Before I get into the rationale behind the advisory, first I thought I'd make up for my lack of posting this week and do the "Eight is Enough" meme as suggested by the lovely Fraulein N. Don't say I never gave you anything.
Eight Random Facts About Frema
- Last night, Luke and I watched two more episodes of Big Love courtesy of Blockbuster Online, and with only two more to go until the season finale, there's been nothing so far to indicate that Nicki is anything more than a sneaky bitch. You guys done tole me I'd find at least a trace of likeability in her character by now. Where is it? As it currently stands, Barb is my favorite wife because she's the only woman in that marriage whose behavior isn't remniscent of a seventeen-year-old's.
- Sometimes, when I'm bored, I like to make my thumbs kiss.
- I recently had my first dream about life post-partum, and in it, Freke was a boy. Is God trying to tell me something? Did anybody dream about their baby's gender and have it be true?
- The dishes I mentioned in Wednesday's entry are still sitting in the sink.
- This morning I flossed for the first time in a month. My gums were so surprised they bled all over my teeth.
- Luke and I still have yet to order any professional prints from our wedding day. Last year.
- Tomorrow I plan on treating myself to my first salon pedicure since the wedding.
- I don't really care for the name Nancy, but Luke and I have tossed it around as a potential girl's name because we love the idea of using a moniker derived from a literary character.
I'm supposed to tag eight people for this, but I'm feeling really unmotivated today, so do it if you want to do it and let me know so I can pop in and read all about your weirdness.
Now, regarding TLF: By now it should come as no surprise that lil' Frema had one heck of an imagination, fueled by the likes of V.C. Andrews, nonetheless. So when I say that today's entry is graphic, I'm not kidding around. If at any point you feel like you have to stop reading, go ahead. However, at the end I'll have some thoughts regarding the pivotal scene, so I'd appreciate you sticking it out. Either way, though, I won't be offended.
Are you gripping your desk in excitement, poised on the edge of your seat? Good. Let's go.
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PART TWO
CHAPTER SEVEN - KATHERINE
As it turned out, we ended up taking a cab to the dance. Kay was out, and Auntie (Kyle's aunt and I had quickly grown close, so I felt comfortable calling her that) had to work. I didn't mind.
[My dad drove a cab for his father for a few years when I was a kid, but the first ride I actually remember happened when I was coming off a late shift at Navy Pier and the idea of spending forty-five minutes in public transit and walking through the door at midnight was so unappealing that I shelled out twenty dollars for a six-minute trip down the expressway. And it was worth every penny.]
To my surprise, the school's gym was set up really great, with the video screen near the wall. Things were in full swing by the time we arrived. "Are you ready to work that body of yours?" Kyle asked. He did a little shimmy. "I'm pretty good."
[Who else is singing, "People don't you know / Don't you know it's about time / Can you hear the jammin' pumpin' / While you taste a piece of mine?"]
"I'll do my best to keep up," I replied.
Kyle really was good; very good, and I did have to work at it to keep up, but I managed. [At this age, all of my dance moves were variations of Around The World--you know, where you move your feet in the shape of a triangle? I also did a lot of shoulder-shrugging and "air-pushing" hand movements, like I was trying to propel myself off the floor. But didn't every teenage girl?] After an hour, I had to stop. Miraculously, a slow song came on, and Kyle led me to the middle of the dance floor. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and my arms locked around his neck. I laid my head on his shoulder.
"Katherine," he whispered. I looked up into his eyes, and that was answer enough. He bent his head and I closed my eyes.
Kyle's kiss was unexplainable. It was better than sunshine. It was sweet and passionate and tender. [And also against God's plan!] I never wanted it to end.
When it was over, we just stared into each other's eyes. "I've wanted to do that since I first saw you," he said softly.
I smiled. "I hope it was worth the wait."
"It was worth everything."
We kissed again, and somehow we ended up outside the school. With our arms around each other, we wandered down the street and came across a park. Kyle made himself comfortable against a tree. I snuggled up next to him. Together we stared into the sky.
[OK, maybe it's due to the fact that I went to a private, all-girls school, but there's no way we would've been allowed to ditch a social function so early. Administrators were stationed at all the doors to prevent any sneaking off.]
"Why do you think that people think that stars determine your destiny?" I asked.
He thought for a moment. "I guess because we can't control the stars. They do what they want and we just watch. That's how destiny is."
"What do you think the stars have planned for us tonight?" I dared to ask.
