Tragic Love Friday: In which I wish for a personal assistant

...because then SHE would have the tedious job of typing in chapter four, and I could just go into the draft and add lame witticisms when appropriate. Truth is, I'm feeling a bit better today--I actually scarfed down four squares' worth of pizza last night and didn't vomit once--but Luke and I had dual appointments with the dentist this morning, me for the delivery of a permanent crown to finally replace the molar I had pulled almost three years ago, and Luke for the extraction of all four wisdom teeth, so we spent all morning dealing with that. He was a total trooper and went through the surgery without any major problems, and afterwards we paid a visit to Super Target to stock up on ice cream, pudding, and yogurt. It's going to be a fun weekend, for both of us.

I thought about typing in TLF last night, but mainly all I did was pray to keep my prenatals down so I wouldn't be plagued with guilt over the fact that I'm sustaining a human life primarily on toast, lemonade, cereal, and grilled cheese. No, crackers do not help; no, ginger ale does not help, and yes, The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy was spot on when it warned against taking vitamins with citrus juice.

But enough about me. Michael and his dim-bulb-yet-very-hot self have some explaining to do.

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CHAPTER FOUR - MICHAEL

The ride home with Katherine was quiet. She sensed something was wrong, I knew it, but chose not to say anything until I pulled into the driveway.

"Dad, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's just been a long day, and I'm tired."

"No," she insisted. "It's something else. You can tell me. Maybe I could help."

"I don't think so, but thanks for offering."

We went in the house, and I glanced at my daughter. The happy look that had been on her face when I'd picked her up was gone. Now she looked hurt and confused. "Since you don't need me, I'm going to bed," she mumbled. She slammed the door behind her.

[As a teenager, I never offered emotional help to my parents. Mostly I just complained about not being able to watch Melrose Place or make out with my boyfriend on our front porch past nine o'clock.]

I sighed and put on a pot of coffee. I should have been going to bed. I'd need my rest for tomorrow. Tomorrow Jenna and I were going to see her doctor, Dr. Peters, to see what was keeping her from getting pregnant. [Surely it couldn't be my Herculean twin juice!] During our last visit, he mentioned the fact that having a miscarriage, then having twins put a lot of strain on Jenna's body, and that that could play an important role.

"Dear God," I whispered, "don't make us pay for our sins of yesterday."

I wanted more children; so did Jenna. I brought up the idea of adopting another child, but she was against it immediately. She said that it would take too long, and that we still didn't even tell Katherine the truth, it would cause too much paperwork, couldn't we just stick to having another one from each other?

I didn't understand her doubts, but I left her alone. In more ways than one.

[No wonder she's not pregnant. Just saying.]

I love my wife more than anything, but something's wrong with us. Our crazy days left us a while ago. I was scared that the magic [kidnapping?] that brought us together was gone. We no longer went to romantic restaurants for candlelite dinners. No more picnics alone on Saturday afternoons. The passion in our lovemaking was discintegrating. I didn't understand when it happened, but now that it's happened, what could be done to stop it?

[Stop trying for a baby and enroll yourselves in couples therapy?]

I closed my eyes and thought about my wife. Not as an adult, but as a 17-year-old girl carrying another man's child. She'd been my best friend. She was going to marry David. She was happy. Now she's paying for it.

[In that last paragraph, a more mature lil' Frema added a big question mark in the left margin. My sentiments exactly.]

The last time we'd visited David and Mary Katherine's graves was about four years ago, when the whole family flew to Chicago to visit Jenna's parents. [Why not yours?] She'd wanted to go alone. "I need to make things right," she'd said. She said that same thing two weeks ago when she mentioned telling Katherine the truth about Kayla. One more problem to worry about.

I went to bed with a heavy heart.

***

The next day was Friday. The two of us missed work and drove to Dr. Peters' office. Jenna was nervous. "What if he didn't get the tests back? What do you think he'll tell us?"

I said nothing, just squeezed her hand.

We didn't have to wait long for the doctor. "Come in," he said.

We sat down. "What's wrong with me, Dr. Peters?" Jenna asked.

"Well, at our last visit, I mentioned that the strain your body's had is an issue. Being pregnant again could be too dangerous, even fatal." Jenna nodded.

"What can be done? Anything?" she asked.

"You're not listening. You or the baby will have a 50/50 chance of death if you get pregnant again, and the chances of that are slim. Your body can't handle it."

[In other words, I don't have anything medically sound to tell you. That'll be two hundred dollars.]

"I see. Thank you for your time," Jenna said briskly. She stood to go. "Come on, Michael."

