I know that everybody's lives are hectic and jam-packed, but sometimes I wonder what the hell I've gotten myself into. Full-time job. Baby on the way. Adjunct teaching this fall. Secret freelancing gig slated to start next week (details coming soon, I promise). I'm so excited about all the opportunities that've fallen into my lap this year, but I'm still scared that maybe I've bitten off more than I can chew. Oh, well. You never know until you try, right?
Anyway, on the homefront, things seem to be moving along. Luke and I went sofa shopping Thursday night and found some reasonably priced furniture at Sofa Express (and More!), so tonight we're going in to place an order for a queen-sized sleeper and matching chair. We're also still researching bookcase options, since Indianapolis retailers are slowly squelching our dreams of avoiding yet another delivery charge. In regards to a new kitchen table, Luke and I have decided to put that off until next year, when we hope to get into a house.
This weekend, we'll dedicate some time to giving the apartment and our storage unit a much-needed once-over to avoid bogging down our new abode with items we can agree to live without. I also hope to make some more progress with my reading for class and, if time allows, burn that damn TLF soundtrack I've been yakking about for the last couple of months. Most of the songs are ready; it's the damn cover art I'm stuck on. If anybody's up for putting something together, feel free to let me know.
Before I jump into this week's latest tragic occurrence, I wanted to share with you an idea proposed to me via e-mail this week. It was suggested that I make available a version of the story that isn't peppered with commentary, as all those brackets can keep a person from becoming fully invested in the plot. I don't mind doing this as long as it's worth my time, which I can only gauge by receiving feedback from you. How valuable are my quips and random asides to TLF? Would you welcome (one day) reading the story without having to sift through my poor attempts at humor?
OK. Now where were we? Oh, poor Katherine. So pregnant. So alone. So very naive in the ways of killing your unborn child.
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CHAPTER ELEVEN - KATHERINE (CONTINUED)
When I woke up, I felt different. I couldn't move. "Katrina?" I whispered.
Someone was crying. I tried to lift my head, but that person was cradling it. Shannon. "Kat-Katherine," she sobbed.
[And who, might you ask, be playing the role of Katherine's BFF? Your suggestions were golden, but since I never watched American Dreams and don't really care for Jessica Alba, the part went to:
I know Elizabeth-Berkeley-as-Jessie-Spano will do an excellent job. Thanks for playing. Also, a special shout-out goes to our dear friend Isabel, who almost had me out of my chair with her mention of Joyce DeWitt.]
I pulled myself into a sitting position, but it was hard. Very hard. That's when I saw the blood. I was soaked in it, in chunks of blood and a watery liquid, from the waist down. Amazed, I gathered it in my hands. It fell through my fingers as if it were sand. Bits of my baby. I brought her to my face. A distinct smell of vomit was in the air. That and feces.
[I sincerely hope you've already had lunch.]
"You've been throwing up for hours," Shannon choked. "You're bowels have been running, and--blood...Gushing--" She covered her mouth.
"It worked," I said, surprised. "How?"
"You cried out before you - passed out. I carried you to the bathroom and was able to pump some of the stuff out of you. You started to gag--I held you over the toilet, but I couldn't stop the blood." She looked horrified.
[But apparently not enough to call 911. Smart girl, that Shannon.]
[Also, lucky is the woman who can sleep through violent regurgitation and raging diarrhea.]
[Also also, I totally typed "when you're driving in a Chevy" into Yahoo! to confirm the proper spelling for diarrhea.]
"That's OK." Dazed, I viewed the room. It was covered with blood, vomit, shit and water. "She had to leave." I caressed my face with my daughter. Her smell was sweet. Shannon grabbed my hands. "Kath, you were pregnant. You lost your baby."
I nodded.
[Um, how would Shannon know this? Katherine's only a few weeks along, and unless there was an arm or toe bopping on the surface, there'd be no way for a teenager to diagnose this as a miscarriage.]
"Don't you see? You need a doctor!"
