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March 02, 2006


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The fact that you so deeply love your children before they have even been conceived, the fact that you think of them so often, and plan your future all around them before they have even been conceived, tells me that you are going to be an INCREDIBLE mother - whether you work or not, breastfeed or not, and cosleep or not. You have their best interests at hand, and they are so so lucky to have you, even before they're conceived.

I have no doubts on what kind of mother you'll be. You will be amazing at it, just like everything else you do.

I am with LAS..the fact that you are concerned about your child/children already says a lot. As a mother of 4, be free. Don't go by who is doing what, when, where, why and how. I started my first set of kids off like that...Oh, I need to do what so and so is doing because it must be the right way....bologna. When your child / children come into this world...you will know in your heart what is going to be best for them and your family. Just remember to go slow. Don't get your undie all in a bundle. Your right, they are only small once.....enjoy it. They grow up way to fast. I will be one of your biggest cheerleaders in what ever you decide to do. Good luck.

First of all, ALL 13 paragraphs were worth the read. And all this weighing and struggling and the worrying? You are so primed for Great Mommy material. Like I tell my mom friends with paying jobs... NO ONE is really getting of easy. It's rough on both sides because... you're a Mom.

I'm not a mom, but I'm your number one fan Breain. I love your sincere concern for the well being and future of your unborn children. I know it seems silly or hard to do, but sometimes we just have to give it up to God and let Him take care of it. I should definitely be following my own advice.

Nevertheless, you will be a great mom! You are amazing and NEVER alone. ;)

Okay...need a warning the next time you are going to make me cry at 8:30 in the morning please.

You are going to be SUCH a wonderful mother. And I don't think that you should worry about what may or may not have happened due to birth control pills, y'know?

I mean, everything happens when it is supposed to and I think that even though you were on the pill for six years, if it was the right time for you to become a mother, you would have gotten pregnant.

(And I'm wanting to be a stay at home mom more than anything in the world. Every fiber of my being aches for it but I'm trying to take a less stressed out approach towards it for a while and see how that works out for me...)

Everyone's already mentioned the biggest point, the fact you care will make you great. And don't forget that you won't be in the Mother business alone. You'll have a devoted husband right by your side through the whole thing. What ever you two decide will be the right decision.

And just to add one more point.
You should Leap with any child, especially while you're Cosing. that's just dangerous. :)

An enjoyable post - thanks.

I'm off to email my Mum now :)

Holy cow Frema, while talking to you this morning I had no idea you had posted this yesterday.
I could write 13 paragraphs in response to your 13 paragraphs but I won't. I think all women (and men) feel the same way you do at some point. And I agree with everyone else that you will be a fantastic mother b/c you are already "freaking out" before you even become pregnant.
All I can say is honey, wait until you actually conceive that baby AND THEN wait until you actually have that baby b/c good HEAVENS, your emotions really get the best of you time and time again.
Gosh, now I can't wait for you to get pregnant b/c you are going to be such a wonderful mom! We have to at least wait until May huh?

All I will say is this:

My mom stayed at home with me and my brother. This had an incalculable amount of influence on the way I "turned out."

A very thought-provoking post!

Being a teacher I can experience both sides. My hours are not long, so I never feel guilty about my little man being in daycare. The socialization is a must, at least for me.

Frema, I never actually thought about the bc pill aborting a baby since the hormones only trick your body into thinking it is pregnant when there is no fertilized egg at all. Hmm. I was on bc pills from 17 until 23. One month after getting married I stopped taking them, and 3 months later I was pregnant. :)

And well, I just lost a baby in January, so I cannot even read that post you referred to because I may have a melt down.

I have been on both sides of the work out of the home and stay at home fence. I took the plunge to stay home in June of 2001 (and I am educated with my BA in Psychology). I began to miss talking with other adults, so I started working from home instead. I have never regretted it.

Its good to see you putting in a lot of thought about your potentially future child(ren). :)

This was a great post and I'm glad you wrote it and that I got the chance to read it.

I'm sort of odd and have no opinion about what others decide to do with regards to working or staying at home, or breastfeeding or not, etc. I mean, they have to do what they feel is best for their family.

Me? I'm going to work after this kid comes out. I don't think we could afford daycare once we have a second one, so I may have to quit then. But you never know. I feel good about our choice to put this baby in daycare. But that may change. I accept that.

My Mom stayed at home with my older brother and I. Then went to college to get her degree and worked when my youger brother and sister were young. Personally (and I can only speak for how my family turned out), there isn't a huge different in how either set of kids turned out. They just had nicer clothes because we weren't as poor (but still pretty poor...thanks to my Dad being a public school teacher!).

That being said, it amazes me at how in tune you are with all of this. Your love for your unborn children is intense. I've almost been married for 6 years and didn't even *think* about kids until recently. The fact that you are ready to be a Mom is wonderful and I applaud you for being true to your feelings. I am also happy that you have Luke and that you are both on the same page with this.

(and that post from Very Mom...made me think. Interesting. Thanks for sharing!)

First let me start by saying Thank You for the awesome response email you took the time to send me awhile back. I never properly thanked you and it meant a lot that you took the time to give me such a thoughtful, detailed response...
I'll reiterate what everyone else has said - if you spend the time now worrying and care like you do about children who are not even created yet, then you are going to be a rockin' mom to little Lucy.
And whether you stay at home or go to work won't change your ability and capacity to love your babies. And I don't think you'll really know what is best for you and Luke and your entire family until the time comes. My mom thought staying at home was the best decision for her, but after a little while she yearned for the interaction and structure of work and off to the caring arms of a wonderful daycare provider I went. My mom admits this was one of the hardest parenting choices she ever ever made, but you know what? It worked for our family, really really well. My socialization skills blossomed, my mom was able to feel like an adult again and her and my dad and I all managed a pretty great family dynamic. On the other hand, my dearest friend chose to go back to work but that was wrong for her, so she came back home and HER family dynamic improved and all worked out in the end. So, I think its wonderful and beautiful that you are already feeling all of this and I cannot wait for this to turn into a mommy blog!

Your science Daddy and your really Daddy love you 100 % as does the whole world.

What is good is good.

Daddy D. (da science guy)

What an amazingly written entry. I love where your heart is. Your parents sound increadible. I hope they know how much you love and respect them. I myself am working at home, (watching kids) after leaving my office job, and could not be happier to be here. I am busy, but still have time to cook each night, bake bread, be with my children. Hopefully making memories for them. I never cooked dinner when I worked outside the house, or anything else for that matter.

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