Tragic Love Friday: She's (not) having a baby

Ah, the gloriousness of a three-day work week. Aren't they the prettiest things ever?

Last night was spent in a whirlwind attempt to finally put our dishevled apartment back together, catch up on five episodes of All My Children, and finish one of the blog books I'm reading for class. I was on the verge of high-fiving myself when the taco I had for dinner decided to resurface, and I spent the last twenty minutes before bed rinsing out the toilet seat cover and bleaching the sink, all while Luke slept like a baby.

Almost fifteen weeks along and I'm still gagging myself with a toothbrush. Will it ever end?

Also, a random AMC note for those who watch: Is anybody else digging the new Greenlee? The character's a total biotch, of course, but the replacement actress they found is actually doing a decent job. Meanwhile, I continue to hate Ryan Lavery with the burning passion of a thousand suns. Just because Greenlee is the reason that Kendall was impregnated with Ryan's sperm doesn't mean she has any "moral claim" to Spike, seeing as she abandoned her gestating BFF the minute she found out Kendall used her own egg because Greenlee's were destroyed in a city-wide blackout and Ryan's sperm was thawing and there was no time to collect more of Greenlee's eggs and Kendall was terrified that Greenlee would kill herself because Ryan had faked his death by driving off a cliff and she wanted his child more than anything in the world, even though Ryan wasn't into kids at the time and actually had a vasectomy but sneaky Greenlee stole his sperm from a fertility clinic, which was donated back when Ryan first came to town and needed cash. The nerve of some people.

But anyway. On to TLF.

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CHAPTER TEN - KATHERINE (CONTINUED)

It was final. I was pregnant. I had officially become a statistic, and I hated that. It wasn't my fault! I didn't want kids; never had, and definitely never will. Yet here I was, an expectant mother.

But would I stay that way? I wasn't a fool; I knew my options. A baby was definitely not on my list of accomplishments this year. I couldn't do it. I had to get rid of my kid--I mean, the fetus. That's it.

"I'm having--I'm having--" I couldn't say the word "abortion." I just couldn't. "I'm ending my pregnancy," I said to myself firmly. That sounded better.

[Is Katherine breaking your heart yet? This poor girl can't get a break. I don't know if I have the heart to snark on her. But I'll try.]

Well, one thing was for sure. I wouldn't be able to go and have an abortion. The doctor would call my parents faster than I could say [your mom! Ha, I did it!] my name. Don't doctors have to say those things? I wasn't certain, but I didn't want to find out. [Apparently, neither did 'lil Frema. What a lazypants she was.] Also, I was broke. I'd have to do it myself. But how?

I felt horrible. I was planning to end a human life, on my own. "Oh, God," I sobbed, burying my face in my hands. My tears flowed, and for once I couldn't stop them. Shaking, I walked into my parents' room and grabbed the bottles off my mother's dresser. I examined the contents and labels. Sedatives, sleeping pills, anti-depressants... It suddenly hit me that my mother was emotionally unstable, probably had been for years. "Don't think about that," I whispered, my voice unsteady. My eyes were blurred with my tears, so I couldn't read the fine print that followed the "WARNING" label. I didn't care. I'd be OK in the end. I popped open the lid to the sleeping pills and only took one. Right now I needed rest. I'd plan everything out later. I swallowed the pill and curled up on my parents' bed, trying to drown out of my head the consequences of my decision.

[Remember when Julia was pregnant on Party of Five and wanted to an abortion but actually experienced a miscarriage? Even lil' Frema knew that was a cop-out on behalf of the writers. So, in the instances when you're too icked out for words--and trust me, folks, it gets icky--at least commend this youngling for her literary bravery.]

* * *

When I awoke, I felt groggy, unaware of everything. Where am I? I wondered. My head felt as heavy as a truck, and it hurt. I felt a distinct movement in my stomache. I got up slowly and fumbled around until my hand found the lightswitch. The room was filled with light, and I had to close my eyes. I let the wall support me as I slid down to the floor. When I opened them, Shannon was kneeling next to me.

I blinked my eyes. "Sh-Shannon." My tongue was like leather. "How come you're here?"

"Lucas let me in. No one else is here. We have to talk." She pulled me to my feet. "C'mon."

