It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Sickness

Some lovely random facts for you all:

• I started having stomach pain and difficulty peeing on Wednesday. Oh, the joys of pregnancy, I thought. Surely this will pass.
• Persistent nausea began on Thursday.
• A couple of hours after my alumni board meeting on Saturday, I drove myself to the Jasper County ER at the recommendation of my clinic's on-call doctor, where I was diagnosed with a urinary tract infection. Man, was I pissed at myself for not just dragging my ass to the doctor during the week, but I was also kind of happy I didn't have to miss any work.
• I threw up for the first time on Sunday morning in a BP gas station in a very questionable restroom facility just minutes away from the on-ramp to I-65 South, aka my ticket home. I've barfed every day since.
• I'm wondering just how cut out I am for this whole motherhood thing, plaguing myself with questions like, "Did we get pregnant too soon?" "Will I ever want to do this again?" "Will I be any good?"
• I cry every day. Today's reason? My newfound ability to hit record-breaking levels of unattractiveness, as evidenced by the aerosol-free fro I've been sporting to the office and the right hand I've been jamming down my pants, Al Bundy-style, protecting the tiny life within from the harsh elastic waistband of my DePaul track pants.
• I've lost weight. Who knew the key to shedding those pesky unwanted pounds was the first trimester of pregnancy?

WEIGHT ON 2/28: 135.6
CURRENT WEIGHT: 137.2
TOTAL PREGNANCY POUNDS GAINED: 1.6

In happier news, Saint Joe's English department will allow me to end the blogging class by Thanksgiving with no penalty to class credit earned. If I go into labor prematurely, they would want me to come back and teach a couple of sessions as soon as I'm able, but let's hope that doesn't happen, because right now nothing displeases me more than the thought of making a three-hour round trip to teach a two-and-a-half-hour night course with leaky boobs and (most likely) a tear-stained face.

Comments

[Molly]

You poor girl. Unfortunately and fortunately, everything is going just the way it should. You are going to make it through this with flying colors, and you'll be one of the best Mamas ever. I have every faith in you.

Also, I didn't gain any weight in either of my pregnancies until morning (morning, my ass, that is) sickness ended at 16 and 20 weeks respectively. Maybe by the time you're done you'll have hit your original weight loss goal also. Two birds with one stone. :oP

Talk soon.

[debi]

I agree with Molly. Everything sounds about normal. UTI's are not uncommon in pregnancy. I only had morning sickness in the evening and only for a month. Maybe you will be one of the lucky ones. Also, the baby is nowhere near your waist yet so don't worry, but you can keep your hand there in honor of good ol Al. Your hormones will settle down soon and you will begin to embrace the whole Mother Earth thing.It was for me, the one time I knew exactly what I was here for. I loved being pregnant. I guess you could see that as I have 5 kids. I hope you get well very soon. Hang in there.

[Brooke]

I lost probably about 12 lbs in my first trimester, with both kids. I threw up for the first 5 months with both kids too! The crying, well I think that my hormones still are not back to normal :o) You'll be fine I loved being pregnant.

[Lindsey]

Hang in there, girl. Once that precious baby of yours is born you will look back at this post and say hell yes, it was all worth it. I just know it!

[Rachel]

Frema, you poor thing! I got lucky and didn't have morning sickness at all, but most of my friends did have and had it bad. Luckily it usually subsides with the first trimester around 13 weeks, which isn't far.

I wish I had some advice for you. The crying, yeah, I did that too. Everyday. Anything could make me cry.

Trust me though, in the end, it is all so very very worth it when you hold your sweet little baby for the first time. It's indescribable.

Hope you feel better soon. Big hugs!

[Gillian]

Hey! Guess what? When you're throwing up behind fences and in Wal-Mart bathrooms and with such force that some of the toilet water comes up and hits you in the face, that little precious baby is the furthest thing from your mind. You long for those hangovers that actually ENDED because "morning" sickness is like one, long, never-ending hangover where no matter how much you barf, it doesn't make anything better. I'm approaching my 19th week of pregnancy and it's just starting to get better.

I used to have to get up in the middle of the night to barf. If I took 2 seconds longer than I should have to eat breakfast in the morning, I'd be serving myself breakfast at least one more time. I actually had to go on Diclectin (morning sickness drug) to be able to function.