[When I was fifteen, I asked my first boyfriend (yes, Nick) what he wanted to think about when he was lying on his death bed, and he said, "Loving you." Then we made out in my parents' stairwell. Good times.]
"Let's find out," he breathed in my ear, and kissed it. Then he kissed my neck. I felt his teeth sink into my skin, and I moaned. [Um, ouch?] He came down on me as I landed on the grass.
I didn't feel real as we kissed and touched each other. I wanted to protest as Kyle pulled my sweater over my head and held me, but I also wanted him to continue. Voices were screaming inside that I wasn't ready, this was wrong. As Kyle removed his jeans, I thought of the picture of the young girl and her baby. The girl had looked happy, yet wistful. What would life have been like for her without a child to weigh her down?
I wouldn't be put in her position. Forcefully, I pushed Kyle off of me before he could take off my pants. We were both breathing hard.
"What's wrong?" he asked, and there was a sharp tone in his voice. That's when I knew, more than ever, I had made the right decision.
"What we're doing," I answered, my head spinning. "We've only known each other for a couple of weeks. This is way too fast, and I'm not ready." I made a grab for my sweater, but Kyle grabbed my wrist roughly.
"That's it? You kiss me, you tease me and now you're not ready?" Kyle's voice was rising. "You know how I feel about you. I wouldn't hurt you."
I was scared. "I want to go home, Kyle. Now." When he didn't reply, I got up and started to run. I heard Kyle's footsteps behind me. He was faster than I, and he jumped on me. We fell to the ground. I tried to crawl out from under him, but he was also stronger. He turned me over so that I was facing him. I was shaking, and I felt like I would vomit. I wish I had. Then maybe he wouldn't have gone on to do what he did.
"Help! Help!" I tried to scream, but it only came out as a whisper. Kyle slapped me and then clamped a hand over my mouth. Using his other hand to hold my wrists above my head, he continued where he'd left off before. My pants had slid down to my thighs when Kyle had jumped on me, and my suspenders had been removed in our moment of passion, so it was easy for him to tug them off of me with his teeth. He was working his way down my body.
I shut my eyes, tears streaming down my cheeks, and I couldn't stop trembling. Please, God, kill me so I won't feel anything ever again, I prayed silently.
God must have had the day off, because Kyle entered into me with the force of a wild animal. I felt numb. Even when he got off of me and went to gather his clothes, I made no attempt to leave. I wiped my eyes and curled into a fetal position. A few minutes later, he returned, not only with his clothes, but mine. He threw them down in a heap next to me. He knelt down and started to whisper in my ear. "You bitch. You fucken tease. Thought you could screw with me without screwing me? You're just like the others," Kyle snarled. "You're--" His voice made a funny noise and he couldn't continue. Cursing to himself, Kyle tossed something in the grass and stormed off.
[If Adult Frema ever thought about rewriting any of the excerpts featured in our tragic love story, it would so be this one.]
Slowly, slowly I sat up. I put on my clothes after checking for rips and tears. My pants had rips, and my white sweater was covered with dirt, but that was it. I tidied myself up as best I could and hoped that my parents would be asleep. As I got to my feet, my hand closed around something. I gazed at it, confused and angery. It was a 20 dollar bill.
"Go - to - hell!!!" I shouted, ripping it to shreds. Then I shivered and sighed. It was going to be a long walk home.
[Oh, dear readers. So much to say about an ultimately horrible experience for these two kids. Reading this as a grown woman, I'm smacked in the face by all the flaws in the writing. Lil' Frema went for a stereotypical, violent rape that was definitely not in line with Kyle's character. If I could do it over, would I keep the rape as part of the story? Yes. But Kyle would never have slapped Katherine, not ever, I know this in my bones, and he never would have said such horrible things to her afterwards. My budding-adolescent self just wanted to get the biggest reaction out of her peers, and this was the way to do it. That doesn't excuse Kyle's forcing another person into sex, but.... I don't know. If I were to write this today, the scene would be much more subtle; perhaps Katherine would never let on that she was so uncomfortable, or Kyle would have misinterpreted her feelings and proceeded anyway. What can I say here that doesn't make me sound like an asshole? I don't know. I just don't know.
Also, when passing these notebooks around to my friends at school, they read the money thing as Kyle paying her for sex, when I assumed it was obvious he was giving her cab fare. How did you see it?]
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Next week will be easier on your stomach. I promise.
