Or, I'm Not So Sure The Second One Comes Off As Well In Print
Scene 1. The Salon That Must Not Be Named Because I Don't Care to be Sued, Thursday.
After weeks of split ends, Frema chances a second visit to Magda for a simple trim. (There's also about two months and three inches' worth of outgrowth, but Frema will continue to ignorance its existence until her bank account is sufficiently funded to handle emergencies unrelated to car insurance.)
Magda: So, do you live around here?
Frema: Yes. My husband and I like this area so much we'd like to buy a house here. We've even started neighborhood-shopping.
Magda: Well, it's a great place to live, except one thing. The schools in this township are horrible.
Frema: Really? I hadn't heard that.
Magda: Oh, yes. The kids get good grades and all, but there's a lot of blacks.
Frema (eyes widening): Excuse me?
Magda: This area used to be primarily white until about fifteen or twenty years ago, when blacks and Mexicans started moving in.
Frema: Well, that doesn't sound like a good reason not to send my kids here. (Notices shears poised above her tender, Hispanic scalp and chuckles nervously). I'm from Chicago. I actually enjoy diversity.
Magda: Good for you, hon!
Frema: Head explodes.
Scene 2. Frema-Useless Clutter Apartment, Sunday.
After several hours of AMC recaps, the VCR is turned off to reveal a news report about this plane crash.
Broadcaster: Forty-nine people were killed, including a couple that was married only the night before.
Frema: Oh my God, that's horrible!
Broadcaster: Yes, isn't it? In other news, Indianapolis saw more rain than it would've liked this past weekend...
Frema: Well, that was a crappy sēgue.
Luke: What?
Frema: A sēgue. You know, a transition?
Luke: You mean segway.
Frema: No, sēgue, with a long "e" sound. People on the Internet use it when they're going from one topic to another.
Luke: The hell?
Frema: Do I need to spell it out for you? (Spells it out for him.) There is no "way" in that word.
Luke: Starts to laugh while he makes a run for the dictionary. Minutes later, Frema stares in disbelief at the pronounciation key.
Frema: Well, shit, what do you know.
Luke: You really thought there was a long "e"?
Frema: I even said it that way on the phone once. Just last week, in fact.
Luke: Clutches sides, gasps for breath.
Frema: I'm an asshole.
One mistake does not make an a--hole.Not a big deal and you learn from the mistake and go on. Life is good!
Posted by: mrs. c (molly's mom) | August 28, 2006 at 03:10 AM
You definitely are not an a-hole -especially, when you were able respond to Magda with a meaningful reply even when she was armed and dangerous. Yea, Frema.
Posted by: mjd | August 28, 2006 at 09:05 AM
See? You learn something new everyday!
Posted by: Stacey | August 28, 2006 at 11:45 AM
First story? Tragic... Hard to believe people *still* think that way.
Second story? HILARIOUS!!
Posted by: Angela | August 28, 2006 at 12:04 PM
Well...it IS Indiana...God bless the state where I was born and raised :-/
Posted by: David McNelis | August 28, 2006 at 01:58 PM
You just cant have a good racist conversation with anyone now a days. I guess when you pass for una chica blanca you will be treated as such. Ignore those folks they are not worth the time or energy.
Posted by: Um Ibrahim | August 28, 2006 at 03:14 PM
I can't believe your hairstylist said that. I was clearly naive in thinking that no one said things like that anymore. Good gracious, I don't know how you kept your cool, I'd have been furious!
And your brain is worth MUCH MORE than the paper your English degree is printed on!!! My husband still teases me because there was some car called something or other (I mean, hey, it's a car, give me a break) and I insisted and ARGUED with him that the real name of the car was the "esplanade". No, I don't know where I got it. *blush*
Posted by: Mrs. S | August 28, 2006 at 03:25 PM
Oh Frema, that second story is funny. Mispronunciation does not make an idiot, it's more ideas like those in your first story.
I'm with mrs.s- I kind of knew people thought like that, but I certainly didn't think they said it OUT LOUD! My goodness!
Posted by: Art Nerd Lauren | August 28, 2006 at 05:37 PM
It's one thing when it's your hairdresser, another when it's your family! I find myself smacking my forhead in disbelief every time there's a family get together.
In regards to your second story, I've had problems with the words "cache" and "queue." It's embarassing.
Posted by: Marriage-101 | August 28, 2006 at 05:43 PM
What can I say that hasn't been said already?
Posted by: butterflygirl | August 28, 2006 at 08:25 PM
Some people may not be worth fighting with about other people. Now, the question is : " Can she really cut hair or not?" If yes, then there may be value in a relationship of a busness nature. But then the trouble from the bad taking can make it time to move on. This kind of thing is never easy. If the net worth is there, fine if not go on down the road.
On the other hand, you are both wordsmiths. Thereby, you can figure out the whatever about long and short e's.
Posted by: daddy d | August 28, 2006 at 08:35 PM
You crack me up.
But your racist hairstylist doesn't.
Posted by: Britt | August 28, 2006 at 11:58 PM
Shame on your hairstylist.
Posted by: gawilli | August 29, 2006 at 12:47 AM
Hey my mom sounds like Mr. Miyagi up there. (See, now who's the asshole?)
As long as your kids don't have to go to school with Magda, they'll be juuuust fine.
Wax on, Wax off.
Posted by: Lost A Sock | August 29, 2006 at 01:24 AM
Mispronunciation can be charming! I remain married to Dave even though he once told me he didn't like one of my friends because they were too "hooty tooty."
He meant hoity toity.
He is not amused that I still make fun of him for it.
Posted by: Emily | August 29, 2006 at 02:55 PM
Aw, that was a cute mistake though; you're not an asshole! Magda, on the other hand...
Posted by: Fraulein N | August 30, 2006 at 12:58 PM
So I guess you need to find a new hairdresser.
(and get this, I had the technician who was giving me a brazilian wax totally diss my religion during the entire process. But hello...I wasn't about to say ANYTHING to her. Nope, I just let her rant away. There was too much at stake..)
Posted by: Isabel | August 30, 2006 at 11:31 PM
Sounds like Magda runs around with a white hood in her free time! Dan once ventured to get his hair cut for the 1st time at this place only a few blocks away. Turns out that the barber told Dan the whole reason hurricane Katrina hit was because of the "faggots" that lived there. He continued on bu saying the Middle Eastern countries were in chaos because God was punishing them for the terrorism. Long story short, I buzz my baby's head now!! You should have told Magda you are Mexican. I would have and then I would've told her that she shouldn't share those kind of feelings with clients or anyone else. You just never know someone else's background.
Posted by: Sambo V. | September 03, 2006 at 07:19 PM