At One Point, I Even Liked Titanic

First things first. Deal or No Deal. It was on tonight. For two hours. And during the first sixty minutes? Firefighters. It was a blessed, blessed thing. (Although wait, my dad is a lieutenant for the Chi-town fuego department, so that might be weird) very nice. Even better was the twenty-four-year-old Hot Dog on a Stick employee who was pulled from her usual routine of squeezing lemonades and refilling ketchup bottles to win sixty-two thousand dollars. Apparently Shell had been with the hot dog place for nine years. She didn't have any children to support, and her arms and legs bore no evidence of track marks, so I'm not sure which events in her life led to the questionably long tenure, exactly, but I'm hoping her newfound wealth provides her with ample motivation to give them notice, buy a suit, and snag an interview with a more upscale establishment, like, I don't know, Barnes and Noble. Then she could afford a copy of Suze Orman's Women and Money and really make something of her life.

Secondly, you can all sleep soundly tonight, for yesterday I finally succumbed to the gods of the gag-me-with-a-spoon genre and watched The Notebook. My sisters love The Notebook. My friend Trina hung up on me when she found out I was watching it because she felt guilty about keeping us apart. And when Silly Hily learned via Google Chat that I found the movie for a measly four bucks last Christmas, bought it, and then returned it for a refund, she said--and I quote--"If I knew you in person and saw you on a regular basis, I would beat you the next five times I saw you." That was probably the kicker.

Two hours later, I was quietly sobbing over my corned beef and cabbage leftovers, because Jeez Louise, who wouldn't cry at the thought of a dying old woman suffering from Alzheimer's who can't recognize her own husband, a man who has nothing better to do than read aloud scribbles from a college-ruled, tattered journal? If Luke hadn't chosen to join me for the last ten minutes, I could've gone all out with the yelling and pulling out of my hair, but in an effort to maintain some semblance of dignity, I conjured up a scene from an early episode of Scrubs, the one where Bob the dementia patient randomly tackled various hospital staff out of nowhere while shouting, "Who am I?!" Did you guys catch that one? It was really funny.

Seriously, though, I'm a sucker for tales of gut-wrenching misfortune. Like the time a few years ago, when I was flipping through the channels at my parents' house and ended up using the belly of my sweatshirt as a hankerchief because there was a movie on Lifetime in which an entire town was reeling from a hurricane slash flood slash tornado slash any other natural disaster you can think of, and an elderly couple and their adult children were loading onto a small boat to head for safety because said natural disaster was on its way back any minute, and the mother said she couldn't do it, couldn't leave the house her father had built with his own two hands to be carried away by the ravenous appetite of the Earth, so the father decided to stay behind and drown with her, and the adult children floated away on their life raft, while the couple stood frozen with fear in their living room, clutching to each other while swirls of water danced around their ankles.

Even though my entire knowledge base for this small-screen masterpiece had been accumulated in fewer than eight minutes, my eyes were blurry with tears, and I felt like the spirit of the Lifetime Network had captured my heart and slurped out its essence with a straw, because the love, it was REAL, people. And the couple's impending death? Well, that just fucking sucked.

I also remember losing it over Go Towards the Light, another made-for-TV movie, about a little boy who was diagnosed with AIDS, and if you're looking for a good reason to hiccup into your pillow at two o'clock in the morning, just imagine a mother holding on to her son while he takes his last, ragged breath, encouraging him to--you guessed it--go towards the light. Go ahead, read the quotes. If you can make it to "My heart took a picture" with a dry face, there's simply no hope for you or that withered vessel you call a soul.

The Notebook was good. Young love and social prejudice always make for a fun time, and I adored Rachel McAdams's forties wardrobe, and Ryan Gosling's house rocked the casbah, and the sex scenes.... Well, let's just say I wouldn't mind replaying the extended versions in my head on those nights when Luke is out of town. Or running to the store for milk. But ultimately it was one predictable cliche, starting with Noah's insistence that Allie lay in the street with him because she needed to do something for herself for once, or something. Whatever.

I'm surprised that I wasn't more taken by the movie, but I think I'm drawn to snappier love stories, ones with sharper wit, like When Harry Met Sally or While You Were Sleeping. However, I do have a soft spot for How To Make An American Quilt, which documents the life of a young Winona Ryder as she prepares to marrry, gathering anecdotes from the women in her life about their own romantic hardships and struggles with love. Just like the old couple dying in the flood, I cried because the characters' histories felt so real to me, so true, and at the tender age of fifteen, it was impossible to fathom that one day I would have a love story, a history to share with other women, and my own lessons to share. Plus, Claire Danes was in it and I was hooked on My So-Called Life, so there you go.

