The waiting game is almost over, folks. Come this time tomorrow, Luke and I should know (hopefully) (God willing) (please, baby, don't be shy) whether our little Freke will have a penis or a vagina. Never have I been so excited to feast my eyes upon another person's reproductive parts.
As a young girl, whenever I imagined being a mother, I always envisioned having girls. Makes sense, right? After all, I was a girl and fairly certain I knew what to expect. Girls liked to wear frilly nightgowns and draw pictures of princesses and orchestrate steamy make-out sessions between Barbie and Ken in the back of her pink convertible. Girls tried to emulate Nancy Drew and the members of the Baby-sitters Club and watched My Little Pony cartoons before getting ready for school. They never pulled down their pants to pee on the sidewalk, and they weren't big on Transformers, though they didn't mind playing G.I. Joe. So long as they got to be Jinx.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I secretly hoped for a girl, using pretty much the same line of reasoning, albeit on a slightly more sophisticated level. In my twenty-seven years on Earth, I've gained a wealth of life experience that'll be handy for a daughter but not so much for a son. A boy of mine will never hear the story of my first period or my thoughts on tampons (um, ick). He won't care that I once hated bras and put off wearing one for as long as I could. My shaving tips will fall on deaf ears, because he'll be getting that lesson from his father. And how can any of my botched dating experiences bring some sort of meaning to his life? Does a son really want to know about his mother's run-in with STD testing, or should I lock up that gem in the TMI vault?
I picture having a daughter and I think of late-night talks over hot cups of cocoa, frenzied trips to the mall to pick out her prom dress, and bonding over matching mani-pedis on Mother's Day. Meanwhile, it's hard not to wonder if I'll be anything more than a spectator in my son's manly little life, pestering him to wash his hands, comb his hair, keep his hands off his crotch, thanklessly grooming him for some woman who's destined to turn him against me, because as we all know, a daughter's a daughter for all of her life, a son is a son 'til he takes a wife. Which isn't true all of the time, but let's face it. Don't most of you ladies take charge of family holidays, schedule your weekend plans, and generally hold final veto power when it comes to deciding whether or not the kids can spend the night with your mother-in-law?
I suppose there's hope if he turns out to be gay, but that seems an odd thing to pray for.
With time, I've grown comfortable with the idea of having a boy. As the oldest of five, I sometimes wished for an older sibling, and it was always a brother. I liked the idea of having someone around who wanted to watch over me but had zero interest in borrowing my shoes. Plus, my friends with boys seem to have such a good time with their planes and trains and automobiles. I can do that. I want to do that. I want to take whichever path holds the most excitement, the most adventure, the most promise for my child, and if that happens to be laden with snips and snails, then by George, I'll snip and snail with the best of them.
As we get ready for the big day, I'm less concerned about what this baby's gender is and more excited about just plain knowing what kind of person I'm carrying in my uterus. To begin putting a face to one of the names we've chosen, to stop using generic pronouns like "it," to buy clothing completely devoid of green and yellow undertones will be a welcome joy and help us prepare for the long journey ahead.
Still, though, just in case, would it really be so wrong for a boy to own a few Nancy Drews?
I actually read more Hardy Boys than I did Nancy Drew...so I think it's totally acceptable.
It's funny, like you, I always grew up wanting a girl. It wasn't until this past year that I thought, huh...it might ACTUALLY be pretty cool to have a boy!! I had never even given it much thought, but after seeing Edgar's nephew I decided having a boy might not be so bad after all. It would be different certainly, but not bad. I can't wait to hear what the gender of your little one is...you'll tell us ASAP, RIGHT?!!!!
Posted by: Lindsey | July 10, 2007 at 02:47 PM
What a great post. I can't believe it's time to find out the gender. I'll be anxiously awaiting your return tomorrow. You'll post as soon as you know, RIGHT?!
And for the record, there must be something wrong with me. I always wanted a boy. Maybe because my mom never knew what to do with me as far as "girly stuff" went. I knew I would fail in that same regard.
Anyway, I'm excited for you guys.
Posted by: Isabel | July 10, 2007 at 03:14 PM
I can't wait for tomorrow! I'm looking forward to it as much as I am Mia's birthday. Come on Freke, for once in your life it's going to be okay to show people what you've got.
This was such a good post. You really had me laughing during parts of it.
With one of each, I can honestly say that they are both special in their own right, a boy and a girl. No matter the gender, there is nothing like a hug and a kiss from your baby. I'm so excited for you to have that one day soon.
Posted by: Silly Hily | July 10, 2007 at 03:22 PM
I think most women feel the same way as you--unless they were hell-on-wheels as teen girls, then they usually pray for a boy ;) I've always wanted a girl, but (and this will sound weird) I have two dogs now and the boy dog is much sweeter and more lovable than the girl dog, and that's the first thing that ever opened my eyes to the fact that not all boys are gross, sweaty, and mean, and I love him just as much as I would have loved a girl. And yes, I learned this from my dog. I told you it was weird!
