After two consecutive days of baby talk, I am ready to change the subject. So I won't tell you that Luke and I looked at a model of a two-bedroom apartment within our complex last night to determine if the extra space we'd gain would be worth the aggravation of moving. (Turns out? It is.) I also won't tell you that this kid doesn't even have eyeballs yet and already I've received a bill from my ob/gyn, to the tune of two thousand dollars. That doesn't even include the cost of the actual hospital stay! Is that going to be another couple of grand? And why, oh why, do they want me to begin payment next month? Don't they know I have a whole seven and a half months to meet my deductible?
Like I said, lucky for you I won't be talking about all of that. Today is the day we get up close and personal with Kyle: Kayla's rape baby, Katherine's half-brother and love interest, and a complex figment of lil' Frema's way-out-there imagination. Pull up a seat, kiddies. This one's long.
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CHAPTER THREE - KYLE
Katherine caught up with me at my locker before homeroom.
"I just wanted to know if you still wanted me to come over after school today," she said softly, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes. She looked kind of nervous, which surprised me - nobody ever gets nervous talking to the boy; it's usually the other way around.
[Right. Girls never get tongue-tied around guys. Not even when one tries to grab your hand on the bus ride back from an eighth-grade field trip to Cook County Jail and everyone laughs so you push him away and bury your face into your jean jacket the rest of the way home.]
"Yeah, sure," I said, then laughed. "I'm having a little trouble already. And when we're done, you could help me unpack. There are so many boxes in my house, you have to jump hurdles over them just to get anywhere."
"Well, since you said please," she answered sarcastically. "Meet me by my locker after school."
"OK," I said, but she didn't hear me. She was running up to her friend Shannon.
[A few TLFs ago, somebody asked if I had someone in mind to "play" Shannon, but the truth is, I don't. Maybe Jordin from this season's American Idol? She's perky enough. What do you think?]
There was still 15 minutes left before the warning bell rang, and I had nothing to do, nobody to talk to. The first couple of weeks in a new school were always the hardest for me. I stuck out like a sore thumb, being all by myself. It was embarassing. So I did what I did at the other schools. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall.
I had many moments in my life where all I wanted to do was dig a hole in the earth and bury myself. This was one of them.
I hated moving with all my heart. I don't think I've lived in the same place for more than two years since I was five years old. There was never time to make friends, for my mother always found something a little bit better, somewhere else. When I was lucky, my mom would find a place in the same state. I had never had a best friend, or a girlfriend, except for a few short flings. I was usually the kid in the back of the class whose name nobody remembers. Sure, I was a good for a laugh, and the girls loved me, but when it came to having an actual friend, I had none.
[Don't you just want to pull this kid out of Kayla's house and into foster care? An apple could have parented him better.]
I blame all my problems on my mom. Aunt Cassie mostly just follows my mother's lead when it comes to moving, so I can't be mad at her. Mom's the one who decides that.
[Oh, Kyle, "Aunt Cassie" just feels guilty because she convinced your mother to run over a pregnant woman!]
My mother. Sometimes I can't decide if I love her or hate her; I guess both. I know she sacrificed a lot to have me. [But not her virginity! Good thing she and David had at least one romp before he died. Can you imagine if the rape had been her first sexual experience? Not that Kyle knows she was raped, of course. But I digress.] Her parents cut her off from the moment she told them she was pregnant with me, and my father left her a few months later and she never saw him again. Mom doesn't like to talk about him very much, but she said he was a good man and I shouldn't think bad things about him. She said he loved her very much, and he was just too scared to be a father. My father's name was David.
[So it's not that he was too scared; he was too dead!]
RIING! The warning bell interupted my thoughts of the past, and I unlocked the stall door. "Here I go again," I mumbled and went out to face another day.
[Geez, with all that time he spent contemplating the trials and tribulations of his complicated existence, he could have just masturbated.]
* * *
I waited impatiently for Katherine by her locker at the end of the day. What if she had changed her mind? I stood against the locker and closed my eyes.
"Are you gonna move, or do I have to throw you out of the way?" My eyes opened and I saw Katherine holding her books and smiling. I stepped out of the way. "It's about time," I mumbled. "What took you so long?"
