Pop goes the baby and the baby goes pop!
(Please tell me somebody else can name this tune and that I'm not alone in my fondness for early-nineties rap.)
Things continue to get better around here. Thanks to my recent raise and HR's willingness to compensate me from my original June 13th hire date, today's paycheck was padded with an extra grand. Whoopee! And just in time, too, because last month's credit card statement is due in the mail any day, and vacations and new furniture don't exactly pay for themselves. Plus, our DSL connection finally turned on last night, which saves me from the fury that is dealing with AT&T.
I'm really looking forward to this weekend. My sisters Samantha and Ryan are driving down today for an overnight visit, and Luke and I just need to hang up our pictures and set up our (read: my) knick knacks to stick a fork in this apartment. Well, except for a couple of boxes of Luke's stuff in our bedroom, but those are his problem, not mine.
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CHAPTER THIRTEEN - JENNA
It was pitch black when I awoke on Christmas morning. I climbed out of bed as quietly as I could, but Michael got up anyway. "Merry Christmas," he said softly, reaching for my hand. I pulled away and hauled the huge bag of presents out from under the bed.
"Let's just get this done," I said flatly. He sighed and followed me into the living room, where our Christmas Tree stood. I knelt down and gazed at the ornaments. My eyes fell upon a yellow star with a family portrait pasted in the middle. I held it in my hands. The picture was old; the twins were only toddlers then, and Katherine about six.
"Jenna, let's talk."
I stiffened. "We have some work to do." I started to remove the gifts and arrange them under the tree. He grabbed my arm. "Stop! Just stop!"
"The kids'll wake up," I warned.
"Fine." He lowered his voice. "You've been ignoring me for the past couple of months, and I want to know why."
"Figure it out."
"I can't! What did I do?" He was lying; I saw it in his eyes. He knew I knew.
[Oh, this man has some big, hairy balls, doesn't he, folks? He's too cowardly to own up to his mistakes, so he places the responsibility of revealing his affair squarely on Jenna's shoulders. Although really, it's probably less about that and more about the fact that lil' Frema didn't truly understand the complicated dynamics behind Infidelity, Guilt, and Troubled Marriages.]
"Do you honestly think I'm so stupid that I'm not able to figure out what's going on?" I whispered sharply.
"What is going on?"
[Huge balls. GIGANTIC balls. Fitting for a dickhead.]
"You ass! You fucking ASS!" I screamed. "You've been having an affair! Screwing some whore!"
"Now wait a minute--" Michael started to protest, but I silenced him with a look. "If you even try to deny it, I'll walk out that door so fast you won't even see my shadow."
[When I was a kid, I was always fascinated by interrupted dialogue. Take The Wizard of Oz. Right after Glinda places the ruby slippers on Dorothy's feet and instructs her to follow the yellow brick road, Dorothy says, "But how can I--?" and Glinda cuts her off, repeating, "Just follow the yellow brick road." For years, YEARS I tell you, I wondered about the question Dorothy had planned to ask. "How can I tell if I'm going the right way?" "How can I get home?" Until I realized that the line was part of a script and therefore probably never finished in the first place. Duh, lil' Frema.
Anyway, as I look as Michael's unfinished sentence, I wonder what he could possibly have to say. "Now wait a minute, I've never paid her for sex"? "Now wait a minute, I may be cheating on you, but really she's a lovely woman"? "Now wait a minute, my delicate ears cannot handle such foul language"? It's not like he can deny her accusation or even defend himself at all.
Moving on.]
A muffled sob got my attention. "Oh, god," I whispered.
"Lucas? Leigh?" called Michael, rising to his feet and heading toward their rooms. "Katherine?" I was fast on his heels.
Leigh was crying hard, and Lucas was with her, cradling her in his arms. His eyes were also teary. "It's OK," he kept saying. "It's OK."
Katherine was in the corner on the floor, embracing her knees. "They're doing it again, Katrina." She was shaking her head, staring intently at the empty space in front of her. "They think we're stupid, that we can't see what's going on. It really doesn't matter anymore, anyway." She smiled. "I miss you inside. I feel so lonely, knowing you're not with me, but it feels like you never left. You're my best friend."
