I Don't Know Which One Owes Me More For The Free Publicity

OK, if you were watching tonight's episode of 24 (which, !), at approximately 9:47 p.m. eastern standard time, you bore witness to the glory that is Taco Bell's newest promo for the Chicken Ceasar Grilled Stuft burrito. Why does Frema care about Taco Bell? you might ask. Well, Frema doesn't care about Taco Bell. Frema would rather eat the skin off her fingernails (and sometimes does) than eat Taco Bell. However, she DOES have a vested interested in the gold-painted Greek who says, "Why, thank you!" at the end of the commercial, because that Greek? Is none other than Jason Chambers--former object of unrequited luurve, current BFF.

Well, a BFF that I haven't seen in almost two years, but whatever.

As you can tell from his Web site, Jason is an actor. In fact, you've probably seen him in action. Maybe you caught him choking down cheese-covered grasshoppers on Fear Factor. No? How about regurgitating Jerry Seinfeld's "women are like parked cars" analogy to FOX executives during a screening interview for Joe Millionaire? He's also been A Guy At The Bar Reading A Paper on Guiding Light, Recurring Bartender on As The World Turns, and Featured Lead Punk in Bob Harvey, a movie Jason swears actually exists. We once pulled an all-nighter taping his video audition for the part of Leo on All My Children (my mad acting skillz qualified me to read the part of Dixie off-camera). He's also guest-starred on a little talk show I like to call JERRY FREAKIN' SPRINGER.

Apparently, so have I.

Jason and I met in Chicago in the spring of 1994 during Maria High School's production of Fiddler on the Roof. I was a Russian dancer who could do leg circles like nobody's business; he could balance a bottle on his head during Tevye's rendition of "L'Chaim." My sophomore year, he was the Bottom to my Peter Quince in A Midsummer Night's Dream. It was after that play we started hanging out. His first visit to my house had him making spaghetti and dinner rolls for my entire family, which charmed the pants off my mother, and he was the only guy who wasn't intimidated by my father, whose personality bore striking resemblances to Kevin Arnold's dad's on The Wonder Years. He was also the one male in my life pre-Luke allowed to spend the night, which meant we could play rounds of Tiger Woods Golf 'til we passed out on the floor.

My second year in college, Jason made his first TV appearance as a guest on Jerry Springer as a stud muffin engaging in a torrid sexual affair with the girlfriend of his childhood pal "Ben," some guy he'd just met the day before. This stint gave him an in with the Jermeister's publicity department and empowered him with tickets to at least five shows a month. One fall day he coerced me into skipping a day of class to attend a taping with him and his latest girlfriend (who eventually became the mother of his now six-year-old son, but that's another story), I coerced This Girl, and suddenly we were in the audience for "Shocking Secret Lovers." My favorite storyline involved a 350-pound woman named Tiny who walked on stage wearing nothing but a matching bra-and-panties set from J.C. Penney and turned out to be Dwayne the Lame's mistress because Dwayne's actual girlfriend didn't know how to mate socks. Dwayne wanted a woman "who could give him the world."

My opportunity for fifteen minutes of fame presented itself during the questions and comments portion of the show and is the only instance in my life I blame entirely on mob mentality. With all the hootin' and hollerin' I'd done for Jerry and Steve and the dignity of baby's mommas everywhere, I was an impressionable vessel bursting with a burning desire to tear down the self-esteem of others. So, it shouldn't surprise you that when Jerry approached me with the microphone, I all but grabbed it from him to deliver a cleverly worded put-down to Dwayne:

"You said you wanted a woman who could give you the world? Well, ya sure got your hands full now!"

Spent and satisfied, I was able to contain myself until the end of filming, at which time I attacked Jerry with a 33mm camera and forged an unshakable bond between my undergraduate alma mater and questionable daytime television. Good times.

Hmmm. Where was I going with all of this? Oh, yeah.

Jason Chambers is my friend. Watch for his Taco Bell commercial. He's very gold--almost as gold as the Saint Joe long-sleeve I wore on JERRY FREAKIN' SPRINGER.

Comments

[Lost a Sock]

Oh my God -- we were roommates then, and ohhhh the excitement from you! Too funny. :0)

[Liz]

M and I have a friend who was on Jerry Springer. He's a wrestler in real life, going by the name Latin Love Machine, but on the show it was "revealed" that he was having an affair with a woman's husband.

I know... wha???

Anyhow, it was apparently all worth it, because now when he runs into the ring the announcer can yell, "And straight from the Jerry Springer Show-- the Latin Love Machine!"

[PaintingChef]

Um your friend? Jason Chambers? Is SERIOUSLY hot.

[Isabel]

Are you telling me that Jerry Springer isn't real? I know it's totally out there...but NOT real.

Really?

[Lisa]

Jerry Springer isn't real? My world is shattered.

So when are you going to introduce me to Jason?

[Frema]

Not all the stories are fake, but a lot of them are. That actually makes me feel much better about the American public and society in general.

[verniciousknids]

Actually frema now I feel worse about the American public as I thought I'd found a place where my neuroses would be finally accepted nay embraced...Is it my fault that I'm a 1200lb man pregnant by a Klansman transsexual hermaphrodite who periodically dates my mother and is cheating on my conjoined half sister? I think not!

[Becky]

lol

great post :)

I remember Jason Chambers.... he MC'ed Mr. Puma like 2 years ago, right?

Definitely a hottie.

[Hilary]

I might as well not even comment b/c I was also going to be all Whaaaaaaat!!!??? Springer isn't real!!!?????
HA!

[Anonymous]

Is he coming to your wedding?

[Fraulein N]

I like to pride myself on being able to pick out the fake stories on Jerry Springer. I like to pretend it's an actual talent.

[Number Twelve]

Hmmmmm he just might be potential rental material for someone's upcoming bachelorette party. (You HAVE mentioned that you're having one, right?)

[Sambo V.]

Ah, Jason...so many memories. I miss having him around.

[Jenabeeb]

I know people always said that Springer was fake, but you are our proof. Thanks for telling!