmas cards, allowing us to spread holiday cheer and show off our baby in one fell swoop.

• Purchase and wrap Christmas presents
• Find a pediatrician
• Install, inspect car seat
• Pack hospital bags

By this time next week, this list should be even shorter, as I plan to launder any and all baby items and put them in their proper places, pack hospital bags, complete my Sallie Mae consolidation application, and drop Audrey's TLF soundtrack in the mail, at the very least, so help me, God. I will also make it my mission in life to compare the list of area pediatricians provided my ob/gyn against our insurance directory so we can fit in a few consults before the month is out.

I feel much better.

I almost fell out of my chair today.

Literally. I was joining my boss and HR director for a meeting in our fancy schmancy conference room, and as I went to sit down, the chair lurched back and I had to grab the table to keep my skull from kissing the carpet.

Thank goodness I wasn't asking for a raise.

The meeting was just as big a deal, though, because it involved creating a list of "back-ups" to handle my responsibilities when I'm on maternity leave. The last few weeks, I've been swamped with things to do, and at first I thought the best way to handle all the build-up was work work work and deal with the long-term details of my absence closer to my due date. However, as time marches on, I've come to realize that I'd feel a lot more settled if I had those details ironed out now instead of later, because the last thing I want to think about when my water breaks is who's going to finish our winter newsletter.

Work isn't the only place where my to-do list runs a mile long; I'm constantly reminded of household projects I hope to complete before Freka makes her grand debut but have yet to organize into some sort of tangible reference guide.

Until now.

Project Freka: Prenatal Edition

(in no particular order)

• Write thank-you cards for shower gifts
• Purchase life insurance
• Create will-like document to secure guardianship and general well-being of Frema-Useless Clutter offspring
• Start Roth IRA for Luke (because if we don't now, we never will)
• Complete application for private student loan consolidation (who wouldn't mind saving thirty bucks a month? Not me, that's for damn sure!)
• Wipe down bedroom blinds (ours, baby's)
• Clean car (wash exterior, disinfect/vaccuum interior)
• Fill out engagement book (because really, enough with the procrastinating already)
• Order wedding pictures from photographer (for reasoning, see above)
• Print recent family photos and sort them into albums, seeing as eight weeks from now I'll be mostly preoccupied with somebody else's eating, sleeping, and pooping habits
• Renew domain registration and TypePad account
• Burn TLF soundtrack for Audrey out of gratitude for her mad summarizing skillz (I totally intended to create a kick-ass play list for the sequel, but...well...I didn't)
• Organize baby's room/assemble baby gear
• Research nursing bras/camis
• Prepare and freeze several meals for easy reheating during baby's first few weeks
• Explore cheap birth announcement ideas
• Purchase and wrap Christmas presents
• Find a pediatrician
• Install, inspect car seat
• Pack hospital bags
• Fuh-REAK out over the fact that in seven and a half weeks, I'll finally have my baaaaaybeeee

To keep me on task and give you something to read, I plan to post my progress every Wednesday. If you think I'm missing something, let me know. Any additions will probably cause me to break down at my desk, but you know, whatever.

Also, I think I can cross off that last one.

Cheese-To-Cheese Resuscitation

Well, if it isn't our favorite R&B African American easy-listening musical artist, back for one more round of cheese!

Lionel is proud to present the

Internet Swap Master Play List. (PDF / Word)

Even though compiling this list was a huge pain in the ass because I had to copy and paste about thirty-seven hundred million lines of text from e-mails bearing the musical selections of our lovely swap participants and alphabetize all of them according to song and then only half-jokingly harass those who forgot to send me their lists (there are still a couple of people who never got theirs in), it was well worth it. Otherwise I never would've learned my dear friend Brooke saw wistful, romantic undertones in "In The Ghetto"; perhaps the troubled relationship in question is between the single-mother family and dilapidated neighborhood keeping them down?

There are a ton of great songs on this list, so I invite you to check it out. Several were included on more than one compilation, which are indicated with a number enclosed in parentheses so you can fully appreciate how treasured they are by the Internet. "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" was picked FOUR times! That's a whole lotta Robin Hood love, people.

When I first unveiled the swap in November, I talked about voting on the Cheesiest Love Song as a way to wrap things up. I still think we should do that, as well as mention any songs that might've been overlooked, your personal favorite of the bunch (cheesy or not), and one you were overjoyed to discover for the first time. Mine are as follows:

Cheesiest
I want to say it's a tie between "All Out Of Love" and "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)," but I think Air Supply wins. And not because I like them; I actually think their music should be banned from the face of the earth. But they meet the majority of Frema's Cheesy Love Song requirements. Whiny male vocals? Check. Excessive use of dramatic verbiage? Check. Inclusion of the "you feel like home" cliche? Check. Elevator-music style background singers? Hell to the check.

Overlooked
Where the hell was "I Will Always Love You"? In fact, the only one who paid any sort of homage to the former Mrs. Bobby Brown was me. I thought for sure at least one song from The Bodyguard or even Waiting To Exhale (shoop, shoop, anyone?) would make the cut. Luckily, you all were redeemed by your generous servings of Phil Collins and Gloria Estefan and the fact that at least half of you included a song from the great Richie. With not one repeat!

Personal Favorite
"Always" by Atlantic Starr. I can't help it. No matter where I am or what mood I'm in, by the time the chorus makes its second appearance, I'm chasing all of the rain away with the best of them.

