Sharing The Secrets Of The Online Sisterhood

For the first time since I began working for the lab last June, I've been invited out to lunch with a coworker, our quality assurance director, one of the guys who accompanied me to the chemistry conference I attended in Chicago over the summer. He's a very nice guy, someone with whom I've since held interesting talks about Indy's real estate market, office gossip, and the conundrums of everyday life. This is very exciting, because while there are several coworkers I interact with on a daily basis, none of them have attempted to engage a relationship with me outside the confines of the company break room. I'm not sure where we'll go, or if he'll attempt to pay, or if we'll have the ability to maintain a conversation for sixty minutes, but I'm thankful for the opportunity to try.

As I contemplate the possibility of becoming friends with someone who shares my place of employment, I also wonder about this blog; mainly, whether or not this person can ever be trusted to know about it, and if so, when? It's like I'm a single mother who can't decide if telling a potential suitor about the two children I have parked in front of the TV at the babysitter's house while I'm on the prowl for a bit o' nookie. Will he use this information to advance his own sinister agenda? Inform his QA buddies I'm only in it for the blog content? Send an anonymous e-mail to my boss warning him to keep an eye on the communications girl, who parked her car directly behind the window to his office last week and subsequently discovered his fancy for online solitaire, a fancy she almost exposed on the World Wide Web?

(A fancy she just exposed on the World Wide Web?)

When I worked at the college, this wasn't an issue. I was so new to the blogging world that I saw no reason to hide this link from my buddies in institutional advancement. That was before I learned about the possibility of getting dooced; now, only one person here knows about my alter ego, and that's only because she was a student at Saint Joe who interned for my office.

At point can you consider a coworker a friend? And when should that friend be privy to the fact that you post more than press releases and test announcements on the Internet?

Comments

[Roxanne]

I would have to say (as with many things related to relationships), go with your gut instinct. No one is ever safe from being exposed, in whatever capacity. It's your choice to remain totally closed, totally open (wouldn't recommend it but it's works for some I guess), or conservatively cautious. Good question though!

[Silly Hily]

NO ONE at my work knows about my blog and I plan to keep it that way. I blog often at work though and sometimes, I've blogged about them. I try not to but sometimes I need to...to let off some steam. I only work with 4 other people though, 2 male and 2 female and they are all old enough to be my parents and are all pretty conservative and I think some of my blog content would give them a heart attack. Seriously.
I did ponder "coming out" to a girl that used to work here. We were friends. But, she got fired and I just don't know that I trust her. I thought several times of telling her but now I am SO glad I didn't.
My blog is something I'm proud of but I can't tell you how many times I wish certain people didn't know about it. It would make it much easier to talk about some things.
Just think about that. Once you tell him, you can NEVER take it back. And then do whatever your gut is telling you.

And now, I'm going to go start a website of my own and it shall be called www.favoritefremalines.com and your "mom looking for nookie" line is what will make the list from today's post.

[Rachel]

Nobody that I work with knows about my blog. It's not so much a trust thing as much as it is a privacy thing. My work life and my personal life are separate and that's how I want it, but the decision is yours and listen to your instincts, 99.9% of the time, they are right.

[Kelley]

Yeah, that's tricky. What if you go to lunch and discover that he is seriously disturbed or wacky or dabbles in bizarre hobbies or in any other way demonstrates that he would make GREAT CONTENT?

You've got a lot of posts to produce before the end of the month - give him a chance to be fodder before you reveal the blog. ;)

[Lost A Sock]

No one I work with knows about my blog. Then again, I don't work.

(Ok yes I do but the pay is for shit.)

Go with your gut, I'd say.

[Um Ibrahim]

do you really need to make friends with a man? How is this relationship going to help you at work or home? Does your husband have women that he goes out to lunch with? I may be an old fuddy duddy on this one but the chant "lead us not into temptation" might be something to think about before persuing this relationship.

[Stacey]

Hmm. I am not much help here, because my place of employment was a school. An elementary school, consisting of a staff of 40 females and one male coach. We were all friends, right from the start, and spent a lot of time socializing outside of work too. Most of the teachers know about my blog, some read it daily, but if I was still working there, I would be more careful about some of things I say (and how I say them) on my blog.

[Frema]

Um Ibrahim - You're not an old fuddy duddy, but I'm not talking about exchanging phone numbers or tossing a few beers back after work; just somebody to grab lunch with every once in a while, something Luke and I have done with members of the opposite sex many times. Such is the nature of office life. I'm more interested in exploring the appropriateness of revealing the existence of my online identity with someone in the workplace.

[Anonymous]

One of my coworkers has become my best friend, and I'm close enough to others that they read my blog. But I usually told them about it after I had gotten comfortable telling them other things about my personal life--it was a step by step process. Of course, the other side of it is that I'm always careful/conscious about what I blog about, which really, I do naturally because ANYONE in my life could find it at ANY time.

[debi]

Just remember,you can't unring the bell. If he told one friend and that friend told one friend,,,,,will you still feel as free as you do now? Do you feel free right now? Hmm, I guess I am a tiny bit paranoid.

[CPA Mom]

No one at my work knows and no one ever will. How else can I talk about them?

[Britt]

I'm always nervous about which of my "real life" friends find out about my blog. I worry that something I write will upset them.

[Lindsey]

I think it's awesome you are going to hopefully make a new friend! That is so exciting. I welcome any opportunity to make new friends--I've been living in Richmond for 2 years now, but I work in a fairly small office and would welcome the opportunity to meet more people in this town. The people I have met are wonderful and I have very meaningful friendships, don't get me wrong, but it's always fun to meet new people. Anyway, I am rambling. What I was going to tell you was that my friend Sarah works with me, but we started our blogs around the same time. The other girl at my work who knows about my blog knew about it before she started working with me this past Monday. Other than that I don't tell anyone, even this girl I am sort of friends with. I say keep it secret from him...at least for a long time...you don't want to always be thinking, oh my gosh I can't say that because he might read it. That's my opinion, you'll know what's right :-)

[Art Nerd Lauren]

I also like to keep my blog on the down-low, because sometimes I wish I could write about my ILs or my family, but they know, and then for every person in my life that I talk about, when they find out about my artnerdiness, I have to go back and "edit" what I've said about them.

What it amounts to, for me, is that I'm a big chicken, and I don't want people to know what I really think sometimes. I blow off steam a lot, and I wouldn't want them to read it any more than I'd want to read things of that nature about myself. If that makes any sense.

[Erika]

The right time is: when you discover THEY have a blog too!

[Isabel]

I would NEVER tell anyone at work about my blog. The only people that know are my husband and my best friend from high school (that lives far, far away).

Oh, and the two girls from high school that FOUND ME a few weeks ago.

[Jenabeeb]

I learned the hard way not to tell people I worked with. My former boss actually called me on some tiny, insignificant thing I blogged about. I was stupid. Don't be stupid.