When it comes to weddings, it's amazing how heavy a cross the people you love will carry just so you can save face. In the last three weeks, I've read countless stories about brides and grooms and the extent of their presumption and lack of tact: inserting bank slips with their checking account number in the invitation; eliminating members of the wedding party minutes before the ceremony because a dress or tux didn't fit quite right; asking the punch server to man the bar for the duration of the reception; using thank-you notes to ask for a larger-sized gift because your initial one didn't cover the price of your plate.
The female half of this couple is known to all as Bridezilla, the woman who noticed you weren't wearing the right cut of underwear underneath your dress but conveniently overlooked the shade of blue you turned into when she told you the bridesmaids dresses were purchased in bulk on clearance at Macy's and that she got you a size 12, the size you wore in seventh grade back when the two of you were BFFs, instead of the 18 you are today, which meant additional fabric and hours of alterations and hurt feelings about being made to feel that you are the size of Moby Dick, the latter being the only thing you get for free. I wish I were joking, but Samantha recounted this story to me on Saturday, the date on the calendar marked for our wedding shopping extravaganza.
Since I've been engaged, my bridesmaids have asked a lot of questions about my expectations for their appearance. Apparently I should have a checklist for them in regards to how their hair should be worn, where to purchase jewelry, and what brand of shadow is acceptable to swipe across their eyelids. Apparently I have the ability to turn my bridesmaids into robots because it's My Special Day.
And my answers were: however you want, wherever you want (if you even want to wear any, because I'm not sure as hell not wearing any), and any damn color you want. However, I did make two requests: that all the dresses be the same shade of blue and that the shoes be dyed to match them. I came in that afternoon with twenty pages of computer print-outs and catalog pages and a shrug of my shoulders when they asked what they were trying on first. "You tell me," I said. And off we went.
The first hour was not unlike Goldilocks's trip in The Three Little Bears; the first four dresses were labeled Too Ichy, Too Sexy For a Thirteen-Year-Old, Pretty But Eh, and Too Light Blue, But Too Bad Frema Wasn't Going For Black, Because We Would Totally Wear This In Black. One dress we were all excited about was featured in the spring catalog but not scheduled for distribution until mid-February, so we said a silent prayer in its memory and tried our best to move on.
The next one on the menu didn't elicit a whole lotta wa-hoo, so we gave the catalog another flip-through, and lo and behold, every gosh-darn one of them fell in love with the dress on the left.
The shoes were just as interesting, with each girl starting out with something different but eventually choosing these. All my efforts to allow for individuality were for naught.
Or were they?
For the last few weeks my stomach has been in knots about this day, so much so that I actually understood why brides-to-be would come off so anal about hair and make-up and underwear styles. How much easier it would have been for me to just e-mail a link to a dress and shoes I liked and ask them to have both paid in full by such-and-such a date. It would have saved me one trip to Chicago, six bucks in tolls, five different opinions from five very different people, and two hours of everybody's time. And if that's what would've gone down, I would have gotten not one word of complaint. Like I said, the amount of BS your friends and family will take to make you happy is unbelievable. I don't know that I could be as gracious.
However, for as many mistakes I am destined to make throughout this process, the one thing I will pat myself on the back for is my flexibility in allowing these women to actively participate in the selection of their attire. Seeing as they're wearing the dresses and they're wearing the shoes and they're footing the bill, it's not only courteous but ideal for them to have that say. But the fact that they were so easygoing in order to avoid my having a nervous breakdown in the dressing room makes me love Samantha, Donna, Gina, and Trina all the more.
* Note to acknowledge that one bridesmaid, my sister Ryan, was unable to make the trip due to heavy-duty study plans for a test she has tomorrow, so I suppose during our shopping date there will be less "It's all about you" and more "Yeah. Here's your costume. Enjoy."
ab-FAB...ab-FAB!!!!!! Love this entry love this entry. Why am I repeating myself. Why am I repeating myself? :)
Posted by: Number Twelve | January 30, 2006 at 05:05 PM
You can make them wear costumes? Does that hold true for the groomsmen, too? Now I want to make them dress up like pirates.