[Before you comment on lil' Frema's diagnosis, remember her age, people, and the fact that her mom popped out five children in twelve years. She was clueless about IUI, IVF, surrogates, etc., though how awesome would it have been to add a substitute incubator into the mix of Crazy?]

Once we were in the car, I tried to reassure her. "We have three children now. Some couples don't get any their whole lives. We don't need more kids, anyway. Now we can focus on each other for a change."

[That last line reminds me of that one scene in Look Who's Talking when Mikey meets his biological father for the first time, and George Segal doesn't want anything to do with him, explaining to Kirstie Alley, "I've raised my kids," and Kirstie Alley says, "Raised them? They're eleven and nine!" Because, you know, with twelve-year-old twins and a teenage daughter, Jenna and Michael can finally wipe their hands of this whole parenthood thing.]

She didn't talk, so I went on. "I've got an idea. How about we go away this weekend? We can go to a hotel. No kids, no work, just us."

"I don't think so," she replied, staring straight ahead. "I've got a lot of work to do on the Folger's account; I've only got two weeks to finish it in. In fact, why don't you drop me off at work?"

"But you've got the whole day off," I protested.

"Please, just do it, Michael."

Ten minutes later I was dropping her off in front of her work. She forced a smile. "I'll see you later."

I was hurt. She was hurt. Why couldn't we open up to each other? [How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?] I reached out my hand to her, but she was already gone.

For a while I drove around aimlessly. That got boring, so in the end I took my wife's lead and went back to work. I didn't leave until four-thirty.

I was walking to my car when I heard someone yell "Dammit!!" I looked up and saw Kay Hart five cars away, kicking her wheels and cursing. She noticed me and smiled. I walked over to her.

"Hey, there. What's the problem?" I asked. She shook her head and clenched her fists.

"Wrong? Nothing's wrong, except I'm dead tired, half of my things have been lost or broken because of the move, I'm late and now my tire's flat and I don't have a spare."

[In parentheses, lil' Frema wrote, "Mention why she's there," which is an excellent point, considering Kyle is a sophomore in high school and Michael teaches seventh-grade biology, whatever the hell that is.]

"I hate it when that happens," I said, and she laughed. "I can't replace your stuff or turn back time [or even put two and two together to realize you're the same woman who tried to kill my wife fifteen years ago, even though "Kay" and "Kayla" are about as different from each other as, well, "Mike" and "Michael"], but I can give you a ride home."

She let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I owe you my life," she said as she climbed in.

"No problem."

"Is something the matter?" she asked five minutes later.

"Does it show?"

She nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." She nodded again. "I understand. You don't know me."

"Thanks for understanding."

"You're welcome. I know what it's like to hurt and not be able to talk about it. It's like trapping yourself." Kay gazed out the window. "In a cage," she whispered."

[Random and creepy. Glenn Close vibes, anyone?]

"This is a cheery conversation," I said.

"I hate sarcasm," Kay replied. "I see it as something that shows the opposite of what you're feeling. It's unhealthy."

"Forgive me; I've been feeling unhealthy," I said in an angry tone.

"I'm a good listener. Talk to me. When you're done, I'll smile and won't say a word, unless you ask me to. Let yourself go."

"You've got nerve. I don't mean to be rude, but you're sounding too much like a therapist."

Her voice softened. "Sorry. I guess everything I picked up from therapy wasn't meant for everyone."

[She must be talking about her years in the Sanitarium, because no way could she and Cassie afford rent, private schooling for Kyle, and a shrink.]

I thought for a moment. Then I said, "My wife and I had an appointment with her doctor. She can't have any more children."

"That's tough," Kay commented. "How does that make you feel?"

[What happened to "I'll smile and won't say a word"?]

"Sad. I wanted a little boy. So did my wife."

[Because children are only valuable in matching sets.]

"She must feel horrible. I would."

"Yeah, well, she won't tell me how she feels, so I don't know."

"I'm sorry," she said, touching my arm briefly. "Try talking to her, Michael. She's probably hurting so much that she's going to block it out altogether."

[One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tries to analyze another person's pain. So presumptious. FYI.]

I nodded. "Yeah. Jenna--my wife--has a wall built around her. I thought that I'd gotten rid of it when I married her, but now it seems like it's going up again." I smiled faintly. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. For some reason, I feel like I know you."

[First of all, Michael is dumber than my keyboard. Second of all, I hate the wall analogy, too. We've all been kicked in the teeth, so to speak. Nobody has a monopoly on pain. Everybody hurts. Now get over yourself.]

She smiled, too. "Maybe you do," she said.

[!]

