Only twenty-four hours later and Luke and I have already accomplished several items on our to-do list: we finished booking hotel rooms for the honeymoon, found one of two Bible passages for the ceremony, approved the song list for our mixed CD, and made arrangements for this Friday to obtain our marriage license--which, by the way, a big thanks to the anonymous commenter who mentioned that the Indiana rubella law had been repealed. All of you who assured me my American hair dryer can perform to its full capacity in Canada are pretty spiffy, too.
I'm tired. Even though Luke's been finished with his night gig for just about a week, I can't seem to get into bed any earlier than midnight, which means I get under seven hours of sleep, which means I'm ready to drop by the time I get home, and I vow to hit the sheets by 10:30 to make up for it, but then I get caught up in reading my blogs and visiting the AMC message board and scribbling the different combinations of my name (first name plus maiden name, first name plus married name, first name plus maiden name plus last name with a hypen, first name plus maiden name plus married name with just a space, and so on) as well as the new contenders for the name of our firstborn daughter. (It's a tie between Audrey and Norah, which just goes to show you how in sync we are with popular media.)
Yesterday someone at work learned I was getting married and asked if I was keeping my name. A funny question, seeing as that topic had taken over my entire being up until two days ago. When I was younger, I never imagined NOT taking my husband's name. I certainly didn't know anyone who hadn't, and with a last name like mine, I couldn't wait to meet a nice boy named John Smith and officially lose legal ties to the beast that most people tackle with the same facial expression worn when devouring a greasy steak sandwich. It's the double A that throws them off, another funny once you learn that neither A is actually pronounced like an A but more like a short-U/long-I combination.
When my name changes to this, I will lose two As and gain no As. An A-less last name. After twenty-six years and two college degrees and one nationally distributed pee article I'm ready to don a black veil and weep into my pillow, because dammit, it's my NAME. I stamp it on press releases and include it in bylines for company newsletters. I sign it on credit cards and meticulously spell it out for telemarketers trying to squeeze the last fifty dollars out of my bank account to purchase the newest version of Pro-Activ, which I would totally buy if Luke wasn't making me try every generic off-shoot known to man first. OK, maybe just two, and Klear Action really does work, so run to Super Target and get your box today!
After a lot of back and forth, I've decided to take Luke's name. And I'm happy about it. I like Luke's last name. More importantly, I love Luke. I love that he and I and any babies we make together will be connected by such a tangible, emotionally charged bond. But I will list both when writing anything for print. For better or worse, that name is a part of me, just like my brown eyes and spinach dip obsession and tendency to pick corn strands out of my teeth with my pinky, and I don't agree with erasing all traces of it simply because I've switched from a Miss to a Missus. If I'm ever lucky enough to publish a memoir, I want my eighth-grade homeroom teacher to know her former student accomplished what she had hoped to do since the age of seven. I want to autograph copies for my parents and witness their pride in seeing the name we all share proudly centered on the book jacket. I want to mail one to my childhood self to show her that she done good.
Or maybe I'm just a self-centered narcissist who enjoys being difficult. Who's to say? Ladies, did any of you struggle over taking a new name?
Also, it's one minute to midnight. The vicious cycle, she continues. Bah.
Your decision to use Ma'Ayteh as all or part of your pen name sounds good to me. Since I married in college, I always regreted a little that MJ Thompson never graduated. However,I would not like writing Thompson-Dunscombe for my signature.
Whatever you decide all of the Dunscombes (as well as many people not named Dunscombe) love you.
Posted by: mjd | April 27, 2006 at 09:25 AM
I went through a bit of a quandary about changing my name as well. And it was weird for a while, but what's funny is that now, when I hear my name attached to my maiden name, it doesn't sound right. :)
One thing you could do, if you want, is keep your maiden name for professional purposes, but use your married name everywhere else. I have a couple of girlfriends who've done that. That way, you don't have to go through the hassle of changing your e-mail address, business cards, blah blah blah....
Posted by: bdogg_mcgee | April 27, 2006 at 11:19 AM
You know, I just realized that Maggie Seaver did that on Growing Pains. For her news anchor job, she was known to the masses as Maggie Malone. Talk about progressive for television!
Posted by: Frema | April 27, 2006 at 11:22 AM
It took me FOUR YEARS to decide what I was going to do. So for four years I did nothing. At least nothing official. I went by my married name, everyone used it, its even on my drivers license. It was just taking that final step of actually changing it that I was struggling with. But I finally did it and I decided to drop my middle name and use my maiden name, Hall, as my middle name. I don't hyphenate it or anything, but I do use them both so I am Susannah Hall Perry. And I kind of like it.
By the way...Ma'Ayteh is a REALLY awesome name. What's the history on that one?
Posted by: PaintingChef | April 27, 2006 at 11:32 AM
I've never commented here before, but here goes.