She raised an eyebrow. "If I had known you were so impatient I wouldn't have agreed to tutor you."
"Sure you would've," I said.
"How do you know?" she asked, but not in a cocky way, which made me answer her seriously.
"You can always tell by a girl's eyes if she likes you or not," I said, "and your eyes say that you like me."
She smiled. She had a really pretty smile. Not dazzling or sexy, but soft and sweet. "What if I told you that I had a head cold that made my eyes look glassy?"
"I'd say you're lying."
"You'd be right," she replied, grinning. "I don't know you, Kyle, but I'd like to if you'll let me."
[And to think lil' Frema thought this dialogue was so snappy. So clever!]
I didn't answer her. Finally I said, "you look like my mother."
"Really? In what way?" she asked.
"Your hair and eyes. If your hair was brown, you'd look almost exactly like her."
[Dun dun dun!]
Katherine smiled that sweet smile again and slammed her locker shut. "Let's go."
We didn't talk too much on the way to my house, which was pretty far from school. As I unlocked the front door, Katherine looked around the area.
"It's nice out here," she commented. "Clean and peaceful. Like a hide-away from the world." I nodded.
"That's why Mom chose this place. She never liked living in the city."
We dumped our bags by the door, and I gave her a brief tour.
"Are these your parents?" she asked, pointing to a picture on the wall. In it, my mom and dad were dressed in a dress and tux. They were gazing into each other's eyes and were holding each other close. Mom said it was taken at a dance during sophomore year. [So I take it by her choice of decor that Kayla never plans on inviting Jenna and Michael over for dinner?] I nodded.
"You're mother's a blonde," Katherine said softly.
"Yeah. She dyed it when I was little, so I never actually saw her with it."
"Kyle?"
"Yeah?"
She said this next part hesitantly. "What happened to your dad? Is he dead?"
I tried to appear calm, but my back involuntarily stiffened. "No. He's alive." She just nodded [lots of nodding today!], but I saw the pity in her eyes.
"That's my aunt Cassie," I said quickly, pointing to another picture. "You even look a little like her."
"Maybe I'm a distant cousin," Katherine joked.
[Did anyone hear that crash of lightening overhead? Just me? Hmmm.]
"I hope not," I replied shyly.
[Yet another reason to hate his mother.]
"We better get started," she said awkwardly, hiding her face behind her hair.
We went to the kitchen table and got to work.
"So what was your school in California like?" she asked while looking for a notebook.
"Alright. I wasn't there for too long, so I didn't really meet anyone. And nobody liked me anyway."
"I'm sure you're wrong about that."
"I'm not. I made the kids feel dumb because I skipped a grade."
"You're too hard on people." Katherine smiled. "But I'm glad you mentioned that part about skipping a grade. I thought you were too young to be a sophomore in high school."
I opened my mouth to answer her when I heard the door open and shut.
"Kyle? Are you there? Sorry we're late, sweetie, but your aunt and I stopped at the store for a few things--" She stopped short when she saw Katherine. I thought she would drop the 2 bags she held in her arms. Slowly, very slowly, she walked toward us and put down her bags. Smoothing her hair with one hand, she forced a smile. "I didn't know you had company."
[I didn't know my long-lost daughter would be doing geometry at our kitchen table. You know how that goes, right, son?]
Katherine's face turned bright red. "I'm sorry. I was just getting ready to leave--"
"No, no, don't go," she replied hurriedly. "Stay. You can stay for dinner."
Katherine looked at her hands, and I gave my mother a questioning look. Why was she babbling like this?
"I'm sorry." Mom smiled again, this time a real smile. "I'm going on like a madman, and I haven't even introduced myself. I'm [YOUR MOMMA!] Kay."
"I'm Katherine," Katherine said, and I saw her relax.
"You kids keep workin'. I'm going to help Kyle's aunt with the rest of the groceries." Before she went back outside, she stared at the two of us and quickly wiped at her eyes.
"Don't pay attention to her," I said. "My aunt's much more sane." She laughed.
[We're laughing, too, aren't we?]