People used to try to cheer me up by saying, "but there's a BABY!" and in my deepest, darkest moments, I'd say, "Yes! There is! And when I'm all finished puking and being this fucking exhausted, there will be a little baby that will be CRYING all the time! Whaaaaaa boo hoooo hooooo!" And it was the most depressing thing that I could think of.

For me, those people that say it's worth it because "BEHOLD! The Miracle of LIFE!" are being insensitive. Either that, or they're already parents and see that it's worth it. For you and I, the first time moms, I tell those people to shove it and shut their stupid mouths.

Anyway, it sucks! I hate being pregnant! Enjoy! :)

[Jen]

oh poor girl! puking at a BP? ouch. Just hang in there... 'morning' sickness is the worst, but amazingly enough it DOES disappear, almost as quickly as it comes (for me, around 13 weeks I started noticing hey, I can eat! without wanting to vomit! cool!) I lost about 5 or 6 lbs that first 8 weeks.. of course it all came back by the end, and then some!!

and I totally did the hand down my pants thing, especially if I felt my pants were too tight. hehe :)

[Molly]

Gillian, it's not insensitive. You just haven't walked in the greener grass yet. You'll see. Of the 71 weeks of pregnancy I managed, 36 of those weeks were spent in a constant state of morning sickness. I fully agree that it sucks. So does bedrest, and premature labor, and childbirth, and living on two hours of sleep a night with a screaming child who you just can't always make happy. But somehow in the end, it really and truly is all beyond worth it.

[Jackie]

Hugs to you... Being a mom is amazing. I absolutely HATED being pregnant, but here I am, thinking about doing it all over again two years later. Just focus on the end result - a little Frema/Luke. That lil' baby will make everything worthwhile.

[Katie]

Cheer up little camper!! Everything will be OK :-) With as much thought as you've put into this whole motherhood thing, I'm sure you'll be fine and that you'll be a great mother. Like Gillian said, right now pregnancy is probably just plain crappy. But like Molly said too, it WILL be beyond worth it! Hang in there - it can't last forever :-)

[Aunt Ruthie]

This to shall pass.........Silly, silly Bree...........go hold your niece and watch her play and talk.....the end result will be worth it over and over. Soda crackers seemed to calm me....get the sodium free tasteless kind. AS far as bawling goes.........shoot I am still bawling, I wasn't as fortunate as my wonderful sister-in-law and to have responsible children. But my grandchildren are fantastic.......
Aunt Ruthie

[Audrey]

I'm sure my husband is just DREADING the sob-fest that will be me when I get pregnant. Earlier this week I had a mix-up with my birth control pills (needed a new pack on sunday, didn't realize I was out of refills until saturday, so couldn't get a new pack from the doc until monday evening) and the tiny way that affected my hormones has had me in tears every night this week. I can't even imagine what full-on pregnancy hormones are going to do to me.

But! This comment is not supposed to be all about me! It's supposed to be about you and how I hope the barfing stops soon. And to answer your question as to whether or not you'll be any good -- yes! You will be beyond good! That little baby is so lucky to have you.

[typealice]

Molly, and others: Sorry, I was being slightly sarcastic about people being "insensitive" about how much morning sickness sucks because "JOY! There is a baby!"

I had a single male friend of mine tell me to "suck it up buttercup" when I would sometimes complain about morning sickness in my blog, and really? It pissed me off that HE (as a "he") would ever say something like that because he's got absolutely no right to, IMO. Plus, he doesn't have any kids and doesn't actually know the beauty that children hold.

Heh, I'm obviously still hold a little resentment towards him! :)

[pjlibrarian]

Aunt Ruthie is right come hold your niece, well if she will sit still for you. She has added many new words to amaze you and will take your mind off of the uncomfortable feelings, at least for a few minutes. I too lost weight the first 5 months and was sick from 2 in the afternoon until I went to bed. When I did eat I was the one if you remember that would lay claim to the smallest portion of food that I knew I could choke down that would be nutrious enough to get to the next day. Luckily for me the crying didn't come until after she was born (as she layed in the children's hospital), maybe you are getting yours out of the way now. Hang in there it does really go by faster than it feels. And, you always look good even if you don't see it that way the rest of us do.

[Michelle]

I had morning sickness until 24 weeks (I lost weight and was given that anti-nausea medication they give chemotherapy patients and co-workers would bring me glasses of water after they heard me retching in my trash can).

By 30 weeks, I decided it wasn't so bad and I'd do it again.

