Tell me I need a medium and it'll be the last sentence you utter.

Oh, Internet. I am a crabby, crabby woman.

Part of it is the craptacular sleep I've been getting lately. Neck cramps from using even one damn pillow to support my head. Pee breaks every hour and a half. The agony that is laying down on the mattress in the first place, because if my body suspects even for a second that I want to lay on my back, it's like a thousand-pound weight has been dropped onto my chest and I'm grunting like one of those Orcs in Lord of the Rings.

Luke's been a good sport and swears my thrashing about doesn't bother him, but I'm wondering how much longer I've got before he banishes me to our yet-to-be-used sleeper sofa. Or leaves me permanently in search of greener, less pregnant pastures.

The other part is juggling my work load. It continues to get better, though, which I attribute to dragging my ass into the office before nine-thirty to get a head start on my day. You eight o'clockers are probably cursing me out right now, but my work schedule is so flexible that I could really show up at any time (or work from home), so long as my productivity doesn't suffer. I usually thrive on later hours, but these days all I care about is ending my day as soon as possible so I can eat peanut butter ice cream and take lots of naps.

This week is particularly busy, but there'll be a silver lining come three o'clock this Friday, when I can deliver a ginormous proposal downtown. I may reward myself with tickets to a Tori Amos concert--another issue causing me a great deal of inner turmoil.

I was introduced to Little Earthquakes on a spiritual retreat in high school at the tender age of seventeen and was immediately taken by her vivid imagery, the way her voice could be both brutal and tender, the manner in which her fingers moved over piano keys. So what if I couldn't interpret most of the lyrics? Lines like "Maybe she's just pieces of me you've never seen" blew me the eff away.

My confusion deepened with each album I discovered, along with my musical infatuation, and except for a brief time in high school where I debated chucking Boys for Pele because I feared listening to track number four would secure my spot in Hell (to this day I skip that one, it creeps me out that much), I remained a devoted fan into my college years. Sophomore year my friend and I scored tickets at the last minute for her show with Alanis Morissette, and I was so excited about going to MY FIRST CONCERT and it was to see TORI FREAKING AMOS, OH MY GOD that I cried in my dorm room for twenty minutes.

Anyway. I bought everything of hers I could get my hands on until 2001, after the release of Strange Little Girls, a cover album I actually really enjoyed, but the rest of her stuff after that was too weird for me and I gave up trying to figure it out. It warms my heart to know she's still around, but I don't follow her current career.

At least, I didn't until I learned she was coming to Indy this November. Indy, of all places! The woman who brought "Snow Cherries from France" into my life will be performing in my own backyard.

For forty bucks a pop. And therein lies the dilemma because, in case you didn't know, Luke and I are having a baby this December. I can think of a million ways to spend eighty dollars that don't involve sitting in a packed theater and wading through lines of sweaty strangers to use the john every eight minutes, all to hear a play list that'll be mostly unfamiliar to me.

On the other hand, Luke and I are having a baby this December, and this may be the last time in my twenties that we can attend a concert worry-free. Plus, with her cult following, isn't Tori mandated to include a good number of tried-and-true fan favorites in her set?

What's a girl to do?

(Also, are you still with me? I realize this entry is horribly fragmented, but it's been so long, so very very long!)

-------

Hmmm. When I started this entry, I was very crabby. But I'm not crabby anymore. And if you want to know the truth, what really ticked me off more than any of the shit I just mentioned was an encounter I had with one of my coworkers this afternoon right before leaving the lab. I was waiting to drop something off for the receptionist when one of my coworkers (the omelet guy! Yes!) happened to be walking down the hallway. He saw me, stopped, furrowed his brow, and smiled.

The hell? I thought, but I smiled back anyway. That's when he said it.

"When are you due?"

Red spots danced before my eyes.

"December. December 10."

Pause.

"You sure?"

The spots turned into stars. Glorious, yellow-brick-road stars with flames bursting from each point. I sincerely wished for one of the points to embed itself into Omelet Guy's skull.

Shit. My "That's not nice" line is totally out of place here.

"You know, my doctor says I'm measuring perfectly. I don't know why I get all these comments about my size," I said.

He cocked his head as if lost in thought. "Mabye it's the shirt," he finally concluded, and then he was out of sight, continuing his stroll down the empty corridor.

