Weight Loss Wednesday

Sometimes I feel silly continuing this weekly update when it's clear I haven't really committed myself to eating better or losing weight.

When I'm at a restaurant, it never occurs to me to choose the grilled chicken and vegetables platter because I'd rather be scarfing down a burger. On the drive home from work, I no longer contemplate taking the interstate exit that leads to the Y. The perky little gym bag I bought at Target last fall was sitting on the floor of my bedroom collecting dust until this weekend, when I finally emptied the contents and tucked it next to the tupperware bins of journals and yearbooks competing for space in my closet. Any weight I lose isn't a result of hard work or will power. It's just dumb luck.

And dumb luck doesn't last very long.

LAST WEEK'S WEIGHT: 137.2
CURRENT WEIGHT: 138
POUNDS TO GOAL WEIGHT: 13

It's in moments like these that I have to remind myself I'm not doing this (solely) for the Internet's entertainment. I'm doing this because my cholesterol is high and I'm fifteen pounds heavier than someone with my frame should be and I want to have a baby and I don't want to carry him/her in an unhealthy environment.

When defending myself TO myself, I grudgingly acknowledge that a few changes have been made to the food Luke and I keep in the house and the way I eat during the day, at least while I'm at work. For example, there are no Wal-Mart fruit smiles or pudding cups waiting to be consumed as mid-day snacks. My lunches have become fairly simple: unless we're trying to finish off dinner leftovers, it consists of a half-cup of Campbell's soup and two servings of fruit (fresh or canned). I stopped stashing granola bars in my desk because the more food I have at my disposal, the more I will eat. I'll never be that girl who can eat whatever she wants and not gain a pound. And when I do lose weight, eating right will never be enough to shave off the gut I've been sporting since the age of eleven.

Instead of losing heart, I need to face my reality and stop pretending someone else's happy-go-lucky diet plan will work for someone like me. I enjoying eating and eating often. My body enjoys storing fat. I need to take this information for what it is and not bitch and moan about how cool it would be to fit into a size six jeans. I need to embrace my eight/ten waist and do what I can to make sure it stays that way. There is no fairy godmother waiting to flick a magic wand and change the way I think about food or how my body processes it. I've got to do it myself.

What's killing me about today, though, is that in light of Molly's weight-loss challenge, I've been weighing myself every other day to monitor my progress, and until this morning, the numbers were favorable. On Sunday, I was still in the 137 range. Monday morning, 136.2. However, after I weighed in I took Luke to the airport to catch a 6:30 plane to California, where he'd spend the next three days on business, and I used his absence to justify devouring an entire batch of spinach dip all by myself. And STILL this wouldn't have been a big deal, except the dip...alters my bathroom habits for several hours, so it wasn't until I got to work that I, um, took the kids to the pool, if you know what I mean, which of course you do because what the hell else could I possibly be talking about?

Molly, I swear, next week there'll be a loss, even if I have to stick an index finger down my throat to make it happen.

But this new attitude will have to wait until tomorrow, because I'm picking up my husband from the airport tonight and he's already requested a stop at Steak 'n Shake. And because I'm such a loving wife, I'm happy to oblige him.

(Just kidding about the barfing part. It's OK to laugh.)

Comments

[Silly Hily]

What are friends for? They are for holding your hair back while you stick your finger down your throat. I'll hold your hair, you hold mine and maybe we can give Molly a loss. Because I just CAN NOT stay away from fast food so help me God!
I'm working out and eating whatever the hell I want. It's so bad. Do you know what I "could" look like if I didn't eat Wendy's or McD's or Taco Bell or Sonic for lunch every single day. Not to mention the money I could save.

Okay, see ya in the bathroom.

[Elizabeth]

I am also not one to turn down fast food. Despite the fact that I have seen "SuperSize Me". I mean, I'm not eating it every day for every meal, so what's the big deal? (that's my rationalization). My other reasons include: the kitchen is messy, there is no food in the house, and I missed lunch.

Good luck with trying to eat better! I'm trying that too. I agree, it's really about the kinds of food you keep around. If I really want some chocolate and all I have are chocolate chips, I'll eat 'em. Oh, and I just remembered I have marshmallow fluff in the cupboard! Help me forget!

[Katie]

I love how open and 'real' you are about everything.

Other than the fast foods, are you getting enough other good fats in your diet? I personally consider 'good' fats to be traditional fats - butter, tropical oils, etc.

I will state up front that I haven't had a problem with gaining weight, so I really shouldn't talk. But if I eat a typical American "healthy" breakfast such as cold cereal, oatmeal, or a fruit smoothie, I cannot last until lunch without eating vast amounts of snacks (candy) at work. When I changed my breakfast smoothie to the following recipe, I could last all the way until lunch with NO additional food AT ALL. The following recipe has a lot of calories. But when I have it for breakfast, I don't need all the snacks. And you could probably proportionally reduce the size of the smoothie and still not get hungry. I share mine with my 2 boys, though they usually don't drink much.