I pulled into her driveway and killed the engine. "Thanks for listening. It helped a little."

"Anytime. If you need me, you know where to find me." She hopped out of the car. "Thanks for the ride."

I watched her until she went inside. Only when I saw her close the door did I start my engine and pull away.

[Your mom starts my engine and pulls away!]

***

When I walked through the door, the kids and Jenna were eating dinner. Jenna stood up when she saw me. I walked over to her and held her tight as she laid her head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, babe," she whispered, and immediately I felt guilty for talking about her to Kay. [As well you should, you bastard. Never talk smack about your spouse to a member of the opposite sex.] Even if I did feel better afterwards.

"Don't be," I said. "We'll get through this together."

"This is so sweet and romantic, even if you're old," Leigh cried teasingly.

"Get some, Dad!" shouted Lucas.

"Luke!" Jenna cried.

"Come on, guys," Katherine said. "These two want to be alone." She pretended to pull them out of the room by their ear.

Jenna wrapped her arms around my waist and fit her head under the crook of my neck, her eyes following the kids. "We did good, didn't we, Michael." It was a statement, not a question.

I thought back to when we were 17, when Jenna was engaged to David, when she was pregnant with his baby. I thought back to when I thought love was only an idea, not a feeling. Was love discintegrating back to only being an idea for me?

["What's up with all these unfinished flashbacks?" laments lil' Frema in the margin.]

Aloud I said, "things could be worse." I had the feeling that things would be.

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I'm working from home today so I can keep an eye on Luke, which means I'll probably slack off for the rest of the afternoon and rush to play catch-up on Sunday. Gotta love office jobs.

Comments

[MLE]

The whole "trying for a kid even though you have a good chance of maternal death" thing kind of reminds me of the situation my cousin's in. She's 28, has an 8 y/o and a 6 y/o. After her horrible pregnancy with #2, they did tests and figured out she'd be playing Russian Roulette if she tried for another. So she didn't, and they talked about adopting some, but then they changed their minds, and she got knocked up with #3, who was born (without complication to mom or baby) in October. I saw her at a family wedding in September, and she told me that they were going to try for #4 so #3 would have a playmate. Funny, I think if a doctor told me I'd have a good chance of dying and leaving my husband alone with 3 kids, I would just stop there, but they really want 4 bio kids. I just keep my fingers crossed for her and keep my mouth shut.

[Katie]

Have you tried crackers and ginger ale? JUST KIDDING!! Did you ever see VeryMom/Kerflop's shirt saying "Yes I've tried crackers, ginger ale, seabands, . . . " The list took up the entire shirt! I don't think she actually submitted it to Zazzle, but it was still cool :D

I think I'm going to need to make a chart or something to help me keep up with the plot here. Today I couldn't remember if "Kay" knew who Michael was. Duh. But anyway, he's a remarkably open person, eh? I can't imagine having a conversation like that with someone of the opposite sex I'd just met, or known for 2 years, for that matter!

[Isabel]

Best of luck to Luke (and to you). I hated having my wisdom teeth out. (That might have had something to do with having a jack ass husband who insisted we move on the weekend I had them out. Good thing I divorced him!)

I can't believe there is only 1 comment so far. This was an excellent TLF (as usual). I even took notes of the things I wanted to discuss.

Here goes:

I love how the doctor is named "Peters". The 13 year old boy in me giggled when I read that. Tee-hee.

I love how Kay hates sarcasm and how she's all "it's the opposite of what you are thinking". Oh, she's deep. Nothing gets past her. (But it does get past Michael with his "I feel like I know you" statement. Duh.)

What's with Jenna and Michael getting it on in front of their kids? And then the kids all leaving the room to give them some alone time. 16 year old Isabel would have DIED if this would have happened to me. DIED, I tell you.

I also think we should stage a "please don't have another baby until you fix yourselves, first" intervention for Jenna and Michael. Because WE ALL KNOW that having another baby does not a happy marriage make.

And Dr. 'lil Frema, I love you and your baby-making wisdom. But am also sad that you weren't allowed to make out with your boyfriend past 9pm. If I was your mom, I would have totally let you.

That's all I got (for now). Have a good weekend and eat lots of yuumy ice cream this weekend.

[Isabel]

I'm with Katie. I still think I may need an org chart to keep this all straight.

And also, yeah, Michael is not very loyal to be spilling all of this to a stranger. The first rule of marriage is you don't talk about marriage.

(And also, don't worry Frema..you have not seen the last of the "suggestions" for making you feel better. I hate to keep saying that, but it's true.)

[Audrey]

"your mom starts my engine and pulls away" just about killed me. Thank goodness everyone else was out to lunch so I could get away with laughing very loudly at my desk!