(Insert mouth agape emoticon here.)

Internet, I am not crazy. I really am measuring perfectly at the doctor's office. At twenty-eight weeks, my uterus was twenty-eight centimeters (not inches, thanks, Katie). Upgrading my shirt size will not change how the cotton clings to my belly, a belly that is FILLED WITH A CHILD WHO IS ALMOST THREE POUNDS, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME.

I do not look nine months pregnant.

Do I?

You realize, of course, the above question was totally rhetorical.

Comments

[KARA!]

I totally love Tori too, but I don't feel the deep connection to her music like I did with Little Earthquakes, Under the Pink, and the other early ones... She is coming in concert close to here and I was debating if I should go too. I need to save the money, but I know I would enjoy the show!

[Joanne]

You look adorable and perfect, please. You have to just ignore these fools. I could not believe the things people said to me when I was pregnant the first time, it made me rethink *everything* I had ever said to a pregnant woman. Personally, I think when someone is small and slender to begin with, they can look so different pregnant that people are shocked into saying rude things. I am taller and broader in general, so I just sit around *hoping* I look pregnant and not just fat, here at 24 weeks.

And I am here to tell you GO TO THE CONCERT. My husband and I were engaged in the summer of 2003, married in the summer of 2004, and by our first anniversary had a six week old infant. We NEVER go anywhere anymore, at least not the same way we used to. Go, Godspeed! Have fun! Enjoy it while you can! Could I use more exclamation points?!

[Molly]

You look fabulous. Just about to give birth looks like hell on Earth, and you're definitely not there yet. :o)

Also, GO to the concert. Sure, there are other things to spend money on, but in the grand scheme of things? I have been to TWO concerts in my five years of parenting (Jimmy Buffett - Woot!) I have been to ZERO concerts and ZERO movie theaters since having the second child, almost two years ago. This opportunity will not be the same opportunity when you are paying for diapers and feeling guilty for leaving her IF you can find a sitter for that block of time.

JMHO, you know.

[Becca]

You should GO! You deserve a treat. Or at least buy the tickets. If you don't feel up to it later there's always Ebay. But you probably will feel up to it and have a great time. I attended a Halloween party dressed as "Pregnant Brittany" like a week before Charlie was born.

But also, try not to worry about the future and whether or not you'll be able to do fun things like concerts. You will!

[Carrisa]

Go see Tori. If you have the energy. Lord knows I would see her if I had the chance.

Boys For Pele was actually the first one of her albums I owned. Hey Jupiter still rocks my world.

And you look adorable. Your baby is perfectly healthy. That's all that matters.

[Katie]

Well, I have to say - if you're measuring 28 INCHES, then I'm afraid you're the biggest pregnant lady I've ever seen ;-) I think it's measured in centimeters :-D

I'm sending you a picture of myself at 40.5 weeks pregnant. You look nowhere near 40 weeks, based on my 40-week size :-)

[Kelly]

You know what you'll look even more fabulous in? A Tori Amos concert t-shirt. I'm just saying. :)

[mjd]

The ever beautiful girl and her guy should go see Tori Amos in concert.

[Operation Pink Herring]

Go to the concert. Then kick that guy in the face. If it makes you feel any better, I've been asked when my due date is twice. I have never been pregnant. Thanks for the potbelly gene, great grandma!

[Liz]

Go to the concert. Period.

And? You look fantastic. And whoever it was up there that said that About to Give Birth looks like hell, you're totally not there yet...is absolutely right. You look adorable!

[[and i want to rub that belly!]]

Okay. Now: go to the concert. You won't be doing too much for yourself for the foreseeable future. Why not do it now? Please. And a full write-up is expected.

[eva]

You look perfect. And I'm very jealous that you only pee every hour and a half.

[wolfbaby]

lemme slam omlet guys head into the floor a little for ya ok? idget

he should be preggers and carry round a baby and hear what idgets like him utter . . jerk!!!

your beatiful your belly is beatiful and the perfect size.. trust me i know im fat and well was just fatter as a pregnant girl ya know.

i got that my gosh your about to pop comment alot when i was preggers hey it's not my fault im only 5'2'' :P

go to the concert.. enjoy!! have fun.. party it up while you can. please for me. I have two kids and NEVER go anywhere cause i just can't leave them without feeling guilty about i coulda bought the girls toys with that money or i coulda bought cloths for them etc.. then there is the whole speration anxiety issue and i don't mean theres *blush*

enjoy ok.. have fun and you look perfect and beatiful!!

