Celebrating Blogger's Return to Normalcy

In light of all the thought-provoking text that's been dumped on this site lately, I thought I'd give your eyes a rest by providing some mindless entertainment.

At long last, some actual pictures from Luke's and my honeymoon in Niagara Falls. The below shot was taken from New York State Park's observation deck, and it's one of my favorites. The Canadian side of the falls is so touristy; we counted about six variations of Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum, including one that featured wax replicas of beloved American gangsters. We also saw a Burger King with a mounted head of Frankenstein who was, of course, eating a Big Mac. A perfect addition to the one of the country's most romantic hotspots.

 

 

Luke took this during our Maid of the Mist boat tour. If I were wearing my glasses, I bet I'd be able to open my eyes, too, but as it was, we were so close to the water I pulled a Helen Keller and simply allowed my body to be overtaken by the w-a-t-e-r.

This is one of the photos I referred to in the post about my journey through Weight Watchers and current layover in the Land of Plenty (Plenty of Fat, that is). Clearly this is the before shot, taken at some ungodly hour in my office at the college because as usual there was some sort of urgent admissions matter to take care of on the Web site, because low deposits are the direct result of a prospective student's lack of knowledge about the institution's flexible meal-plan options.

This picture is kind of embarrassing for many reasons; not only does it mark the beginning of my "too much junk in the trunk" period, it also reminds me I wore wear sweatpants to work. WHEN PEOPLE WERE AWAKE. AND HAD ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS WITH THEM. To be fair, it only happened on the days I had off for school and I would sneak into the office to catch up on paperwork, but still. When I possessed enough common sense to even walk into a New York and Company in between scoping out Wal-Mart's clearance rack for business casual attire is beyond me. Look at my boobs, for cripe's sake! They're so droopy it's impossible to tell if I'm even wearing a bra.

When a coworker nonchalantly remarked that sweatpants are a sign one has given up on life, I should have realized he was talking about me.

The picture also reminds me of the various trials and tribulations I've weathered through with my hair; this stage may have been the worst, as I was so freakin' busy gaining weight in my computer chair there was no time to manage the rat's nest attached to my head. Clips for the bangs and a scrunchie for the length and I was good to go.

Well, maybe not quite the worst, as evidenced by an example of what can only be described as A Perfectly Valid Reason For Luke Not To Have Married Me:

I was a junior in college when this picture was taken and too broke to scrape up the dough for an eight-dollar trim at Fantastic Sam's. Yet I continued to iron and scrunch accordingly because even though I had finally come to terms with my spiral curls, I refused to believe that anything other than straight, "wispy" tresses would attractively frame my face. Also, I was afraid a new style would mark me the latest target of campus ridicule, which is laughable now considering they must've been doing that anyway. Lesson learned: when your bangs start tickling the sides of your neck, they are no longer bangs and therefore must stop being treated AS IF THEY ARE STILL BANGS.

I continued with this look until the spring before graduation, when I got a cut that took off about five inches of length and sixteen frillion inches of bang. During the winter of 2004, I told the woman I wanted a hella-cool style like the one Winona Ryder had in Reality Bites. The woman barely spoke English and therefore had no idea who Winona Ryder was (which in hindsight may not have been a bad thing), but the end result was one I was willing to live with.

The cut is only about a month old in this picture, which you can probably tell by the fact that I have not yet given up on The Sexy Bang Fantasy. Thankfully it wasn't long before I stopped treating my front layers as a separate entity and gave up flatironing altogether.

As an aside, this is the very first apartment I had all to myself, and it remains my favorite to this day. The living room slash dining room slash computer room had charming hardwood floors and intimate lighting, perfect for late nights cuddling in front of the fireplace. If I had a fireplace. Who cares if the lock on the back door in my bedroom didn't work? My bad-@$$ spaghetti-making self can overtake any intruder with just a splash of hot water, just a splash, and a sturdy pair of dollar-store tongs. Was genius, except for the color coordination of my outfits with the stove.

Ah, much better. You can see my roots, but admit it. I look damn cute. Until...

This was taken about two weeks ago, right before my last hair cut, and the lack of shape (and make-up, while we're at it; could I not have spared twelve freakin' seconds to throw on some pressed powder?!) frightens even me. Pondering life's biggest questions had apparently beaten the crap out of me with the fugliest ugly stick The Universe could find. The second my toes entered the boundaries of Brenda's station, I demanded she start cutting, and cutting, and cutting, and cutting, 'til she couldn't cut no mo. Which brings me to the present day.

[11/21/06 edit: the "after" picture was lost in The Great Blogger/TypePad merger of 2006. Woe!]

So I hadn't quite banked on The Little Orphan Annie Comeback of 2006, but seeing as Luke and I are counting every penny and there is no longer the excuse of pending nuptials to justify spending over a hundred and forty dollars at the salon, you better believe I'm gettin' my forty dollars' worth. Oh hells yes.

Well. This entry has been around the block and then some! Mostly I just wanted to show you some pictures. I guess I could've just said that.

Final thought for the night, which also happens to make an excellent segue into my last couple of snapshots, which were actually taken by Luke: it's a good thing I decided to slow down on this whole baby-making business, because our complex already has plenty of new muthas in the hizzouse:

Some bitches have all the luck.

Comments

[Sambo V.]

FREMA IS FABULOUS!!! ;)

I just commented on your last entry and then hit refresh, and lo and behold here is another entry! I didn't even finish reading the whole piece yet, but I HAD to comment first. Nice pictures and captions, so far! ;)

I love you sooooooooo much!
XOXOXO,
Sissy

[Luke]

I kept my glasses on during the Maid of the Mist tour, and I still couldn't see anything anyway.

[Lost a Sock]

Commenting at 4:50am before we take off. Now how's THAT for a loyal reader? (Oh shit, I still didn't comment on your LAST entry. I suppose I should try consistancy before giving myself mad props...)

Ya look great, I'm cracking up with what great ease you instruct the internet to look at your boobs. Ha! That has to be somewhere on par with Diane's make-up sex, no? ;0)

That last duck, I aint sayin she's a gold digger, but she aint messin with no broke, broke...

[Lost a Sock]

And, er, spell check in the comments section would be a nice addition at some point. ConsistEncy. Yes, I went to skool.

[Fraulein N]

Those birds don't have to worry about their hair, either. Total bitches.

[Britt]

I love the apartment. Excellent color schemes. Unique appliances. And I love the way the oven hangs on the wall. It's like art.

[isabel]

Am I the only one that thinks you look cute in the yearbook pic?? I really do think you look cute.

I am having the "bang issue" right now. It's a hard time.

And as always, I think you look HOTT.

(My parents have ducks and the babies always follow my Dad around like that. It's too cute!)

[Liz]

Love the pics... especially the sweet ducklings. Adorable!

Short hair really suits you, and I'm jealous. I'm pretty certain short hair wouldn't look good on me, but maybe I could check with Brenda to confirm that...

[Hilary]

"Some bitches have all the luck."
HA! That was hilarious.
Great pics though.

[butterflygirl]

You always amaze me how you write about yourself. You look beautiful in all the pictures!

[Lizzy in the City]

What a fun post. And I think you look great in all of those pics. But I especially love the circa 1963 kitchen shot!