Coffee Talk Wednesday

Somehow, it seems, through no official planning on my own, Wednesday has become our time--the Internet's time--for which I retreat from the worn spot on my couch to bitch to you about the insignificant melodramas that make up my life. I don't like coffee, but I did just gulp down half a glass of orange juice. What's your beverage of choice this evening?

Since it is Wednesday, first things first.

WEIGHT ON 2/28: 135.6
CURRENT WEIGHT: 133.8
TOTAL PREGNANCY POUNDS GAINED: -1.8

Pre-pregnancy Frema would be so proud of her bad-ass self for finally keeping her hands out of the Ben and Jerry's, but pregnant Frema is hoping the weight loss will justify the second-trimester cravings she plans on fulfilling the minute she can tolerate foods other than grapes, strawberries, select flavors of yogurt, toast, lemonade, Minute Maid juice boxes, and certain kinds of pizza. No milk, unless with cereal. No water, period. No Cheerios or Fig Newtons. Luke made bacon sandwiches for dinner last night, one of my very favorite foods ever, and I had to force it down. I don't think I've ever eaten so little in my entire life, and that includes my stint with Weight Watchers. My household is definitely ready for the first trimester to be over.

In the meantime, I regularly consult the five-dollar, cheapie Wal-Mart mirror in our bedroom hoping to pinpoint physical evidence that a condition other than an eating disorder is taking over my body, but there's still nothing visible to the naked eye, no matter how many times the well-meaning accountant at work compliments my stomach rolls. "I think someone's pouching out," she exclaims every few days, delighted, and every few days I reply, "Nope. That's just my gut. Seriously. It's that big."

The weird thing is that even though I've lost weight, my pants are somehow eating up all the extra space that should exist between my hips and theirs. Work slacks are fine because the material is stretchy, but jeans are another story. One day I said to hell with it and wore them zipped up but unbuttoned TO THE OFFICE, opting to cover the waistband with an oversized college hoodie from my undergraduate years. Pair that with a fro that's weeks overdue (not to mention weeks away from) a hair cut and a face that can't bear the feel of make-up and you have one smoking woman.

(The face thing is my fault, seeing as I've stopped taking my acne meds because I can only swallow so many pills in one freakin' day and have reduced the application of the topical creams to once every morning. I don't even brush my teeth before going to bed anymore. I'm afraid of my gag reflex.)

(Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?)

The icing on the cake? I had to schedule a doctor's appointment for tomorrow morning because it burns when I pee and there are undeniable signs that a yeast infection is camped out in my nether regions.

Is this TMI for coffee talk?

To wrap things up, I want to thank those of you who've sent in assvice stories thus far. I had originally hoped to post one on Monday, because these gems must be shared with the world, but you know, that would've interfered with the whole laying-on-the-couch master plan, so next week, definitely. Plus, I have plans to blog tomorrow! Two days in a row! I know! It has to do with the graceful way I announced my pregnancy to my boss last week. Just in case you were wondering if it'd be worth it to check back.

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Holy crap, this entry was posted for eight seconds before I realized I forgot to talk about American Idol. Can anybody tell me what the hell Blake is still doing on this show? I mean, his "rock star" rendition of Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name" consisted of miming a record player and spitting on his microphone with his JT-wannabe beat box sounds. He has yet to belt out a tune but gets away with changing all of his songs into cookie-cutter techno recordings. And the judges eat him up, even Simon. Why, WHY? At this point, I don't even know who I'm rooting for. Melinda's great, but I don't think her sound is modern enough to sell albums. LaKisha is too diva-like, and Jordin is good but occasionally resorts to cutesy tactics on stage that irritate the shit out of me. What to do, America? What to do?   

Comments

[Katie]

What do do? Throw the TV out, lol! I think the last reality TV series we saw was the first season of Average Joe. In 2003. I can honestly say that I haven't missed it much. Though when I heard that Bon Jovi was going to be on last night, I kind of wanted to see it. There are a couple of his songs from the 80's that I like a lot.

[Luke]

Are you sure you're just not bitter about Sanjaya being voted off?

[Lindsey]

I disagree about Blake. Even though he is not my favorite, although like you I don't think I have a favorite, I thought his performance on Tuesday was hot.

I really liked Chris Richardson, but he's gone! I think it will be Jordin and Melinda in the final, but who knows...America suprises me sometimes.

Oh yeah, nothing is ever TMI for me! I hope you (and I mean ALL of you) start feeling better soon.

[VirginiaGal]

Chris Richardson was/is a local boy to my area....which is all the excuse the local TV stations needed to do an extensive recap of the prior nights show. I don't even need to watch AI to know what's going on!

General question for all those out there who have been or are pregnant: Can you feel changes in your abdomen (from the outside) before those changes become visible to the outside world?

[Katie]

VirginaGal -

I would say that it depends on how fit your abdominal muscles are. With my first pregnancy, I could "suck it in" and not appear pregnant until ~20 weeks along. You can palpate the uterus from the outside LONG before that. And many 2nd-time moms feel movement before that (I started feeling movement at 14 weeks with my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies).

