When I unveiled Tragic Love Friday during NaBloPoMo, I had no expectations for the outcome. Mainly I wanted to hop on the "I have a weekly feature" bandwagon without putting in a lot of extra effort and poke fun of my adolescent persona at the same time, a little person with a flair for the dramatic and a passionate yearning for love, specifically the love acts she read about in her V.C. Andrews novels.
My biggest fear? That people wouldn't like it. That people would dismiss even the idea of the story as childish and amateur and not worth the four minutes it would take to read each post. I paid special attention to the comments section, looking for specific names and wondering if their absences equalled a lack of interest. As the conclusion to part one drew near, I played around with writing a comprehensive synopsis outlining the characters and major plot points, hoping to entice my non-TLF-reading buddies to at least give the sequel a shot. (Then I got smart and finagled you people into doing my dirty work for me. Thanks again, Internet!)
Whenever a person does anything creative, it's hard not to become attached to it and want others to do the same. That piece of work reflects blood and sweat and tears and effort, makes a statement about what you value. When somebody rejects it--for whatever reason--it's hard not to take it personally. Because it is personal. Even if it's silly, it's part of who you are.
It wasn't until today, though, while combing through three uniquely fabulous TLF reviews, that I realized getting caught up in who's not paying attention does a serious disservice to the ones who've joined you for the ride.
Make no mistake, I'd love to get more readers for Tragic Love Friday. I harbor wild delusions about book agents and script writers stumbling across this small-town Web site and pestering me for full-time work so I can quit my day job and become important and famous. But until then, I'll be focusing on how happy I am that anyone reads this blog, period. If you love TLF, that's wonderful. If you don't, that's OK, too. (Not wonderful, but OK.) It's nobody's job to fawn over every damn word I post. (Well, except maybe Luke's, and even he's stopped following TLF.) Just the fact that you guys keep coming back here leaves me humbled and eternally grateful.
Hmmm. That was pretty deep for a Friday, huh? I'm going to shut up and my reviewers do their thang.
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SYNOPSIS NUMBER ONE
by David McNelis
(Which I inwardly refer to as "No He Did Not Just Write A Freakin' HAIKU About TLF")
David was stupid
and he slept with two best friends
Consequences felt
His sister was nuts
and plotted to kill Jenna
by running her down
Kayla was to help
since she got knocked up as well
David was fertile!
Mike stood by the side
A real invisible man
in love with Jenna
Jenna wasn't sure
what the hell she was thinking
when she stole Katherine
But she was distraught
from being made to go "POP!"
by her friend Kayla
And since her David
was struck outside the DQ
by Kayla and Cass
She took the biggest
butcher knife in the hiz-ouse
to snatch a baby
Frema had crafted
A super-max with babies
That let Jen in
Pick up the kiddie
and stash it inside her shirt
Blind security
Let's go to Iowa
And dumb Mike comes along, too
Map reading be damned
Wisconsin it is
With sunglasses and kissing
Police do close in
After being on
the hood of Whitesnake's (Mike's) car
Confessions too late
Prisoner transport
across state lines just to see
a baby is safe
A year has gone by
and the baby starts talking
A one-year-old talks!
But now it must leave
To Jenna's arms it will go
and Michael's arms, too
They had a wedding
and a Paris honeymoon
Do not go to jail
Five years down the road
Twins, a teacher, and Jenna
Living in Iowa
Tragic Love Friday
takes a hiatus for now
See you here next time!
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SYNOPSIS NUMBER TWO
by Silly Hily aka The Hilarazzi
(Before she wrote this, Hilary printed out every page of TLF because she didn't want to "leave something important and vital out." I am in Internet love with her.)