Posted by: Luke | January 30, 2006 at 05:46 PM
ARHH!!!! That be a fine idea!
But, now, would I bees the
First-mate or Best-matey?, ARHHHHH!
I've always wanted "a" and "to" shwashbuckle.
Posted by: Tommy | January 30, 2006 at 05:54 PM
The one I'm wearing for my sis-in-law's wedding is from David's, too.
My only request was that it not be totally backless, so I can wear a bra with it. Other than that, I would wear a flourescent orange hoop skirt if she asked me to. ;)
Posted by: Liz | January 30, 2006 at 06:16 PM
WAHOO! Great pick! Love the names for the other dresses too.
I've been reloading YOUR blog every five minutes this weekend to check for this update!! Every step gets you a little closer. :0)
DJ yet? I was thinking, if you exhaust all other measures Kevin and I could always be your DJ's. I'm advertising him - he's alive - and we'd spin some funk tunes for ya...It's time for the percolator, It's time for the percolator, as well as some Baby Got Back. Let me know, eh? ;0)
Posted by: Lost a Sock | January 30, 2006 at 06:37 PM
You are indeed kind and generous. Some women get very control freakish about their weddings.
I've been so fortunate---three weddings and no ugly dresses. In fact, two of the three were chosen for how they looked on me and the other bridesmaids just had to deal.
P.S. to Number Twelve---what happened to your blog?
Posted by: Lisa | January 30, 2006 at 07:14 PM
I must be a dork. I love all of the dresses in all of the colors; but the final selection is indeed lovely. All of the bridesmaids look wonderful.
My co-worker said that his wife a lovely, sweet gracious woman, turned into bridezilla, the moment he put the ring on her finger until the "I do." Now, she is back to her own sweet self. Frema, of course, is always wonderful and kind.
Posted by: Molly J | January 30, 2006 at 07:44 PM
You are the best of brides. Of course, you do have that wonderful streak of laidback, let people be people, kind heart. I am so glad things are working out for all your bridal party. Great dress and who doesn't look good in blue.
P.S. To Number Twelve..wasn't able to get your blog either.
Posted by: PJ Librarian | January 30, 2006 at 09:35 PM
I love you Breain. What a fun time it was playing dress up! ;)
Posted by: Sambo V. | January 30, 2006 at 11:29 PM
Absolutely beautiful-I love the shoes.
Posted by: butterflygirl | January 31, 2006 at 12:52 AM
Oh..It makes me want to get married all over again!
Good for you for not getting all bitchy about it!
Oh....and if Molly is offering to sing "baby got back", can I come?
Posted by: Twins x two | January 31, 2006 at 02:30 AM
What lovely ladies!! And the dress and shoes are great!!
(I also LOVED the dress that they all liked in black. SO PRETTY!!)
*I've read some of the horror stories also and they are scary. Who are these brides? Blah.
Posted by: Isabel | January 31, 2006 at 01:40 PM
Of course we'd do whatever you ask of us for your big day, but hey we did love the flexibility too!! Dress up was awesome, had a blast!!! I love you Breain, I'll drop you a call tomorrow after my appointment to give you a final. Trina
Posted by: Anonymous | January 31, 2006 at 03:29 PM
Very nice. Working together for the common good is always the best way to work. That groom is one lucky guy.
Daddy D.
Posted by: Anonymous | January 31, 2006 at 09:04 PM
here's your costume? enjoy?
Posted by: Anonymous | February 01, 2006 at 10:54 AM
It seems like a little Bridezilla is coming out at the end of that blog.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 01, 2006 at 03:01 PM
Um, it's called a joke. Enjoy.
Posted by: Frema | February 01, 2006 at 07:26 PM
Dear Anonymous,
Frema is not Bridezilla. She has jumped hoops and driven hundreds of miles to be accomodating to all. Look at that sweet face.
Posted by: soon to be related | February 02, 2006 at 02:16 AM
That last picture is super duper cute!!!
Posted by: for Joke! | February 02, 2006 at 06:53 AM