However, today she wasn't. We heard the door open and shut, and my mother and aunt Cassie, huddled together, slowly came into the room. Mom was beaming, and Aunt Cassie had a faraway look in her eyes. Then she mumbled something under her breath that I couldn't hear.
"Hi, Katherine," Aunt Cassie said. "I'm [YOUR!] Kyle's aunt, Cassie."
"Hi," she said, and then glanced at me uncertainly.
"Katherine's my tutor," I explained to them. "She's helping me catch up on what I've missed so far." Come on, guys, I added silently. Do or say something to make her think we're not crazy.
"That was a nice idea," Mom said. "We don't want you to fall behind. I am glad, though, that you've made a friend in the process." She gave Katherine another smile. "It seems like we kinda pounced on you, honey."
"We didn't mean to," Aunt Cassie added. "It's just that you're the first friend Kyle's brought home, and we got curious."
"That's OK," Katherine said. Her eyes lit up and she relaxed. "My parents act the same way." She extended her hand to my mother's and shook it. Mom seemed surprised but pleased. Then she shook my aunt's hand.
"It's so rare to see young people with manners these days," Aunt Cassie murmured as she took the bags and started putting the contents in the pantry.
[When I was your age, killing someone in cold blood landed you six years in jail. Now? Maybe a slap on the wrist. Kids get away with everything these days!]
"Would you like to stay for dinner?" Mom asked warmly.
"Yes, Ms. Hart, but I'll have to check with my parents first."
"The phone's in the livingroom, and please don't call me Ms. Hart. It makes me feel like an old fart. Call me...call me [MOMMA!] Kay," she finished.
"OK, Kay. Thanks."
Katherine went to use the phone. I pulled my mom aside. "Why were you and Aunt Cassie acting so weird? I felt so dumb out there."
Mom gave me a hug. "I'm sorry. It's complicated why I acted the way I did. You'll understand later on."
I groaned. "I hate it when you say that." She didn't answer, just ruffled my hair.
"I'm glad you're my son, Kyle," she said softly. "Remember that." Then she went and got a pizza out of the freezer.
[In addition to spitting out random bits of dialogue, Kayla's also a gourmet cook! Kyle is so lucky to have her.]
Katherine returned a minute later. "I can stay. My dad'll pick me up in a couple of hours."
[Better hide that prom picture, "Kay"!]
"Well, you guys finish whatever you were doing, and I'll call you when the pizza's done."
[Um, they were studying at the table, but whatever.]
The two of us agreed not to work on anything related to school. We settled down on the couch and turned on TV. The only decent show was BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD.
"Your mom's nice," she commented. "So's your aunt."
"They acted kinda crazy tonight, though."
"That's OK." She was quiet for a minute, and then let out a small yawn.
"You have a nice yawn," I said. She laughed. "Really? I think you're the first person who noticed."
Things were going good. By this time I knew that I liked her a lot, and that she wasn't like the other girls I've been with. She seemed innocent, unsure of the situation. "What are you thinking?" I asked her.
[Come on, guys never ask that. Especially teenagers.]
"That you're more experienced with girls than I thought."
"Is that bad?"
"I don't know. I don't think so. It just makes me feel like you're in control."
"Is that bad?" I repeated, scooting closer to her.
"Only if you make it bad." Katherine let out a shaky breath. "Don't make it bad, Kyle."
"I promise to be gentle," I said lightly and grabbed her hand. She closed her eyes and I tilted my head.
"PIZZA!" Mom called from the kitchen. Katherine jumped up, and I ran my fingers through my hair. She shook her head and smiled. "Nice try, Hart," she whispered and walked past me into the kitchen.
Dinner was kinda fun, even with my aunt and mother there. I kept flirting with Katherine in little ways, and we even played footsie under the table. Once I said, "Please pass me the salt," while raising my eyebrows and rubbing my foot against her under the table. She laughed so hard, soda came flying out of her nose, and she started to cough. Mom had jumped up. "Are you OK, hon? Can you breathe?"
Katherine had just nodded, laughing the whole time.
Now her dad was on his way to pick her up, and Mom and Aunt Cassie were saying their good-byes.