C'mon, ladies and gents, have at it. Which flicks turn on your water faucets?

Comments

[Katie]

I remember watching Go Toward the Light! We were like 7 when that came out.

I haven't seen the Notebook yet. If it has exciting sex scenes, I probably shouldn't watch it, because dh is out of town for an extended time, and I might get all riled up unnecessarily, lol.

Steel Magnolias is sad. I've been meaning to watch that for a while.

[VirginiaGal]

I was weeping by the end of "Finding Neverland." If I'm in the right mood, "Sleepless in Seattle" can now bring me to tears. The loss of and living without a spouse didn't become real to me until I fell in love myself. The first movie I can remember crying through was "Anne of Green Gables." Haven't watched it since - I was so horrified at a young age that something fictional could bring me to tears.

[Rachel]

Well, of course, The Notebook makes me cry. Stepmom will have me bawling! Mostly, I guess because I am a stepmom and a mom and I can understand the worries and fears of both Julia Roberts character and Susan Sarandon's. Sweet Home Alabama makes me cry too.

And, still to this day, every.freakin.time I watch Steel Magnolias, OMG, tears everywhere, everywhere! I could think of many others because it doesn't take much, lol.

[Silly Hily aka The Hilarazzi]

The Notebook made me cry. And yes, when you think about it, it does have it's fair share of cheese but the chemistry between Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling? Just wow! I love them both.
Good call on Stepmom Rachel. I have to turn that one off before the very end b/c I can't handle it. And Steel Magnolias? Yeah, that's a given.
I will also cry every time I watch Hope Floats. It hits a little too close to home.
Selena (shut up).
Armageddon (shut up again).

[Pink Herring]

Isabel sent me over to catch up on Tragic Love Fridays, and OMG. It has made my week. Possibly my month.

But I had to comment about The Notebook. I never saw it when it came out, and I figured it was pretty overhyped, sort of like Titanic (which I also liked, and I would have liked it a lot more if it weren't for all the hype). A few weeks ago, I lying hung over on my friend's couch, and The Notebook was in her on-demand cable cache-thingy. So we watched it.

Now, I am a movie crier. I shed tears over 8 Below. But this was out of control. I was sobbing for fifteen minutes after it was over. We were both just lying there, moaning things like "but their love will go on!" I can hardly think about the damn thing without tearing up.

[Art Nerd]

I don't have any that aren't typical- of the Steel Magnolias type. But during my last summer at the deli all the ladies were reading Nicholas Sparks book in anticipation of the Notebook movie coming out.

I asked them what it was about, and they told me a general plot outline, and I said, so, what the old couple is them and one of them has Alzheimers? And the stomped their feet and called me heartless.

Maybe I am, but I saw that coming wayyy over the horizon line!

[Jessi]

I'm a Steel Magnolia's bawler, and I am pretty sure I spent at least half of The Hours crying the first time I saw it. I've also been known to cry at Jerry Maguire, but then again, it might be an emotional reaction to the fact that Tom Cruise used to be a somewhat normal person. :)

[Brittany]

You can count on me to know the Scrubs episode of which you speak!

Is it weird that I habitually cry during Adam Sandler movies??? It started with the Wedding Singer... that song at the end... on the plane... it hit me right here! And then there was 50 First Dates. Drew and Adam better stop making movies together because they're killing me! And then there was Click. You know what I'm talking about!! And this new one, Reign Over Me (or whatever it's called) looks totally tear-worthy also, but I don't think I'll see that one.

[Brooke]

Man On Fire, I bawled my eyes out and then when I watched the one movie with you guys at your Mom's house right after I found out I was pregnant.

[CPA Mom]

I've not seen "the Notebook" so I hope Hilary doesn't come kick my ass six ways to Sunday.

Steel Magnolias, Titanic, any movie where anyone dies. As a mom, and as someone who was widowed, all death makes me ache inside. There is no way I will ever watch "Go towards the light" as I cannot bear to watch children die without thinking of my own children.

Man, I'm a downer today. Sorry!

[Isabel]

The Notebook rocks. (and Ryan Gosling? Can I have sex with him, please?!) It also made my husband cry.like.a.baby.

And Stepmom made my (gay) brother cry also. Not sure if it's because he's more in tune with his feelings. But he cried. And then I made fun of him. But it's a good movie.

[TasterSpoon]

I cry at anything - I saw "Cars" on an airplane and cried. I cry over commercials.

But "Stepmom" - that's a shoo in.