Posted by: Angela | July 10, 2007 at 03:55 PM
What a great week - 18 week belly profiles in maternity clothes!, and then this. If Freke plays coy, is that going to be an indication of personality? And do we switch to Frekette for a girl?
I also wanted an older brother, for the same reasons as you. Plus, once I hit puberty, there was the desire to have his friends to date. Because my older brother wouldn't dare be anything but Mr. Popular at school - hey if I'm dreaming I might as well dream well.
Posted by: VirginiaGal | July 10, 2007 at 04:06 PM
either way you can compromise...Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys Super Mysteries are fun for the whole family!
Posted by: Rachel C | July 10, 2007 at 04:15 PM
My husband wants a boy, of course. I want one of each, so I don't care which comes first, but if we end up having a girl, you know the pressure will be on when it comes time for the second child. Can't wait to hear if it's ginger and spice or snakes and snails! :)
Posted by: Marriage-101 | July 10, 2007 at 04:20 PM
I can't wait for tomorrow! It's funny -- growing up with an older brother I always wanted a sister. I saw my friends who had younger brothers, and it seemed like older sisters tended to nurture and care for younger siblings, which looked like a nice change from the fighting my brother and I always did. But then we grew up and became good friends and when I married Tim I got 2 sisters (and a really good husband!) out of that deal. So I think things will work themselves out eventually, no matter what type of person Freke (or Freke-ette) is.
You look super cute in that maternity top, by the way!
Posted by: Audrey | July 10, 2007 at 04:43 PM
I have only girls so my experience is, clearly, limited. I do very much love buying girl clothes and shoes and my kids love clothes and shoes and makeup and nail polish and all that girly stuff that I do.
On the other hand, I would love the have a boy. I love watching football and NASCAR and most other sports, so I don't feel like with a boy, I would be left out.
My best friend has a son and, let me tell you, he loves his mom!!!! He would rather spend time with her than with his dad.
Either way, you'll be happy and be a wonderful mommy!
Posted by: Rachel | July 10, 2007 at 04:54 PM
My plan is to be really, reeeeally nice to my daughters-in-law, and hope for the best.
Those things you wrote about little girls are the exact reasons that made me think a girl would be best when I was pregnant with KJ. But I quickly learned that there is something so precious about a little boy, and there really is something special about a mother-son bond. When we learned that Icky Bobo was a Jackson Gregory, I was actually relieved. Because boys? Really are an easy and fun species to care for, and two boys are even better than one. :o)
On the other hand, girls are so much fun with ponies and barbies and baby dolls and hair to style.
Can't wait for tomorrow!
Posted by: Molly | July 10, 2007 at 04:54 PM
Since I was a bit of a pain for my parents and knew of some other girl children that seemed to be brats and since Daddy D was the model child, my pregnant self thought that boys would be easier than girls.
I anxiously await the news too.
I like the other Molly's plan to be reeeeally nice to my daughters-in-laws, which is rather easy because they are reeeeeally nice to me.
Take care.
Posted by: mjd | July 10, 2007 at 05:33 PM
You've definitely got the right attitude! I cried when I found out my first was a boy. I felt really guilty, but nevertheless, tears came. I had no clue what to do with a boy (I only had a sister, and of course I'm a girl). But of course it worked out wonderfully, and now that I'm expecting our 3rd boy, I wonder what on earth I would ever do with a girl!
Posted by: Katie | July 10, 2007 at 05:49 PM
Heck no it's not wrong for a boy to enjoy Nancy Drew. And snips and snails aren't the exclusive domain of boys. My babe looks way better in blue than she does in pink, actually, IMHO. If I like the pjs with airplanes or monkeys on them better than the pjs with the pepto-pink pretty princesses on them, I go for the blue. It is easier to put a girl in blue than it is to put a boy in pink, though. I like to think that I'll put the son we hope to have next time in (some of) his big sis's old pjs, like the pink ones with the frog-faced toes! Why not? It's fun to mess with people's expectations.
It is nice to know who you're carrying around-- we'll cross our fingers that Freke won't be crossing anything during your appointment. ;)
Posted by: Ken and Belly | July 10, 2007 at 08:07 PM
Oh good luck, and just for the heck of it I'll send positive pink thoughts your way tomorrow...you can send me the positive blue thoughts (or the flamboyantly purple thoughts if indeed I am carrying a wee queen). I just had the 19 week ultrasound yesterday and that damn Tech would NOT tell us the sex! In fact, he lied and said he can't see it before 24 weeks. Which I know to be a lie since I work at the hospital and talked to his boss's boss last week to ensure that it is possible to see the sex if the baby cooperates. I'll say this for your privatized health care in the U.S. - at least when you're paying the bill you have more control over your own information!Can't wait to see how it goes!