I shook my head. "No! No doctor! It's all over and I'm OK now. I'll clean up the mess." I went to stand, but my knees buckled.
"Like hell you will!" She supported my wobbly frame. "I'm calling someone. My parents left early, but--"
"No!" I clutched her shirt collar. "Shannie, please. My parents would die. My God, they can't know! And Kyle... Look. I know you're worried, and scared, but it's OK. I'm OK, see? I woke up, didn't I? And everything is out. My insides feel too empty for anything to be left." Actually, something was still swimming around, but it was probably a side-effect. "I'm begging you, Shannie. Please. I - I promise I'll see a doctor soon, but not right away."
She was weakening. "This isn't right," she said shakily.
[Neither was doing speed for your exercise video on Saved by the Bell, but we all make mistakes.]
"It's my body. It doesn't even hurt," I lied.
"If you don't see a doctor sometime soon, Katherine Marie Spencer, I'll kill you myself! I will!" I hugged her with what little strength I could muster. I thought I saw Katrina in the doorway. I shut my eyes.
After a while, Shannon let me go. "You need a bath," she said firmly. "I'm going to wash you. Don't argue with me, you're too weak," she said sharply when I opened my mouth to protest. "I'm in charge now, and you owe me that much." I couldn't disagree with her.
She filled the tub with hot, soapy water that hurt deliciously. She put in some bubbles to hide me. I sat and washed myself best I could while she washed the bathroom down three times, bleaching the floor twice to remove the blood stains. Then she soaped me down herself, and shampooed my hair. I was quiet until I noticed the water's change in color. "It's red," I cried.
"Don't worry," she told me quickly. "You're spotting. It's supposed to happen."
[I love how these girls aren't even out of high school and still feel perfectly capable of offering expert medical advice.]
She gave me clothes to wear, which she assisted in putting on; I just couldn't do it. I had to wear a pad for the spotting.
"What did you do to yourself, sweetie?" she asked while she brushed my headful of hair.
"My mom's sleeping pills; anti-depressants; sedatives..."
"Why?"
"To fix God's mistake," I answered, and she didn't ask anything else.
"I think you should make yourself throw up a few times, to make sure your system's clean."
[Of course. Purging is the new antibiotic!]
"OK." I checked the clock. 6:30 in the evening. "Wow. I gotta go. Where'd your parents go this morning, anyway?"
"Christmas shopping, downtown in the city." She grabbed my hand. "Stay another night."
I smiled. "I can't. I owe Lucas a checkers game." She hugged me to her, and I let out a deep sigh. "I'll be fine, really. I'll call you tomorrow."
"Can you walk?"
"I'll manage." I felt a little stronger. I felt Shannon's eyes on me as I limped my way home. My stomache was killing me.
CHAPTER TWELVE - KYLE
"Kyle? What are you doing in here?" Mom asked, entering my room without knocking. She frowned at the sight of dirty clothes everywhere, my rumpled bed and balled up paper airplanes. I shrugged and crumbled another piece of paper, then smoothed it out and made it into an airplane. Its flight was short-lived and landed near my mom's feet. "Wouldn't it be easier to just tell me what's wrong than turn your room into a runway?" she asked, crushing it with the foot of her heel. I rolled over on my bed until my back was facing her. "I'm fine. I'll be even better as soon as you leave." She ignored my reply and sat down beside me. Honestly, this woman can never take a hint.
[Amen, Kyle. However, if I were your mother and you talked to me like that, I'd pop you in the mouth.]
"I could help you if you'd quit being so damned mouthy." Mom smoothed my hair. I let her. "I haven't seen Katherine around in a long time."
I stiffened. "She's just a dumb blonde; nothing special."
"That's not true. I think she's very special, and I'm pretty sure you do, too." I heard the longing in my mother's voice, and it hit me that she missed her. "The two of you were like best friends. Can't you get beyond your differences and rebuild that?"
