Tragic Love Friday: Now with a little help from my friends

Man, my posting sucked this week, didn't it? Things were a little crazy at work as we wrapped up filming for our marketing videos, and in general I've been feeling pretty blue, which means events primed to turn on the water works range from being called "poochy" to scratching my right eye with my apparently-too-sharp fingernail, so blogging has fallen off to the wayside a little. I hope to boost my spirits over the next couple of days by splashing around in the pool. Of course, putting on the swim suit could be a traumatic experience as well. My life is so wild and unpredictable!

Since I skipped out on Wednesday's weight update, here are the numbers today:

WEIGHT ON 2/28: 135.6
CURRENT WEIGHT: 129.8
TOTAL PREGNANCY POUNDS GAINED: -5.8

This is the lowest recording I've seen since my Weight Watchers days, and when you remember that my normal weight is usually closer to 138, the loss is even more startling. It's still difficult to eat much in one sitting and even harder to muster up an appetite when I'm not sure what's going to agree with the baby. Freke might just be pickier than me.

Anyway, with all this fatigue and self-pity I've got going on, the idea of typing out TLF today almost pushed me over the edge. Luckily, I have fabulous readers who suggested I copy the pages and fax them over ASAP. That's exactly what Jennifer of Operation Pink Herring did, and I was happy to take her up on it. She even provided commentary, so this week you have the pleasure of Jenn's AND Frema's keen insights. Please remember to thank her in the comments for being so damn awesome.

Since Jenn did the honors, her comments will appear in the traditional bracket form. I'll pepper a few doozies here and there that'll be highlighted in green.

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CHAPTER EIGHT - JENNA CONTINUED

SLAM!

I jumped up as I heard the slamming of the front door. A moment later, Michael entered our room.  "Hi," he said, throwing his shoes by the bed. "Sorry I'm so late. I had parent conferences 'til nine, then I finished grading some papers."

I glanced at the clock, not looking at him.  "Until 12:30, Michael?"

"I hit the bar when I was done."

I studied my nails as if they were the most fascinating thing in the world. "I heard about a fairly old invention the other day. I THINK it's called a phone, but I could be wrong." [Holy passive-aggression, Batman! With a side of cliché!]

"I'm sorry."

"Bullshit, Michael! You should have called! For the first time in weeks, I'm home on time, and you knew that! I thought we would catch up, make time for each other!" [Whoa, Jenna, since when does the entire world revolve around your Folgers account?] I picked up his shoe and threw it at him. [That will teach him to just throw his shoes by the bed! I bet Jenna has asked him a million times to put them in the closet.] He ducked, and the shoe broke a picture frame and sent it crashing to the floor. Our wedding picture. How appropriate.

[From passive-aggression to domestic violence in three seconds flat! Impressive.]

"Nice, Jenna. Very adult." He glared at me as I knelt down to pick up the pieces of broken glass. 

"How come just because you finally decide to come home at a decent hour, I have to be available to you? When was the last time you left work because I only had a half day?"  I didn't reply, just kept picking up the glass. When it was all picked up, I threw it away in the kitchen. Michael was holding my nightie when I returned. He no longer looked angery. "You had something planned, didn't you?" he asked softly. [It's my fault, baby. I made you do it. Please forgive me.]

"It was nothing important." [Aw, Jenna, don't say that.  False modesty doesn't become you.]

"Come on, Jen. Don't shut me out. Talk to me." [If my spouse had thrown an object at my head, I am not sure I'd be interested in talking. Way to be the bigger person, Michael.]  He sat next to me on the bed.

Frema says: Oh, Jennifer, he's only being a bigger person because the "bar" he "hit" wears a 36C bra.

"OK, fine. I made a nice dinner, dressed up a little. I thought tonight would be special. You not even calling kind of ruined it. That's all. No big deal." [When it's a big deal, I'll use a shotgun instead of a measly shoe!] I started to cry. He went to put his arms around me, but I pushed him away. "Don't try to comfort me or say that you're sorry. Just let me be."

"I can't. Let's fix this tonight. I don't want to go to bed angry." [Next time on Dr. Phil: how to repair your tattered, unfaithful marriage in one night! The new miracle technique all the therapists are talking about!]

Frema says: He just wants to have two pieces of ass in the same night.

"Angery?" I was amazed. "What in the hell have I done to make you angry? [Um, shoe? Flying through the air? Broken glass?] And who says you're sleeping in a bed tonight?"

"I'm ANGERY because you've let work push your family aside. I'm ANGERY because you don't talk to me anymore! I don't know what you're feeling or what you want. You need to help me out." [I love Lil' Frema's spelling of ANGERY. It's like anger, with a little extra GRRR.]

Frema says: Don't you hate it when your mistress acts like a better wife than your actual wife?

"By now, Michael, you shouldn't need my help! You should be able to understand me!" [Honestly, Michael. I don't even know why we paid for all those mind-reading classes!]

