Frumpelstiltskin

As a child growing up fifteen minutes from downtown Chicago, I had a certain image of what I would look like when it was time to tackle the corporate world. For the last two summers of high school, while riding the 65 State Street bus from my el train stop to Navy Pier, home to the now-deceased Pretzelmaker, I was fascinated by the women sporting crisp, white shirts, pencil skirts with hems ending just above the knee, professionally blown-out hair, and carefully applied eyeliner on their powdered lids. They always carried some sort of savvy bag that held their hundred-dollar heels so they could pound the pavement with the Nikes usually reserved for their Crunch gym membership, allowing them to manuever through the crowds without breaking a leg. I imagined they all had cornerstone offices overlooking the skyline and assistants who brought them coffee and petty cash funds they could draw from for lunch, just like Christina Applegate's character in Don't Tell Mom the Baby-sitter's Dead. It was a lifestyle I couldn't wait to be a part of.

And then I graduated from college.

The circumstances surrounding how I landed my three-year stint as publications and media relations director for my undergraduate alma mater really just kind of fell into place. I'd been interning for the office for the duration of my senior year, writing feature stories and press releases under the supervision of my professor (and now good friend) Maia, who was rationing her time between the English department and college's PR division; eventually she needed to commit to teaching full-time and her boss needed to find a replacement, thus seamlessly opening the door for me without so much as an interview. I jumped into the swing of things two days after my commencement ceremony and smack-dab in the middle of the production schedule for the alumni magazine's summer edition.

To say I was absolutely terrified of fucking up is a gross understatement; I was a recent graduate with no money to burn, no time to catch my breath, no knowledge on the concept of "business casual." I was hired for a job, and I did my job, period, which means I did nothing for my appearance. (In that last link, you're looking for the photo of me in a Relay for Life tee shirt and gray sweatpants. BOTH OF WHICH I WORE TO WORK. Yes, you are allowed to gasp at the horror of it all.)

It wasn't until late fall of that year that I discovered the sassy affordability of my beloved New York and Company, whose very name screams sophistication but whose display racks boast work-appropriate blouses for twenty bucks a pop. Jack pot, baby! I salivated over khaki pants and collar shirts and kicky red skirts with little conch shells on them, and soon I was averaging two hundred bucks a visit every couple of months. I had to go in that often because for every five pieces I brought home, at least one ended up in my sisters' closets during my next visit home, since in my haste to own the perfect wardrobe, I had set unrealistic expectations for just how well I could pull off a horizontal-striped sweater with 36B breasts. (How well? you ask. Not at all well, thank you very much.)

By the time I had tendered my resignation and accepted my next job offer (also obtained without a formal interview, I am such a lucky duckie), I was making slightly smarter choices and holding on to pieces longer than eight seconds. I'd chopped off most of my hair, visited a Clinique counter for the first time thanks to my co-worker Kendra (hi, Kendra!), and become intimately familiar with the inside of a Baker's. My shopping preferences weren't as fancy as Bloomingdale's or Sephora, but just like Mary Tyler Moore, I was making it after all.

For the first year of my new job, I pulled off looks like the one above about three days a week, the rest of the time pairing Payless Sherpa flip-flops with capris and cotton tees announcing my alumni status with various post-secondary institutions. (OK, just two, but "various" flowed better.) Then, somehow, after gaining a bit of weight, I started feeling less confident, and the cute ensembles whittled down to twice every five days. Now, I've been reduced to this.

In all fairness, I've SEEN classier women pull off the always-tricky red, blue, and brown combination, but they probably included at least one form-fitting piece to tie the whole look together. Making matters worse is the fact that I've decided to grow out my hair, which is now in that awful in-between phase where the locks lose their shape four minutes after stepping out of my stylist's chair, and my refusal to wear make-up unless I'm sporting particularly high self-esteem. That last part is really a shame, since my break-outs have only gotten worse and my cheeks could really benefit from the neutral coverage of a pressed powder.

But hey, this picture was taken when I was five weeks' pregnant. That cuts me some slack, right?

Comments

[Erika]

HOLySHIt

[Erika]

OH MY GOD, my freaking keyboard has been locking up for a week, like every 2 hours I have to shut down power off and restart. So here I am about to leave a commiserating comment about how all I wear are dockers print slacks and sweaters (like today) and theN I READ THE LAST SENTENCE and I AM SO EXCITED I ABOUT PEE MY PANTS ANd...keyboard craps out. So I copy and paste my above comment one letter at a time (including word verification!) from a work email. CONGRATULATIONS YOU GUYS!!

[Liza]

Congratulations!!! That is so exciting! Whee! Whee!

And yes, you get MUCH slack for pregnancy frump. During my last 2 weeks of pregnancy, I only had 2 pair of pants that fit, and one was part of a *bright blue* velour sweat suit, with teal piping. I WORE IT TO WORK. More than once!

[VirginiaGal]

Hey, wha!?! I think I got whiplash doing a double-take reading that last sentence.

Congratulations!

[daddy d]

Baby time! What a joy! Thinking ahead in time, it is not what you put on your body that matters, it is that baby that comes out of your body that really matters.

The analysis of the clothing is very insightful. I just think nice is nice. But that doesn't get me out of the house at times.

[Fraulein N]

You sneaky, sneaky girl, throwing it in there at the end like that. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

And I think your hair looks pretty cute here.

[Pink Herring]

Holy shit!! Congrats!

[mjd]

The family thinks you are beautiful all the time. Now, with the grandbaby (grand baby) coming, you have that special glow of pregnancy.