I finally understood. She hadn't realized that there had been a sexual attraction between us; she thought we were strictly platonic. We kinda were, too, until the night of the dance...
Forget about it, I told myself. Aloud I replied, "I never want to see her again."
"Fine, but you'll be sorry." She stood up. "C'mon in the kitchen. Aunt Cassie's waiting for us."
"Why?" I asked. She ran her fingers through her hair and gave a nervous smile. "I've got some pretty big news for you two that'll affect everybody."
"No! You promised!" I cried, jumping up and glaring at her. "You said we could stay! I don't want to leave!"
"Hey, hey, you've got the wrong idea," Mom assured me, touching my arm. "We're not moving again. I'm keeping my promise."
"Then what is it?" I muttered.
"Kitchen," she ordered, and pointed to the door. I obeyed, looking at her suspiciously.
I sat next to Aunt Cassie. "Hey, you," she greeted, but her face looked grim. She didn't look at Mom when Mom started to speak.
"You know I haven't been feeling the hottest lately. I thought it was the flu, but I wasn't too sure. So I went to the doctor, and he said--" She paused for a moment, then finished with "--I'm pregnant."
[This is where the "Anything you can do, I can do better" part of today's title came from, because God forbid something good or bad happen to anybody without this woman jumping in with a one-upper. Jenna gets pregnant? Kayla gets pregnant AND carries the baby to term. Jenna gets married and enjoys a committed, monogamous relationship for over a decade? Kayla steals him in two weeks. Biological daughter is raped? Kayla gets knocked up by said daughter's father. Kayla wins, every time!]
"WHAT?!?" Aunt Cassie smashed her fist on the table and rose out of her seat. "Are you fucken CRAZY?!?"
"The baby is due sometime in August," Mom continued. She opened her mouth to say more, but she was interrupted by a blow to the mouth from my aunt.
[Batshit crazy is back! Hooray!]
"Hey, stop!" I yelled and pushed her away. Mom stumbled back a few feet, and felt her mouth, which was bleeding.
"Hit my mother again and I'll knock you out," I snarled at my aunt. She was breathing hard, clutching a chair.
I fixed an icepack for Mom and handed it to her. "Thanks," she mumbled, pressing it to her face.
"How could you get pregnant?" I yelled; the very thought of it made me sick. "Why are you screwin' some guy when you aren't married? You didn't even introduce him to either of us. He's a stranger!"
"Young man, I'll let that go because you're upset, but you better watch your mouth!" Her voice wobbled, and she looked on the verge of tears.
"He's no stranger, is he, Kay?" Aunt Cassie said sarcastically.
"You shut up! He's a good man!" Mom snapped, wiping her eyes. "He loves me."
"He also loves his--" Mom threw the icepack at her. She had real good aim; it hit Aunt Cassie square in the face.
[If only it were this good twelve years ago!]
But she wasn't finished. She lunged for her, grabbing her hair and giving it a hard yank. "Watch what you say, Cass; I mean it," she snarled. She let go of her hair and sat down, burying her face in her hands.
[MAN, there's a lot of girl-on-girl action going on today!]
"I'm sorry," Aunt Cassie said softly and put a hand on Mom's shoulder as she started to cry. "I didn't mean to hurt you, really. I just--Kay, you know what's going to happen. You know! He can't leave! And what is Katherine going to think? She'll hate you." Mom nodded, sobbing. I suddenly felt very out of place; lost in the shuffle.
"Who cares what Katherine thinks? I'm your SON! What about what I think?!" She looked up at me then. Her eyes looked burned out, but her face held a certain serenity. The world was falling down on her, and yet, as upset as she was, she still looked peaceful. I had seen that kind of look only once before, when I was only 11. I knelt beside her and grabbed her hands. I couldn't stop shaking.
"Momma, it'll be OK," I whispered.
She understood, and held me while I cried.
"I know I let you down," she whispered. "I'm sorry. I also know that a lot of stuff is going to be brought up from a long time ago, and you're going to hate me for a long time. Just know everything I did, I did for a reason I thought was good at the time." She kissed the top of my head. "I've always loved you because you're my son."
