Before you judge me for hating ducks, know that I do not hate ducks. I love ducks. When I was a kid, my mother would take my siblings and me to the nearby park and she would make popcorn and we would throw it in the water and the ducks would eat it. Hooray!
Peking ducks. It's the PEKING ducks I hate. Because I think they are out to kill me.
Last night, I thought for once I would get off my lazy @$$ and do something besides watch soap operas. "Feed the ducks!" thought me. "What a great idea!" So I grabbed two pieces of bread, which were sealed in an airtight plastic Ziplock bag because this gal has me terrified of these, and ran downstairs in anticipated glee. I would bond with the ducks. They would eat bread nuggets RIGHT OUT OF MY HAND and quack love ballads in my direction at night and wait patiently by my car for more bread every day. This scenario came very close to fruition until the Peking ducks charged towards me and the gourmet carbs I was tossing into the water. The last time this happened, it was with geese, and I just threw the pieces at their beaks and ran back upstairs. This time, I just threw the pieces at their beaks and ran back upstairs. But also this time, I came back. With my carscraper. For I was determined to feed the ducks. I thought I could raise the scraper, take a menacing step in their direction, and those beeotches would back the eff off.
When I actually took the menacing step, though, they continued to charge at me, and I didn't use the scraper because I was afraid it would egg them on. Plus, my neighbors might think I was trying to butcher "helpless" animals and then hold their children close whenever in my presence. So I ran back upstairs again, throwing all bread in the dump on my way to the complex. (It was getting moldy anyway. When will The-Grocery-Store-Powers-That-Be make loaves small enough for a single person to actually finish?)
I'm not sure what I'm afraid of. Brutal pecking, probably.
In other news, the magazine with my pee article came out today. So happy! If I had a scanner, I'd scan the whole article and post it here, or maybe just my byline, because, who are we kidding, nobody but your gynocologist is ever going to read it. But I am proud just the same.
You do know that duck bills are rounded, I hope. Getting pecked by a duck would hurt less than getting poked in the arm with a soup spoon. Besides, those ducks just getting a little too excited. They really don't mean any harm.
Posted by: Luke | July 19, 2005 at 11:00 PM
What's not to like about Peking duck? A Chinese dish of roast duck with crispy skin = yummy. (I find a nice vocal reference to roast duck or duck sauce often keeps the ducks away.)
The ducks probably are a little too excited . . . I mean . . . I witnessed a little of that excitement between two ducks when I was there.
Posted by: Maura | July 20, 2005 at 12:23 PM
Oh no, ducks. Although some may not agree, sometimes ducks can be sort of a nuisance. My parents used to live on a golf course. On the course there were a few Muscovy ducks, which are a breed of rather ugly ducks. My parents and the other residents like to feed the ducks as a result the duck population increased to over 50 some ducks. In numbers, these ducks started attacking the golfers. Thus, the condominium complex voted to remove the ducks to a safe santuary and to refrain from feeding any newcomers.
Other than not feeding the ducks, another option might be to encourage a duck champion to move to Indianapolis to protect you from the ducks. Although obviously Frema, herself, is quite fierce, she is able to handle these difficult situations.
mjd
Posted by: Anonymous | July 20, 2005 at 01:13 PM
Next time ducks charge you, set up a video camera - sounds hilarious :)
Posted by: incredimom | July 20, 2005 at 10:04 PM