On the '06

My senior year in college, one of my professors said that with every choice you make, you become a little more free, as all the questions and doubts and fears once associated with that choice are now obsolete. This train of thought has always resonated with me but became even more meaningful the day I married Luke. Gone are the days where I wonder about our future, my ability to love another person both unconditionally and romantically, his ability to take all my idiosyncrasies in stride. This year we made the decision to love and honor and cherish each other for the rest of our lives, and doing so has enabled us to move forward and tackle new questions--harder questions, probably--but ones that acknowledge our past and honor our future. Instead of pestering Luke to move in with me and propose already, I get to nag him about making a baby and prepping ourselves for the responsibilities of home ownership. I'm definitely OK with the trade-off.

But getting married wasn't the only big thing that happened to me this past year. In reviewing the chain of events that occurred in 2006, I realize these last twelve months have shaped me into a different person: someone more independent, more emotionally adventurous, who isn't waiting for a family member or friend or Joe Schmoe on the street to validate her feelings.

I took a good, long look at my religious foundation and answered some hard questions about which aspects enriched my life and which ones I could've done without. I learned that pigeonholing God into limited definitions and avenues of grace doesn't help anyone, and his miracles aren't confined to a single denomination. At the same time, I learned how important the concept of community is in my faith and how deeply Luke and I want to pass that tradition on to our children. Nobody operates in a vaccuum, whether you're talking about religion, family, or society at large, and to live life ignoring your impact on all of those things seems naive. I severed a couple of once-important familial relationships last year, so even I don't measure up to my own standard of maturity, but who's perfect, right? I'm just proud of myself for not abandoning my convictions and refusing to sweep my hurt feelings under the rug. If that means I have to forgive others and myself for the results, so be it.

I finally grew the balls to say my online writing is important enough to take to the next level and I took it to the next level. I cursed and cried and beat my head against the PC monitor when I realized how much work it would take to meet my expectations, but I did it and now it's done and I'm so happy with the end product. I'm no longer disappointed in myself for admitting I don't want to write the next Great American Novel, that fiction isn't my bag, baby, and scribbling my thoughts and feelings on the Internet is the best use of my passion. I'm not ashamed that blogging is an insanely significant part of my creative identity; it forces me to put a name on my emotions and sort out my feelings, and it helps me connect with others without worrying if my new acquaintenance is paying more attention to my ideas or the zit that just started growing above my upper lip. I learned how to feel comfortable in my own Internet skin.

At the tail end of 2006, I also wet my pants in excitement over unique career opportunities. I've already been asked to conduct a one-hour workshop on blogging for a writing conference at Saint Joe this September, and if the stars align properly, I may even teach semester-long course in the fall. Blogging, it has been good to me, and I am so, so grateful.

While there was great joy in 2006, there were sad moments, too. One of my mother's sisters passed away after a long fight with brain cancer, and just when you think the grief can no longer touch you, you receive a Christmas card with three signatures, a Christmas card that once featured four, and you're reminded of the tangible effects of loss. My favorite aunt received a double whammy this spring as she was diagnosed with both breast cancer and brain cancer, a whammy that ushered her into chemotherapy and radiation and a horrible fear that she wouldn't live to see her eight-year-old daughter grow up. Today, she's almost cancer-free, something nobody in my family expected, but it's happened, and I'm grateful for that, too.

There's no way to predict the course of 2007, but there's no harm in working towards the following:

• Paying off our Cobalt three years ahead of schedule
• Finding a church to call our own
• Continuing to take our health and physical wellness more seriously
• Creating a financial situation that allows me to care for a child without the burden of a nine-to-five
• Counting our blessings, every one, every day

Happy New Year.

Comments

[Brooke]

I love you!

[Sant]

Oh how nice to read your year in review. It's either your writing skills or true to life, but your sorting sounds so organized and straight forward. It's the same sort of attempt that I make at major annual milestones like my birthday or new years, but that I usually only make it half way through... I've since started writing my thoughts down (hmm, who would have guessed that ingenius approach would make all the difference-- write it down? NO WAY!!)

I hope 2007 is very kind to you and Luke, you sound like 2006 left you in a good place:)

[Stacey]

Beautifully said. Happy new year!

[Liza]

Congratulations! It sounds like 2006 has been a wonderful year for you, not always easy, but good even through the hard parts.

The blogging class sounds amazing. I hope the blogging turns into a great WAHM or mostly WAHM career for you.

[Liz]

Happy New Year!

[kelley]

Happy New Year!

I love what you wrote about marriage. It wasn't until after we were married that I realized how much anxiety I was walking around with before; marriage enabled me to really kind of settle into myself and my life. I think I've grown more as a person during these one and a half years of marriage than I've ever grown; marriage gave me a lot of courage, in a way.

[butterflygirl]

Happy New Year!

[mjd]

Happy New Year, Frema
I love the opening thought about making choices providing freedom from the path not taken. The goals that you mention are wonderful. "Counting our blessings, every one ,every day," is such a good idea. (Now, if I can remember not to keep track of my woes.)

I hope that 2007 is your best year yet.

[jenabeeb]

What an excellent post. As Sant said, so well organized and thoughtful.

I am so excited to hear about your teaching about blogging. That will be awesome for you - and for the students.

It was so good seeing you at Molly's on Sunday. I seem I know you so well, now, if only from your blog!

Happy 2007 and good luck fulfilling all that you strive for this year!

[PaintingChef]

Teaching about blogging! How fantastic is that!!?? So exciting, congratulations!

And that last resolution is the best one.

[Judy]

happy new year, frema! i hope that 2007 is even better than '06!

[Isabel]

What a beautiful post.

I especially like the part about couting your blessings. I think we could all benefit from doing that from time to time.

Here's to a great 2007, baby!

[Lindsey]

What a beautiful post. I just love your writing...you make me want to be a better blogger :-)

I, too, have internet skin issues, but I am becoming more and more comfortable, even though I have moments where I feel oh so naked. It sounds like some of your 2006 discoveries are very much in line with my 2007 goals. I may need to talk some things through with you in the coming year, especially with the religion thing.

[Lena]

Hmm. A little creeped out that our lives are paralleling each other's. Weird.

Anyway, great goals for 2007. Amazing how much growing up we can do in a year isn't it?

Take care FreTa. ;p

[Molly]

Great entry with great plans!

I'm counting you as one of my blessings. :0)

[Number Twelve]

Wow. Great post Frema... Happy New Year!