"OK." She was scaring me. I pulled away. "What does Katherine have to do with anything?"
"A lot," she admitted. "But that'll come out later."
"Who is he, Mom?" I asked softly. She sighed. "I can't tell you yet, sweetie. It's too sticky a situation."
Aunt Cassie looked defeated. "We tried so hard," she said.
"I know, Cassie," Mom replied. "But I think it'll be OK. A baby is never a bad thing." She smiled and patted her belly affectionately, which showed no signs of pregnancy. "The truth has to be told sometime, anyway."
"You know he can't marry you," my aunt warned.
My mother just smiled again, and for some reason, it relaxed me. Mom could handle it. She was not a stupid lady.
[I think we'll be the judge of that.]
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There's still one page left of Kyle's chapter, but I've delayed today's posting long enough. Peace out, homies.
[Also also, I totally typed "when you're driving in a Chevy" into Yahoo! to confirm the proper spelling for diarrhea.]
That almost made me shoot Diet Mountain Dew out my nose!
And holy bat-guano Robin, that was some jaw-jackin' fist-packin' action you had there. First a scat and vomit laced description of a girl who is definitely still suffering the effects of the pills, only to be followed by a fantastically choreographed fight scene! I don't think Jackie Chan could have mapped it out better!
Katherine, I know who's boinking your dad! Its your REAL mom!
Posted by: David McNelis | June 22, 2007 at 03:44 PM
Duuuuude. The whole blood and vomit scene? Made me gag. A lot.
And I agree with your choice about Elizabeth Berkley-playing-Jesse Spano-playing-Shannon.. Six would have easily fallen apart in such a situation. Where Jesse is all "Let me get you cleaned up," Six would be all, "Like let's go to the mall and try on some really cool oversized hats, k?" Clearly, Jesse, with her background of drug use, was the better choice.
Posted by: Whitney | June 22, 2007 at 03:53 PM
Kayla is a whore and a very, very stupid lady. Period.
Wow, that entry was packed. It's really starting to get good. Drama, drama, drama.
I love your added commentary as much as I love this song: "Put your mind to it, go for it, you're gonna break a sweat...rock and roll, you aint seen nothin' yet." Yes, I can sing the rest. And I can also do the dance. Now you really wish I was going to be at BlogHer, don't you? Just so you could see it.
Posted by: Silly Hily | June 22, 2007 at 04:00 PM
"Actually, something was still swimming around, but it was probably a side-effect."
I would say that something that was swimming around should be blamed for this whole scene.
Posted by: VirginiaGal | June 22, 2007 at 04:05 PM
Bwaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha, Hil, that was hilarious and I totally have that song in my head now and I am seeing them dance in that gym, teehee!
Wow, I was not ready for a scene like that at all!! But, TLF is getting goooooooood!!!!! Oh the drama!
Posted by: Rachel | June 22, 2007 at 04:20 PM
[Also also, I totally typed "when you're driving in a Chevy" into Yahoo! to confirm the proper spelling for diarrhea.]
I think this was, by far, the funniest thing I have read all week. Hands down.
Also, that Katherine sniffed her products of conception made me throw up a little in my mouth. EW!
Posted by: MLE | June 22, 2007 at 04:29 PM
Beatings and vomiting and rubbing dead baby pieces on faces, oh my!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The kitchen scene with the sisters was awesome. I loved that they kept beating on each other like wild apes.
The part with Katherine? Was sad.
I can't wait to see what comes next.
Posted by: Molly | June 22, 2007 at 05:09 PM
"I gathered it in my hands"? Why would you do that Katherine? Why?
If I'm remembering correctly, awhile back you said there were going to be 2 more pregnancies and neither would make it to birth...I wonder what's going to happen to Kayla. Or maybe I made that up. I know for sure I'm too lazy to go back and look in the archives.
