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May 29, 2006


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I believe your struggles with Religion are a good thing. It is what keeps us searching. Have you ever noticed that when people believe they have "found" God, validation ensues. Usually, it is the searcher confronting validations that causes rifts with grandmothers. What I am searching for is not necessarilly what my grandfather found. So I keep searching, he prays, and we continue to love each other anyway. Another great post and I'm glad to see you are still looking at my junk blog.


You must be doing something right, your pastor is leaving you comments on your blog. I'm impressed.

As for the Catholic baggage... I've turned sour because of this unbelieveable self-righteousness.

So sorry someone close to you S*&#$t all over you, your parents, about your special day.

Some people don't know how to love and be love as well as you do.

The Internet loves you and we want you around.

Peace and heart.

Sounds to me like "Grandmother" has a few issues of her own.
Dating way back to your parents.......so sad, what a bitter old woman. Wonder if that is how she really wants to be remembered after she is gone.

Some one once told me....."Relax, God is in control" I think you made the correct choice. So glad you are part of the Dunscombe family.

Love ya, already!!!
Aunt Ruthie


Wonderful, insightful entry. And also, beyond what you write, I need to take a second and tell you that your delivery is very good, also. I have always thought you are a wonderful writer.

The line at the end, that religion was created for God and not vice versa, is perfect! Definitely something to hold on to through your church searching. :0)

Your pastor gave you great advice.

As a former Catholic who was bred, born, raised and educated in the Catholic school system from Kindergarten through sophomore year, and from a HUGE Irish Catholic family, I understand the conflict going on within your family all too well. I knew at a very young age that it just wasn't right for a divorced person or one who even marries a divorced person could not receive communion. Or how about not alloweing a woman to take birth control...it doesn't matter if it would be devastating to the woman's health or the financial situation of the family. I could go on, but I am not on a mission to trash the Catholic church, although I am still sorting through much of the anger I have toward the whole institution and how it has shaped my entire life involving a lot of negativity of how I perceive myself. I urge you to continue to think through what you hear...I believe PT is on the right track and you can only grow from here. I am sorry your grandmother only sees her own narrow view. I have seen stanger things happen than an old woman changing her heart...one can only hope...I wish you well in your journey.

Catholics aren't known for their inspiring homilies, but there's one that has stayed with me for nearly a decade. The priest was specifically referring to the Church's stance on homosexuality, but I think it has larger implications. His central theme was that God gave us two jobs: love God and love one another. That's it. That's all we are asked to do. The rest of it---the judgment, the saving souls, the lining us up into sheep and goats---that's God's job.

I'm so sorry that your grandmother---and others---are being that way. Perhaps you can pray that God shows HER the way to a true Christian life.

Ahh...families; you can't choose them, but you can choose how to deal with them. Good luck!

First, I am sorry that dissention in the family ranks caused some strife at what should be among the most memorable times of one's life.

As to the "crazy one," good riddance. Anyone who can think that pouring vitriol in the guise of the milk of human kindness is obviously so far gone as to be beyond bother. It is always bad when that person is a relative, but one cannot choose one's relatives, can one?

My family relations are sort of Jekyll-and-Hydeish. My mother's family (the ones I was around growing up) are great. We have had our differences, but they always get worked out.

My dad's family are rich, East coast bastards who think only of themselves and feel that they can order people around. They also don't like my mom. I happen to love my mom, so screw them.

As to religion, again it must be a personal decision and not colored by bad experiences...a whole lifetime of experiences is quite another matter.

I guess that, in a way, you are right to say that religion was created for God (or whatever). I always understood religion to be humankind's attempts to grasp the transcendent. It takes many forms but seems to respond to the same common need among people throughout the ages. How that response plays out is an individual decision.

I close with a great quote to bear in mind from one of my personal heroes, Sir Winston Spencer Churchill, KG, OM, CH, TD, FRS, PC on the subject of fanaticism:

"A fanatic is someone who will not change their mind and not change the subject."

Wow. You don't need nor deserve that. I'm not religious, but your pastor seems to have a good head on his shoulders, like you! Keep your chin up, give your husband a hug and continue to surround yourself with the MANY supportive family members you do have. :)

As Muslims we have a choice as to how we respond to rude and thoughtless behavior. We can turn the other cheek or we can hit back. So ask yourself which way gives you more peace in this life and the after??? You could have discarded the letter and not shared your pain with your parents. Since sharing this letter is probably what the other person was hoping for. Thus allowing yourself to become a pawn in a cruel game of hurt someones feelings. You could have stopped the game and continue as if nothing happened. Personally I have never given much thought to what people think or if they think about me. You are starting a new life with a new family. Don't waste time and energy on things you cannot change.

Good point, Um Ibrahim, one that I seriously considered at the time. However, I feared that my parents would hear about it "through the grapevine" of other family members and be taken off guard. Turns out I was right, because two weeks later, several of my father's siblings had called him, wanting to know what he thought of "the letter."

I just wish everyone could be sincerely and genuinely NICE to each other...I feel your pain sister. Since when did it become so hard to show love and compassion to your neighbors...especially your family.

I can't even imagine going through all of that with your grandmother. What a mess.

I hope that you can wade through all of this and find the answers and happiness you deserve.

After you left, I read all of the links in your entry. Your experience, Amalah's and the poor teacher that was fired, make me cringe (and cry.) I do not do well when people use intimidation. Although it has been done for centuries, intimidation in the name of Religion or sometimes even in the name of God is so frightening.

We love you, and God loves you.

It's sad that some people in world seem so determined to try to stop others from finding their own way.

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  • "The Lord is my helper,
    I will not be afraid.
    What can anyone do to me?"
    - Hebrews 13:6

    "The best way out is always through."
    - Robert Frost

    "Breathe, pray, be kind, stop grabbing."
    - Anne Lamott

    "Mere completion is a rather honorable achievement in its own right."
    - Liz Gilbert

    "When we tell our stories,
    we change the world."
    - Brené Brown