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November 09, 2005


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lol....too funny, Frema. I'm interested to learn what you and Useless Clutter finally decide upon. Let me give you a little advice though...if you choose to go the Catholic route, make sure to send darling Amelia to a public school. Nothing screws up a teen like the horror that is Catholic School.

You're not naming our son Amelia...or calling him a girl for that matter.

My husband and I were in a similar situation, except he's the Catholic one. He somehow convinced a priest he knew to help officiate our wedding, even though it wasn't in a Catholic church (shout out to Father Tom!).

I'm not really religious anymore, so I figure he has dibs if kids ever come into the picture. I'd just have to figure out how to explain why mommy is a heathen who never goes to church....

How about a compromise: Lutheran!

Kidding. Sort of.

Fortunately I haven't had to cross this bridge. My mother is Catholic (former sister) and my father is agnostic (former Lutheran). My sister and I were raised to be Catholics and my father attended the major holidays with us, but we were also given the freedom to question our religion and, once we were confirmed, to choose whether to attend mass.

Although I accept and respect most religions (Scientology is just wrong and weird), I strongly want to be married in the Catholic Church and would want to raise any children (God forbid!) in the Catholic tradition. I'm not sure what I would do if I fell in love with someone who was equally committed to a different faith.

On a serious note, many cities have interfaith and ecumenical organizations with support for couples and families from different faiths. You might want to see if your city has that.

I will have to disagree with Phil, I went through 13 years of catholic school and I loved it! Even if I wasn't catholic I still would want to go to a private school.

I say have your children baptized and when it comes time for confirmation let them make that decision. Let them know about both religions that you guys believe in.

They still have to be baptized in one of our churches, though!

I'd say that a good compromise would be Anglican (or Episcopalian for you people who live outside of nineteenth century Britain).

You get all of the ritual, sacrements, vestments and pomp of the church visible, a conservative brand of Christianity plus all all of the benefits of Protestantism (not having to listen to the pope, for example).

Seriously, though, my parents were weak Catholics and I picked the faith up seriously for a time. Then, one Sunday in church, I asked myself why I was there and what this all meant to me. I didn't have an answer. So here I am.

Besides, probably bad to take religious advice from a lapsed Catholic/secular humanist/academic anyway.

See if it is possible to baptise them in both religions and then switch off each weekend with going to church. Or don't baptise them and just raise them up in both religions and then let them be baptized and confirmed at the same time.

No matter what you decide, your future children will be raised with unconditional love by wonderful parents. Whether baptised in the Methodist or Catholic church, baptism is a sign of love from the baby to God. It doesn't matter. You will be great parents. It is sad that more couples aren't as passionate on this as you!

Phil, I am a Catholic school teacher and I am proud to say that the only thing that screws teens up is puberty. The opportunity to go to school and get to pray everyday openly is a great feeling. Sorry to hear about your personal experiences with it. Take Care! ;)

It boils down to whether or not you as a couple or individual parent will be actually living the faith that you want your children to see. Children emulate what they see and so many parents do not walk the talk even in their own home. Although the faith may be strong the walk needs to coincide as well if children are going to take hold of any faith no matter what religion is practiced. In today’s society so many have jumped on a religion/church doctrine bandwagon, but aren’t really living what they want the children to learn. This comes up a lot with those who only “practice” what fits with their comfort level or is convenient to their life style. This ends up just confusing the children who end up seeing inconsistencies and figure church must not be that big of a deal if you pick and choose what your going to following. So, in the end your faith needs to be the center and the church the backdrop in which it will be developed. No one is going to be 100% behind any religious doctrine as we have been given free will to choose and think for ourselves, but at least pick a church the supports the majority of your convictions and you both are willing to participate in. Sometimes that means seeking a third option and leaving the family ties behind to start your new family.

Sorry to rile everyone up...that post was slightly tongue-in-cheek. Slightly.

Personally, my parents faced the same decision that you and Luke do. My mom is Catholic, and my dad was Lutheran. It turned out not to be a difficult choice, because my dad really isn't much of a "church guy". Needless to say, I grew up Catholic. I even went to a Catholic grade school in first and second grade...and I've got no regrets.

I didn't mean to imply that all teens/young adults coming out of Catholic schools are going to be screwed up. Sam said it herself though....puberty hits pretty hard sometimes. Rebellion is really popular. In my high school, easly over 80% of the teen pregnancies were girls that came from the Catholic middle school. Once again, this is my personal experience.

My ultimate point is that when it comes to personal belief systems (such as religions), many folks are less receptive to things that are force fed to them. No matter what choice you make, encourage spiritual growth and exploration as your children begin to mature. Let's face it, not everyone can go to a fabulous liberal arts college that introduces you to many different trains of thought. (Go Core 7!)

Done rambling....sorry!

Frema... did you bring up the religion top just to get comments? You're a master blogger, and I have much to learn.

Wow! I wanted to say it like Sambo did. God is love. The rest is just the details.

Daddy D. in the region.

Sorry this is SO old, but this post made me laugh. I was in a serious relationship with a Jewish boy for a number of years. At least you and Luke are both Christians. Try talking your guy into allowing his kids to be taught that Jesus is the Messiah and the Son of God. And try being convinced that gefilta fish is food. Fortunately, I married me a nice Baptist boy (I'm Methodist, like Luke).

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