Delightful Discovery
"Samson" by Regina Spektor, courtesy of Katie's "Katie Loves Love, Even When It Ends" mix, which has found a permanent spot in my CD player. There's something haunting about this not-even-remotely cheesy song that touches me, not like the middle-aged coworker at Royal Concept Video who put his hands on my teenaged waist while I was counting down the cash register, but more like the boy in fifth grade who kept three of my classmates from beating me up after school because my club's newspaper was better than theirs.

A big fat thank you to everyone who participated, especially Dawnie, who helped me iron out the logistics. I love you more than my luggage.

I've Got A Food Attitude

For as long as I can remember, I've always been a picky eater. If a food possesses a smell, texture, or physical appearance that's not to my liking, it's blackballed from my palette and never thought of again. When I was a kid, this posed a lot of problems for my mother, who cooked the majority of our meals, because she often wanted to prepare something that wasn't chicken, spaghetti, tacos, or pizza, and I didn't want to eat anything other than chicken, spaghetti, tacos (on flour tortillas only), or pizza. There were a couple of times where her "You're not leaving until you eat that!" directive meant me sitting at the kitchen table for hours, staring at yellow paint and wooden panels, the antique knick-knacks perched on top of the cabinets, or updated school pictures fastened to the refrigerator because I was too stubborn to take even one bite of her refried beans and she was too stubborn to let a nine-year-old kid break her spirit. One morning she threatened bodily harm if I didn't just EAT THE DAMN SCRAMBLED EGGS, so eat them I did. And then promptly threw up.

We didn't struggle a lot over food after that.

As an adult, I've continued to sustain my body on a limited menu. I still love chicken, spaghetti, tacos (actually, most forms of beef), and pizza and eat 'em at least once a week. I love barbeque ribs and ham and bacon and cheeseburgers and potatoes in any form (read: french fries). I enjoy whole kernel corn, green beans, onions (required for Outback's Bloomin' Onion), sugarsnap peas, cheese, and various types of fruit. Dessert items rock my socks off.

The following foods will only find themselves on my plate if I'm dead:

• Seafood of any kind
• Eggs (Ah, memories)
• Macaroni and cheese (The smell is unlike anything I've ever experienced)
• Macaroni noodles (You know, because of the mac and cheese thing) and other "thick" pasta shapes
• Oatmeal (Tasty to-go bars don't count)
• Sauces with a non-tomato base
• Beans (Unless they're in chili, and even then I pick them out)
• Whole mushrooms (Chopped up on pizza is acceptable)
• Tuna (Except in tuna cassarole)
• Salami
• Burritos
• French toast
• Avocados
• Salad (Because I hate lettuce)
• Sour cream
• Mayonnaise (Except in my spinach dip receipe)
• Custard
• Cranberries
• Cottage cheese
• Tapioca (Thanks for reminding me, Bdogg!)
• Quiche
• Tiramisu
• Any sort of pot pie
• Omelets
• Indian food (Too afraid to try it)
• Most Chinese food (Though I do enjoy orange chicken)
• Most Japanese food (Unless it's beef fried rice, and I still pick out the egg chunks)
• Select meat-and-cheese combinations (Shredded cheese on tacos is delish; sausage-and-cheese croissants inspire my gagging reflex; meats with cheese stuffed inside of them are also gross. Cheese does not make everything better, people!)

I'm sure there are others, and there are a few exceptions, but them's the biggies. Any dishes outside of my love/hate radar are tolerable, I suppose, but why bother with them when I can get my taste on with something I one-hundred-percent enjoy?

My contentedness with not trying anything new never bothered anyone until I started dating, and it didn't bother ME until I started dating Luke. Our relationship has always embraced a liberal dining-out policy, meaning an oil change is reason enough to flock to the nearest Applebee's, so this topic comes up all the time. I usually go for American grill or Italian-style restaurants, while he's interested in trying out the little Thai place across the street from Wal-Mart. If I suggest a place, it's usually to satisfy a specific craving. Outback equals Bloomin' Onion. Ted's Montana Grill (my new favorite place) means a bison cheeseburger and fries. Don Pablo's? Steak quesadillas. (Another instance where I sanction the marriage of meat and cheese.) I'll go anywhere you want, but you can bet your mother's life I'll ask for a burger, ribs, or chicken strips, and that's after I guilt you into ordering the dip.

For Luke's sake, sometimes I want to throw caution to the wind and just try a crab leg already. I know he'd take greater pleasure in our meals out if I took a more open-minded approach towards food. He also gets sick of my wrinkled nose and "Oooh, I don't like that, how can you eat that?" comments every time he takes a bite of something that didn't originate from a cow.

But what if I don't like the crab leg? Am I going to shell out eleven ninety-five for another platter? Stare at my entree forlornly until it's time to pay the bill? My daredevilism could very well come back to bite me in the ass.

This evening, Luke and I are going to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. (Twenty-seven, thank you for asking!) It will actually be the culmination of a series of food-centric events held in the honor of my departure from my mother's uterus; the shenanigans started on Sunday, when we went to Ted's for dinner, and tonight Luke's making tacos, after which we'll visit the Factory for their to-die-for cheesecake. (I refused to try cheesecake until college because I thought it was literally a blend of cheese and cake. Like, American cheese. If that's not reason enough to loosen up, the only reason my passion for spinach dip exists is Luke's hankering for it on our first date and my unwillingness to rock the boat.) Our first visit was in December, when I feasted upon their brownie sundae concoction, a miracle because they also have banana cheesecake, and usually when I'm ordering a dessert I always go for the banana option. On that night, though, I could SEE the sigh in Luke's eyes as we considered our options, and I thought, "Oh, what the hell."

