Contraception and Religion: Good Alone But Better Together

OK, so I've already failed my Recommitment to Emptying the Junk in My Trunk plan, seeing as I didn't make it to the gym in time for tonight's hip-hop aerobics class. (Will I ever make it to this class?) Instead, I came home and prepared the barbequed roast beef sandwiches as directed by my online dinner menu, courtesy of Betty Crocker's famous red cookbook. It turned out pretty well, and I was delighted to see the recipe categorized as both fast AND low-fat, though I still prefer the trunk-friendly Sloppy Joe.

But enough of this nutritional nonsense. There are more important things to talk about than what's simmering on my stove. For example....

(Per Silly Hily) What is one thing that Luke does that drives you nuts and he knows it, but he still does it b/c that's "just him"?

Before I answer this question, let me be clear on one thing: when it comes to pitching in around the house, Luke is The Bomb. He cooks and does laundry and scrubs mold out of the grout in the shower without making a fuss, runs spontaneous errands without blinking an eye, and packs a lunch for me every day. I know any questionable housekeeping tendencies he might keep are due to unintentional oversight or ignorance of their existence.

That being said, he tends to splash water everywhere whenever he washes up for bed, and when he engages in his weekly hair buzzing, those hairs somehow end up on the walls, in the sink, around the ring of the bath tub, etc. Perhaps they become invisible once they're detached from his scalp. Maybe they sprout minds of their own and embark on treacherous journeys from the garbage can to the previously listed destinations, just to the spite the bitch who's trying to bring them down. Who's to say? I've spoken to Luke about this, but apparently it's a mystery to us both. He also has a bad habit of spilling coffee grounds on the floor near the garbage can.

I'm going to stop now, lest my husband reveal to the Internet any of MY bad habits, like my resistance to showering after returning home from the Y because when I wake up my hair is clean, yes, but flat and bent at odd angles, so why bother taking a shower when I'll just have to take one again in the morning to combat it all?

Whoops.

Are you on birth control now?

That's the million-dollar question right there. Many of you will remember the freak-out I had over Very Mom's post about possible effects of The Pill. I had been happily subscribing to this method of birth control for approximately eight years, and it only took twenty-four hours for me to swear off chemical contraception for the remainder of my reproductive years. Some might view my stance as overboard, but it's what allows me to sleep at night, so there you go.

Luckily, Very Mom's post also offered information about natural family planning via Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health. It's similar to the rhythm method in that it encourages women to watch for internal signs that ovulation is about to take place, but it differs in that it dismisses the conventionally held truth that women's cycles are typically twenty-eight days, a truth perpetuated by many doctors even today. (I'm a thirty-four dayer myself, thank you for asking.) After discussing matters with Luke, we decided to purchase the book and use condoms while I gave myself a crash course in the significance of waking temperatures and cervical fluid.

In the last seven months, my "crash course" has translated into devouring exactly fifty-two pages, two of which are dedicated to detailed graphics of male and female genitalia. Meanwhile, we continue to pump hard-earned dollahs into the convenience and protection offered by the latex industry.

I'll be the first to admit the situation's less than ideal. Condoms are for teenaged prom queens who want to safeguard their chances of pledging to an Ivy League sorority, not college-educated, properly wed DINKS with the financial means to support a child. Right? I was never fond of physical barriers to intimacy before I was married. I certainly didn't want to implement them with the man who's promised to love me for as long as we both shall live.

Here's the sticky part: As much as I desperately want to have a baby, I also have expectations I desperately want to follow in terms of child rearing. Meaning, I don't want to have to utilize daycare, which admittedly has more to do with my own needs than the baby's. I know plenty of little ones thrive in structured environments where they're regularly introduced to other children and adults besides their parents. I don't think a woman's role is serving her husband barefoot and pregnant, and I don't think a mother who works outside the home loves her children any less. My friend Gina recently opened up her own dance studio, and during our last phone conversation I remember thinking, "If I had a job like that, there's no way I'd want to leave it." Though if I did, the whole dilemma would be moot because I'd be the boss and as such could keep my offspring at my side all the livelong day.

As a writer, I'm lucky. My current job, boring as it may be at times, offers a lot of flexibility, and good thing, too, because between Luke and me, I make more money, so if we received a surprise package from Mr. Stork, and it was necessary for our well-being to do so, I could definitely work from home, even though the idea of juggling newsletter deadlines and screaming babies on a full-time basis is less than appealing. I want to change the diapers do the feedings read Beatrix Potter stories dance to Baby Mozart anytime I want to, because babies are only babies for a short time, and I don't want to miss any of it. Not one single minute.

Until we can make that happen, until we're in a place where we can bring a brand-new person into the world and raise him/her in the way we're most comfortable, I don't want to take any chances.

(Now, I could have spared you all that drama and simply said yes, we use birth control, but what fun would that have been?)

Have you and Luke found a church or a common ground in that area?