Both my husband and I hyphenated our last names, to Baxter-Kauf. (Mine was originally the Kauf, and we chose that order for strictly aesthetic reasons.) It was kind of a pain in the butt during the process, because although Minnesota (where we got married) has the same space for "Married name" in both slots (unlike a lot of states, apparently, where only the female gets the option to change her name and dudes who want to have to go through a formal name change process), we got a lot of weird looks and snide "well, we know who's in charge here" comments.
It's weird, I've heard numbers that upwards of 85% of women getting married change their names, and most do it without any real thought of other options - but _no one_ assumed that I would be in that percentage. I got asked almost everyday of our engagement (18 months) what I was doing about my name, so I had plenty of opportunities to think about it.
We ended up both changing becuase we couldn't bear not having all the same last name as any potential children, we liked the idea of being a unit, and liked that we had both the history of both of our names while also getting to be the only Baxter-Kaufs on the planet.
The only argument I'd ever heard against hyphenation was that it was awkward, and that seemed like a bad one, and we haven't had any hassles since the one snide comment in the DMV.
Sorry, that was long.
Posted by: Kate Baxter-Kauf | April 27, 2006 at 12:32 PM
I couldn't decide until the day before the wedding. And I decided to take his name. If I'd been further along in my career, I probably wouldn't have. But I liked the idea of having a common family name.
A friend of mine and her fiance planned to combine their last names to make a brand new one. Her last name was Stephen, his was Miller, so they decided on Stiller. Parental units not too happy, though it really wasn't their business...
Posted by: Liz | April 27, 2006 at 02:12 PM
The only reason I wanted to keep my last name is because my last name is more popular then Matt's. No one knows his last name. My family is pretty popular and I can get out of a lot of tickets with the Bischoff lasst name. But I just went with tradition and took his name.
Also, I was just wondering if there are going to be chairs at the ceremony. I do not think, me being 8 1/2months pregnant, can stand through the whole thing.
Posted by: Brooke | April 27, 2006 at 02:17 PM
I only have a minute but wanted to let you know that I promise to catch up as soon as I get a chance. I did not forget you tagged me and I will do it as soon as I do the second part of my birth story.
I didn't think twice about taking my husband's last name. My parents are divorced though so I've gone pretty much my whole life with a different last name than my mom, so I wasn't that attached to it. Plus, my hubby is full-blooded Italian so his last name is cool. :-)
Can't wait to catch up.
Good luck with the last minute wedding details.
Posted by: Hilary | April 27, 2006 at 10:48 PM
Funny story from my family on this one.
My mother was all too glad to change her last name. Why?
Her maiden name was sorta, well, embarassing.
No, it wasn't, like, Hitler or anything.
It was...Seeman. Yep, pronounced how you'd figure.
She was all too happy (on that score, at least) to become a Shannon.
Posted by: Will Shannon | April 27, 2006 at 11:07 PM
You can always use Ma'Ayteh as your kids middle name. My neighbor did that with her kids and it sounds cool and then it's kinda like a hyphen, then your pop's name lives on but then don't forget Meacham for your second childs first name, then you can use your mother-in-laws maiden name and so on......
see that was easy!
Love Auntie Di
Posted by: Anonymous | April 28, 2006 at 11:00 AM
Ha ... three years later and I still haven't decided. 'Cause first name mister's last name sounds much better than first name maiden name, but I still can't get past the fact that I'm expected to change my name. It just makes me ... squeamish.
Oh, and I second paintingchef's request for the history on Ma'Ayteh. I agree, it's pretty awesome.
Posted by: Fraulein N | April 28, 2006 at 11:31 AM
(Where the hell have I been? Reading, but somehow missing the comments box altogether. Sorry friend!)
I'll chime in with everyone else and say that we never had outlet problems in Canada. I'd think you'll be fine. The last time I was in Canada I believe I was about 13. I bought a shirt that said "I'm to sexy for Niagra Falls." (Right Said Fred, anyone?)
I cannot believe your wedding is just two weeks from today!! We can't wait. How's that list coming now? You sound like you're making progress. I still have my little green notebook that I kept all of my wedding to-do lists in. It's nice to look at (me hurriedly writing in caps - PICK UP DRESS ON THURSDAY! as if I'd forget.)
I think you have a great idea with your last name, keeping it for your writing. I was pretty ok with changing mine. It nearly rhymed before, so sometimes people would say Molly Chalie, which I wasn't crazy about. So then I had to do the same to my son, nicknaming him KJ, and then allowing him to rhyme a bit. Nice.
And also, I have every intention of telling you the html crap I played with to mess with my blog layout...but I just haven't gotten there. It was a lot of trial and error.
So now that I've written a comment longer than your entry, here's hoping for a chat soon. :0)
Posted by: Lost a Sock | April 28, 2006 at 11:53 AM
Now as a divorcee, I took back my maiden name. I wish I would have kept it when I got married.
Posted by: butterflygirl | April 29, 2006 at 12:50 AM
Sorry I've been slacking sister! Dan and I were just talking about the name thing today-I brought it up. I was getting mad at myself for not hyphenating it...
Anywho, Ma'Ayteh will always be ours! ;)
Posted by: Sambo V. | May 03, 2006 at 11:50 PM