Who Could Ask For Anything More?

Because of my recent raise at work, Luke's and my life has become relatively more comfortable. An extra hundred smackers every two weeks is nothing to sneeze over, and we decided to celebrate with dinner at the Outback on June 30. And Cheeseburger in Paradise on the ninth. And Bahama Breeze on the fourteenth. And Bub's Burgers the next afternoon. And Steak 'n Shake on Sunday night. Plus spontaneous trips to Barnes and Noble and Sephora (more on that next time). And as of yesterday, a Two-Adult Household YMCA membership. When balancing our checkbook last night, I was shocked to realize how much money we'd spent on pretty much nothing (except for the Y, and the Sephora purchase really was a necessity, but I'll get to that another day. One topic at a time, people!)

It was about a year and a half ago that I became more aware of money and the fact that frequent shopping sprees at New York and Company weren't going to pay off my car loan or release me from the thirty-year shackles Sallie Mae has cuffed to my ankles. Luke and I were talking about the future more often, and it suddenly hit me that houses and babies and family vacations all came with a price tag, and I was finally at the stage in my life where I needed to start making the proper financial accommodations. I was working at Saint Joe at the time making under thirty thousand a year, in all honesty a pretty good salary considering rent was under three hundred a month and my loans were content earning interest in the Land of Deferment until I graduated from DePaul. So I continued to live it up, financing a 2005 Chevy Cobalt after last year's (first) car accident and the subsequent totaling of my beloved Cavalier; by the end of my tenure at the college, I still hadn't saved a penny, as there were no match options for retirement-minded employees under twenty-five and I wasn't confident enough to select funds for a Roth IRA.

Moving to Indianapolis proved to be the push I needed to shape up my finances--a little. For one thing, my rent was almost three times higher and the cable bill jumped up a whopping twenty bucks. For the good of my grocery bill, I canceled the latter at the end of the trial run and learned a good lesson about separating needs from wants. I finally opened up a 401(k). Things were a little tight, but by that time Luke and I had agreed to live together in sin and assumed we'd experience only a couple of months of downtime until he secured full-time work in the city. Once he landed his job, we said, life would finally begin.

(That rumble in the sky you just heard was God laughing his @$$ off.)

September is fast approaching, and with it comes Luke's one-year anniversary of quitting his job at the Rensselaer Republican to come and be with me. With it I'm reminded of how much Luke and I have learned about ourselves, our relationship, and our heart's desire. It's a fascinating process, to whittle away the material fluff and figure out what you really need to make it in this world. We didn't talk about it on the Internet, but at the beginning of the year, Luke interviewed for a reporting position with a small weekly paper on the outskirts of Indianapolis. Because we'd learned how to live on my income from the lab and occasional checks from his temping gigs, we knew any job he accepted would make a huge impact on our lives. We'd bank all of his checks to cover a twenty-percent down payment on a house. Replace his '93 Lumina with a car that featured a fully functioning driver's-side door. Baby-make to our heart's content. I was barefoot and pregnant and living in a two-story brownstone before he was even offered the job.

But then he was offered the job, with a starting salary so low you'd think THEY thought he'd mistaken them for McDonald's. Factor in an hour round-trip commute on a car already on its last legs for a position he wasn't crazy about to begin with, and we found ourselves questioning just how badly we needed that money.

Luke thought about taking it. I could see it in his eyes that he was restless, that he hated temping, that he wanted to feel useful, even though I felt like I was the one taking advantage of him and his willingness to cook and launder and run errands in addition to conducting a job search, an involved activity in and of itself. In the end, though, he didn't, and every time we get down about not having a house and not being as ready for kids as we thought we were, I remember that our current situation is not a result of Luke's inability to find a job. Rather, it stems from a passionate belief that we don't have to settle for someone else's estimate of our self worth. It's OK to say thanks but no thanks, to set our standards high and hold out until they're met, because life is about more than driving a nice car and living in the suburbs and being debt-free. It's about being able to sleep at night knowing you made choices that honor your dignity as a human being. We wanted that money to enrich our life, but we didn't need it. We needed a roof over our heads, adequate health insurance, retirement and medical savings accounts (nothing screams "I love you" like "Please take care of Mommy and Daddy because we're old and sick and broke"), and one car that doesn't require major repair; we needed to get married to seal our commitment and take care of each other the way God intended. With a little planning and a lot of grace, we made all of those things happen. When Luke received his Anthem card in the mail last month after going ten months without any coverage at all, I felt like the last pieces of our foundation were finally cemented into place. We have nice clothes and good food and a little bit of savings and the means to get into better physical health. We have our family. Most importantly, we have each other, and I truly am so thankful to share each day of my life with this man I can at long last call my husband. Everything else will come in good time.