"Wait a minute." I pulled away and tried to glare at her, but it turned into a frown. "I have things to do. It'll have to wait until--maybe, in a few days--"

"With what, Katherine?!? What do you do besides veg out at home and isolate yourself? Nothing, and I'm sick of it. It's not healthy! Look at you!" Her eyes filled with tears. "Let me help you. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong! Who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that? I'm FINE. Or I was until you showed up." I opened my mouth to yell some more until I saw the look on her face. Suddenly I felt bad. She was only worried about me. She had no idea what was going on.

My best friend saw my body loosen up, and she opened her arms. I accepted, and her embrace was tight. It's a good thing; otherwise I know I would've fallen.

[Shannon's a good pal and all, but don't you think her language is a little intense? It's like they're lesbians without benefits.]

"C'mon," she repeated. "Spend the night tonight."

[I rest my case.]

"Can't. Tomorrow's school," I replied, letting go.

"Today's Friday, Kath."

"I gotta ask my mom, and she's not home." Shannon looked hurt; I couldn't blame her. My mother wouldn't care, and she knows that.

An idea popped into my head.

"I'll leave a note," I relented. "I just gotta get some stuff." She nodded. She was waiting in the kitchen; I grabbed two of each pill and stuck them in my pocket. The rumble in my belly was painful. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what those "WARNING" labels were for.

Before I left, I checked on Lucas. He had an old photo album on his lap. "THE BRADY BUNCH" was on TV. I sat down beside him. "Whatcha lookin' at this stuff for, Luke?" He shrugged. We stared at the TV screen as Mike kissed Carol before he left for work.

"Dad doesn't do that anymore," he commented.

"No," I agreed. "But Mom's not home when he leaves. She works in the morning, or she's asleep from the night before."

"Nobody cooks dinner," he continued. "Dad doesn't play checkers anymore. (His favorite game.) Mom won't help me with my math. I got an 'F' on a big test yesterday." My brother's forehead wrinkled, and his chin trembled. "Leigh's never home. I hate her. And you act funny. You're staying at Shannon's, aren't you?" he demanded. I nodded, and he grabbed my arm. "Please don't leave, Kathy. I hate being alone!" His face completely crumbled, and he buried his face in my sweater. I cradled him in my arms. God, I felt awful for going. "I have to, Luke," I whispered. "I'll be home tomorrow, and we'll have a checkers marathon and we'll go over your test, and anything else you want to do." He lifted his head. "Promise?" I hugged him again. "I swear it."

I left him sitting there. I forget that he's only 12 sometimes.

"Let's go," I told Shannon.

[Too bad Katherine doesn't want children. She's already a better mother than Jenna and Kayla combined.]

END OF PART TWO

[Don't worry, I won't leave you hanging! I brought the next--the last! (sob)--notebook with me to work!]

PART THREE

CHAPTER ELEVEN - KATHERINE

We sat on Shannon's bed in silence. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't her, but I couldn't tell her the truth.

"I'm sorry," I finally said.

"Why?"

"I know I haven't been the greatest person to be around. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"You were that way for a reason, Kath. What's wrong?" she asked gently.

"It's OK now, Shannie," I replied, ignoring her question and thinking of my pills. "Everything's gonna be OK. I don't want to think about it anymore."

"Katherine--"

"Shannon, please." I hugged her quickly. "Don't ask."

Thankfully she let it drop. We ate pizza and painted our nails. I caught up on gossip, but my heart wasn't into it. She could tell. "Kath, I've seen Kyle around with Andrea Polly," she said tentatively. "What happened with him?"

"It didn't work out," I answered. "He's a real jerk. Too possessive." Lies, lies, lies!

[Actually, that's the truth. He was possessive. Illegally and brutally possessive. Of her poor, innocent body.]

"Oh," Shannon cried. "I feel so stupid! That's why you've been like this." She squeezed my hand.

"It's alright, Shannie. There was nothing you could do." I stood up. "Be right back."

In the bathroom, I clutched the six pills in my clammy hand. I glanced in the mirror, only I didn't see me. I saw a little girl of about four or five. Her golden hair was in piggy tails, and her smile revealed shiny white teeth. Her eyes, however, had no pupils.

[So I guess the sleeping pill Katherine took also induces hallucinations? If that's the case, Jenna's been having a grand ole time these last few years. Also, from this description, I can't stop picturing Cindy Brady. And the brat wasn't even cute! Damn lil' Frema and her references to sixties-era television.]