"Thanks for dinner," Katherine was saying. "You have a really nice house."
"Anytime hon." Aunt Cassie smiled and slowly walked out of the room.
Mom stuck around though. "I'd like to meet your father, Katherine, so I can tell him what a fine daughter he's got. Have you got any brothers or sisters?"
[Sneaky bitch. As if her PI didn't already tell her everything.]
She nodded. "One of each. They're twelve-year-old twins, Lucas and Leigh."
"You're lucky," I said. "Over here, there's only me."
"Then you should thank your mother. The twins can be a real pain."
The doorbell rang. Mom opened it. [Opened the doorbell?] "Hi. You must be Katherine's dad. She's a lovely girl. Come on in." She gazed at him, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "You can call me [ANYTHING YOU WANT, TAKE ME NOW, MICHAEL] Kay."
"Hi, Kay. I'm [TOO STUPID TO REALIZE WHO YOU ACTUALLY ARE] Michael." He smiled, but he looked tired. Tired and sad. "Katherine says you just moved here from California. How do you like it here so far?"
"I love it. We're gonna be staying here a long time."
There was a moment of silence, then Katherine put on her jacket and grabbed her bag. "Thanks again for dinner, Kay. I'll see you tomorrow, Kyle." She flashed a smile and winked at me. Then they were gone.
I stretched and yawned. "I'm goin' to bed, Mom. G'night."
"Good night, Kyle. I love you." She tried to smile, but her face crumbled, and she started to cry. Hard. Her whole body shook. I went over to her and hugged her as she buried her face into my shoulder. "Mom, what's wrong? Mom?"
She sniffled and took a breath. "Nothing. Everything. It's hard to explain. I promise, though, I'll tell you when I'm old enough to understand." [You like how lil' Frema mixed that up a bit?] She wiped her eyes and kissed my cheek, and went into her room, closing the door behind her.
For a number of reasons, I didn't fall asleep that night for a long time.
-------
This weekend I'll be staying at Saint Joe, volunteering for a few events and meeting with my professor friend, Maia, so we can talk about the fate of my blogging class this fall. There's a chance the college will let me wrap it up by Thanksgiving. Keep your fingers crossed, will you?
Edited to add: Why didn't anybody send me an e-mail pointing out the inverted words in my title? "Never I have been more delighted"? Geez Louise. See if I correct typos for YOU again.
Hmmm, that relationship between Kyle and Katherine certainly isn't very sibling-like, now is it?
I certainly hope everything at Saint Joes goes the way you would like, but believe that there is a (maybe yet unknown) reason if it does not.
Posted by: VirginiaGal | April 13, 2007 at 09:11 AM
And by reason I mean hand of God, etc., not just the earthly obvious ones.
This is why I don't write for a living!
Posted by: VirginiaGal | April 13, 2007 at 09:13 AM
[Geez, with all that time he spent contemplating the trials and tribulations of his complicated existence, he could have just masturbated.]
I just got to this part and HOLY CRAP that was funny.
Moving on...
Posted by: Elizabeth/Liz/Margarita | April 13, 2007 at 10:47 AM
That was, by far, the funniest freakin commentary YET!
Posted by: Elizabeth/Liz/Margarita | April 13, 2007 at 10:52 AM
Well, well, I see that the years have worn the two crazies. "Cassie walked slowly out of the room"... does anyone really slowly exit a room unless they are following a metal framed walker? The slow moving crazy aunt just creeps me out. I expect her to start humming a leery tune next.
Also, the fact that "Kay" recognized the daughter she last saw as a toddler, but failed at the "let me meet your father" test, has me somewhat disappointed. Not that I wanted them to figure it all out in one quick episode, I just expected more-- even from the TLF crowd, yes... I'd like to think that, even though they botched most things in life, that they could certainly pass the "police line-up" and positively ID each other. Sad. Sad. SAD!