[Talking to the spirit of your dead fetus. One of those pesky side effects Planned Parenthood failed to include in their brochure.]
"Shut up!" I yelled at her, confused by her blabber.
"Don't yell at her!" Michael retorted.
"Stop it! Please!" Lucas cried. "Look what you're doing to us!"
Everybody got quiet.
"You think we're stupid, but we're not! We see it. We know what's gonna happen! Why don't you level with us and tell the truth?"
"Baby." I reached for him, but he held on to his sister, who was gazing at him with great admiration.
"You wanna know what's going on? Your father has decided I'm not a good enough wife. He's found a wonderful slut to fill my shoes!"
"You don't talk that way about me, ever! Especially in front of MY kids!" Michael screamed, slapping me. I belted him right back.
"Oh! I'm sorry. They know the truth now!"
He yanked my hair. I yelped and kneed him in the crotch.
[How can they be lovers if they can't be friends? How can they start over when the fighting never ends?]
"Stop fighting. Leave each other alone!" Katherine came running, trying to intercede, but she had terrible timing. I had just been about ready to kick Michael's stomache. My daughter knocked him out of the way, and my foot crushed her in the belly and lower abdomen. She screamed and went flying, falling over Leigh's desk. Glass trinkets fell on top of her, splinters moving in all directions. Horrified, I watched as Katherine's stomache rumbled and burst, watery liquid gushing between her legs.
[How does a stomach(e) rumble? Let me count the imaginary ways.]
In no time, Michael was on the phone, talking to the paramedics. I knelt beside her. "I'm so sorry," I choked, my voice breaking. "I'm so sorry."
She looked at me with sad eyes. "Momma, Katrina's coming after all."
"Who's Katrina?" I asked her. She closed her eyes.
"Don't touch her. The ambulance will be here in a few minutes," Michael said. He looked on the verge of saying something, but stayed quiet.
"She's pregnant," I whispered in shock, staring at the mess surrounding her. "Katrina's her baby."
"You're lying! Kathy wouldn't do that," Lucas cried, looking devastated. "She's too smart."
"Will she be OK, Mom?" Leigh asked tearfully. "She's gotta be. I don't have any other sister."
"Neither do I," Lucas said softly. "I mean, not like Katherine," he added when Leigh punched him, hurt.
[...And a noble attempt by lil' Frema to lighten the mood falls flat on its face.]
The doors burst open [more bursting!] and men in white uniforms came in with a stretcher. They gently put Katherine on it. We all rushed out with them to the ambulance. "Who's riding with her?"
"I am," I said, pushing Michael aside. "Make sure the twins are dressed warm, then follow in the car," I told him. He nodded and forcefully led the kids back in the house.
-------
There you have it. Michael has revealed himself to be the biggest asshole in the history of the universe and Jenna has finally embraced her inner rage. We should all be so lucky to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus this way.
Next week: The moment we've all been waiting for. Jenna and Kayla meet again! Be sure to bring cookies.
These poor kids. These poor, poor kids.
Michael does have some massive balls. But then again, all men who think they can have two women at one time do or they would never have a wife and a whore on the side to begin with.
As much of an asshole Michael is, Jenna doesn't fair too well either calling his cheating ass out in front of the kids. Now, now...they don't need to know about his whore. Leave them out of it.
Oh the irony (and confusion) here. Jenna, who's baby was killed by Kayla, kills Kayla's baby's baby. Is she going to take out Kayla's new baby as well? Can she make it two ladies and gents? We shall see.
Holy crap I can't wait for next week but then again, the end is near boohoohoo.
Posted by: Silly Hily | July 06, 2007 at 03:01 PM
Wooo!! To be fair though, can anyone in this story (ok, any of the adults) actually accuse anyone else of being an asshole? To get a bit biblical, splinter in someone else's eye, not noticing the log in your own etc. I wasn't aware that miscarrying involved a lot of ambiotic fluid either... I mean, I never thought about what happened to it before... How long is it since the drug overdose induced miscarriage anyway?