And yes, Fraulein N, she and Luke are sneaky.

[Diane]

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!! You sneaky, sneaky woman you! :-)

[Marriage-101]

Oh My Gosh! I'm so happy for you! You were just testing us to make sure we were paying attention, weren't you? Oh I'm so excited. Please post more details soon!

[Silly Hily aka The Hilarazzi]

Oh you sneaky little fox you. I'm going to start calling you Swiper. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, you will within the next two years.)
You have already heard (or read) my initial OH MY GOSH CONGRATULATIONS spill (Yes, I knew! I knew and kept my mouth shut. I so wanted to at least give a little na-na-na-boo-boo I know something you don't know to all of you or even to my own readers but I didn't because I know a few smart little turkeys who would have figured it out in .2 seconds) but I'll say it again...OH MY GOSH, CONGRATULATIONS! I am still so excited for you and Luke and I can't wait to follow you as you document this amazing, wonderful, scary, life changing experience.

Also, all hail to NY&Co. and Clinique.

Also, also, you already look adorable as a Mama! A mom! Say it again, MOM! Eeeeee!!!

[Molly]

Hey pregnancy is a great time to grow your hair out, and your nails too for that matter. It makes both hair and nails fabulous with all of those vitamins and baby...whatevers floating around.

Baby! Baby! I can't wait! I'm so glad you told everyone TODAY, because I might have died if you waited until Wednesday or something. Congrats, again!

(Baby!)

[Rachel]

Holy Shit!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am soooooooooooooo excited for you!!!!!! Gah, all these preggers on the internet make me want another one even more!

Frema!!!!! What wonderful news! I know you and Luke must be super excited!

[Debbie]

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You are definitely sneaky! I can't wait to read all about your fun journey over the next 9 months!

[TasterSpoon]

GASP!

Giggle, giggle.

[whoorl]

Congratulations! And for the record, I think your hair looks fantastic.

[Isabel]

I'm with Molly on this one...perfect time to grow your hair out. Your hair will never be as fabulous as it is while you are pregnant!

And really, I think you look great. Great, I tell you!

I'm very excited for you and Luke and am looking forward to more details and to following your pregnancy like the stalker I am.

[Kayte]

The only words that come to mind are SNEAKY WOMAN! How exciting! Congratulations!!!!!!!! Yaa for BabyFremaLuke!

[Katie]

Woohoo! Congratulations! And yes, that was very sneaky.

[Sant]

CONGRATULATIONS FREMA AND LUKE!!! That's so exciting!! 5 weeks already, man, I can't believe your head didn't explode trying to keep from blogging about it all this time:)

That's so very exciting for both of you! Congratulations again!! And I know I'm not anyone's mother, but when my sister was pregnant, the must have was "The Pregnancy Journal", which I think she may have gotten at Hallmark or some charming place like that. In any case, you'll shriek with excitement (like me and my sister did) over reading about all the developments (YAYYY! Finger prints! Eye Pigment! Beating little heart!!!!!!) You'll love it! PS- And it gives you space for you and Luke to write things to the baby:)

[Brittany]

Wheeeeeeeeeee!

This is very exciting. Are you just bubbling with joy or what?? Any barfing yet? Chronic fatigue? Peeing every ten minutes??

Oh! I'm sure you'll be writing about all of that in no time!

Congrats!! I'm so happy for you!

[Liz]

Wow, you guys must have set some kind of record. Best wishes!

[Chris]

CONGRATULATIONS!! :-)

[Bethany]

Congratulations!!

[Jen]

WHOLLY CRAP! You totally snuck that in at the end!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get ready for the ride of your life.... ;)

[Lindsey]

SHUT UP! aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I literally just jumped out of my chair at work and did a dance...no joke. It's taking everything in me not to actually scream.

CONGRATS OH MY GOSH, I AM SO HAPPY!!!

[HollowSquirrel]

YAY YAY YAY! Congratulations and wait, so when was that picture taken? How far along are you??? COOLIO and YAY and hot damn! Thanks for making my day!! :)

YAY.

[Audrey]

HOLY CRAP! Congratulations, Frema!!! I am so happy for you and Luke!!! When I started reading this post I actually thought, "I wonder when we'll get to hear that she's pregnant now that we know they've been trying for a baby." And then I promptly forgot that thought until I got to that last sentence and practically fell out of my chair I was so excited! YAY!!!

[Lucky]

SO EXCITED!!!!! Can't wait to read all about your newest adventure!

[Samantha]

Hahaha! I love how you nonchalantly included you being pregnant in the last line of your post! You are very clever my sister. I love you so much and am so excited to be a part of this amazing time in your life. I will talk to you tomorrow pretty lady!! :)

[Sissy]

P.S. You look so cute in both of those pictures. I have always looked to you and Ryan for a fashion sense...I was born without one you know. ;)

[Jackie]

Wow! Congrats to you and Luke! I'm so excited for you! You're in for quite an adventure! (I rarely use this many exclamation points; it shows how truly thrilled I am that you're joining the Mommy Club!)

[Elizabeth]

Here from Fraulein N-Congratulations!!!

[jenabeeb]

YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am very, very excited for you guys and so happy! I also cannot wait to read about pregnancy from your perspective. It is bound to be profound, hilarious and insightful!!

YIPPEE!

[SJ]

Congratulations!!!!

[Lizzy]

Man--go away for a few weekends and lose momentum on lurking blogs and you MISS EVERYTHING!

HOLY COW! Congratulations to you and Luke! Woot!