And one more thing-- Kayla, clearly blind to most things-- is sobbing because she found Katherine but feels the need to keep certain information to herself?? Allow me to translate-- Did she not sit through dinner where all of the flirting was going on?? Was she absent from the house when Kyle and Katherine were cozying it up on the couch?? I ask you this, how long does she think she should hold out on letting everyone know that they are RELATED before stopping things?! (Because THINGS, they are brewing.) After their baby's Christening? That's where my money is. All of it.
Posted by: Sant | April 13, 2007 at 10:58 AM
Fingers and toes crossed!
Posted by: Fraulein N | April 13, 2007 at 10:58 AM
The only decent show was BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD.
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, THAT was the only DECENT show!??!!
And, I am so glad that Michael is not teaching at my kid's school! He is definitely not the brightest crayon in the box. I'm pretty sure that if I dyed my hair blond tonight, um, my face will still look the same.
Posted by: Rachel | April 13, 2007 at 11:01 AM
"you look like my mother" -- Yeah, that's EXACTLY what a girl wants to hear. Swoon!
Posted by: Pink Herring | April 13, 2007 at 11:25 AM
Sant: Kayla did recognize Michael. After all, upon their meeting, she "gazed at him, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear." Remember? But she's not going to ADMIT that, because that would ruin her "spy on Katherine from afar" plan.
Michael, on the other hand, is an idiot. He was so good at looking past Jenna's red tresses and seeing her true self in number one, but like you said in your comment, age must have worn him down.
Posted by: Frema | April 13, 2007 at 11:43 AM
Oh yay! I linked over to your page from Mom's Daily Dose and have been busy reading your archives, including ALL of TLF.
Kayla: "Its hard to explain, maybe I'll try after you get your sister pregnant. That seems more appropriate than right now."
Rachel from CA
Posted by: Rachel | April 13, 2007 at 11:56 AM
Holy Cow. The most cringe-worthy installment yet! And that includes the warm-milk-leads-to-sex episode!
Posted by: David McNelis | April 13, 2007 at 01:05 PM
I'm another one who just got here from Mom's Daily Dose, and has read the entire TLF series today (it's a slow day at work). I love it!
Posted by: Stephanie | April 13, 2007 at 01:09 PM
About your OB bill- I am guessing it's not truly a bill and more like a "Hey we want you to be aware of what you will owe at some point." You might want to call them and ask. I got a bill from mine saying $2700 or something was due before my due date, but they told me that was just to make sure we knew we had a bill coming if insurance didn't pick it all up. She also said that they will work out payment plans as long as you pay a little each month. There's hope.
Posted by: twolinesonastick | April 13, 2007 at 01:59 PM
Ditto on the "you look like my mom" comment! I'd turn and run right then and there.
Fabulous installment, I can't wait until next week!
Also about the OB bill: my OB gives you a sheet at the beginning saying a regular delivery will be $2700 and a C-section will be $3500 (or something) and has you sign it. They bill all after delivery, except lab work. With my first child, they billed every visit and it got kinda hairy. Now you know what's coming... along with hospital fees, anesthesiologist fees...
Posted by: Elizabeth | April 13, 2007 at 02:25 PM
$2000 from just the OB?! Yikes! My midwife in UT is $1050 all-inclusive. In Texas (we're moving before the birth) it will be closer to $3000. We don't pay hospital fees of course, but if we had to transfer, we'd have to pay the hospital and the midwife (though insurance would cover the hospital and possibly the midwife in our case). If we were staying in Utah, the insurance wouldn't cover my midwife at all, because our deductible is more than her entire fee, lol!
There's some clueless people in this series! Michael is just plain clueless, and I still count Kayla as clueless for either not seeing the flirting or not putting a stop to it somehow (not sure how though; if parents forbid a relationship, it just draws them together, lol).
I wonder if parents who have spent time in prison really do hide it from their kids. Interesting!
Posted by: Katie | April 13, 2007 at 03:09 PM
This was full of cringe. FULL OF IT. I had a hard time getting through it. E-gads.
(And welcome to the new TLF readers via Amalah. TLF rocks, pass it on!)
Lil' Frema, I admit that I am getting confused and having a hard time keeping the story straight. I may need an org chart.