[Liz]

What! Pregnant? You don't look pregnant at all. At most you look like you've had an especially generous and delicious lunch.

Confidential to Asshole Omelet Man: Frema will eventually return to her normal size but I'm afraid you're stuck with your terrible personality forever.

[ambitious mrs]

I scored free ticket to Tori Amos from my old job at a radio station (and got to meet her! But that's another story.) I really really enjoyed the show, even though like you, I hadn't bought an album recently because they all seem a little too weird. Having recently become a mommy who can't do anything without (adorable) baby attached to her boob - I say GO TO THE CONCERT. I mean it seriously when I say it will be a long long time till you have this oppurtunity again. Plus, Tori puts on a suprisely entertaining show.

[Diana]

I went to a Tori Amos concert when I was pregnant! It was (oh my god) about eleven years ago, and I remember thinking Tori was a good concert choice because there would most likely be a low amount of pot smoke in the air.

[Sadie]

I think you look completely adorable and glowy and not at all like you're full term.

"That's not nice" would've worked after "maybe it's the shirt" if he hadn't walked away. Asshat.

[Kris H.]

You look PERFECTLY fine!!! The people you work with need to get over themselves!! Next time, instead of "That's not nice", you should try, "BITE ME!"

[Rachel]

You DO NOT look 9 months pregnant!! You look really really great!! Perfect!

Kick that asshat in the shins next time.

[VirginiaGal]

What ever week of pregnancy you are, you look glowing and happy and gorgeous. (and I seriously wish my arms were as skinny as yours, ahem)

So does this wonderful specimen of manhood have kids? Maybe he is comparing you to his wife who didn't show much even at full term (there are some women who never really look pregnant)? I'm trying to be charitable here, but it still was an incredibly dumb comment on his part.

[Dawn]

A friend of mine had a similar experience with size comments while she was pregnant (culminating in everyone asking, "Are they twins? Are you SURE?" by the time she actually was 9 months pregnant), and now I think I know why: both you and her are, in your normal, non-knocked-up states, fairly petite people. So, put a normal-size pregnancy on a slightly-smaller-than-normal person, and ta-da! You look like you have big huge belly. Not that it means everyone needs to ASK you about it, but that might be part of why (aside from the fact that they were clearly raised in a barn).

For the record, you look wonderful. Clearly pregnant, but not, like, "Take cover! She's about to blow!" or anything. Perfectly normal for where you are.

[Katie]

Not at all. You look just perfect. I just saw my cousin who is due on October 1st on Saturday. My Cousin: Looks nine months pregnant. Frema: Does not look nine months pregnant.

[Michelle]

I am of the opinion that people do not know what a nine-months-pregnant woman looks like in general unless they live with one or know one personally. People are always blown away by how big you are at 6,7 months - when you have so much longer to go. The (female) human body is capable of stretching to MASSIVE LENGTHS, and please don't make us feel worse about our bodies doing a natural, wonderful, beautiful thing. Jackasses.

Also, exactly with you on Tori Amos, from the line from Tear In Your Hand (!!) to the squidginess about Track Four to thinking she's just got a little weird lately to WANTING SO BAD TO GO TO THAT CONCERT at the Murat but thinking there are so many better things we need to spend that money on.

I guess I'll just recite the words to "Jackie's Strength" into my hairbrush... again...

[Audrey]

I think you should find out what type of food Omelet guy hates and force-feed it to him. It's only fair.

Go to the concert. You deserve a treat for as hard as you've been working. It will be worth every penny, I'm sure of it.

And, as always, you look absolutely gorgeous!

[Ree]

You.are.too.cute. Omelet guy? Tell him that your eyes aren't below your boobs and he should just keep his thoughts to himself!

(I find shocking them works quite well!)

:-)

[Christin]

delurking to say you are super cute.

and also have nice hair. any chance you'd share your hair product regimen with the internet (or at least a random girl from the internet)? i have curly hair which looks strikingly like your and i was just wondering how you keep your curls so cute. mine are always crunchy.

[Jen]

Dude people are so rude! You look adorable- I bet that guy has a beer belly underneath it all!