Part I
We are introduced to most of the gang on their last day of school. Only the summer separates them from their senior year of high school. They have all the knowledge and wisdom in the world. They are adults. (Come on, isn't that what we all thought at that point in our lives.) Jenna and David were maybe forced to grow up before the others. They are expecting a child together. Cassie, David's sister, was excited to be an aunt. Kayla on the other hand was a bitter bitch. She had been David's girlfriend for a year and a half. Kayla asked Jenna to talk to David since they were having problems. They broke up though and in the process of Jenna consoling David, they fell in love. Fast forward three months and Jenna was knocked up...by David. You'd be a bitter bitch, too. Oh, and did I mention that Kayla and Jenna were, and I stress "were," best friends? Kayla's family was like a second (or first) family to Jenna, since her parents were often away. Jenna had another best friend to rely on though. His name is Michael. He's that guy friend that every girl wants. The guy friend that you can talk to and will always be there giving you great advice and a healing, strong hug. They are a Will & Grace pairing, only Michael is straight.
Frema's best commentary (in brackets): "After a while, though, the sparks that left Kayla's and David's romance came into our friendship." [Obviously that's not the only thing that "came."] [Ba dum bum ching!]
Chapter 2
Cassie and David have an adult conversation at the kitchen table while drinking coffee. Didn't you do that with your siblings at 17? We learn that their mom is a slut and is also never home (these poor kids). We also learn that Cassie is very protective of David. She doesn't want him to marry Jenna because he feels he has to. David swears that he's marrying Jenna because he loves her, but Cassie knows better. Cassie doesn't like Jenna because of what she did to her best friend, Kayla. She's the bitter-best-friend bitch. David is a smart young man. His only problem is keeping it in his pants. He works at McDonald's as a cashier and is looking forward to making a lot of money during the summer. Money he can put away for him and Jenna to start their life together and raise their baby (what a responsible baby daddy). The baby that they find out is a girl. The two sort through names like Candy (David, are you wanting her to make a living as a stripper?), Michelle, Mary, Mary Ellen, and Mary Anne before finally deciding on Mary Katherine.
Mama Slut goes out of town leaving David and Cassie some money. David is stressed about work, the baby, etc. etc. so he snatches $50 of the $200 (thanks Mama Slut) and calls Michael to go hang out and drink some beer. After having one too many, David opens up about all the problems him and Jenna are having. Michael ever so slyly implies that maybe David is still in love with Kayla. All of a sudden, she is all he can think about. He wonders why he ever broke up with her. Which brings me to...
Frema's best commentary (in brackets): [Nothing says "I love you" like breaking up with your soul mate and boinking her BFF.]
Chapter 3
Still drunk, David ended up at Kayla's house. She wasn't able to sleep and was just fixing her some warm milk (how does anyone drink warm milk?), something David observed she only does when she's bothered or worried. Kayla's parents are home (finally, someone who has visible parents) but they could obviously sleep through a tornado, or their own doorbell ringing, or their own daughter doing the nasty. Yes, that's right, David and Kayla got it on for the first time. (Cause that's how Kayla rolls. She waits to have sex for the first time after David has become her ex and knocked up her best friend.) David even told Kayla that he loved her. They fell asleep in each other's arms only to have David be gone by sunrise. Cassie notices the next day that Kayla is a complete wreck about something and continues to be on Kayla's side. David ends things with Kayla (again) for good. (He just wanted to pop that cherry first.) Kayla vows to save David from Jenna. To SAVE HIM!
Frema's best commentary (in brackets): "You didn't hurt me on purpose. You're in love." [That's the way...it should be...] (In which we all carried on the cheesy Wilson Phillips song in the comments section. It was great.)
Chapter 4
David gets a promotion at McDonald's. Yippppeeee. David has super sperm...Kayla finds out she's pregnant. Good thing you got that promotion, you baby daddy times two you.
Frema's best commentary (in brackets): There are sooo many good ones from this post (Dec. 22, 2006, go back and read if you can) but if I had to pick one it would be: "When are you two getting hitched?" "A week or two after the baby's born." [This seemed so logical to me at the time, but now I'm all, "What's the rush? The kid's already a bastard."]
Chapter 5
Kayla tells David she's pregnant. David tells Jenna. Jenna punches David. Jenna calls Michael for comfort and support.
