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January 30, 2007


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Sometimes you do things that you don't want to do but you have too. If we were able to choose what we wanted to do here, Matt would be the stay at home parent and I would be the one working but it just wouldn't work.

I think it's really hard to make choices when you have a set ideal in your mind...an ideal that you probably have had since childhood. You know, the way it is "supposed to be" and "how could it not be! this is how I always dreamed it would be." And then you are with this other person and he has his ways of thinking and then geez, throw life in the mix and you've got yourself some real dilemmas. Yep, I rehash on a weekly to bi-weekly basis as well.

"My thought process was so faulty you'd swear I spent my free time drinking gasoline and then inhaling the fumes leaking from my ass."


You guys will figure it out. Nothing puts things in perspective quite like the actual event you've been anticipating.

And if I were reduced to a pile of ashes, there'd be no babies anyway. Or anyone to cook dinner.

BAAAAYBEEEEEES! Just keep saying that cause it cracks me up.

Very early on in this entry I thought for a quick moment that you were about to announce a little surprise bundle of joy. Then I was hit with the Surely-Not's, where I was pretty sure I would not be hearing your good news on the internet. I want you to have BAAAAAAYBEEEEEEEEES that bad too.

And then, well, you calmed my thumping heart with talk of houses and cars and SAHPing (you guys are SAHPs! hahaha)

Your description of Saturday morning's breakfast was perfect. And pretty doggone funny, also.

Luke, your urn would sit sweetly on the counter next to the stove, I'm sure. She'd be the most spinachy girl we ever knew.

I am in the situation you are imagining and not by choice. I waited until I thought I had everything I needed to comfortably have a child. And then when my child was 6 mos old, my husband got into a horrible car accident. Now I had a child in a stroller and a husband in a wheel chair. So much for my hopes of being a stay at home mom. Thank God, that in this great country of ours women have the opportunity to make a living. My husband reluctantly took on the role of the stay at home dad. This allowed me the opportunity to prusue business oportunities without the guilt that my child was being raised by a baby sitter or being neglected. There is a saying in the Quran, Sometimes you might like something and it turns out to be bad for you. and sometimes you might not like something and it turns out to be good for you. Allah knows what we know not.

Good luck figuring things out :) Just make sure that you are both on the same page before the babies come. My husband and I are on the same page in theory, but in reality, at one point he was the SAHD and I was working, and now we are both working, and there are some serious resentment issues. I know I just need to get over it, but it's really hard. And then again, like the previous commenter pointed out, even if you do have it figured out, life can change everything in an instant anyway ;-)

Good luck figuring things out with that! I wish that I could be a SAHM and take care of my one year old all day and go to my six year old's class parties at school, but, being a single mom, I just cannot do it. Even back a couple of months ago when my husband and I were still living together, it just was not an option. I hope that you and Luke and come to a decision that will work for both of you.

Here's a little tid bit about motherhood that no one told me (so I will tell you so you're not surprised)...

Babies cry while you blog.

It was quite a shocker. I thought he'd be perfectly content listening to the tapping of the keyboard, but nooooooo. He's crying in my lap as we speak.

That's my cue to end my comment and be a good mother (i.e. stop neglecting my son so I can communictae with the outside world).

We are in the same position, in that I make more than Jonathan. Not that J makes so little it isn't even on the radar, but to the point that it would be STOOPID for me to stop working unless we moved to the middle of nowhere that was much cheaper.

We joke all the time that when we have a second child, the cost of day care will be too much (not more than he makes, but more than we could stand to part with) and that he will have to stay home (he's home all summer anyway, now). He says he'd like to but I think he forgets that it's not like he could lie around and watch Netflix all ay.

Anyway, my point is that "cruel twist of fate" is always how I look at it...I have a ton of male co-workers whose wives were teachers, and as soon as they GOT PREGNANT (not even having to wait for the baby to be born), they quit working. I, too, have a teacher for a spouse and it seems so...backwards.

I wish I made more than Tony. I wish! Because he would be such a good SAHD. He's great with the kids and can cook a hell of a lot better than me. But, he makes more and I carry the insurance. Same old story, just another day. We both have to work. I keep waiting for something to happen to allow me to stay home but so far, nothing. Just a few teasers here and there.
And Molly totally beat me to it..BAAAAAYYYBEEEEES). I can smell your baby fever a thousand miles away (literally). I can't WAIT for THAT post. I can't wait for pregnancy posts from you. And I can't wait to totally cry over your delivery post. Because I know it will be that good.
And I'm glad you figured out that paying off the car wouldn't be that great of a thing. We figured out the same thing just a couple of weeks ago. We have a 2.9% rate on both cars and have 2 years to pay them both off. At this point, it would be so stupid to use extra money to pay them off. So, we'll just keep making that payment and keep building that savings so we can do....I don't know what with.
And yeah, boys? Little boys?
Soooo, when are we house hunting? Because Molly totally let us help her decide where to live.

You are inspiringly practical-minded. For me even marriage right now is just a hazy little mirage, but I still get overwhelmed by the same questions.

My main squeeze makes half what I do and would make an incredible parent - loves kids, is loved by kids, is sensitive and responsible in every wonderful way. As for me, I love my work and want to really excel in my career; I like kids all right but get frustrated by details around the house. Is the solution not obvious? He should be the stay at home parent.

And yet? I know I'd be up to my eyeballs in resentment.

I'm praying that some kind of part-time for both of us presents itself by the time it becomes an issue.

I forgot to mention something about the finances. I really like Dave Ramsey for motivation. You will not find anything new or earth-shattering in his books or DVDs. But I feel that they are quite motivating. But maybe not, since I really haven't implemented any of the principles yet, and I've had ample time to do so. Also, I agree that buying financial books isn't the wisest use of finances. Someone else bought the Dave Ramsey stuff for me :-)

You sound pretty level-headed about all of this. Also - just FYI - if you have less than six months of car payments left on a loan, they don't factor it into your debt-to-income ratio for the purposes of loan-qualifying.

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