Because I subscribe to a strict "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" philosophy, I think I want the brownie sundae again. Or the banana. Or maybe I'll ask the Internets for their opinion.

Here is a link to the Factory's menu. While I wish I could say I'll go with the majority vote, I'll probably just do whatever I want. Nonetheless, feel free to de-lurk and offer a suggestion. I promise to think about it really, really hard.

Edited to add: I just re-read this entry and realized I listed my age as twenty-eight years old. I am only twenty-seven. Apparently "counting correctly" isn't on my list of ways to celebrate my birthday.

Apparently I Am A Big Fan Of Run-On Sentences

Shamelessly stolen from Liza, this meme asks you to post the first line from the first entry of each month of 2006. A year in review, blogger-style, another opportunity to shriek over my Sweet Valley High collection, and a little sumpin' sumpin' to hold you over until TLF. Awesome.

January 2, Belated Apology: The last three days have been a whirlwind of activity centered around cake testing, tuxedo shopping, invitation choosing, and birthday celebrating.

February 2, Figures...: ...that as soon as I wipe my hands clean of the whole meme thing because surely I have more sophisticated witticisms to share with you, the biggest inspiration to wannabe professional "blobbers" everywhere posts her first one.

March 1, Stewing: I have two incomplete drafts on two very different topics, topics that have absorbed the better part of my brain for days, but the right words haven't come yet. (Posted just hours before my Mommy Freak Out Of The Year.)

April 5, Shower The People You Love With Teenage Literary Drama Actually Geared Towards Pre-Pubescent Girls: Finally, the moment you've all been waiting for: the reveal of those individuals who fought long and hard for their chance to receive a small piece of Heaven that is Sweet Valley High.

May 3, Now You Know Where My Witty Sense of Humor Comes From: OK, so it's been a few days since I've posted, but between deciding which table is worthy of getting Jason Chambers at the reception and going back and forth with Luke as to whether a wedding party dance is really necessary and explaining to my brother that "Blow Job Betty" is not so much an appropriate song choice, there's been NO. FREAKIN'. TIME.

June 2, Oh Yeah, I Had A Honeymoon: I'm sorry, Internet.

July 3, Beachy Keen: Instead of working on my company's employee newsletter or the bajillion other things I have on my to-do list, I took the day off to savor a four-day weekend.

August 2, In Frema's Shoes, Part The First: Before Luke moved in with me last year, I knew I had to make some changes to my then-current state of living.

September 3, I guess the "watch what you say" disclaimer was a tad unnecessary.: Wanna know the perfect way to avoid embarrassment in the wake of an upcoming family reunion?

October 3, Bringing Stupid Back: After more than a week of soup, spaghetti, and take out, yesterday I decided to prepare an actual meal.

November 1, A Domain By Any Other Name...: Well, the name. my. BLOG! contest is officially over, and now I'm left with the momentous task of selecting a winner, eventually dumping Blogger, and moving on with the rest of my online life.

December 1, Tragic Love Friday: In the last week, I've fallen into bed past midnight almost every night after laboring over the creating and burning and addressing and mailing of seventeen super-delicious cheddar-cheesy CDs, avoided resuming regular healthful activity, inhaled half a Pizzeria Uno deep dish, and suffered from one nightmare in which the ghost of a little girl visits me in my dead grandmother's apartment to warn me about the end of the world.

That about sums it up.

Two Thumbs Up

Last Friday, my good friend Lost A Sock tagged me for a "Favorite Things" meme, and since then I've been trying to pinpoint what those things might be. People are not things. Pastimes are not things. Possible careers and feel-good ideals are not things. We're talking about material items here, and it's hard to narrow them down to one short list.

But I'll try.

Liz Phair's Whitechocolatespaceegg. I have Luke to thank for introducing me to her music via a mixed tape back in college. Though she's currently sold her soul to commerical pop, at the height of her career she was both an edgy Sarah McLachlan and watered down Tori Amos, a musician who turned everyday ideas into larger-than-life entities, who could make you squirm uncomfortably in your seat with her casual use of the "F" word and bring tears from your eyes in the same three-minute span. This CD was produced after she'd given birth to her son, and her vulnerability is embedded in several of the tracks, particularly "Go On Ahead." Other songs of note include "Perfect World," "Baby Got Going," and "Uncle Alvarez," which reveals a new layer of meaning every time I hear it. If it's not in your collection yet, add it to your Christmas list. You'll thank me, I promise.

Edy's Berry Rainbow Sherbet. In effort to satisfy my sweet tooth without adding new layers of fat to my @$$, I turned to sherbet during my stint with Weight Watchers, and it did not disappoint. My current nightly ritual involves indulging in a bowl while watching TV, and since I'm not stingy with the servings, I often diminish my supply in less than a week, whether Luke has some or not. (He usually doesn't.)

ISO's Hydra Cleanse and Daily Condition shampoo products. This is the product of choice at my Chicago hair salon, and I don't blame them. It's light weight, smells good, and...it smells really good. I bought some last October when the economy-sized bottles were on a two-for-twenty sale and I kid you not, the stuff lasted until June. Also, did I mention the smell? So savvy. So pretty. So sophisticated! I can practically feel the positive self esteem that goes along with using a high-grade salon product soaking into my head.

New York and Company's stretch bootcut jeans. Mine are one to two years old, so they're not identical to the ones pictured on the Web site, but they're close. Whoever invented stretch jeans deserves a three-layer chocolate cake, because that material is crucial to fitting my gut into a size-ten waist. Plus, NY&C appears to be one of the few remaining stores that sell pant cuts in styles other than low rise, allowing me to keep the muffin top at bay a bit longer.

Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel. When I was younger, I despised lotion of any kind. Most of what I had been exposed to was thick, heavy, and greasy; for cryin' out loud, it wasn't until the end of my college days that I finally succumbed to the seduction of Bath and Body Works; I didn't even attempt a facial moisturizer until I started purchasing acne washes that dried out my cheeks, and it was just as I'd feared: thick, heavy, and greasy.

In 2004 a coworker introduced me to the wonder that is Clinique, and this gel is my favorite from their skincare line. It glides on with minimal rubbing and feels like silk on my face, so I don't mind spending twenty-three bucks for four-point-two ounces of it, even though I wouldn't dream of shelling out more than six for a brand at Target. Clever advertisers!

Quaker's Oatmeal to Go Bars. Remember last fall when I learned about my high cholesterol? It was about that time that I tried to make myself like oatmeal. I tried it with blueberries, I tried it with brown sugar, I tried it standing on my head, but no luck. What's there to like? The lumps? The bland favor? That was my opinion until my sister-in-law stuffed one of these into my purse one night on my way home; then, suddenly I loved oatmeal, so long as it was chock full of artificial flavoring and packaged in a darling square shape. I'll usually take one to work on the mornings I run out of time for breakfast. Banana Bread is the best.

The Complete Tales of Beatrix Potter. Both the stories and the artwork are timeless. I can't wait to read them to my own children.

Peace Frog pajama pants. They GLOW IN THE DARK, people. How cool is that?

For some reason I never wore pajama pants until college, and that was only because my sister bought me a Winnie the Pooh-themed pair as a going-away present (which are holding up fabulously, by the way, Sissy, thank you very much). As kids, if we wanted something warmer to sleep in, we usually just threw on sweatpants, which were probably a lot cheaper to buy in a house with five kids. Target sells them for seven bucks a piece. Now, though? Now I can't imagine my life without them. It'd be emptier somehow, less fulfilling, devoid of color. Just like a world without Kiefer Sutherland.

So, what do you think of my favorite things? More importantly, what are some of yours?

How 'Bout Some Cheese With Your Lunch?

To date I have received eight cheesy CDs. I suppose it's safe to offer my own humble playlist to the world.

"Giving You The Best That I Got," Anita Baker

My love for Ms. Baker defies all logic and was conceived before my first visit from Aunt Flo but after my discovery of Fred Savage. I only know about four of her songs, but man, are they some passionate songs. My favorite one is "Just Because," but I never really nailed the lyrics. This one is much easier to understand and seemed to set the perfect mood for ultimate cheesy goodness.

"Always," Atlantic Starr

Who doesn't love this song? So hopeful, so positive, so optimistic about life and love. This was another song with a confusing line; instead of singing, "When you come around, you bring brighter days," I sang, "You bring back the days." It made total sense at the time.

At Luke's and my wedding reception, the D.J. played this song and preluded it by saying it would be the only slow song of the night. Apparently they do this to provide at least one full dance floor for the photographers.

"Biggest Part Of Me," Ambrosia

When I was fifteen, one of the contemporary pop stations aired a show called "Love Notes" from eight to midnight seven days a week; I succumbed to the song's power after hearing it three times a night every other day during the entire summer of Nick, The Boyfriend Who Went Three Weeks Without Calling, the summer of my first French kiss (which at the time was called wrapping; is this familiar to anyone else, or was the term confined to the south side of Chicago?) and my first "I love you," my first experience of a boy looking into my eyes and telling me I was beautiful. Resistance would've been futile.

"Sometimes," Britney Spears

This song is really sweet and reminds me of a time when Britney was more into choreographed dances highlighting hand-over-heart gestures than flashing innocent passersby with Paris Hilton outside California A-list night clubs. Did you know that I once dressed up as Britney Spears on Christmas Eve? It's true. My parents had purchased a karaoke machine and I knotted a bathrobe at my midriff and planted two pigtails on the top of my head to sing my own rendition of "Hit Me Baby, One More Time."

Anyway, I really like this song.

"Penny Lover," Lionel Richie

It's impossible to play this ditty without singing to it. From the doo doos to the whoas, every note is delicious. The lines often responsible for bringing my vocal chords to life are "Now my love is somewhere lost in your kiss / When I'm all alone it's you that I miss / Girl, a love like yours is hard to resist /Whoa Whoa Whoooooa."

You want to sing along, too, now, don't you?

"I Knew I Loved You," Savage Garden

On the night of the bachelor auction where I purchased Luke like deli meat at the grocery store, this was the first song we ever danced to. I remember writing the lyrics out and mailing them to him with a letter before I returned to Saint Joe to start my senior year. Savage Garden lyrics! Ack! But this song can still make me cry--especially when Darren Hayes starts screeching at the end.

"The First Time," Surface

The only reason I know about this song is because of VH-1. Back when they hosted Top Twenty Countdowns with celebrity hosts. I think the video featured an interpretive dance. Another tearjearker. (No thanks to the dance.)

"God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You," 'N Sync

Yes, I've bawled over this one, too. Have you no heart at all?

"Far Away," Nickelback

I go back and forth over my decision to include this on my compilation. It's actually a great love song with little to no cheese factor and thus has no business on a CD inspired by the likes of Lionel Richie. However, they played this over a Zach and Kendall love scene on All My Children, and Zach is really hot with his shirt off. The fact that it reminds me of a soap opera hunk elevates it to at least slightly cheesy, right?