Frema's best commentary (in brackets): "Jenna, wait! Let me explain!" [I think you covered just about everything but positioning, buddy. She gets it.]
Chapter 6 & 7
Cassie turns into a complete psycho and suggests that Kayla "get rid of" Jenna. Cassie devised a plan to to hit Jenna with a car. It would simply be an "accident." David reconciles with Jenna. In the middle of the Dairy Queen parking lot, Kayla drives the car into Jenna while Cassie sits in the passenger seat. (What, she's not going to jail for murder. She only came up with the plan. Kayla has to do the dirty work.)
Frema's best commentary (in brackets): "You need to get rid of her....then David can give you everything you and your baby deserve." [Um, I was just going to suggest getting a lawyer and suing his ass, but murder works, too.]
Chapter 8
Whoops. Wrong person killed. David pushed Jenna out of the way. HE was the one killed, not Jenna. However, Jenna landed on her belly and Mary Katherine didn't survive. Kayla and Cassie were arrested two days after the "accident" (read MURDER). We learn that Cassie is in a state of shock over her brother being killed (duh, it was HER idea to do this in the first place) and that's about the last we hear of her. Kayla is a wreck as well (duh, way to kill your baby daddy). Jenna is full of hurt, sorrow, pain, and anger (duh, baby daddy dead? Check. Baby dead? Check check). I'll never understand how Jenna says that she can forgive Cassie because she was just trying to "save her brother...to protect him by trying to kill me." Tha hell?
Frema's best commentary (in brackets): Jenna after finding out she had lost the baby The bulge I had loved to touch so much was gone. [There is a double entendre here somewhere, itching to break the surface, but I'll refrain out of respect for the dead.]
Chapter 9
Cassie is sentenced to three years in prison with possible parole after a year and a half. Kayla gets six years. We fast forward seven months. Michael goes to visit Kayla and ends up going off on her for hurting Jenna so much. As he's leaving, Kayla asks Michael to tell Jenna that she's sorry and would like to see her face to face. Kayla delivers a baby girl and decides to name her Katherine Marie (after her dead half-sister. She honestly thought that would be a good idea. Yeah, she's a dumbass. Kayla that is, not either baby.) Jenna calls Kayla for the first time and Kayla gushes about her baby (again, she really has no clue).
Frema's best commentary (in brackets): I felt guilty as I talked about Katherine. "Yeah, A little girl. She's adorable." [Motherhood is so rewarding and fulfilling and I've never experienced such unselfish love in all of my life! Not that you would know anything about that. My bad.]
Chapter 10
Michael gushes and gushes over Jenna. He loves her, has for years, and always will. Jenna calls him for a ride to the prison to see Kayla.
Frema's best commentary (in brackets): As I went home a few hours later, I thought about everything that had happened in the last 7 months. David had died, and so had Jenna's baby. Two of my friends were sent to prison for their murders. It was a lot to handle. What a summer this turned out to be. [I could've had a V-8!]
Chapter 11
Jenna visits Kayla in prison. She sees the baby and learns that her name is Katherine. At this point she becomes outraged and feels that she could give Katherine a better life than Kayla ever could. Frema put it best by saying "Poor Jenna. Girl done lost her mind." Yes, but really, she's been through a lot and totally has every right to lose her mind. And lose it she does. Learning from Kayla's mistake of no disguise, she cuts and colors her hair and steals Katherine right from underneath the nose of prison security (or clearly, lack thereof). She hits the road, planning on making one last stop before she leaves the state (with NO carseat).
Frema's best commentary (in brackets): The deskman looked surprised as I walked slowly, my arms wrapped around my belly [a baby's limb poking through the sleeve of her coat...]. "I have to go," I gasped. "My period is really heavy this month." He reddened. "Go on," he said, waving me away. [Ah, the old menstrual card. Well played, Jenna!]
Chapter 12
Thank God Jenna stops by Michael's house to say good-bye because she was as prepared as Anna Nicole's will (read: not prepared at all) for taking Katherine away for good. Michael stole some money from his parents and hit the road with her. We also learn that when Michael gets fed up, he hits. Other than that, he's Jenn's hero.
