I've Got A Food Attitude

For as long as I can remember, I've always been a picky eater. If a food possesses a smell, texture, or physical appearance that's not to my liking, it's blackballed from my palette and never thought of again. When I was a kid, this posed a lot of problems for my mother, who cooked the majority of our meals, because she often wanted to prepare something that wasn't chicken, spaghetti, tacos, or pizza, and I didn't want to eat anything other than chicken, spaghetti, tacos (on flour tortillas only), or pizza. There were a couple of times where her "You're not leaving until you eat that!" directive meant me sitting at the kitchen table for hours, staring at yellow paint and wooden panels, the antique knick-knacks perched on top of the cabinets, or updated school pictures fastened to the refrigerator because I was too stubborn to take even one bite of her refried beans and she was too stubborn to let a nine-year-old kid break her spirit. One morning she threatened bodily harm if I didn't just EAT THE DAMN SCRAMBLED EGGS, so eat them I did. And then promptly threw up.

We didn't struggle a lot over food after that.

As an adult, I've continued to sustain my body on a limited menu. I still love chicken, spaghetti, tacos (actually, most forms of beef), and pizza and eat 'em at least once a week. I love barbeque ribs and ham and bacon and cheeseburgers and potatoes in any form (read: french fries). I enjoy whole kernel corn, green beans, onions (required for Outback's Bloomin' Onion), sugarsnap peas, cheese, and various types of fruit. Dessert items rock my socks off.

The following foods will only find themselves on my plate if I'm dead:

• Seafood of any kind
• Eggs (Ah, memories)
• Macaroni and cheese (The smell is unlike anything I've ever experienced)
• Macaroni noodles (You know, because of the mac and cheese thing) and other "thick" pasta shapes
• Oatmeal (Tasty to-go bars don't count)
• Sauces with a non-tomato base
• Beans (Unless they're in chili, and even then I pick them out)
• Whole mushrooms (Chopped up on pizza is acceptable)
• Tuna (Except in tuna cassarole)
• Salami
• Burritos
• French toast
• Avocados
• Salad (Because I hate lettuce)
• Sour cream
• Mayonnaise (Except in my spinach dip receipe)
• Custard
• Cranberries
• Cottage cheese
• Tapioca (Thanks for reminding me, Bdogg!)
• Quiche
• Tiramisu
• Any sort of pot pie
• Omelets
• Indian food (Too afraid to try it)
• Most Chinese food (Though I do enjoy orange chicken)
• Most Japanese food (Unless it's beef fried rice, and I still pick out the egg chunks)
• Select meat-and-cheese combinations (Shredded cheese on tacos is delish; sausage-and-cheese croissants inspire my gagging reflex; meats with cheese stuffed inside of them are also gross. Cheese does not make everything better, people!)

I'm sure there are others, and there are a few exceptions, but them's the biggies. Any dishes outside of my love/hate radar are tolerable, I suppose, but why bother with them when I can get my taste on with something I one-hundred-percent enjoy?

My contentedness with not trying anything new never bothered anyone until I started dating, and it didn't bother ME until I started dating Luke. Our relationship has always embraced a liberal dining-out policy, meaning an oil change is reason enough to flock to the nearest Applebee's, so this topic comes up all the time. I usually go for American grill or Italian-style restaurants, while he's interested in trying out the little Thai place across the street from Wal-Mart. If I suggest a place, it's usually to satisfy a specific craving. Outback equals Bloomin' Onion. Ted's Montana Grill (my new favorite place) means a bison cheeseburger and fries. Don Pablo's? Steak quesadillas. (Another instance where I sanction the marriage of meat and cheese.) I'll go anywhere you want, but you can bet your mother's life I'll ask for a burger, ribs, or chicken strips, and that's after I guilt you into ordering the dip.

For Luke's sake, sometimes I want to throw caution to the wind and just try a crab leg already. I know he'd take greater pleasure in our meals out if I took a more open-minded approach towards food. He also gets sick of my wrinkled nose and "Oooh, I don't like that, how can you eat that?" comments every time he takes a bite of something that didn't originate from a cow.

But what if I don't like the crab leg? Am I going to shell out eleven ninety-five for another platter? Stare at my entree forlornly until it's time to pay the bill? My daredevilism could very well come back to bite me in the ass.

This evening, Luke and I are going to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. (Twenty-seven, thank you for asking!) It will actually be the culmination of a series of food-centric events held in the honor of my departure from my mother's uterus; the shenanigans started on Sunday, when we went to Ted's for dinner, and tonight Luke's making tacos, after which we'll visit the Factory for their to-die-for cheesecake. (I refused to try cheesecake until college because I thought it was literally a blend of cheese and cake. Like, American cheese. If that's not reason enough to loosen up, the only reason my passion for spinach dip exists is Luke's hankering for it on our first date and my unwillingness to rock the boat.) Our first visit was in December, when I feasted upon their brownie sundae concoction, a miracle because they also have banana cheesecake, and usually when I'm ordering a dessert I always go for the banana option. On that night, though, I could SEE the sigh in Luke's eyes as we considered our options, and I thought, "Oh, what the hell."