Meanwhile, if we choose to honor our dignity every once and a while with a Bloomin' Onion, ain't nothin' wrong with that. What do you think the insurance is for?

Comments

[Kayte Marie]

That was beautiful! I can only hope that when (or by the time...) I graduate that I will be able to learn all you have & appreciate it in the manner in which you do!!

[Lauren R.]

I hear ya Frema! Life is too short to live it without a Bloomin' Onion every once in awhile!

[Silly Hily]

Oh Frema, you crack me up! Every post is so serious, so thought out, so from your heart, so eye opening. And then you throw that last sentence in and I just lose it. Heck yeah that's why you have insurance. Eat that Bloomin' Onion up! I'm personally a fan of the cheese fries.

[dee]

We're in the process of cutting back those things that aren't necessary. I love that you have such a great outlook on this. But now, I'm really craving a Bloomin' Onion!

[Um Ibrahim]

Nine Steps to Financial freedom is a great way to begin your money managment goals. I read and worked the program going on 7 years now. It works great, however I was sick of trying to live within my means and decided to bring my means within how I wanted to live. ( I am doing that) You will have many opportunities to make or break the bank. You are both young enough to not have to worry about being and staying broke. Now is the time to go after your dreams. Luke not taking a job that in the long run would not benefit you both is a good but hard choice. When Allah wills it you will have what you want and need.

[Britt]

I fully support your Bloomin' Onion theory. Cody and I are famous for overcelebrating by going out to eat night after night.

What's that honey?? You shaved your legs today? We better go get a burger to celebrate!!

[Liz]

Good for you!

[Lost a Sock]

You are so right, about everything. (Haven't you always wanted someone to verify that?) You guys are doing great. It's so wonderful that you have this figured out...I wish I could learn it as I flounder around.

You guys are an awesome couple, and I have no doubt that things are going to work out perfectly for you in time.

[Lost a Sock]

Geez how many times can I say "you guys" in a comment? (Yous guys. Da Bears!) :0)

[Isabel]

I love how you told me you were going to blog about YMCA, but really it was so much more than that.

I just nodded my head as I read this post. You did such a great job at writing it. This may be one of my faves (except for the one where you posted the picture of your wedding book where you had written your name in the wrong place...CLASSIC).

Anyway, being an adult and having to pay the bills sucks. But it's life. I'm so happy that you and Luke have each other and that you support each other and want the best for each other. That, my friend, is what marriage is about.

Good luck to you both!

(Oh, and can I add that Babboo hasn't cost us much money at all. You'd be surprised at the amount of gifts people, like you, give. Daycare is the only thing that is going to cost us!! What I'm saying is....get on the baby-making!!)

[Hippster]

My husband and I so feel you on this one. It's tough to walk away from an offer, but if it's not what you want and what will make you happy, well, how long would you last there anyway? Plus, ya'll aren't starving or suffering as a result.

Good luck with the baby making stuffs. We (I mean ME) are in the "I WANT a baby, but I WANT to lose weight and I WANT more in savings, and I WANT IT ALL AT ONCE." Sheesh, it's not like I'm asking for money to grow on trees.

*Oh yeah. Hi! I'm new (well more like a lurker) to your site, and love it!*

[Number Twelve]

Frema - There's a lot personal growth here. Congrats and how cool that you and Luke (continue to) do it together.

Um - Excellent comment. That's the one issue I have with Suze and it looks like you came up with a terrific answer... figure out a way (although it may take some time) to have you means meet the way you want to live.

[mjd]

And Daddy D and I are so thankful that you share each day of your life with the man you call your husband.

YEAAAA!!!