"I can't! You make it impossible!"

"Screw you!" I raised a hand to hit him. He stared into my eyes.

"Go ahead. Hit me if it helps any. I deserve it."

Frema says: You sure do, you bastard. Jenna still owes you from part one!

"Yes, you do." But I lowered my hand. "But it won't help." This time I allowed him to hold me as I sobbed. I didn't want to argue anymore. Besides, I needed to get to sleep as soon as possible so I would be alert for my presentation. [Husband beating is just too tiring. I'm sure Jenna can just find a nice dog to run over with her car on the way to work instead.]

I pulled myself together and forced a smile. "You can sleep in the bed." [But you have to take the side with the glass shards in it.]

"Thanks."  He kissed my cheek. "I'm gonna fix myself something to eat. Have sweet dreams." He added tentatively, "I'm sorry."

My eyes followed Michael as he left the room. Then I buried my face in my pillow. I was sorry, too.

***

I walked into work that morning with a confidence about myself I hadn't felt in a very long time. [Jenna, you have that husband-beating glow about you! What kind of face cream do you use?]  I knew things would work out fine. I'd get the promotion and raise, and I wouldn't have to work so much overtime and have more time to fix my marriage. Mr. Crawford, looking frazzled, approached me before I could even sit down. 

"Get the presentation, Jenna. They're here early."

"What?"

"You heard me. They had to come earlier. You're on in 5 minutes." [OK, if Jenna threw a shoe across the room right now, I'd understand. That totally sucks.]

My breath caught in my throat. This was it! My big moment! "Yes, sir," I replied. [OK, apparently I have a different outlook on moved-up meetings than Jenna/Lil' Frema does. Maybe that's why I'm not in charge of the Big Folgers Account.] My hand went under my desk. "Just let me get my case--" Nothing. I glanced under it. Zip.

I checked next to my desk, which, now that I thought about it, is where I left it. No case.

"Oh shit," I whispered. My hands felt clammy. 

"What's wrong, Jenna?" Mr. Crawford asked sharply. [Oh, nothing a few minutes out back with a baseball bat couldn't fix, sir!]

"It's not here, sir." I jumped out of my seat and started searching the room, every nook and cranny.  Gone. 

My boss caught on. "Maybe the janitor moved it into mine or Agatha's office," he cried and left to check. [One time, the janitor in my office threw away a bunch of papers I needed just because I stored them on the floor. I was pissed, too, Jenna, but you live and learn. Maybe if you smack around Agatha a little, you'll feel better.] At that moment, Agatha came in.

"Hello, Jenna. Looking for something?"

I glared at her, and that's when it clicked. I stood up off the floor. "You bitch." She raised her eyebrows. "Touchy. Is it your time?"

I slapped her hand, and she belted me right back. I stumbled backward. [But… but my husband never hits me back! This isn't a fair fight!]

"Watch your mouth," she snarled. "It's your attitude that'll screw you over, Jenna. YOU'RE the bitch. A kiss-ass, too, and a snob. Always rubbing it in who was higher. Well, I'm sick of it. Have fun explaining to Crawford. See you on your way out." She was about to enter her office when Crawford came out of it.

Frema says: I love that these women are fighting over which one is the more capable secretary. Agatha is the Amanda Woodward of administrative assistants!

"It's nowhere. Dammit, Jenna, they're waiting!"

"I don't need my papers that much. I'll do my best and--"

"And nothing! Paperwork's bull. They're here for the charts, diagrams, ideas! You've given me shit!" He lowered his voice. "I hope your husband has a very good job."

Frema says: Seeing as Jenna's been living and breathing this account for two whole weeks, you'd think Mr. Crawford would at least wait to fire her until after the presentation. Also, he must be too stressed to think straight, because one minute he deems paperwork worthless and the next he's canning her ass because she doesn't have any paperwork. Nevermind all the ideas are still in her damn brain and she could probably recite them in her sleep.

I got the message, and I didn't say a word as I walked out the door. [But I bet ya slashed a few tires on your way out of the parking lot, right? Atta girl!]

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Thanks again to all those who offered to come to my aid. There may come a time where I need to take you up on it.

Comments

[casey]

DAMNNNNNNN... go girl!

[Rachel]

Oooooooooh, I would have kicked me some Agatha ass!!!!

If I hurled a freakin shoe at my husband's head, he wouldn't be all calm about it! But, then again, I guess we've figured out by now that Michael isn't all there.

Love the comments, Pink Herring! And your's too, of course, Frema!

[Silly Hily]

That was awesome! Good job Pink Herring. The commentary was right on.

Agatha! That little bitch. How dare she. I don't like where Jenna is headed. I see her losing her shit in 5...4...3...

Last, that 129 number really is startling. Who knew little Freke would give Weight Watchers some competition. Are you going to share pictures with us? I'm sure you look amazingly adorable.