Frema's best commentary (in brackets): "Michael? Michael, what's going on?" I heard my mother call from upstairs. "Nothing, Ma," I called back. "It's just the T.V." [Nothing, Ma. Just smacking around the woman of my dreams!]
Chapter 13
Kayla is informed that her baby is gone. She's interrogated by the cops. It doesn't take her long to realize that Jenna is the kidnapper.
Frema's best commentary: [Also, Lifetime? Feel free to approach me about a movie script at any time.]
Chapter 14
Michael and Jenna take turns driving through Wisconsin to get to Iowa. (Shut up. Frema was a damn good writer at the tender age of 14, you can't expect her to be good at geography, too.) Jenna has time to do a lot of thinking and realizes that she misses Kayla and their friendship and knows that by taking Katherine from her, she's hurting her. The two turn around and head back home. Jenna can't cross that state border yet though. She wants just one more day with Katherine before giving her back to Kayla.
Frema's best commentary: [This girl so owes Michael a blow job. Really. At this point the poor boy's balls must be bluer than the sky.]
Chapter 15
Kayla is informed that a witness has spotted Jenna and Michael in Wisconsin. Kayla persuades the cops to take her with them to retrieve her daughter.
Frema's best commentary: "Maybe. But I have to be there when you find my baby. Please! You can cuff me, gag me [hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me], whatever!"
Chapter 16
Michael FINALLY gets the balls to tell Jenna how he feels. She doesn't believe him and simply thinks he's lonely. Before she has a chance to realize that the feeling is mutual, the cops have their car surrounded.
Frema's best commentary (in brackets): I grabbed her shoulders. "You have to know!! I need to know!" [OK, OK, I love you. Just please don't hit me again!]
Chapter 17
It's all over. Jenna and Michael are caught. Katherine is returned to Kayla and the security (yeah right) of the prison. She decides to not press charges against the two, claiming to understand why Jenna did what she did. Jenna finally realizes that she's in love with Michael.
Frema's best commentary: "If you don't have any plans for the rest of your life, I thought that maybe we could get together..." [Oh my gosh, I'm cringing, you guys. CRINGING. Forgive 'lil Frema for the cheesiness.]
Chapter 18
One year later, Michael and Jenna are married. Kayla's year with Katherine is up though and her parents won't take her (shitty ass grandparents). She asks Jenna and Michael to take her.
Frema's best commentary: There was a small reception, then we flew to Paris, where we stayed 2 weeks. Her parents paid for the expensive trip. Out of guilt, I guess. [Geez, wasn't the counseling enough?]
Chapter 19
Katherine is taken from Kayla. Yes, I totally cried. Shut up.
Frema's best commentary: "Ma-ma! Ma-ma! No-no-no-Ma-ma!" Her face was blotchy, and her arms reached out to me. Her little body shook with sobs. [Mothers in the house, are you still with me? Hang on, it's almost over.]
Chapter 20
Five years later Jenna and Michael have spit out twins of their own, making them a family of 5. They are living in Jenna's dream place. Florida? New York? No, Iowa. Michael is training to be a teacher and Jenna stays home with the kids. I'm wondering how this is financially possible and want in on the action so I can stay home so easily with my kids. All seems perfect. However, Kayla will be released from prison this year. Hell-oooooo sequel!
Frema's best commentary: [Ah, Jenna's mothering skills haven't changed one bit. Have fun dangling over cement and wood chips, foul-mouthed toddlers! Also, TWINS. Did you expect anything less from Michael's sperm and Jenna's uterus?]
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by Molly
(Mad props to Molly for slipping in her very own "your mom" joke!)