Because I subscribe to a strict "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" philosophy, I think I want the brownie sundae again. Or the banana. Or maybe I'll ask the Internets for their opinion.

Here is a link to the Factory's menu. While I wish I could say I'll go with the majority vote, I'll probably just do whatever I want. Nonetheless, feel free to de-lurk and offer a suggestion. I promise to think about it really, really hard.

Edited to add: I just re-read this entry and realized I listed my age as twenty-eight years old. I am only twenty-seven. Apparently "counting correctly" isn't on my list of ways to celebrate my birthday.

Comments

[CPA Mom]

Since I'm doing weight watchers, I'm must decline your invitation to even go to that link for fear the cheesecake will lure me in. Because we have a Factory on the way home. And.I.Must.Resist.The.Evil

BTW, Happy, Happy Birthday!

[Elizabeth]

I, too, am super-picky. I stayed away from cheese cake for the same reason you stated: cheese and cake?? YuCK! Now I will only go near it if it contains mostly chocolate ingredients, they mask the cheese taste I assume must be there. I think the Chocolate Oreo Mudslide is what I had when I was there... delish.

Don't get me started on fruit combined with other things, such as cheesecake, ice cream and cottage cheese. Wrong!

[Audrey]

Happy Birthday!

Much of your list is also on my list of Things I Will Not Eat Because Just The Smell Of Them Makes Me Gag. Eggs and tuna both reside very near the top of my list.

[Luke]

I think I'll call ahead this afternoon and arrange to have a special crab-meat cheesecake made just for you.

Really, though, I vote that you get the banana.

[Rachel]

I'd go with the Mud Pie thingy or the Godiva Sundae. They sound really really good. Of course, I don't like cheesecake and I love chocolate.

There is not too much food that I will not eat. I won't eat peanut butter or jelly. Or cheesecake. If it's a dessert I usually won't even try it if it's not chocolate.

[bdogg_mcgee]

Oh, Frema, I think I died a little when you said that cheese does not make everything better. [sob]

But, I respect your opinions, although I'm really intrigued as to why you dislike French toast so much. Is it the batter that consists of eggs and milk?

I've never been a picky eater--you put it in front of me, I'll eat it. Except tapioca pudding, and bananas (I know--gasp!)and beets. You know, this might inspire me to do my own post about foods I abhor!

As for Cheesecake Factory--I love their cheesecake with the peanut butter cups (I think it has peanut butter cups on it) but I also love their other desserts, specifically the Blackout Cake, the Apple Dumpling, and the Strawberry Shortcake. I might have to request that we go there for MY birthday, which is coming up in three weeks!

So from one fellow January birthday to the other, I wish you the happiest of birthdays. I know that this will be the best year yet for you!

[Art Nerd]

Happy birthday, dear Frema!

I vote for the banana thing too. Mmmm, nanners. I am also picky, and dessert often proves a problem. The reason is not, however, my pickiness, but the sudden fashion to put frickin raspberries on everything! I am allergic, and sometimes I think I'm the only one in the free world. They are everywhere!!

I agree with you on seafood. I watch a lot of Food Network, and I think it looks good. But when placed in the same room as fish, I gag. Ew. Just wrong.

[Frema]

Thanks, Bdogg, for reminding me of my hatred for tapioca, too!

[dee]

I'm a very picky eater as well. I have actually had to close my eyes when someone is eating something I don't like (seafood especially) so that my gag reflex doesn't kick in.

We have made it a tradition over the last few years to go to the Cheesecake Factory every year for my birthday (which is coming up in February). I can never decide which dessert I want but whatever I choose is always good. I've had the snickers cheesecake and the chocolate oreo mudslide cheesecake several times. Hope you have a great time and a very Happy Birthday!

[Liz]

Happy Birthday!

I have to admit that it's always been a little hard for me to understand picky eating, since I'll try just about anything as long as it's seafood or vegetarian. But hey- to each her own. ;)

Maybe Luke would share a bite or two of whatever he orders when you two eat out, so you can try new things without ordering an entire plateful?

[Angela]

Oh man... I would have never eaten cheesecake either if I thought it was some sort of American cheese concoction! How revolting!

Anyway, I'm equally dull at restaurants. I have a specific order for each type of restaurant and I stick to it faithfully. And so, I can say with great conviction that the Godiva cheesecake is BY FAR the best selection at Cheesecake factory. But then I've never tried anything else there, so you know, grain of salt.

[Erika]

LOL...aren't burritos just tacos on a flour tortilla? I'll eat ANYTHING on a flour tortilla. ANYTHING. Hamburger Helper, even.

I have never been to Cheesecake Factory. How ridiculous is THAT?