OH. My. Goodness. I can't even make a funny comment about that - the entire scene took my breath away - you're right, totally out of character for Kyle, but I think it fits because he's probably all screwed up from all the moving and stuff that his mother has put him through - and let's not forget HIS conception - there are have been studies to indicate such behavior has slight genetic tendencies (well, criminal behavior might, it kind of falls into that category).
Powerful writing, Frema!
Oh, and FIRST COMMENT - WOOHOO! (might have something to do with the fact that I've been refreshing the page all day waiting for TLF!)
Posted by: Jessi | May 18, 2007 at 02:56 PM
Damn. Lil' Frema had some shock value going.
I do agree with Adult Frema's analysis of Kyle's character and how this scene didn't really fit. I thought the money was for sex (but my secondary thought was that he was a cheap bastard for only leaving 20 bucks).
Posted by: VirginiaGal | May 18, 2007 at 03:01 PM
Damn! I must say, I was not expecting a scene like this in TLF. I agree, very out of line with Kyle's character, but at the same time, his conception wasn't exactly loving.
This changes where I thought the story was going and I am looking forward to more!!
Also, I actually thought he was giving her money for the sex, treating her like a whore, especially after the way he talked to her.
Posted by: Rachel | May 18, 2007 at 03:08 PM
OH.....MY.....GOD x's 50.
I thought the money was for sex. Other than that, I'm speechless.
Posted by: Silly Hily | May 18, 2007 at 03:08 PM
Whoa. I saw it as money for sex, like one final insult. Cab fare makes it a little better. Sort of.
I totally agree... misinterpreted messages or just plain old regret on Katherine's part would have fit Kyle's character much better.
But that's some drama! This scene would never make it on Daytime TV. I assume we're going to attribute Kyle's violence to genetics, since he is the product of a prison rape, after all?
Posted by: Pink Herring | May 18, 2007 at 03:22 PM
Yeah, nothing really to say about this...except that lil frema writes some powerful stuff.
I agree with you that it really isn't in Kyle to do this. I was blown away with how he was all "I'll think about loving you when I'm dying" and then raped her. Oh wait, I'm getting my stories mixed. ;-) (Nick rules!)
My notes do indicate that I instantly thought of Brian Astin Green's character in 90210 dancing like a FOOL when you mentioned Kyle being a good dancer. Sweet. (Please tell me I'm not the only one that remember David Silver being a smooth criminal on the dance floor.)
I also thought he was paying her for sex. I never even thought about cab fare. But I grew up in the country and never took a cab until I married The King. So, "cab fare" isn't something typically on my mind. And also, if that was for sex...he is cheap.
'Til next week...
Posted by: Isabel | May 18, 2007 at 03:23 PM
Whoa, Frema! I am stunned! I really don't like that version of Kyle at all! I guess it is a little Lifetime-esque in terms of plot handling, but that's what I like about TLF. Not everything has to make sense, right?
Oh, I also read the twensky as being for the sex (ugh, I just re-read that and I sound as if I speak English as a second (twelfth?) language. I don't.)
Posted by: Professor Art Nerd | May 18, 2007 at 03:26 PM
You know.. sometimes characters aren't really what they seem at all. There are many people in the world that would go as far as killing, where people that are around them all the time would never imagine those people could kill.. understand? or did that make no sense?
Maybe this shows Kyles "rage" or "crazed" or even "alternate ego".. Ok, I think I have gone to far.
Love the drama though.
Posted by: casey | May 18, 2007 at 03:31 PM
On your random eight
#1 Nicki is a bitch. Maybe I'm in the minority, but I never liked her.
#3 In every dream BH was a boy. She was a girl.
#5 My gums bled like crazy all thru pregnancy then they stopped. Another crazy side effect no one tells you about.
Randomness: You have one fantabulous imagination.
Posted by: Michelle | May 18, 2007 at 03:35 PM
I may be the only one who thought of it as cab fare. But then it wouldn't make sense for her rapist to give her cab fare. If he doesn't care that he raped her he wouldn't care how she got home. But I still thought cab fare.
Posted by: Carrisa | May 18, 2007 at 03:54 PM
I came back hoping I would be able to say something but yeah...still speechless.
I don't ever remember dreaming about having a boy or a girl. I did have a dream about Molly the other night though. (I'm serious. I miss her!)
Posted by: Silly Hily | May 18, 2007 at 04:15 PM
oh man, this TLF is definitely worth de-lurking for. so much awesomely bad drama!
also, what about the name drew? i've always thought that's a good girl's name, and it's a way to name a kid after a literary character without using the name "nancy" (not that there's anything wrong with nancy...). it's also good for boys?
i don't know, just my 2 cents.