The Tragic Love Friday series began to unfold back in November, when Frema decided to share the soap-like multi-triangular fictional work of epic proportions, written by none other than her young, romance-craving teenage self. The story involves main characters David, the double-duty burger-flippin' baby daddy; Kayla, the first love then dumped then knocked up then turned vengeful murderer baby mama number two; Jenna, the once friend of Kayla and fiance of David, baby mama number one who ends up not only with dead baby but dead boyfriend all in the same day, eventual wig-wearing prison baby kidnapper of baby mama number two's baby and then in the end happily married to her good baby stealing buddy, Michael; Michael is the bitch-slappin' best bud to Jenna, who hangs around and baby naps while he bides his time waiting for the piece of ass that turns out to be his eventual wife; and last but not least, Cassie, who is much like seaweed to the story--she's David's sister and gets wayyyy too involved with his girlfriends, eventually plotting with baby mama two to kill baby mama one.
The plot of the story is thick and juicy, just like your mom, and full of unexpected awesomely dramatic twists and turns. And as a bonus, it's loaded with Adult Frema's hysterical commentary on the writings of 'Lil Frema. So without further adeiu, I present to you a different sort of summary, in the quips of Adult Frema:
"Obviously that's not the only thing that came!" "The condom, David. The condom is what went wrong." "Yes, Kayla. He love you long time. For about eight minutes."
"Um, I was just going to suggest getting a lawyer and suing his ass, but murder works, too." "But you're still pregnant, so you win!" "I suppose when you kill your ex-best friend's unborn baby and soon-to-be husband you can afford to be generous with forgiveness. Also, is anyone else flashing to mental images of Glenn Close and dead bunnies?"
"I see you've dropped a quarter down your panties. Let me get that for you!" "Ah, the old menstrual card. Well played, Jenna!" "Clever strategy, Jenna. The police would never think to search for a missing baby one state over!"
"Sweetie, if Katherine hasn't eaten since she left the prison, she's probably dead. No need to rush."
"OK, OK, I love you. Just please don't hit me again!" "Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me"
"This girl so owes Michael a blow job. Really. At this point the poor boy's balls must be bluer than the sky." "Bitch is gonna make ME cry!" "Ah, Jenna's mothering skills haven't changed one bit. Have fun dangling over cement and wood chips, foul-mouthed toddlers! Also, TWIINS. Did you expect anything less from Michael's sperm and Jenna's uterus?"
Can't wait for the dramatic sequel!
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Clearly these are excellent write-ups that make it impossible for you to keep dry underpants. Clearly it is a monumental task to select a winner.
Therefore, once again, you're doing the hard part for me. Tell me--either in the comments or via e-mail--which reviewer should receive the first season of 90210. All three rockin' authors have earned their very own Love, Betrayal and a Baby Original Mixed Compact Disc Soundtrack, featuring songs to be determined by Silly Hily and me. And yes, David, "Invisible Man" will totally be on there as Michael and Jenna's theme song.
We are going to have big fun with the sequel, friends. BIG FUN.
This is hard Frema! Hard, I tell you! Why must WE choose the best summary?
I am totally torn between Molly and Hilary!!! Hilary had a more in-depth synopsis and Molly's was quick and to the point. Both made great use of your extremely funny commentary. Hil, made me cry by reposting the whole "Ma-ma! Ma-ma! No-no-no-Ma-ma!" Her face was blotchy, and her arms reached out to me. Her little body shook with sobs." thing! Thanks alot, Hil!
I don't know which way to go! I may just do enie meenie minie mo (I probably just jacked that spelling all up!).
Posted by: Rachel | March 16, 2007 at 03:27 PM
This is a tough one there, Frema. On one hand, I love me good Haiku. On the other hand, SillyHily IS pretty damn funny and did an awesomely accurate summary. On the other other hand (yes...I have 3 hands. shut up.) Molly's "your mom" joke almost made me pee myself. I'm gonna havta go with SillyHily. NOT just because she is my BFF. But because she is the one who made me start reading TLF and "Lil Frema's" comments in the first place. To be honest, I was skipping over the stuff in brackets because it was making me lose track of
the story. (damn ADD) But when she told me how funny they were, I went back and re-read and HO-LY CRAP! That's some funny shit. SO yeah...moral of this obnoxiously long comment: SillyHily.
