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June 14, 2006


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Go for the job that will make you happy. Deal with the kids when/if they get here.

Or, look at it this way: which will you kick yourself harder for? Having to leave a job you love earlier than expected, or putting up with a job you hate for longer than expected?

I know exactly what you mean. There are so many decision to make, and so many roads you can go down, but you don't want to choose the wrong one. I am in college to become a elementary teacher and I'm so happy about the career I've chosen. I love kids, and I will have the choice to have every summer off for 3 months, so when I do decide to have kids, I will have every summer to spend every single day with them. It's a lot to think about, but I'm sure you'll figure out what's right for you. :)

Not that my experience is all that helpful, but I'll give you my two cents....I have always planned on staying home when I have kids so when Cody and I got married, we decided that we would try to live only on his income and put mine in the bank. We've done pretty good, but sometimes it takes so much discipline that it is nearly impossible to live on his wages alone. We had a year and a half struggle trying to get pregnant (with all the drugs, tests, and violating medical procedures that come with infertility) and the whole time I was struggling with career choices. I kept having new job opportunities come up, but I would pass on them because I wanted a family. I didn't want to start a new job and have to tell my boss, "Surprise! I'm quitting in nine months!" So anyway, a few months ago I had another job opportunity come up and I decided to just go for it. The day before my second interview, I found out I'm pregnant. So....now I'm in this amazing career and I'm leaving it in five months, but I'm okay with it because I feel like I did the right thing and God is watching out for me. I kind of wonder if the reason it took so long to get pregnant is because I was meant to have this job, even if only for a short time. Know what I mean?

Anyway, I know this is getting long, but I say just follow your heart and keep your family goals in mind, and you'll be fine.

You can always get a job. But you cannot always have children. Many of the women I went to school with all were going to have a career first, husband second, house third and children last. I am the only one of the 9 of us to ever have a child. Three of them have adopted, two are divorced and the rest never had enough time away form work to date or find a husband. There is a saying in the Quran "do not worry about how you are going to support your children. God created them and God will take care of them".

Wowee, what to say? I thought about passing up my job jump at the second school I taught in for this very reason. However, dangle the perfect job and a big pay raise in front of any girl's face and resistance is futile. I felt terrible lying through my teeth all the time, leading my principal on for so long that I would certainly be back after having the baby, knowing that I wouldn't. I also had to wait it out to be absolutely sure, though.

Don't count on infertility. Though many people have to deal with it, chances are you won't. (I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!!) Being an equal in the great Sallie Mae you-owe-us-your-life-or-minimally-your-first-born department, I would not take on any more loans at this point, hoping for what you are hoping for.

Maybe sit down with Luke and work out a timeline for yourselves on when to switch gears and move into plan B? Obviously, give yourselves some time.

Before you are pregnant this is a really hard statement to believe, but now that my kids are here I seriously believe that it will all fall into place at just the right time.

And, an apology for all of the ass vice, but you ended with a question mark. ;0)

Also, your background is awesome!!

You are such a brave woman asking for advice. As soon as I come up with something brilliantly insightful, I'll contribute. Meanwhile, I have three children to which to tend. Two of three no where nearly planned for. :-)

Sister, I started to comment yesterday and then never got to finish! Anyway, I know you have been thinking about this a lot lately. Here's the thing, whatever you decide to do, it WILL work out. It may be harder than expected, but you can work through it together.

If you really want children now, then the job switch might have to wait. Or you could work and take a few classes at a time to get your teaching certificate, while you try to have a baby. So many options...and this is only a small portion of my thoughts...call me later. I LOVE YOU! ;) XOXOXOXO

I wouldn't wish the infertility portion of the program on anyone. Ever. But if things were to be difficult, please know that you have plenty of people to turn to for comfort and experience if you ever need us.

As far as a goal to hang your hat on? I'd put happy marriage at the top of the list. That's first. The rest, job, children, money? They're just icing.

OH Frema, Frema, Frema, don't do this to me. I am in such limbo right now so I don't think I'm the best person to be giving advice.
The ONLY thing I will say is that it will be hard to finish school or do anything extra once you have kids b/c you won't want to leave them. Or at least that's how I feel b/c I'm already away from them for nine freakin' hours since I'm a working mom.
I wish you all the best though and hope things fall into place the way you want them to.

Somebody's got this uncertainty principle that I kind of like (feeling too lazy at the moment to look up the name). But basically, we can't look too far into the future. We have to take things step by step. You could get pregnant tomorrow; it could take five years. You can't possibly know. All you can know is what's true right in this moment and make a decision for the next moment. You can know that you are unhappy in your current position and that you want to explore other options. That takes you to the next moment in which maybe you're looking up the qualifications you need to become a guidance counselor. At that point, you may decide you that's what you want or you may decide that's not what you want and you want to explore something else. Or maybe at that point your situation changes in another way. But you have no way of predicting any of that.

And from someone who is definitely "taking the long way around": there's no shame in changing course at any point in the journey.

So my 2 cents: take it step by step and go with what you know right now and can control.

Another "principle" that I like: If you want to make God laugh, make a plan.

Sorry if this rambled all over the place!

You will know what decisions to make...it will feel right in your heart...just pray.

Just wanted to let you know real quick that I finally (yes, finally) did your meme from when you tagged me two months ago! :-)

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