Posted by: katie | May 18, 2007 at 04:16 PM
de-lurking to say:
I thought throwing the money was his way of calling her a whore.
Posted by: SB | May 18, 2007 at 04:32 PM
"I thought throwing the money was his way of calling her a whore."
ditto. And I agreee that the rape scene wasn't in line with Kyle's character. Wow. Lil Frema always keeps us guessing. Looking forward to next week!
Posted by: Rachel C | May 18, 2007 at 04:51 PM
Holy effing moly.
I read it as paying for sex. Cab fare never entered my mind.
wow.
That's all I can say.
Posted by: Lizarita | May 18, 2007 at 05:11 PM
Wow. That was certainly shocking! Kyle, how could you?!
I definitely thought the twenty was his way of calling her a whore. I'm like Isabel, though, I didn't grow up in a big city, so cab fare's not something that's ever really on my mind. I could probably count on my two hands the number of cab rides I've taken in my life.
As a side note, I love that you described your gums as being "surprised" by flossing. What a perfect description!
Posted by: Audrey | May 18, 2007 at 06:20 PM
But you do have a lovely wedding album. I did order some wedding photo prints last week. I called the photographers on the phone three times with no response. Figuring that if I did not place an order then, I never would. Thus, I mailed a check for some prints and an 8"x10" of you and Luke. I am looking forward to seeing the pictures.
Posted by: mjd | May 18, 2007 at 06:53 PM
Yeah, I think a subtle date rape kind of thing would have made more sense for Kyl'e character. But understand lil' Frema going for shock value. I thought the twenty was for the sex too.
I had a very vivid dream of holding a baby boy while I was pregnant. And I had a girl.
Posted by: Anth | May 18, 2007 at 09:29 PM
I was shocked. When you said graphic, I thought I might need to take a cold shower afterwards - I wasn't prepared for violent rape!
Even though you primed us with the idea of cab fare, I didn't see it that way. But I can count on one finger the number of cab rides I've had in my life.
Posted by: Katie | May 19, 2007 at 04:46 AM
Nancy???? What the heck happened to Little Ruthie?
Posted by: Aunt Ruthie | May 19, 2007 at 04:27 PM
I totally thought he was paying her. I guess I too didn't think the rape was in his character, so if he's going to go so far as to do that, I don't see the redeeming qualities that would have him think of her welfare getting home.
Posted by: Erika | May 21, 2007 at 07:43 AM
Wow. I know I'm late to read it, but WOW. Here I thought I had a bead on lil' Frema's mind, but now I'm just in utter shock. Next will come Awe, then will come Bush pushing Cheney in a wheelchair. Just....holy cow.
Posted by: David McNelis | May 21, 2007 at 01:02 PM
I was going to make a funnyish comment about Kyle being a vampire, and then you took all the funny away!
Well, first, I thought/hoped that the "something" he tossed on the grass was a used condom. When I learned it was a twenty I was furious, assuming it was him calling her a cheap whore.
I also decided it wasn't necessarily out of his character, because we don't really know too much about him except that he doesn't know anything about his father, he's moved all over the country with his clueless mom, and he's ended up a "smooth character" while still in high school. Doesn't seem to have a ton of human connections or good role models, so while I think he's an asshole and want Katherine to bring the authorities down on his ass, his behavior may not be unprecedented.
Posted by: TasterSpoon | May 21, 2007 at 01:51 PM
Of course Grown-Up Frema would have written this a different way. And I thought he was paying her for sex, implying she was some kind of whore.
Oh, and I LOVE the name Drew, for a boy or a girl. If you want, email me and I'll tell you the literary name we've (I've) chosen for a hypothetical daughter. I don't wanna put it out on front street because it is Teh Awesome and I am kinda (irrationally) worried about somebody steeealing it.
Posted by: Fraulein N | May 22, 2007 at 09:09 AM
I can't believe Lil' Frema want all 90210 Ray Pruitt on Kyle. I didn't see that coming. That's bullshit. I want my money back.
Ahem.
I saw the $$ as he was calling her a prostitute.
Posted by: HollowSquirrel | May 25, 2007 at 03:17 PM
Wow. I never could have seen this one coming. I was really shocked to see Kyle turn into such a maniac in an instant, like you said. Poor, poor Katherine.
Posted by: Molly | May 26, 2007 at 06:25 PM