[Audrey]

Of course I cry at all the standard tear-jerkers. But TasterSpoon's comment reminded me that I can't watch the end of Monsters, Inc. -- when Sully goes back through Boo's door and says "Boo?" and you hear her little voice say "Kitty!" -- without getting all teary-eyed.

[Molly]

I'm having a terrible time thinking of movies that do it to me other than, of course, The Notebook. I even took the day to think about it. (That, and cleaned house and listed ebay, and...you get it.)

Oh oh oh, the other one - Return to Me. When she dies, and he comes home from the hospital and the dog will not leave the front door because he is waiting for his momma to come home? Ohhhh Sweet Jesus.

But television. Surprisingly there are a bazillion shows that cause me to tear up all the damn time. Every baby that cries for the first time on the Baby Story, every time someone takes a decent deal (or sacrifices the one million in his case for the $99K his stupid lame ass son is insisting he do) on DOND, and of course every damn reunion on Oprah.

Love it.

Great entry!

[jenabeeb]

Ditto on the scene from Return to Me.

And the one scene in "Crash" with the little girl and the father and the shot...well, I think you watched this movie and know what I am talking about. For those of you that haven't I don't want to ruin it.

That is all I can think of at the moment.

[Liz]

Steel Magnolias & Life is Beautiful.

[PaintingChef]

I am made of stone. Moives don't trigger the tear-jerk in me. Although I did get a little choked up at the end of Smokin' Aces and sometimes The Godfather gives me a little tremble in my throat. That's probably not normal...

Couldn't sit through The Notebook. Sorry... I almost feel bad about it now.

[mjd]

Love Actually, Casablanca, The African Queen,Titanic, and While You Were Sleeping are great movies that brought a tear or two to these old eyes. Okay, Love Actually is a heart-warming feel-good movie that does not bring many tears, but it is nonetheless a great movie. The real tear jerkers for me are Steel Magnolias and Rudy, which is a stupid football movie but can make a grown man or woman cry.

[mjd]

Well, and there is Bambi...you know the part.

[Katie]

As I was waiting for Weight Loss Wednesday, I thought of another one that made me cry. The Richie Valens Story. Or pretty much any movie where someone dies.

[Lindsey]

Have you ever seen the show Ghost Whisperer with Jennifer Love Hewitt? I must admit, I wasn't a huge JLH fan until I watched this show. She's not bad in it and it's all about people saying goodbye, finding peace, communicating with the living and ultimately going toward the light. I cry every time. It's on Friday nights. You should give it a try...at least once!

[Lucky Gem]

There is a scene in Hope Floats that gets me every time. It's when the Dad is leaving and the little girl Bernice is crying and screaming. Oh, just can't handle it.

[Art Nerd]

Oh, but if we're talking TV- the last, oh, three episodes of Six Feet Under had me BAWLING. I walked around stunned when I saw those. And when I saw them again onDemand. Also on Rome last season, when Titus Pullo is going to die in the gladiatorial ring, and Vorenus yells out, "Thirteen!" and jumps in.

I'm getting verklempt just thinking about it.

[debi]

I cry over TV commercials. The current worst is the bathroom cleaner one that starts out like a fairy tale and ends up a little boy pretending while he is playing on the bathroom floor.I felt real dumb when it ended with an ad for Clorox or something.Movies that make me cry:
The Color Purple-the ugly cry
E.T.
Where The Red Fern Grows
Terms Of Endearment-ugly cry
The Diary of Anne Frank-old film w/Millie Perkins
Reds,Warren Beatty/Diane Keaton,love this film
Sofie's Choice-Oh My God,ugly cry

[Katie]

I promised myself I wouldn't get on the internet at work today, but then I thought of this. This is by no means a chick flick, but this part is so heartwrenching, that I just want to burst out in tears.

It's in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Obi-Wan Kenobi: You were the Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them! Bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness!
Anakin: [shouts] I hate you!
Obi-Wan Kenobi: You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you!

[Stacey]

Steel Magnolias, Titanic, Sophie's Choice (gah, the TRAGEDY), and any other movie where someone dies. And Romeo and Juliet, with Claire Danes and Leo? Cried for HOURS after that movie. HOURS. Like with hiccuping afterwards and everything.

Wish I could think of more...I LOVE me a good tearjerker. I also tear up at TV movies and TLC specials about fat kids hiding food. I have a weird soft spot for chubby people.

[Bianca]

I can watch Somewhere in Time (Christopher Reeve, Jane Seymour) over and over and over again, and no matter how many times I see it I end up a huge, sobbing mess.