"Lucky One," Amy Grant

So happy! "Lucky One" makes me want to don a breezy white cotton dress and skip rocks on the beach. If I were any good at skipping rocks.

"Soul Provider," Michael Bolton

Believe it or not, this wasn't my first Michael Bolton pick. The CD originally featured "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You," but that put me over my space limit by like, eight seconds, and by that time it was too late to do any major revisions, so I switched the two out. I like it, but I'll forever be reminded of what could've been.

"Cuts Both Ways," Gloria Estefan

Again, not my first choice. "Here We Are" was another song sacrificed due to space constraints.

"Endless Love," Luther Vandross and Mariah Carey

When I first heard this back in 1994, I had no idea it was a remake. Upon hearing the original, I decided Luther and Mariah still did it better.

"No Place That Far," Sara Evans

Half the songs on this disc have the power to make me cry. This video zeroes in on two old people on the brink of extinction holding hands in a forest and celebrating their love. Remember that when you hear this song and just try to hold back the tears, Internet. Just TRY.

"I Just Can't Stop Loving You," Michael Jackson and Some Other Woman

The eighties was a classic time for duets, and everyone knows duets are an essential element to numerous cheesy love songs. For some reason, the female performer is not credited for her musical prowess.

"Saving All My Love For You," Whitney Houston

I'm going to ignore the fact that Whitney's trying to seduce a married man with promises of sex because this is an AWESOME ballad to belt out in the shower. Just ask my parents, as they often heard my performances while I washed up for school.

"Now And Forever," Carole King

This one really tugs at the heart strings, which is why I included it, not because I think it's cheesy. I first heard it in the opening sequence of A League of Their Own.

"You're In Love," Wilson Phillips

I can recall the first time I saw a Wilson Phillips video. I was ten, it was summer, and the chart topper of the moment was "Hold On." I loved this group so much. I even have a recording of me and my older cousin singing this very song. She fastened masking tape over the top slots of one of my singles so we could use it. I thought that was so cool.

I almost included "Impulsive," but this one seemed to better represent the spirit of the cheese.

"Separate Lives," Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin

"You have no right to ask me how I feel / You have no right to speak to me so kind"

After the first of many break-ups with Nick, I would listen to this song on my walkman and imagine him bumping into me on the street, his hand reaching to caress my face, his eyes silently apologizing for not being able to give me what I needed even though he wanted me more than anything else in the world. There really is something about your first love that takes your breath away and leaves you completely vulnerable, completely willing to compromise your own values just to be part of that chemistry a little while longer. This song reminds me of the attitude I wanted all of my ex-boyfriends to have, an attitude of I was wrong, but I love you and I'm going to fight for you, even if the words aren't actually there.

I have mixed feelings about this CD. I think it's a good representation of me, but there are so many other songs that deserved to be on there, too. But that's what's so great about a swap. Whatever your CD lacks is bound to manifest itself into the collections of other group members, so that together we make one complete whole. Or something.

Honorable mentions include but are not limited to:

"Midnight Train To Georgia," Gladys Knight and The Pips
"Near You Always," Jewel
"Too Many Walls," Cathy Dennis
"Color Of Love," Billy Ocean
"Save The Best For Last," Vanessa Williams
"Saving Forever For You," Shanice
"Can't Wait Another Minute," Hi-Five
"Breathe Again," Toni Braxton

Still working on the master play list. Still avoiding the gym like the plague. Am quite nervous about Weight Loss Wednesday.

I Am Thankful

So thankful, for a lot of things.

No longer having to wonder when Luke will pop the question.

Luke finding a job in his field with good pay and decent benefits (even if we don't use them, because mine are better. Hooray for companies who offer vision and dental!).

The roof over our heads.

Controlling our spending for the wedding in such a way that allowed us to pay off the debt with meager savings and generous monetary gifts.

Being able to bank the majority of Luke's salary, even if we have to pull from it to replace three flat tires and provide Christmas gifts for family and friends.

Having an employer who allows me to volunteer for a local reading program during work hours.

Strengthened friendships.

Knowing my mother's mammogram indicated she is perfectly healthy. (Aside from the whole smoking thing, but I'll take what I can get.)

Finding peace with God.

Having the financial means to help others.

My parents.

My in-laws.

Blogging.

My new husband, who's been more patient and understanding with me than any other individual in the history of the universe.

Renting an apartment that comes with a washer and a dryer, at no extra charge.

The Office on NBC.

Lowered gas prices.

Siblings.

Your mom.

Gobble Gobble, everyone!

Holy Crap.

It's because of posts like this that you'd think the concept had already taken hold in my brain, that my babble about being a good mom and wanting to shower love on my children would be the second realization, not the first. But no. It wasn't until Samantha confirmed the date for my bachelorette party that I thought, "Oh. My. God." Apparently the promise of dancing and alcohol was enough to stir my deepest fears.

I'm getting married.

Hear that? MARRIED. I'm going to be somebody's wife, which means wedding rings and joint tax returns and amended prefixes and a new last name and thank-you cards for gifts signed from the new Mr. and Mrs. and also, did I mention I'll be somebody's wife?

It's not like I never understood that life was going to change. I've been counting on it. I'm excited for the dreams that Luke and I have to finally come to fruition. It just never seemed real until now, and now it's so real it's scary. And laughable, if you think about it. I'm brought to tears if my VCR skips an AMC episode. I'm not very good at loading the dishwasher after dinner, even though Luke's the one who cooks and it's an unwritten law that the cook never cleans up his own mess. I don't know how to change fuses. I'm scared of ducks. And this morning I was speeding on 465 South and ended up skidding into a half-circle to avoid smashing the bumper of the car in front of me on the exit ramp. Have I not learned anything? What the hell business do I have being somebody's other half?