Now that my Angel Face is nearly 16 months, I know that it was SO WORTH IT and I would TOTALLY do it again.

You will know that too. Soon. It goes so fast.

[HollowSquirrel]

Awww sweetie. I'm so sorry! I lost weight during my first trimester, too, although I didn't throw up. I'm sorry it's hitting you like that, but I think I've heard that's a good sign actually and completely normal.

As for the second-guessing yourself and your decision to become pregnant, let me just say: that's normal, too, and you'll probably keep questioning yourself well into ... uh the next 2 decades. And it doesn't make you a bad person-- it makes you aware that HELL YES your life is on the path to change-dom. You and Luke are incredible, loving people who (guess what) will be incredible & loving parents. You may not be perfect (as I've learned-- the quest to be the perfect mother at all times only leads to disappointment, guilt and Celexa, 20 mg), but you're doing the best you can do for your baby because you're a good, smart person. That doesn't mean mistakes won't be made, but they're because mistakes are part of life. Ok, sorry, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in your crying, losing weight or doubts. And you WILL be ok. :)

[Isabel]

It sounds like everyone else has said all that I could say.

So instead I'll just tell you that I'm thinking of you and have so much faith in you and Luke.

(And although it's only been 366 days since I was pregnant, I can hardly remember it. True story. So just hang on!)

[Isabel]

P.S. I am so excited about your blogging class. Seriously, this is going to rock.

[Silly Hily]

And that (her comment) is why I love Hollow Squirrel. So true. Especially the second guessing part. Yeah, get used to that dear. I'm starting to realize that is probably never, ever, ever going to go away.
I can't relate to everything you are going through but I will say that I'm still waiting for my hormones to chill the f out.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that you and Luke will both be more than fabulous as parents. One thing is for certain, you won't be pregnant forever. All of this misery will be over by the end of the year and it will totally be worth it.

I'll be thinking of you. Take care of yourself!!!

[Lucky Gem]

I used to be pretty modest, especially when it came to barfing. I did not want anyone around. I quickly got over that as I have barfed everywhere....side of the road, at restaurants while on vacation in Florida, at work, in my car. Always keep a plastic bag in your car. Trust me. Here's to hoping your sickness ends cuz mine sure as hell didn't!! I lost weight in the beginning, too.

[daddy d]

Sorry for all that female trouble. I am glad that my personal part of the baby process was not that way. But this to will pass away. My mom has said that you forget the bad parts of the baby process.

[Maureen]

Delurking to offer condolences and hope. I had "morning" sickness (actually was "all day" sickness) for the first 137 years of my pregnancy. Possibly it only seemed like 137 years. I remember getting a newsletter when I entered my second trimester, which was when my nausea was ramping up, and it said, "By now your morning sickness should be easing up and you're starting to feel great!" Then it started listing all the foods I should be eating. And I said, "@*&# YOU, NEWSLETTER!" deleted it, and had a milkshake.

But! It didn't last forever! And, even though I swore I would stand my baby in the corner for the first 9 months of his life to punish him for what he did to me, I have forgiven him. So hang in there. Keep reminding yourself that it will not last forever. And allow yourself to not like the baby very much right now. I sure didn't like mine back then.

It will not last forever. It will not last forever. It will not last forever.

[twolinesonastick]

That sucks about the puking- I had a lot of sick feeling but not puking- but I got to where I could eat like ONE thing only for days and days, and then I would get sick of it and move on to another thing. But, this will not last forever. Suddenly you will hit 11 or 12 weeks and wake up one day and realize you feel FINE and you have energy again! And by the way, I had those doubts about being pregnant, too. I have even had those same doubts since giving birth. Hormones are crazy and can make you crazy :)

[Cazzie]

Aww, I had UTI's a couple of times when I was pregnant, I wouldn't wish it on anyone!!
The resolution I found was to drink a glass of cranberry juice every morning. It never happened again.
Cranberry tablets have been used as a preventative to UTI's, especially elderly people who are prone to them. Sticking to the jiuce is better if you are pregnant :)
Leaky boobs, great to know things are working then :)

[Christar]

My mom said that she lost a ton of weight when she was first pregnant with myself and my brother. So don't be concerned about that, I think it's normal. As far as being sick and throwing up, not to mention the hormonal emotions, I've heard that's all normal too. :) One of the most important things I've heard, is that a lot of it gets better after the first trimester. Hang in there! You'll be great. :)