I predict that Jenna and Michael will have makeup sex, Jenna will get knocked up and die, and Kayla will swoop in to take care of the family, marry Michael, and adopt all the children. I really don't see any other way it could be. Oh, and Katherine and Kyle will still totally get it on even after they're step-half-siblings.

Only thing I can't figure out is what will become of the Folger's account after Jenna's dead.

[Rachel C]

"Get some, Dad!"? *vomits* ew. I don't have any other words.

Jenna and Michael want a boy? Take Kyle. One more kidnapping won't hurt you any.

[Rachel]

Hope you both are feeling better soon!

OMG, Michael is dumb as a freakin brick. My 15 month old could recognize me with red hair! WTF?? And, uh, hell no, you don't talk about your wife with some random (well, Michael thinks she's random) woman!!!

Sheesh!

[Rachel]

Also, is it weird that in your story their son's name is Lucas and you married Luke? Lil' Frema was psychic!

[David McNelis]

Ok. I'm going to see into the future, it holds Jenna dying while squeezing one out, followed shortly by Kayla falling in love with Michael and revealing (too late because a bun will already be in the oven) to Katherine and Kayla's son (whose name escapes me) who everyone really is.

And, who the hell, when trying to remain incognito says, "Well maybe you do know me" ?!?!?

[Sant]

Oh ever the optomist, that Michael-- Aloud I said, "things could be worse." I had the feeling that things would be.

Okay, call me crazy, but now that Michael and Kay have had a little heart to heart, I almost think that they may have an affair and SHE becomes pregnant with HIS baby and that will be one of the pregnancies (we all know that the other one will be the brother-sister team of Kyle and Katherine). And if that is the case, I think Jenna might as well jump off a cliff, because to have two would-be pregnancies destroyed by the same woman, involving two different relationships... well, you get what I'm saying- Kayla is the ultimate back-stabbing whore. Well, I mean, if my thought comes to fruition she is. Otherwise she's just an asshole for her unfeeling teen years, ya know.

Love the commentary, as always. And I hope that you and Luke and baby makes three are all feeling better soon!

[Sant]

PS-- I am totally with Rachel C. and the phrasology of young Lucas. I wonder if he might be missing a chromosome. Now there's something to take off on in Part 3;);)

[Elizabeth]

But, they already have a boy! They have one of each of their own, plus another girl, whom I'm sure they love very much. Those two shouldn't be so greedy.

They should really be more concerned about this "Kay" person and her hyper-sexual son.

Crap, I'm so tired I can't think of anything coherent! But I can't wait until next friday!

P.s. - lemon drops. all i'm saying ;)

[Molly]

"How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?" HAHAHAHA!! Appparently I was not the only one who once soaked up those deep, deep emotions from Michael Bolton. Burned in my brain forever, I tell you.

And hello? If your kids are already that old (old enough to stay home alone while their parents have a quick weekend getaway at the Howard Johnson) why would they want to start the baby stuff all over again? When she's got 50/50, at that? I love the wheels that are starting to turn in the story. Something's brewing!

[Gillian]

Just don't take your vitamins with milk, because it won't let you absorb the desperately-needed iron that your vitamins supply.

I'm jealous that you are able to digest them, because I couldn't keep any vitamins down until two weeks ago when I got prescription ones!

[TasterSpoon]

a. I third the motion for creating a family tree or org chart. Maybe you could put it on the sidebar over there for easy reference.

b. Mad props for leaving in the typos and lil' Frema spellings. "Candlelite" dinners sound extra classy.

c. And yeah, the teenage daughter trying to get her dad to open up, and getting all huffy when he doesn't - weird.

d. A surrogate mom plotline would indeed be awesome. And if Kayla was the surrogate? DOUBLE awesome!

[Ashley & Family]

You've probably heard everything by now but smelling a cut lemon really helped me with nausea. Really.

[Silly Hily]

I'm sorry, did Lucas just say "Get some, Dad!"? Eeeeewwww! Those are words that have never and will never come out of my mouth. Did Lil' Frema ever tell her dad to "get some"?

[VirginiaGal]

I can't wait for things to get worse for the TLF crew. Is that wrong?

I've got nothing but sympathy for the morning sickness, and hope that it eases up soon.

It's probably past this stage, but wet (used?) individual teabags (gross, I know) like Lipton or other black teas are great for pain in the wisdom tooth sockets. Just tuck them back in there. Don't ask me how or why it works, I just know it does.

[Isabel]

I love all the advice for morning sickness. Um yeah, let us know how that goes.