All of this is inspiring a genuine excitement for my bachelorette party, as I'm beginning to grasp what the night will mean for me. For example, I will salute the many accomplishments once tackled as a Smug Singleton, including but not limited to:

• Working through an undying love for Randy Wooten via symbolic and moving verse.
• Penning a riveting New Kids On the Block three-part series.
• Memorizing the words to all the singles released by Wilson Phillips.
• Finishing Flowers in the Attic before I entered seventh grade.
• Earning dough by rolling pretzels (pun TOTALLY intended) at Navy Pier.
• Catching the eye of the guy who ran the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier.
• Getting free rides on the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier.
• Hiding hickeys from my parents, no thanks to that spoon-in-the-freezer trick.
• Paying for my own high-school senior portraits.
• Discovering the joy that is Lionel Richie.
• Breaking up with someone on my own terms.

And then, of course, there are the mistakes:

• Disbanding the Chicago Chicks Club, similar to the Baby-Sitters Club in that there were weekly dues and a club notebook but really we just bought candy and wrote curse words in Mad Libs books.
• Asking my mother what an orgasm was before I entered eighth grade.
• Thinking my acne would disappear if I laid off the Reese's.
• Not realizing I'd lose weight if I'd lay off the Reese's.
• Gleefully spending tuition refunds on purses and shoes.
• Missing Lost a Sock's wedding reception.
• Almost taking a hike through the woods with a guy who sold paintings door-to-door.
• OK, I went out with him, but at least I didn't go hiking through the damn woods.
• ...OK, only because my family feared that such a hike might guarantee me a chalk outline or, at the very least, special ad space on a Dean's milk carton.
• Falling for that "glow-in-the-dark picture" line. In my defense, I was very lonely and the room was very dark and there very well could have been a glow-in-the-dark picture.
• Letting The Boyfriend Who Went For Three Weeks Without Calling keep the Pokemon cards he stole from my work.
• Memorizing the words to all the singles released by Wilson Phillips.

If after reading all of that, Luke STILL wants to marry me? He can't say I didn't warn him.

The Retiring of the Meme

But first things first: the wedding dress.

I did not get a wedding dress. I DID, however, get a good dose of what happens when two very emotional people fumble through a miscommunication the night before a very emotional day. In short, the new shopping date is this Saturday at 1:00 p.m. And come hell or high water, a dress WILL be purchased. I don't care if I'm the only one who shows up and all the dresses are at least a thousand dollars and the color options are limited to bubble-gum pink, baby blue, or gray. Then bubble-gum pink it is.

While we're on the topic of unnatural coloring, a big thanks to everyone who had nice things to say about the hue of my roots. You'll all be happy to know that I have already scheduled my next cut and color with Brenda, which just happens to be the morning before Luke's and my wedding shower, which just happens to be on April Fool's Day, which just happens to be freakin' hysterical to me.

Now, on to business. The memes and I, we've had a blast. They've provided me an outlet through which to bare my soul about my five-year history, the Devil, and tapioca pudding. But the following meme will be the last I post on this Web site. Why? Because as much fun as the little buggers are, they don't inspire my best writing, and one of my goals this year is to really put my best foot forward in each entry, to give each post a purpose, even if that purpose is to simply vent my frustrations via one mangled run-on sentence or picture of me bearing an eerie resemblance to Severus Snape. That one sentence and one picture could tell more about Me than a blog survey ever could.

Here we go.

7 Things I’d Like To Do Before I Die

1. Marry the love of my life
2. Give him some babies
3. Find a job I truly love
4. Publish something not associated with urine
5. Jumpstart my own Web site, sans Blogger
6. Find eye makeup that eliminates The Crease
7. At least try on a wedding dress

7 Things I (Currently) Cannot Do

1. Declare myself debt-free
2. Finish The Chronicles of Narnia (In case you haven't noticed, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader has been featured in my sidebar for like, seven months)
3. Sleep through the night without going to the bathroom at least twice
4. Tolerate seafood
5. Stop staring at my engagement ring
6. Book a DJ
7. Go one week without bawling about Life's Injustices Regarding My Special Day

7 Things That Attract Me To Blogging

1. The challenge of finding something meaningful to say at least three to four times a week
2. Instant publishing gratification
3. The ability to post an entry in draft form and tweak it at my whim
4. Making connections with a unique community that, for the most part, puts it all out there
5. Comments, both giving and receiving
6. Learning from the experiences of others
7. Having something else to do at work

7 Things I Say The Most

1. "What are you, eight?"
2. "You know, for shits and giggles!"
3. "May 12, 2006."
4. "Thank you."
5. "I love you."
6. "Quit making that face, I hate it when you make that face!"
7. "Hooray!"

7 Books I Love

1. Flowers for Algernon, Daniel Keyes
2. Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand
3. The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand
4. Animal Farm, George Orwell
5. Flowers in the Attic series, V.C. Andrews
6. Harry Potter series, J.K. Rowling
7. The Complete Series, Beatrix Potter

7 Movies I Watch Over and Over Again

1. When Harry Met Sally
2. The Wedding Singer
3. High Fidelity
4. Father of the Bride
5. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
6. While You Were Sleeping
7. Alice in Wonderland

7 TV Shows I Thank God For

1. Friends
2. Sex and the City
3. 24
4. Scrubs
5. The Suze Orman Show
6. All My Children
7. My So-Called Life

(I made that last one up because I don't want to steal Number Twelve's tagging thunder. She and I were both originally tagged by Lisa, so I know it's coming soon.)