[Silly Hily]

I could have done this post myself, pretty much word for word (with a few food changes...mac & cheese? really? can't live without it). I'm just like you and my hubby is just like Luke. JUST LIKE! I didn't even look at the menu because I know you will try whatever you want to try and you should because it's YOUR birthday. (Happy birthday again!)
And also, you just reminded me what I have to look forward to with Silly Girl. She won't eat anything other than pasta and pizza and a few chicken nuggets and fries. She has even gagged when we tried to get her to eat other things. I don't even try anymore.

[Margarita]

A Birthday Song for Frema:
Happy Happy Birthday,
You're so freakin cool.
Happy Happy Birthday,
You always make me drool.
Happy Happy Birthday,
I hope it's lots of fun.
Happy Happy Birthday,
Celebrate like you're twenty-one.

That's all I got.

[bdogg_mcgee]

You're going to tell us what you ended up getting, right? You should make it a sort of contest or something.... :)

[Steph T]

Happy Birthday! I am personally a fan of the peanut butter and chocolate marriage, so I vote for Adam's peanut butter cup fudge ripple. If you like a nice adult type beverage, I also recommend the Red Raspberry Martini. It's the best I have ever tasted. Have fun and have a great birthday!

[mjd]

Happy 27th Birthday Frema, I hope that your 28th year is the best one yet. Take care.
See you soon.

[TasterSpoon]

I didn't see where you were on citrus? I take issue with citrus desserts. Lemon bars, candied lemon peel, fruitcakes or any other baked good containing citrus peels, lime Jell-o, yellow Skittles.

I make exception, however, for Key Lime Pie. Mainly because of the graham cracker crust. But if I'm not mistaken, CF makes a Key Lime Cheesecake. It's a shame CF won't make a flight of cheesecakes. They have so many options, yet each choice is such a big commitment. How much more exciting to try a sampler!

[Tina]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[Lizzy]

Wow, dude. That's some picky eating.

More for me?

[Brooke]

You most likely already went to eat but just for ha, I probably would have got the ADAM'S PEANUT BUTTER CUP FUDGE RIPPLE CHEESECAKE or the SNICKERS BAR CHUNKS CHEESECAKE.

[betty]

happy birthday honey

[Lindsey]

I read excerpts from this post to Edgar after announcing, "I think I found you your soul mate." He is the Frema and I am the Luke in our relationship. Eat the damn crab leg already, Frema!

Happy Birthday! (I tried to comment last night, but typepad was down)

[Judy]

hey, i'll be 27 this April. 1980 was a good year! :)

ok... Cheesecake Factory... that's Heaven in my book. sure, the dinners are awesome and fantastic. but the desserts? let's just say, if i could eat everything on their dessert menu without affecting my health negatively in any way, i would totally do it. and probably in one sitting.

also... as far as wanting to try to seafood thing but then not really wanting to fork out the money for something you may not like; i would totally suggest a Seafood Buffet. i'm serious. granted, you may have to go to a beachy place to find one (my favorite is in Myrtle Beach, SC), but they are the perfect place to try everything seafood. (and don't worry, they have regular chicken and beef options as well, just in case you don't like the seafood) with the buffet, you just pay one flat charge (usually $15-$20 per person) and everything is at your disposal. and, if you decide you don't like something you chose, you just go get another plate of something else. it's a win-win situation. that's where i got to try swordfish (LOVE IT), shark (not too shabby), and lobster (don't really have a taste for it). i also loaded up on the tuna steaks (fabulous and not at all like canned tuna), shrimp, salmon, and other fish. not to mention the hushpuppies (wondeful fried bits of seasoned dough). so... long story still long, try a Seafood buffet if you can ever get to one.

[kelley]

You have to try the avocado eggrolls (on the appetizer menu) - I promise it is a gateway food to loving avocados. Then you can enjoy the world of guacamole, and then you will thank me. ;)

[kelley]

Oh, and happy birthday!

[Molly]

Chiming in so very late with happy birthday. Although, ahem, 11pm on the 8th with an email could have had me first. No?

Now I need to go back and read your entry...

[jenabeeb]

Happy Belated Birthday!!!! Hope it was a good one filled with delicious tacos and whatever cheesecake you chose!

I too LOVE Cheesecake Factory - for everything. Their southwestern eggrolls are marvelous. As for Cheesecakes, my favorites have been their famous White Chocolate Raspberry and the chocolate chip cookie dough (how could you go wrong with that?!)

I like bananas, but can't stand anything banana favored (like candy - ick!!!) except banana bread. I remember one day at Maria putting a banana flavored Starburst in my mouth in Dr. Wicks class - I almost gagged and had to walk to the front of the class to throw it out.

And the seafood/fish thing is definitely something I can't eat either - at ALL!

[Isabel]

And I thought I was a picky eater. Some of your "won't eats" are my FAVES!! Funny how that happens.

And the banana cheesecake is their best one!! Go for it! (Which I know you did!)

[Stacey]

happy belated birthday!

and, i am in awe of your list of 'forbidden' foods...you're killing me! you are now crowned the queen of picky :)

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