Another happy topic! Last time I mentioned this, I gave the impression of freeing myself from the perceived restriction of religious labels, opting instead to embrace all the practices in which my relationship with God can be strengthened. Today? Luke and I agree that our family's spiritual formation will most likely take place in the walls of a Protestant church, and we agree we want to have them baptized as infants in said church, but that's been the extent of it because I'm terrified of the day I can no longer call myself a Catholic. There's no other way to say it, and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I know Luke is the man I want as both a husband and father (not my father, you sick bastard), and I have no doubts that God put him in my life to fulfill those roles for me. Therefore, I imagine He's counting on me to find a way to make it all work. I haven't yet. And that's all I have to say about that.

Did you watch Sex and the City? If so, which character are you most like?

At last, a serious question. I was beginning to think Hilary wasn't interested in who I am as a person.

According to this survey, I take after Miranda, which I'm pretty happy about because she has the snappiest comebacks, hottest husband, and the ability to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. However, her reputation is slightly tainted in my eyes due to the name she chose for her son. Sure, it was a nice gesture to give the kid Steve's last name, but by the end of the show they were married, and even if she kept her maiden name, what about the boy? Did he remain Brady Hobbes, or did he become Brady Brady? Seriously, if anyone can shed some light on this very important subject, you'll be rewarded with dreams of furry kittens and gobs of raw cookie dough.

Of course, if you made it to the end of this post, you pretty much deserve that, anyway.

Comments

[New Mezger]

I was recently confirmed in the Episcopal church. I grew up Methodist and my husband grew up Catholic. We both love it and it's just like both of our churches (odd, right?).

I know your religion is not my business, but I wanted to share our experience. Good luck with this decision. I know it's difficult and important.

[Luke]

The real answer to Silly Hilly's question, "What is one thing that Luke does that drives you nuts and he knows it, but he still does it b/c that's 'just him'?" is when I roll my eyes back, slouch a bit, and shuffle toward Frema like a zombie. She really hates that. Creeps her out like nobody's business, believe you me.

[Silly Hily]

Yeah, Frema take all that crap about Luke down (the good and the bad) and replace it with what he said b/c I think he's right.
Glad I had a good comeback with the SATC question. I really would have NEVER guessed you to be most like Miranda. I think I'm least like her. I actually thought that watching it the other night. Thanks for answering my questions (and HA! you said "sticky part" sorry, couldn't help myself). Excellent answers. Now, I'm off to take the quiz to see if it says I'm most like who I totally am. B/c I AM one of the characters.

[Liz]

I think I'm most like Miranda, too, although I really wanted to be Carrie (except with all the great shoes and none of the debt or cigarettes).

[Art Nerd Lauren]

I hear ya on the dreading the day you no longer identify yourself as Catholic. It's a scary prospect. In some ways the Church has been diametrically opposed my own thoughts, yet I constantly defend it to others. Scar-y.

Miranda, huh? I'm off to take that test.

[Blue Angel]

I saw your comment on Silly Hily's page. Guess what????? People think that my hubby looks like Keifer. I don't see it, but we get it a lot. So I guess I can keep him off my list because I have Keifer only better.
And I watch SATC all the time. I must be slow b/c I never thought about Brady being Brady Brady. duh! Now I am pondering and the show is over. Thanks for making me question fictional characters lives as if they were real. Poor child.

[auntie betty]

just a quick hello xoxoxo

[European]

1. I believe boy hair DOES become invisible (to boys) after they cut it off. Thus, I get to clean boy hairs off every surface (except the ceilings) in my bathroom. I try to be zen about it.
2. The evil pill. I found out about this 2 years ago and was VERRRRRY mad nobody told me (all those prescription-writers for YEARS!!!). On top of that, I'm ALLERGIC to latex. And the temperature method freaked The Husband and me out too much... so we became what we never thought we would be - a condom couple.
3. I like CAPS and (parenthesis) and you probably know more about me than you evar wanted to know. Sorry

[Swampwitch]

I haven't had the time to "research" your blog, but will try later...BUT, I did want to ask: How many pounds of beef did those sandwiches have on them? They looked yummy !

[Roxanne]

I would be freaked out if my husband was a zombie, too. It might put a damper on the baby making if you know what I mean. ;)

[Stacey]

I made it to the end...and I even clicked on the links! You're a fascinating person, Frema.

And I *hate* hormonal birth control (I've done the IUD and the pill), and now I'm a condom girl too.

[Isabel]

Brady Brady? That is silly. I hadn't thought about that.

Loved our answers.

I tried the whole "take control of your own fertility" and thought I had it all figured out. Then I got pregnant and realized that I ovulate on like day 21!! Which is very odd. When I looked back over my charts I realized that I had gotten pregnant all three times on day 21 and not day 16 like I had thought. Man did I feel dumb.

Oh well.

(The sandwich looks yummy!)

[Sambo V.]

I didn't realize that Steve's last name was Brady and the baby was NAMED after his last name. Whew. That being said, I think it remained Hobbes after they were married because I don't remember the name change coming up. I've seen EVERY SINGLE episode countless times, so I expect some raw cookie dough...and oh yes, I will eat it all!! ;)

P.S. You answer such important questions with real grace and thought sista! ;)