All My Videotapes

Before I begin, I have to acknowledge a couple of things:

1) Yesterday I found the business card of the DJ in partnership with her dead husband, and listed under Acts was "Little People." This has cinched my "Don't Call Us, We'll Call You" gut reaction, though a sliver of me is curious as to the events that would transpire at my wedding reception if under their wing. A belly-dancing dwarf would make a nice addition to the wedding album, don't you think?

2) Two important people in my life recently jumpstarted their own journey into the land of the World Wide Web, as documented on Lost a Sock and The Magic of Books. What most stands out to me about these women is that they've both contemplated this move for months but put it off because, as mothers of young children, they felt they didn't have the time. However, so powerful were their creative urges that they had no choice but to surrender to the seduction of the Internet.

Which kind of brings me to me, someone considered to be pretty busy herself, what with a job, fiancé, wedding in the works, teenage girl to mentor, and possible career change on the horizon (another post, but soon, I promise). My personal free time is limited to only a few hours a week and must be used wisely. Therefore, I have executed another bold decision:

The discontinuation of my All My Children recording.

...

OK, so maybe this doesn't inspire the kind of heart-stopping uproar my cable-scrapping did, but this is a huge milestone in the Frema-Useless Clutter household. Back when I had cable, I had SoapNet. I loved SoapNet. I could spend some time recovering from work before watching my favorite daytime characters in action at seven o'clock every night. Miss a show? No worries! SoapNet understands that life gets in the way of television; that's why they re-run the entire week's worth of episodes on Saturday night and Sunday afternoon, giving you three chances to enjoy the comings and goings of the residents in Pine Valley. While I waited for little hand to strike seven, I passed the time by watching 90210, Melrose Place, and Days of Our Lives. Afterwards, if I was trying especially hard to avoid my required reading for school, I became re-aquainted with General Hospital.

What started as a piqued interest in a baby switch soon grew into an obsession. There were stacks of VHS tapes featuring weeks worth of episodes that had to be viewed before commiting to current storylines. Once I spent the entire weekend on the couch, ooohing and aaahing over staged love scenes and giving my thumb an intimate remote-control workout. I was bragging to coworkers that I hadn't missed an episode of AMC in almost a year. Scary stuff.

And then I moved to Indianapolis and realized I couldn't afford cable. Poof! went SoapNet. Poof! went the dedication to shows I had to sneak to watch as a kid. Poof! went AMC until recently because I was too lazy to program the VCR. And now it has Poofed! again.

Will I miss it? Hell yes. I like Pine Valley. I like watching people fall in love and out of love and poison their neighbors and kidnap their own baby because her first ex-husband said he died in childbirth but really was given to his barren sister on One Life to Live. It's easy to forget wedding dress worries and the realization that you're in the wrong field when you're nursing a bowl of Breyer's on the couch with the likes of Erica Kane, a woman far too sophisticated to be trapped in an abandoned wearhouse minutes before she's scheduled to interview Geraldo Rivera on her new talk show.

But the tapes, they've started piling up once again, and it hit me that spending three hours catching up on shows that aired around my birthday is not the best use of my time. For Luke, for my wedding, for my own sanity, it's time to cut the cord.

For now.

Comments

[Number Twelve]

To Frema and her unique personal milestones... good-bye AMC.

[Luke]

Just so you know, the Little People aren't actual little people. They're that kind of act where the costumes have giant hats and heads that cover up the actor's head and top half of their torso, so the face is on their bellies.

[Frema]

Craziness! When a girl hears "Little People," what is she supposed to think?

[Anonymous]

Time is the one constant in life. It is always going on by. Choices are needed and you are the best that thinking all ways to go through to an answer of quality.

Daddy D.

[Sambo V.]

I can't believe she still considers her dead husband her business partener. :( How sad.

Maybe they'll come up with your soaps on DVD box sets so you can enjoy them later without having to worry about recording them. I'm proud of your strength to "Just Say No".

[Lost a Sock]

Thanks for mentioning my blog!

From a friend who pays $13 a month for HBO to watch Sopranos reruns (though alas, a new season begins in a matter of weeks), I hurt for you.

[David McNelis]

Let me tell you, those little people are freaky. I'm a grown man and they freak the living hell out of me. And they have these creapy extend-o lips that reach out and grab you. Gave my wife a nightmare, don't know what makes them think little kids will like them.

[butterflygirl]

If you get Tivo you can opt for the lifetime one payment fee. Just an idea.