"Mommy, ouch! That hurts! I don't feel good." The toddler's body cringed, and she cried out. "Momma, stop! Stop, momma, I'm in here!" I held back my sobs. "Go away, go away," I whispered, shaking my head and blinking hard. The little girl was gone. I was alone in my reflection.

["Are you pregnant? Do you feel trapped and alone? If so, take the wire hanger away from your vaginal canal and call the toll-free number at the bottom of your screen." Thus concluding lil' Frema's first pro-life commercial.]

[This making fun of people's pain, it's easier than I thought!]

"Katrina," I said, and I liked the sound. "Katrina," I continued, swallowing one pill; then another and another. "I'm not your momma. God gave you to me on accident. I'm returning you to Heaven, that's all." I drank a little water. "I wouldn't be a good momma anyway." I kissed the mirror, just in case my baby came back. "Bye-bye, Katrina."

[I got the "toddler's" name from my best friend in high school. We're still friends today; she even stood up in my wedding. Lucky for lil' Frema that her first initial fit in with the whole "K" theme she's got going on.]

Back in my friend's room, we turned off the lights and put on a movie. All the while my stomache churned, my head pounded, and my tongue felt too thick for my mouth. As the room started to fade, I started to panic, and for the first time I thought about the possibility that I could die. I would've deserved it.

My mind blanked, and all was dark.

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So, now that we're seeing more of Shannon, which celebrity do you think should play her? Let me know in the comments, and I'll find a picture of the one who collects the most votes.

Also, there are only fifty-three pages left until the end of the sequel. There is no part three, and I'm still not sure what to do. Keep going without the charm of lil' Frema or let TLF die peacefully in the "What're you lookin' at?" archives? This is how Meryl Streep's character must've felt in Sophie's Choice, I swear.

Comments

[Jessi]

Two words for you: Jessie Spano - that is totally Shannon for me...especially if she gets all spazzy and starts taking uppers and downers and singing, "I'm So Excited" or whatever craptastic song they were singing on SBTB...

[David McNelis]

Well....sleeping pills is one way to kill at least one potential character off...and maybe a mainstay!

Also, what kind of friend doesn't recognize that you can hardly stand, and doesn't press you harder on whats wrong?

So my vote for Shannon's character....though I can't remember if the hair color is the same, is Jenna Malone who played both Gretchen Ross in Donnie Darko and Mary (the main character) in Saved.

[Angela]

Oh, I love Jena Malone--she'd make a great Shannon!

But onto the content, oh, this "episode" was heartbreaking! I mean, a little funny with the hallucination party, but really when you get right down to it, so, so sad!

[Molly]

Twisty! The image of the little girl in the mirror, crying out? Will haunt me for the rest of the day, thank you.

Also, yes, the morning sickness must end. I'm sure I've told you a thousand times that mine went 16 weeks with KJ and 20 with Jack, day in, day out, all day, and it SUCKED. If yours hangs on any longer, don't bet on having it easier with any subsequent Frekes. Those little boogers.

[Isabel]

Does the title of this week's installment cement that Kathrine's baby will, in fact, DIE? I'm holding on to the small glimmer that she'll have the baby and TLF will live on with said baby.

No?

Lucas comparing his parents loveless marriage to a 60's TV marriage between a sassy blond and a closeted homosexual is classic.

Shannon could be played Joyce DeWit of Three's Company fame. She was always the dependable friend. (Although she might be a little too dated for TLF.)

[Whitney]

Jesse Spano is definitely a good choice. Pre-Show Girls days, obviously. I keep picturing Six from Blossom. You know, the perkiness, the cliched 90s gear with the tights and skirts...Yes, yes. My vote is for Six from Blossom.

And also? There HAS to be a part three. I won't know what to do when there's no TLF!

[Rachel C]

awww sad, Katherine can't catch a break. I hope things turn around for her soon. I don't know what to think about the possibility of TLF coming to an end! On one hand, I don't want it to end. On the other, I'm sure we can all agree that it wouldn't be the same without the Lil Frema spark.

Good "your mom" joke though!