My abdominal muscles popped right back into place (though my skin was a stretched-out wrinkly mess!) after my first pregnancy. But there was no such luck after my second :-) So this time (3rd pregnancy) I was wearing under-the-belly maternity pants by 10 weeks. My abdomen was definitely looking different. I'm not sure how that's possible though, given that the baby/uterus are still so small at that stage. I start gaining weight (~1# per week) almost immediately upon becoming pregnant. So the maternity pants were required in part due to general weight gain and in part due to the belly.

You wanted a 6-page long response, right?

[Carrisa]

Well I have to disagree about A.I. I am in love with Blake and want him to win. I have all along. Melinda is great and I love her, but realistically... I don't listen to that kind of music. So I was more into voting for Blake and Phil every week. I will totally buy Phil Stacy's album. But Blake is my man. He must win.

[Liza]

I had the gag reflex thing too. What a nasty surprise!

Here are the things that worked *at all* for me. (Nothing worked perfectly, and it lasted my entire pregnancy.)

1) Gel toothpaste was better than paste toothpaste. Tom's of Maine gingermint was the best. I tried probably 10 toothpaste flavors. Incidentally, plain baking soda was the WORST thing I tried.

2) Water-pik. At least I was hosing down my teeth even if I couldn't brush them.

3) Plain water brushing, outside of teeth only. (You may as well give up on the inner molars for now.)

4) Generic yellow listerine. That was the only thing that never actually made me throw up. And I figure it's better than no dental health care at all.

5) Schedule a dentist's office visit for 8 or 10 weeks after your due date.

6) I didn't try these, but I totally would have if I had heard of them: Spiffies, a dental wipe designed for babies and toddlers: http://www.vegfamily.com/product-reviews/spiffies-dental-wipes.htm

[Liza]

Ooo! And I just found a free sample link for the spiffies: http://spiffies.com/Merchant5/merchant.mvc?Screen=SFNT&Store_Code=DRP

[Lizzy]

"I think someone's pouching out,"

I think someone needs a swift kick to the head.

WHO SAYS THAT?!?

Hope your nether regions are, well, better. (mono)STAT!

[Rachel]

I'm with you on American Idol. It has just been a really disappointing season.

I also agree with Lizzy! Who says shit like that?

The infamous teeth brushing gag reflex! Ahhh, it's just lovely. I still have it!

Hope you start feeling better soon!

[Isabel]

Is it bad of me to laugh at your pain and sorrow? Does it make me a bad friend or a good friend? You decide.

I'm forever singing "don't you wish your girlfriend was hott like your mom" to my baby while I smack my own ass. I wonder at what point this becomes child abuse.

That point was probably sometimes last month.

Good luck at the doctor. And keeping food down.

[dcfullest]

Get some bella bands so you can wear your jeans comfortably again. You can buy them at maternity stores or get them much cheaper on ebay.

[Brittany]

I was the queen of zipping but not buttoning. And then I became the queen of not zipping or buttoning. I started using a rubberband...looping it around the button, pulling it through the hole, and looping it around the button again. It was a fabulous contraption.

I've learned to appreciate your posts more than ever now that I know how yucky you feel. Hugs. I hope it gets better for you soon. It sucks not being able to enjoy the foods and activities that you used to. No Ben and Jerry's??? So sad! I'm going to stock up on Chunky Monkey today because they are on sale for $1 at Albertson's. That NEVER happens! I will happily gain ten pounds just to enjoy Ben & Jerry's at such a great price. Am I rambling? So sorry! Feel better!!

[Audrey]

Frema, it's always worth it to check back. I mean, have you read your blog? Because if you have, then you know it is fabulous and that people will check back even if you don't tease them with promises of a potentially funny story. I'm just sayin'...

Hope you're feeling better soon!

[Katie]

dcfullest - I suppose in Frema's case, the Bella bands will work great. But I always have to laugh at them, because how on earth am I supposed to fit my pregnant bum into my pre-pregnant jeans?! I'm only 25 weeks along and have already gained 20 pounds!

Brittany - is this ALL Albertson's?!?! If so, I will do whatever it takes to get there today! Those things are usually ~$4 in the store, or $5 at the Ben & Jerry's scoop shops!!!!

Also, Frema, your anti-spam thing hates me. Either that or I'm dyslexic or blind. I always have to type in the letters at least 3 times.

[Ice Cream Hog (Katie)]

Sorry for hogging the comments -
Ben & Jerry's (and 16 oz. Breyer's) IS on sale at my Albertson's for $1!! Woohoo!! I will have to stock up on any flavors with nuts because my kids refuse to eat nuts, so then the B&J can be MINEMINEMINE (because I NEED to gain more weight - for the BABY.)

[jj]

awww. it's going to get better. (((hugs)))) from a stranger. tommorow is Friday. feel better?

[jj]

doh! this post was from Wednesday, but u get my point. :)

[Silly Hily]

"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"
Hahaha, that was hilary-ous.
About you losing weight but your jeans still seem to be getting a little tight? Yeah, my hips grew before my stomach every thought about growing. Actually, I think my hips expanded the second I took a positive test. It worked for me in the end though. These hips have allowed me to birth two babies with ease. So see, big hips aren't always a bad thing. (Not that you have big hips. Please don't place me in the same catagory as that woman who "notices your bump" b/c what the hell is that all about?)