Posted by: Kathie | July 06, 2007 at 03:05 PM
Somehow I missed last week's TLF! Now I just can't get past the "There's still something swimming around in there" line... GOLDEN.
Posted by: Operation Pink Herring | July 06, 2007 at 03:07 PM
What is.....
Third Base?
Posted by: SJ | July 06, 2007 at 03:16 PM
I'm with Kathie, when was the OD?....I could use a visual aid timeline (and am just too darned tired today to do it myself).
And damn, is anyone more crazy than Katherine? Well, maybe your mom, but still, babbling on the stairs. Her half-brother really did a number on her.
I also can't wait until Jenna finds out that Kayla is the other woman....again!
Posted by: David McNelis | July 06, 2007 at 03:18 PM
SJ: 3rd Bass! Very good!
(FYI: I totally didn't remember the group's name and had a hell of a time finding it on Yahoo! Damn nursery rhymes!)
Kathie and David: I think it's been a month or two since the overdose, but the story doesn't clarify. I don't think lil' Frema intended for very much time to pass in between.
Posted by: Frema | July 06, 2007 at 03:34 PM
The best is that this is all happening on Christmas morning. Way to really screw up your kids for the rest of their lives.
(And where is the Baby Jesus? Why is he not looking over this sad family on this most Holy of days?!)
Um yeah, so is Kathrine having her baby? What the crap? Isn't she only like 4 weeks along? Creepy.
Posted by: Isabel | July 06, 2007 at 03:48 PM
My head assplode from all of this!!!! Ahhhhhhh! Holy crap! I don't even know where to begin. I guess Michael's be wanting to slap the shit outta Jenna since they were teenagers, huh? Probably wasn't expecting her to kick his ass though.
I cannot believe they would do all that in front of their kids. Why is it that Leigh is the only one that is bothered by the fact that Katherine is sitting there talking to herself?
I am on edge waiting for next week!
Posted by: Rachel | July 06, 2007 at 04:33 PM
Oh, holy crap. How does Michael buy pants with enough crotch room to house those ginormous balls of his?
I can't wait for next week. I have a feeling the proverbial shit is going to hit the fan (but hopefully nobody will be rubbing it all over their faces this time).
Posted by: Audrey | July 06, 2007 at 04:36 PM
It would not be TLF if the airing of the affair didn't happen on Christmas morning, and then spark the death of yet another baby. Popping! More popping! I have a feeling poor little Katrina's not going to make it. There's something very All My Children Janet-esque about Katherine's crazy conversations with Katrina. When she speaks to Katrina, I can't help but picture Janet (Natalie) in a dark bobbed wig and glasses, throwing (her sister) down into a well. (No fear! Natalie lived and then something happened to her and Trevor ended up with Janet from another planet anyway.) Please tell me you remember this storyline - it's classic early 90's AMC.
I can't WAIT for next week!!
Posted by: Molly | July 06, 2007 at 05:15 PM
Holy crap! What a week!!!
And with this line, right here:
""Baby." I reached for him, but he held on to his sister, who was gazing at him with great admiration."
You've left yourself with a perfect opening for the sequel in which two twins are unable to deny their growing, and TABOO, attraction to one another. Brilliant!
Posted by: Angela | July 06, 2007 at 05:19 PM
That Michael... definitely needed the kick in the balls. Damnit, Katherine, getting in the way like that.
(And I've been totally staring at the rumble & burst stomach sentence for five minutes, and I still don't get it. Lil Frema is much cleverer than I.)
Posted by: alyndabear | July 07, 2007 at 12:34 AM
And the hits! Just! Keep! On! Coming!
I'm sorry, was that inappropriate? :-) But these people seem to be the Reigning Family of Inappropriateville!
Also, I love Angela's idea for the third installment. So VC Andrews I could die.
Posted by: Fraulein N | July 08, 2007 at 02:13 PM
i am waiting for the 11th, I am so excited.
love auntie
Posted by: auntie betty | July 08, 2007 at 08:51 PM