The Good Life

So. Hi again.

A slew of not-unfortunate-at-all events have happened since Friday night, events I had originally planned to cover in-depth within separate posts: volunteering for the Lord of the Rings exhibit for the third time in two months; breaking my fifteen-year hiatus from Chuck E. Cheese; looking at engagement rings for the first time in my life.

However, all of those topics took a backseat on Monday night, when I had my first mentoring session with "Annie."

Annie lives on the campus of a local rehabilitation facility. She is in the secure unit, where there are bars and locked doors and few windows. When she's not on campus, she lives with a foster family and is one of eight children under her parents' roof. During our initial meeting, her face lit up and she said, "I've been waiting for a mentor for really long time."

On Monday, we spent almost two hours playing Phase 10 and eating Doritoes (her one request). Curious children peeked in the windows of the recreation room, closed off during our session, to see what we were doing. While I shuffled cards, others were screaming obscenities as they were restrained by security; others just cried for their mothers.

Annie complimented my shoes and asked what size I wore in clothes, saying how much she adored hand-me-downs. She caught sight of my hand lotion from Bath and Body Works and wanted to try it out. She asked for my phone number so she could call me in between our visits, which will most likely include more Phase 10, a side of Clue, and the rest of the Doritoes.

When I first considered mentoring, I imagined baking cookies with pretty little girls in pig tails who had two parents and a membership with the local Girl Scout troup and no history of physical abuse. Instead, I was introduced to a girl who needs a friend and role model more than I ever could have imagined; a girl who, in turn, will also prove to be a role model for me.

On that note, here's a list of

What I'm Thankful For

• A boyfriend who lets me slack off on laundering clothes and loading the dishwasher
• That I finally finished the sixth installment of Harry Potter
• Almost seven months of accident-free driving
• Hot chocolate
• Online shopping
• Unlimited long-distance calling
• A boyfriend who acknowledges that spinach dip is a full-course meal in and of itself
• Turning various friends and family onto the blogging bandwagon and watching them display literary talents I never knew they had
• Glow-in-the-dark pajama pants
• All My Children
• Diffusers
• Toilet paper that doesn't flake
• Parents who support me in making decisions they wouldn't have made for me themselves
• A boyfriend who understands that I can't support a wedding date that has three zeros in it
• Designer eyeware
• Making it through two whole months without sporting sauce on my face
• Welcoming my first brother-in-law
• Feeling welcomed by my future parents-in-law
• Learning that some necessities are really wants
• Learning it's OK for the oldest not to do everything first
• My career
• Being old enough to have a career
• Having a career that can financially support the family Luke and I have made in each other
• My brother and sisters
• Ice cream
• That Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey had at least three years of wedded bliss
• My life

Happy Thanksgiving.

Checklist for the Ghetto Fabulous

An e-mail forwawrd courtesy of Donna Lyn, my twelve-year-old sister, the only sibling who can say things like "holla atcha gurl" without appearing whiter than a slice of Wonder Bread.

You Know You're Ghetto...

1. If you've ever used an album cover for a dustpan.
2. If you've ever run a race barefoot in the middle of the street.
3. If you had a candy lady in your neighborhood.
4. If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt.
5. If you have ever had to walk to school or walked home from school.
6. If you have ever used dishwashing liquid for bubble bath.
7. If you ever mixed Kool-Aid one glass at a time because you got tired of other people drinking up the Kool-Aid you just made.
8. If you have ever played any of the following games: Hide and Seek, Freeze, Tag, Momma May I? or Red Light Green Light.
9. If your neighborhood had an ice-cream man.
10. If you refer to "Now and Later" candies as "Nighladers."
11. If you've ever run from the police on foot.
12. If you've ever had reusable bacon grease in a container on your stove.
13. If the batteries in your remote control ever been held in by a piece of tape.
14. If you have ever worn any of the following: Brute, Hai Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Stetson, Charlie, or Faberge.
15. If you've ever used Tussy.
16. If you've never been to the dentist.
17. If you have a friend or family member whose nickname is one word said twice: dee-dee, man-man, kay-kay, lee- lee, ree-ree, ray-ray, nay-nay, etc.
18. If you have ever paged yourself for any reason.
19. If you've ever worn house shoes outside of the house.
20. If you add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense (for example,Tooked, Light-Skinneded, kilt, ruint, etc)
21. If you use 'n'em to describe a certain group of people (for example Craig'n'em or Momma 'n'em)
22. If you've ever driven on a donut more than two weeks after your flat.
23. If your child drops his/her pacifier and you sanitize it by sucking it.
24. If you have ever slept in a chair to avoid messing up your hair.
25. If you've ever left a social gathering with a plate.
26. If you can't hold a glass because of the length of your nails.
27. If the gold teeth in your mouth spell words.
28. If you don't have your own place but your child had a leather coat and a pair of Jordan's.
29. If you constantly hit *69 and ask, "Did you just call here?"
30. If you think Tupac is still alive.

What I find most disturbing about this forward is the fact that participating in childhood pastimes like Hide and Seek is just as ghetto as having a lack of pride in your dental hygiene. Other thoughts: Do pre-teens even know what albums are? Who says "Nighladers?" And since when did the simple act of walking become synonymous with pimphood?

I feel old.

Filler

What to do when you have an idea for a Halloween entry but also want to post the day before Halloween? Do a meme! Thanks, Liz!