Smoothie:
- 1-1.5 cups of whole milk yogurt (made from raw cow's milk)
- fresh or frozen fruit (usually bananas and/or berries)
- 2-3 raw egg yolks (preferrably from farm-raised eggs)
- 1 tablespoon of honey and/or maple syrup if the fruit isn't ripe enough
- spices (cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla) if you want
- 2-3 TABLESPOONS OF MELTED VIRGIN COCONUT OIL

The addition of the coconut oil is what really helped me the most. It adds 100 calories per tablespoon, but it's a great fat for your body, and it really helps satisfy your hunger for a long time.

Sometimes I have a piece of whole-wheat toast with butter with this, but it may not be necessary hunger-wise.

I should mention that I support the Weston A. Price Foundation (www.westonaprice.org), which believes in whole, traditionally-prepared foods. That's where all the 'weirdo' stuff (raw milk yogurt, raw farm-fresh eggs, coconut oil) comes in :-)

[Isabel]

I know what you are talking about. I eat and eat and eat. And it's isn't good. (well, it is good. but you know what I mean.)

Here's to knowing what you need to do to be healthy. That's a step in the right direction!!

(and hooray for Luke coming home.)

[Marriage-101]

I'm glad that you continue to do the Weight-Loss-Wednesday because it forces all of us to think - if only for once that week - about our eating/excercising habits. And if you're familiar with Weight Watchers, you know that not ever week is a "loss", because health weight-loss is a slow, gradual process and for folks like you and I, it's a daily battle of will power. Today may not have been so good. But there's always tomorrow.

[Marriage-101]

And I swear my "Y" key works, but for some reason it decided not to on TWO of the words in my previous comment. That'll teach me to proofread.

[Molly]

I have to say, with your opening statement about feeling silly not losing weight but doing WLW I was immediately filled with fear that you were going to discontinue it. This would probably be more eloquently said in an email or in person, but the fact that you do this keeps me doing it. It is beyond wonderful to have a partner in crime for WLW, and for this journey of health that I need to take very seriously. Truth be told, you look great and don't need to lose a pound. Other truth be told, the fact that week after week you fess up to a Blizzard here or a cheeseburger there makes me feel not so horrible for falling off the wagon myself. You have been so supportive to me in this over the last year, saying the nicest damn things that kept me going. And I love you for it.

Don't go sticking your fingers down your throat. I'll throw in $5 for your good efforts. Wink wink.

[daddy d]

Wednesday is the middle of the week day. Checking anything in a regular weekly way is a good life style. Like, paying bill on Tuesday every week. That would be good, but it never happens. There is so much energy stored in the body that it take a very long time to use it up. For example, to loose five pound by doing work with an eight pound iron weight, it take right at one million reps. At the rate of one rep per second, it would take about 11.5 days straight through. Now, it is really four times that, but the human body is only 25%
effective at energy convertion. 75% of the stored energy becomes heat. Keep working on it and as you said there is no magic. Good attitude.

[TasterSpoon]

My exercise willpower comes almost entirely from signing up for events - triathlons or bike rides or running races. My mom signs up for organized walks.

The fear instilled by these events (unlike that of cholesterol or pregnancy) is immediate and tangible - and that's the kick in the pants that gets me moving.

The trying to eat right then comes later, because you're thinking, I'm running around all the time - I need to put premium with Techron in my tank, not the cheap stuff. It's a self respect thing as much as a performance thing. (Which is not to say every triathlon is not celebrated at In-N-Out.)

[Lindsey]

I'm with you in that I love eating, plain and simple. I also cannot eat whatever I want and not gain weight. I really, really hate people who are like that though...bitches!! Some people maintain their healthy weight so easily, but I work damn hard to keep my weight under control. It sounds like you are doing really good things, like limiting what foods you have around you so you don't overeat, really good things like that. I don't think you should give up on weight loss Wednesday, if only for awareness' sake.

[adina]

I think we might be twins separated at birth, except that I am korean and so maybe we're not. But it sounds like we have the same body type and were screwed in the same metabolism line pre-birth. I refuse to give up my daily dose of noodles, so I have succumbed to gym going. I swear, having a personal trainer changed my life. Cheers to more crotch pain!

[CPA Mom]

Seriously, I have always wanted an eating disorder so I could be an 8/10. I've never been smaller than a 16 and now I'm a 20/22. You are my goal. You are Absolutely Fabulous.

[Luke]

And we didn't even go out and get shakes after you picked me up at the airport.