Posted by: Margarita | March 16, 2007 at 03:31 PM
Wow. Silly Hilly, that is a freakin epic! I can't imagine the amount of work that went into it. And Molly, yours had me laughing out loud at work....and my cube mates thought I had been watching the NCAA action.
Since I can't vote for myself...even though Haiku's are the world's greatest form of communication.....
The winner I pick
Put in incredible work
Yay! Silly Hilly!
Posted by: David McNelis | March 16, 2007 at 03:32 PM
"..thick and juicy, just like your mom..." Oh no you didn't Molly. (Wait, of course you did. I would be so upset if you didn't.) That was hi-larious. I vote Molly. (Shut up, just shut up. You had me at "your mom." You had me at "your mom.")
David, your Haiku rocked. I've been hounding Frema all morning to post already because she let it slip that you turned in a poem for your review and I couldn't wait to read it. I love that you mentioned Whitesnake.
Now, all of you non TLF readers listen up. You have no excuse. Even if you don't like what Lil' Frema wrote (which you should) you will totally pee yourself when you read what Grown Frema thinks of Lil' Frema's writing. Seriously.
Posted by: Silly Hily aka The Hilarazzi | March 16, 2007 at 03:47 PM
As I read the chapter with the hood making out I couldn't get the Bowling For Soup song, 1985 out of my head....'on the hood of Whitesnakes car'.....how could any summary subsequently omit the 80s reference!
Posted by: David McNelis | March 16, 2007 at 04:12 PM
Do I get to vote too? The other submitters did (Your mom's a submitter!) so I guess I can, huh?
I vote for Silly Hily!! She rocked with the in-depth summary, commentary included - everything that new potential readers need to know. And I am IMPRESSED!!
Also, your mom's impressed. I can't stop! And neither can your mom!
Posted by: Molly | March 16, 2007 at 04:48 PM
Its official. I'm going to have to go back and get caught up. FABULOUS recaps.
Posted by: PaintingChef | March 16, 2007 at 05:00 PM
Also? While I totally respect the time and creativity it took David to 'ku the whole thing and I always dig a good "your mom" joke, I must go with Silly Hilly because I think I enjoyed her "Best Brackets" winners more than anything. Plus... you know... it's a bracket sort of time of year.
Posted by: PaintingChef | March 17, 2007 at 08:56 PM
I refuse to choose. I think 'lil Frema should have to choose.
(although I did love reading the brackets again!)
Posted by: Isabel | March 18, 2007 at 03:59 AM
Okay, let's see here. I'll admit, I've jumped on and off and on the TLF bandwagon, not because I didn't ever not want to read, but because I've become a lazy blogger as of late. I hope you know that I love you and maybe you will find it in your heart to forgive me for not loving you as I should have. Look, I'll give you my bastard first born and won't run you over when I see you at the DQ, okay?? OKAY?
Anyway, down to business. Hilary definitely gets an A+ for a whole lot of effort and a humorous effort at that. Molly's mom joke had me LOL. But I am a poet at heart and really, nothing beats a good haiku and that my friend, was a GOOD haiku. So, David gets my vote. If I could, I'd vote for your mom.
Posted by: Lindsey | March 18, 2007 at 12:04 PM
I usually skip the TLF commentary because Molly and Silly Hily totally wrap it up with no further input necessary. Anything else I could come up with is pathetic by comparison.
The other thing, yeah, my teenage angst fiction writing, so so so much worse. I cringe. No sarcastic comments could save it. Mad props to you for taking the risk and letting it all hang out. Even if I am extremely jealous of your talent back then.
Gotta vote for Molly on the wrap-up, just because of her summary using the words of (older, wiser, and just a little bit more sarcastic) Adult Frema.
Posted by: VirginiaGal | March 19, 2007 at 11:07 AM
I am ALWAYS late to the party...it's probably too late to vote, but that's okay. I am not a good decision maker. But I will say, the haiku was awesome, silly hily must have spent hours on that, and molly cracks me up.
Posted by: Stacey | March 27, 2007 at 09:03 AM