Three names I go by
- Frema
- Bree
- Breain (pronounced Bree-in)

Three screen names I have had
- Chasingamy109
- Lolalicious
- MsFrema

Three physical things I like about myself
- Fingernails
- Hair (most of the time)
- Lip shape

Three physical things I don't like about myself
- Gut
- Acne
- Eye circles

Three parts of my heritage
- Irish
- Mexican
- Arabian

Three things that scare me
- Student loans
- Paying for a wedding
- Never finding a job that I 100% love

Three of my everyday essentials
- Chap stick
- Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturing Gel
- Alterna's Texturizing Glaze

Three of my favorite musical artists
- Liz Phair
- Elton John
- Lionel Ritchie

Three of my favorite songs
- "As I Lay Me Down to Sleep," Sophie B. Hawkins
- "Closer to Fine," Indigo Girls
- "These Are Days," 10,000 Maniacs

Three things I want in a relationship
- Openness
- Laughter
- Respect

Three lies and truths in no particular order
- I hate jewelry
- I love seafood
- I have six toes on my left foot

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to me
- Dark hair
- Big hands
- Easy smile

Three of my favorite hobbies
- Reading
- Hiking
- Watching movies

Three things I want to do really badly right now
- Win the lottery
- Get back under the covers
- NOT feel like I'm coming down with something

Three Places I want to vacation
- Boston
- California
- New York City

Three kid's names I like
- Amelia
- Nathan
- Lucy

Three things I want to do before I die
- Publish something
- Be a mother
- Learn how to swim properly; I am deathly afraid of water deeper than five feet

Three ways that I am stereotypically a boy
- Burp and fart a lot
- Don't always enjoy showering every day
- People sometimes misread my first name and call me Brian. Does that count?

Three ways that I am stereotypically a girl
- Cry at the drop of a hat
- Horrible at math
- Want to get married

Three celeb crushes
- Kiefer Sutherland
- John Cusak
- Peter Krause (I've never seen Six Feet Under, but I did love Sports Night)

Two people I would like to see post this meme
- My sister!
- Brooke

The It Girl

Glory be! I am officially with Internet at home. As I was visiting my daily reads, subconsciously forming ideas for blog entries, Liz tagged me! Now check me out!

Ten years ago, August 1995

I was in the summer before my sophomore year in high school and revelling in the looooove I had found with my first official boyfriend. Spent much of that summer crying, as my first official boyfriend had a bad habit of not calling me for three weeks in a row. Discovered Jewel and The Shawsank Redemption. Despite being over for ten years, the eighties were taking refuge in the height of my bangs. Was very self-conscious about my butt and never wore a shirt that didn't cover it completely. Began the sequel to my first baby's-mama-drama, Love, Betrayal, and a Baby, a story I will absolutely make you read when I am that tapped for blog-entry ideas. Babysat two children under the age of eight three days a week for twenty-five bucks. Spent money on french fries and candy. This may explain why I also had acne, BUT MAYBE NOT SO LEAVE ME ALONE.

Five years ago, August 2000

Summer before junior year in college and was in looooove with "Oh-my-god-he-lives-with-his-mother" boyfriend number 2. Was working at the Sam Goody in Water Tower Place in downtown Chicago and almost caught a glimpse of Sting. Had one of the best hair summers of my life. Had my first this-is-my-fault-I-think? car accident where I merged into the left lane and was hit by the van next to me. We both pulled into the nearest Krispy Kreme (yes, I still had acne, didn't I tell you to leave me be?), but he took off when I suggested calling the cops. Story was altered to paint a picture of a hit-and-run when I told my parents the next day, and unless they read this blog, they will never know the truth. (Mwa, ha ha!) I spent the next two months worrying that the van guy would track me down at Sam Goody and garnish my $5.45/hour wages to pay for what I imagined to be thousands of dollars' worth of damage.

Yesterday, Saturday August 27, 2005

Spent the day with so-not-a-loser boyfriend number 3, the last boyfriend I will ever have. Had a crappy breakfast featuring some new version of Alpha-Bits that boasts of NO SUGAR! and WHOLE GRAINS! The box may as well have shouted, "Eat this crap if you like Cheerios but are frightened of their perfect, circular shape!"

Hiked at a local city park. Had Boston Market for dinner. Watched Sin City and ate a fourth of a pint of Ben and Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream--and that was showing restraint. Connected to the joyous, joyous Internet.

Tomorrow, Monday, August 29, 2005

Will possess the superhuman capability of not checking blogs until lunchtime, now that I can play on the Web all night long at home. See graphic-design proof of employee handbook and eat Ramen noodles in a cup for lunch, because pay day is still five days away. Attend fitting for post-Labor Day fashion show. Probably regret the Ben and Jerry's I devoured on Saturday night. Possibly also cry.

At night, talk to Luke about Moving Day. Vaccuum the new patch of carpet in my living room, since the couch that used to cover it now resides in Bloomington with my sister. Possibly sit on the floor and watch episodes from the first season of Murder, She Wrote, or maybe just the episode where Monica and Chandler move in together on Friends. That episode is, like, so symbolic of my life. Kinda. Our apartment is a lot smaller than theirs.

I know most of the lyrics of these five bands/artists

- Mariah Carey (pre-Glitter)
- Lionel Ritchie
- Liz Phair
- Elton John
- Shania Twain

Five things I'd do with a million dollars

- Pay off all debt--car, student loans, credit card. Hasta la vista, baby!
- Buy some Proactive so I can get rid of my acne, because, enough already
- Convince Luke that we'll be able to comfortably afford more than two children
- Nam