Posted by: glickers | July 10, 2007 at 08:59 PM
Mystery book wise as a kid, I dove right into Sherlock Holmes (well, I am kind of a wierdo, but you knew that).
As someone who is not a parent, but an adult man who has always had a good relationship with my parents, I must echo Molly in a way.
I guess we all have different relationships with our fathers and mothers, and this is doubtless conditioned by our gender and all the received perceptions that implies.
All I can say is that there is no one on this planet that knows me as well as my mom, and there is no one for whom I feel as close a bond as with my mom. She didn't work when we were little and she was the on the spot parental "first-responder" in all situations.
I have always felt that it is really something special, the love that develops between mother and son...I respect, honor and cherish my father, but when it comes to certain things, even I still want my mommy. Also, I would do anything for my mom...if she asked me to kill, I would without question because she would not ask something serious if she didn't mean it.
I'm sure the both of you can rise to any situation.
Posted by: Alexander Pavlovich Romanov, Autocrat of All the Russias | July 11, 2007 at 12:44 AM
Oooh, exciting! I'm can't wait for you to share... (you are going to share, right?). Sending wide open leg thoughts your way (erm, the baby's legs that is...)(Parentheses, anyone?)
Posted by: Kathie | July 11, 2007 at 05:46 AM
Holy crap. The whole future-daughter-in-law thing had my head spinning and then I remembered I have a son and will face this eventually...yeesh! And I too always wanted an older brother, I figured my only-child status was safe with that wish since it was impossible (then when I was 8 years old and my dad told me he had been married once before I was like "DID YOU HAVE ANY KIDS?!" (he didn't) and I kind of dropped the whole older brother thing).
I too felt like once we were 99% sure of the sex, it was easier to bond with the baby and imagine the future. Although it wasn't until he crowned that I believed it was an actual baby in there.
Posted by: Erika | July 11, 2007 at 08:35 AM
I'm so excited for you! I think you'll do great no matter what the baby's gender is. Maybe after you find out you'll be better able to imagine having a boy, if that's what little Freke is.
Posted by: Fraulein N | July 11, 2007 at 09:57 AM
When we first learned that our Cubby was, indeed, a Henry I was beyond excited.
I would have loved that baby if it was both a boy and girl all at once, but secretly (okay, maybe not so secretly) hoping for a boy. Mostly because I'm not much of a girlygirl and wouldn't really know how to raise a girl. I could, however, raise a darn fine tomboy!
Anyways, when we found it was a Henry, my friend Carolyn sent me a beautiful card with the inscription "Never will you be so adored as you are by your son."
And truer words have never been spoken.
Posted by: Liz | July 11, 2007 at 10:00 AM
You have a very good balance of gender thoughts. Knowing gender ahead of the birth does point the way into the future. But, it does not determine the future. That is worked out as it unfolds
Posted by: daddy d | July 11, 2007 at 10:45 AM
The suspense is killing me!!!
I always wanted a girl first and was lucky enough to get it. Like you, I figured I knew how girls worked...and I knew nothing about boys. Since I now have one of each I couldn't be more happy! My little boy is so fun and loves me :) and my daughter does all kinds of girly stuff with me!
Posted by: Debbie | July 11, 2007 at 12:05 PM
The suspense is killing me. I was sure you had mentioned what time your appointment was and sure enough there it was. There is a 2 hr time difference so you should be posting soon. I know whatever the baby is that you are gonna be thrilled. You look so cute in your maternity clothes.
Posted by: debi | July 11, 2007 at 02:09 PM
My first was girl. She came home from the hospital in pink. Pink, pink, pink. Pink frilly dresses, Mary Janes in every color, color coordinated pacifiers and "brain squeezers" (those elastic bands mommies stick on their little girls's heads to keep people from saying what a cute boy they have) and I was in little girl heaven! Then she started pushing Barbie around in her Tonka dump truck. Her Elmo purse was brimming with Hot Wheels. She wore high heels with her huntin' camo. She was really the best of both worlds. She was our experiment.
Next was a boy. Who is all boy. 100% boy. Noisy, dirty, freckle-faced boy who will always love his momma best.
Finally, the girl. The foo-foo girl. She is girl to the core. Today she wore a torquoise tank top, jean shorts, headband with cherries all over it, a string (or seven) of my old twist beads from grade school, a gaudy bracelet and her brand new open toe, pink with white polka dots, sling back, "high heel" shoes complete with gigantic pink gauzy bow. Oh and about 12 layers of pink eye shadow and glitter lip gloss.
No matter what you have, you'll have fun. I never dreamed a boy would be so amazing, but at the same time, I don't think I realized how amazing girls were either. Until I owned a few of my own.
Posted by: Redneck Diva | July 17, 2007 at 08:15 PM