[Pink Herring]

Reading it again, I can't believe that 1. Jenna thinks that getting a raise and a promotion is going to lead to LESS overtime, and 2. That she calls her boss "sir". But again, I'm not in charge of any big accounts or presentations, and maybe that's why!

But oops! It's 4:15 and I have to go sneak out of work early! I guess I'll have to wait until Monday to start working excessive overtime and being overly formaly with my superiors.

[Molly]

Sorry to hear you're having a crummy week. I hope you start feeling better. (Your mom feels better!)

I love the fight scene with Agatha. No CLUE that Lil Frema was a soap watcher, haha. And Jenn's comment on the husband beating glow was awesome!! Great commentary Jenn!

[Isabel]

Dude, Jen did an AWESOME job. She's my hero.

(I can't wait to meet Jen in September. She's promised to drive into DC to meet me. I'm holding her to it.)

As I was reading it, I was all "I've been spelling angry WRONG all these years. First the commas and now angery! The horror!" And then I realized that Lil Frema spelled it wrong. Phew. That was close.

I would punch my co-worker for asking me if it was "my time" even if she didn't steal my big presentation. What a whore.

I wouldn't usually say this, but here to Frema gaining some weight soon.

[Isabel]

(No comment preview anymore?? What's up?)

[Diane]

I'm so completely lost with the TLF and haven't had it in me to jump in. But how fun that you have such a following that others are typing stuff up for you. Three cheers for Frema and Freke.

I'm so sorry you've had such a rough week or so. Hope you're feeling better.

[Angela]

Wow, Jenn did a phenomenal job with the commentary--I was rolling over here! Almost as good as the Frema/lil' Frema banter! I'll have to go check out her blog.

This was quite the installment this week. I'm so freaking mad at Agatha, and also so frustrated that Jenna didn't just put the dang presentation in her boss's office. Dang, that would have been a good time for Jenna to whip out the tape recorder that had secretly been taping everything Agatha said! Can't wait for next week, as always!

[TasterSpoon]

I'm hoping she pulls a Melanie Griffiths-in-Working Girl and does a speed presentation in the parking lot ("I just thought, Trask Industries...radio...Trask Industries Radio!") as the Folgers people are walking to their car after Agatha does Jenna's presentation and takes all the credit, so that Agatha gets humiliated and fired and Jenna gets promoted to having her very own cubicle. But I suspect things will not go so well.

[Katie]

Despite last week's foreshadowing, I did not see the Agatha/stolen presentation coming! Wow!

[Kathie]

O.K, so I've been reading here since the beginning of April and tonight I finally took the time to read TLF from beginning to end, or rather to now (yes, I'm 26 and childless, and am spending Saturday night reading TLF. What?), and oh my god, I am hooked. This is like two of my favourite addictions - blogging and bad television - rolled into one. Amazing.

[Virginia Gal]

Way to go Jenn! Great job on the comments.

Is it wrong of me to think that the only difference between Michael's mistress (Kay) and Jenna's (her job) is that he is getting laid and she is getting laid off?

Frema - I hope little Freke gets her act together soon and lets you eat more (both portion size, and variety of foods). My DH has IBS and doesn't ever want to eat anything either (he is also on Adderall which suppresses the appetite) because he's never sure what is going to upset his stomach, or isn't hungry. I well understand how frustrating that is.

[mjd]

I hope that you had a wonderful and restful weekend. Let's have a round of applause for Jennifer of Operation Pink Herring. Do you suppose that she grades papers too?

[Sant]

Okay, so who called it last week?? Agatha and the missing presentation work? Yea, that was so me? Bitch should watch who she calls bitch next time.

I wonder how poor Katherine is doing.. she hasn't really been mentioned in the last two entries, and while I know that that doesn't actually equal two weeks real time, I still feel bad for how she's being neglected by the two yoyos who are raising her. Hey, speaking of yoyos, I think they should both be tested for bipolar disorder.

I think that's all I have, other than Thank You to Pink Herring and way to go on the dual commentary! Loved it!

[Cazzie]

Heads up Frema, a marvellous week awaits you. One day at a time :)

[Audrey]

Holy crap that commentary killed me! Way to go Frema and Pink Herring!

At least Jenna will have plenty of time to refine her shoe-throwing skills now that she doesn't have to spend her days at work. Hey, maybe she'll even remember that she has children if she's home with them during the day!

[Whitney]

Oh no... I've spoiled myself. I've read the entire series so far in two short days and now?! Now I HAVE TO WAIT.

This is worse than when Marissa shot Trey on The OC and we were all like, "Is he dead?! Is she going to jail?! We have to wait an entire summer to find out?!" But alas, everything was peachy in the end. (Well, minus the fact that Marissa was mowed down and killed by a crazy ex-boyfriend eventually, but that's another story.) But yeah, worse than waiting an entire summer, that's what this is.