[VirginiaGal]

I vote for Danica McKeller (Winnie from the Wonder Years). (IMDb doesn't seem to have any of the pictures from that time frame though - when she had the bangs and such which is what I'm thinking)

("stomache" - I read as stomach-ache every time. Love lil' Frema's spelling of that)

[Silly Hily]

Oh wow. That was really, really sad. I might have nightmares about the mirror image thing. Poor Katherine. Poor Lucas, too. Jenna and Michael suck. They really suck.
As for Shannon, we have to remember people, that her last name is Sanchez b/c Lil' Frema wanted some diversity. (Yes, I had to go look it up.)
While I was leaning towards Six from Blossom, I'm now going to cast my own vote for hmmmmmm...maybe someone like Vanessa Manillo (sp?) or Jessica Alba, just for their look.

[Carrisa]

Vanessa Lengies could play Shannon

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0501837/

That is her imdb profile. She was on that show American Dreams. Love her.

[Silly Hily]

Ding, ding, ding, ding. I vote with Carrisa for Vanessa Lengies. Remove my votes for Vanessa Mannillo and Jessica Alba.

[Rhi]

I vote for Leven Rambin - Lily/Ava on AMC.

And, I am hating the new Greenlee. But, I will say, I am only able to watch AMC when I am *cough* home sick *cough*.

[Sant]

Damn! I missed commenting on last Friday (those Fridays just keep sneaking up on me!) so I'll just say right now, I think the writers of AMC had gotten ahold of lil' Frema's notebooks, because this is totally the Bianca Montgomery story from a couple of years ago. To think, you could have been the mastermind of it all... the 14 year old master mind, at that. It's a sad situation for sure.

Okay, since we're all talking about who Shannon is in our minds- I'm going with Cherie Johnson, circa Family Matters, 1998-ish. No? Whatever the vote is, I think I will have a hard time converting to popular demand. Do what you must though.

I like how Lucas went from being raunchy hormonal to a shirt sleeve sobbing 6-year old in no time flat. There's total spin-off potential with any number of these characters. (ie- his mother is a nut, his father abandoned him and his checkers to be with his mistress/ mother of his adopted daughter instead, he hates his twin, and he's failing math-- COME ON!) I'm totally hoping that TLF continues after the sequal is over. Think it over-- there's still a lil' Frema in there just waiting to write about these people again:)

[CPA Mom and Soccer Mom Angela]

"Morning" sickness for me, both babies, was weeks 6 to 16. You are almost done!

[Rachel]

TLF is just gettin better and better!!! I am on the edge of my seat waiting for the next one!!! OMG is Katherine gonna die??

[Katie]

If brushing your teeth makes you throw up, I would switch to a completely different flavor of toothpaste for the remainder of the pregnancy. I usually use minty-type flavors, and I switched to lemon. I am 31 weeks pregnant, and morning sickness is MONTHS behind me. Yet today I ran out of lemon toothpaste and switched back to minty. My body simply has that association now, and I gagged my way through it! Fortunately I hadn't eaten yet, or I may actually have thrown up!!

[Wendy]

Wow. I had to get oriented because this is my first visit to your blog. I thought that the TLF story was YOUR true story, Katherine was your nickname or something, and that you had just taken pills and passed out ... and were typing? What in the heck? But, I totally bought it. ha. whew. I read waaaaaaaay back to find out that this was a fictional piece. Your writing style is very real ... I totally bought it. Of course now I HAVE TO HEAR WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! Tell me tell me tell me oh please tell me. I gave up AMC years ago, but I'll read this a bit longer ... it can be my new soap.
Baby stuff and maternity leave: Here's a little something I haven't seen mentioned in anyone's stories: At twelve weeks, the baby doesn't look like some independent big baby, who is no longer an infant who you can look at and say: "He'll be totally fine without me". At 12 weeks we were in the breast feeding groove and I'm telling you that looked like a brand new newborn at my breast ... not a big bouncy baby that wouldn't be looking for me five times a day while I was gone. They are still so small at 12 weeks. It absolutely made no sense for me to quit at that time financially. My husband made NO money and had NO insurance, but we talked about it and I prayed about it, and a deep and abiding sense of peace filled me and I knew it was the right thing to do. And here I am, 3 and a half years later and I am STILL home with my baby boy and I LOVE IT. I run my own business two days a week. Gives me something to sink my brain into, because I need that, and my husband has found his niche in investing. So it all worked out.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. My advice: don't let reason rule you. God has read your book and knows what's coming up next. .. He'll steer you right. Listen to YOUR heart.

[Debbie]

I would really, really hate to see it end! I look forward to it every Friday!