I love your commentary as mush as I love the sotry itself, btw.
Posted by: Rachel C | June 22, 2007 at 05:09 PM
In response to your question about making a version of the story without your commentary: I think the TLF story is fabulous, but your commentary is priceless. The story brings me to the edge of my seat, and your commentary makes me fall out of my chair laughing. Given the choice between reading the whole story with or without commentary, I'd choose the with commentary option in a heartbeat.
Wow, Little Frema sure did know a thing or two about grossing people out. That whole first scene was rough. I read "[I sincerely hope you've already had lunch.]" and immediately regretted that I had just finished lunch. When Katherine started rubbing that shit on her face, I almost revisited my lunch. Yikes. But way to go Shannon for being a good friend and cleaning that all up (without adding more vomit to the mix in the process).
Posted by: Audrey | June 22, 2007 at 05:21 PM
Oh, Rachel C, good memory! I had forgotten about that! I wonder if Kayla and Cassie's constant beating on each other will cause a miscarriage. Or maybe Jenna will get behind the wheel for some long-overdue revenge? I can't wait to see what happens!
Posted by: Audrey | June 22, 2007 at 05:25 PM
My own Joyce DeWitt TLF shout out. I can die now.
Shannon saying that Katherine's "bowels have been running" is very mature. Lil Isabel would have just told it like it is, "you've been shitting your pants for hours and I'm sick of smelling it."
And doesn't "spotting" refer to just some blood and not really "gushing" blood? Ewww.
Dude, Kyle has some balls for totally judging his mom for getting pregnant out of wedlock. He's one to talk. Raping your sister is way worse then sleeping with someone before you are married.
I'm just sayin'.
Posted by: Isabel | June 22, 2007 at 06:14 PM
Keep the quips- I like them.
Posted by: Bethany | June 22, 2007 at 09:38 PM
It's all so dramatic! I think Shannie should have probably donned a hazmat suit, and I have to say that there is probably no one in this world whose bodily fluids I'd clean up in the kind of volume that Lil Frema describes. Sweet baby Jesus!
To be honest, I read TLF as much for the commentary as for the story itself. Everyone likes a little self-deprecation, and the comments keep me from taking the story too seriously. Ya know, cause entries like the one today, without a glimpse into present-day Frema's outlook on these things, would have me wondering about the author's flair for all things graphic. :)
Posted by: Professor Art Nerd | June 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
OH MY GOD!!!!! ALL YOU GUYS ARE SO-O-O-O DAMN FUNNY!!! FREMA, IT'S SCARY TO THINK YOU WERE YOUNGER WHEN YOU WROTE THIS.... AND YOUR COMMENTARY AND THE OTHER COMMENTS AT THE END JUST HAVE ME DYING... YOU GUYS ARE SO-O-O-O-O-O FUNNY!!! I LOVE TO READ THIS BECAUSE OF ALL OF IT!!! THANKS FOR ADDING SO MUCH TO MY "DANCING FRIDAYS"!!!
Posted by: MRS. C.(molly's mom) | June 23, 2007 at 12:45 AM
Frema - I have had your site bookmarked for a couple of weeks now, but I must say I've always skimmed over Tragic Love Friday because I figured I was so far behind, I was out of the loop.
Cue to today, where I totally just spent the entire afternoon poring over TLF and snorting out loud. I have to say, I own Melrose Season 1, and this is so, so much better.
I think I love you.
Posted by: Alyndabear | June 24, 2007 at 03:44 AM
Personally, I love your commentary. As I read, thoughts pop into my head and by the end of the sentence you're saying exactly what I was thinking!
Posted by: Debbie | June 27, 2007 at 01:35 PM
The commentary is truly, truly awesome. Or outrageous. One of those. The whole "When you're driving in a Chevy cracked me up as well as this priceless gem: [Batshit crazy is back! Hooray!] Man, I wish there were a line of TLF t-shirts!
Posted by: Fraulein N | June 29, 2007 at 07:24 PM