So, Kayla is both Kyle and Kathrine's mom. But Michael is the boy she did "it" with before killing David (David who was Kathrine's dad, right?). Kyle's dad was the guard who raped her? I have notes posted on my computer screen at work to keep it straight (you think I'm kidding, but I am not!)
So the prom picture was a picture of Kayla and Michael in high school (and NOT Kyle's real [rapist] dad)? How did Kathrine not recognize her (adopted) dad in the picture? And really, Michael didn't recognize Kay as Kayla?? Really?
I can't wait to hear more about your blogging class. I really am hoping to learn through you.
And also, if you had to cast your unborn child today, who would you choose?
Posted by: Isabel | April 13, 2007 at 05:53 PM
Your commentary during each introduction was hysterical!! "I'm [YOUR MOMMA] Kay." Hahaha!
I'm so glad that Kyle and Katherine didn't hook up. The whole flirting scene had me cringing.
Also with Kayla, way to set the pace for your son, blowing his very first friendship. The poor kid just admitted that he's never had a best friend or a real girlfriend, and now you blow up the good thing he's got going with your tearful tale of true love and death by automobile slaying.
I wonder if Kayla will sit the kids down together and spill it? "I killed your father and half sister while trying to slay your mother, and you're actually my daughter." "Your father was an asshole rapist pig prison guard, but you're cool, you're cool."
Posted by: Molly | April 14, 2007 at 09:58 AM
Isabel: You've got all of it right except the Michael stuff. The prom picture is of Kayla and David (they dated for a year and a half before they broke up, remember?), which is why I said the thing about Jenna and Michael never being invited for dinner. They would have recognized it right away. Also, note that Kyle believes David to be his father and identifies him as such to Katherine when she sees the picture.
Kayla and Michael were just friends in part one. I only made the "take me now" comment because she recognized Michael and thought he was hot. But that won't become clear until her next narration, so I don't blame you one bit for being confused.
Hope that helps!
Posted by: Frema | April 15, 2007 at 01:45 PM
I totally snapped my fingers and said "oh, right" while reading your response to my questions. Now I remember.
(dude, how am I so lame??!!)
Posted by: Isabel | April 16, 2007 at 11:22 AM
Congratulations on your pregnacy. I read your inlaw's blog and was happy for them. I decided to head over here and read your blog and was very excited for you. You see.. I have had a similar experience.. cause on the 9th of April I peed on a stick and found that I was pregnant. Being the stupid person that I am I made sure the sticks I got from the store would say "Pregnant" or "not pregnant" and it deffinatly said Pregnant. I am still in shock and yet very blessed. I am so glad that you are expecting and that you are taking care of yourself. I am expecting Dec. 9th and I can completly sympathize with you on alot of areas. I do know that the Horror stories come out and I am learning to just ignore them and to ask for the good things about pregnancy. I'm not worried about giving birth cause I know pain will only last a few hours, and I know how to care for babies so I'm not worried there.. its just the pregnancy that I'm scared about and the emotions! I am a very unemotional person but I find crying is very easy now.
Anyways I wanted to congratulate you and wish you the best. Have a blessed pregnancy!
~Joy~
Posted by: Joy | April 16, 2007 at 11:50 AM
I had to skip the whole Kayla and Kyle story and all the comments because excuse me? but what have I not added you to my blogroll? and am so far behind I have not even heard of Kyle.
I just wanted to say congrats on the big news, I am so happy for you and Luke. And holy crazy on the amount of money. If I had to pay I don't think I'd have 4 kids.
Posted by: Emma | April 16, 2007 at 04:28 PM
Oh Michael. Really? You dip shit. I thought you were smarter than that. You really didn't recognize Kayla? Clearly the pic of Kayla and David isn't displayed by the front door.
As for you Kayla. You call yourself a MOM? I mean, you've done bad things before (read: MURDER!) but letting your OWN TWO KIDS FLIRT with each other? OH MY GOD!
Posted by: Silly Hily | April 17, 2007 at 11:45 AM
"I only made the "take me now" comment because she recognized Michael and thought he was hot. But that won't become clear until her next narration"
I was wondering if she would go after him! If she does, then I totally called it.
Posted by: Katie | April 17, 2007 at 03:49 PM