And no, you do not look 9 month pregnant right now. This is 9 months pregnant: http://flickr.com/photos/jayesel/427349995/in/set-72157594324187530/

See? You will get lots bigger :) (does that help? heehee)

[Michelle Z]

I think you look great!

I saw this t-shirt online today on this site (http://www.jestations.com) after reading your post; you could give it a try - It says "Say I look like I'll pop and I'll pop you"

I'm sure it comes in a small!

[anne]

I have a girlfriend who is due at the same time and looks EXACTLY the same size as you.

[wilddreemer]

I think tight shirts make the bellay look sexay! So I love to wear tighter shirts and proudly boast my belly. Why should we walk around looking frumpy. No you don't look nine months you look right on schedule. Last week I got told from one person, I look fat, my jeans make me look fat and wow how much extra weight did you gain because you are just plain fat!

don't worry i totally handled the situation well, i went out and bought some pepperage farms cookies, a blackberry shake from jack in the box and some mini cheesecake! can you think of a better way to handle that!!!

[daddy d]

Go to the show. You two need a night out.

[Brie]

You look awesome.

And I think you should go to the concert.

[H]

You look perfect.

There came a point where I couldn't sleep in our bed anymore. I ended up moving down to the couch somewhere around 6 1/2 months and staying there until the babes were 6 weeks old (when we finally moved into the nursery and slept on the futon in their room until they were 6 months old). My husband felt bad that I couldn't sleep in our room anymore, so he moved downstairs to the other couch. It was very sweet of him and, fortunately for us, our couches are super comfy and pretty much the size of twin beds. Good luck with the sleep!

Splurge and go to the concert. You and Luke deserve it.

[Lindsey]

You know what? When I first started reading this post I thought to myself, it has been awhile since we've seen a picture! LOL...and then I kept reading!

Seriously, you look awesome and if I saw you on the street and had no idea, I would NOT think 9 months (so, even though it was rhetorical, I will still answer with a "no") I just can't believe that people can't find it in themselves to either shut the eff up or say something NICE. A "hey, you look great" probably would have been a much better response. jeeez. I'm not even pregnant and that stuff pisses me off.

Anyway, about the concert...just go! You know you wouldn't regret it and plus, it'll give you and Luke something fun to do together! (I'm so bossy!)

[Alexander Pavlovich Romanov, Autocrat of All the Russias]

As for the concert, go already. Freka needs to be exposed to rocking out as soon as possible. Apparently, my mother went to a concert when she was pregnant with me. What worries me is the choice of acts.

For it was the summer of 1977 and I attended the Chicago stop of the Hot August Night Tour. Yep...Neil Diamond.

As for "Omelet Guy," I can't help but say that this shows the downside of how open Americans are with each other. We will tell anyone anything...this is good and bad.

Here, I must admire the Europeans, who would never say things like that unless they really knew you well.

Oh, you look great, by the way.

[Jess]

You look fantastic. And the fact that the only thing that looks pregnant is your belly is pretty awesome. I swear, I'm going to find a photo of me at my baby shower, at 28 weeks, and email it to you. And you can see the glorious roundness and 35lb weight gain that was me at 28 weeks.

You do not look 9 months pregnant. You look perfect.

[May]

Yeah, I keep getting, "Are you SURE you're not having twins?" YES, I AM SURE, DAMMIT!
Isabel taught me a fun trick when people ask something personal and/or slightly insulting. Respond with, "Why do you ask?" Then watch them fumble over their words as they try to phrase the horrible point they're trying to make in a non-offensive way.
"Are you sure you're not having twins?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Because you're so freakin' huge, I mean...."
(And then everyone knows who the real ass is...)

[Miss W]

If you haven't made the decision yet, my vote is that you go to Tori. My son is nearing 2 and I haven't been out without him since his birth (could be my inability to trust anyone else with my boy and not something that would affect other people). We can eat anywhere we'd like, but concerts and movies are out.

I saw Tori at Deer Creek with Alannis when I was student teaching. INCREDIBLE! And since my family in Indy are the only ones I *would* trust to watch my boy, you now have me considering going home for a visit in Nov.

[HollowSquirrel]

Sorry so late on dropping by the site, but I had to tell you: you're super cute and do NOT look ready to pop. You look fabulous!