I don't think Samantha ever made it, either

At long last, it is here. The last day of NaBloPoMo.

I have to say, this year I disappointed myself. The first time around, I did a good job of writing about a variety of different things: sharing stories from my childhood, creating Tragic Love Friday, initiating the cheesy love song swap, blah blah blah. This year saw no such variety from me--it was pretty much all baby, all the time.

Then again, I'm about to have a baby. And that's what I think about. All the time. Surely you understand.

Today was one of my final days at the office, and even though I spent most of it cleaning out files and meeting with coworkers who'll be taking over my core duties while I'm on maternity leave, this whole experience still doesn't seem quite real. It reminds me of the years I spent in Girl Scouts when I was a kid, and every year our troupe visited a local pumpkin patch for a day of fright and fun. I'd never been to a pumpkin patch before, and the month leading up to the event I was always so excited I could wet myself.

(And sometimes I did.)

(Just kidding.)

Anyway, every year something happened that prevented me from going on the trip, and it was always my own fault. One time it was because I'd mouthed off to my mother the day before; the year after that, my sister and I were caught fighting in church THE MORNING OF. By the time I got my act together, I wasn't in Girl Scouts anymore. My pumpkin-patch ship had sailed.

Where am I going with all of this?

It's like the birth of this baby is some wonderful event being dangled in front of me like cheese to a mouse, an event so wonderful that it's too wonderful to actually come to fruition. Like I'm going to do something stupid--say, trip on a crack in the sidewalk or drop a coffee cup on my belly--and Freka will never be born. It's hard to comprehend that I will go into labor, that she will come out, that I will hold her in my arms and become a mother for the first time.

Her clothes are washed. Her room is ready. She has Christmas presents for her stocking and even one for under the tree. We've got enough newborn and size one diapers to last us the whole winter (or at least the first two weeks). What Luke and I don't have is a firm grasp on the notion that this baby, our baby, is actually coming.

But when she does? It'll be so much better than a romp through a pumpkin patch.

Comments

[Jenny]

I think this is like the 3rd time I was first to comment this week! Yea!

Congrats on getting through the month.

I can't wait for the moment to happen for you either! So how are we all going to find out when it's happening? Since Molly will be with you...

[Molly]

It will be better than a romp through a pumpkin patch. Though at times? Not an ounce less messy. :o)

[daddy d]

You are so ready in every way for the baby to come on out into the world. The whole out side awaits her coming out. Yea!

[Cazzie!!!]

I just skipped over and then came back to this blog of yors from the other blog of yours. I cannot believe that you will soon me a mum!!! And I had to laugh, we have an awesome store here called "Pumpkin Patch" and you said something about rompin through one!!! I can safely say that in time, if you did come over here with your little girl, she will get stuck in Pumpkin Patch Clothing like I do with my girls..it is so gorgeous!!!
Mia and Sarah are very excited for Christmas and so are my boys Tomas and Nicholas. Nick keeps laughing when I read the Christmas stories with St Nick in them..he thinks I named him after Santa!!
What is your due date again? I am getting very excited for you..and yes..it IS real!!!

[Becca]

Isn't it surreal? I still couldn't wrap my head around it the day I went in to be induced! It still seemed surreal when he came home from the hospital! Somewhere along the line it started to feel normal, but I don't remember when.

[liz]

i found your site through isabel's. i just had a baby in august, and i remember so well these feelings you describe. i remember the anticipation and the hurry-up attitude i had waiting for the labor to start, mixed with fear that it would never actually occur and i did all the waiting and gestating for nothing. good luck with yours.

[Christina]

I think its really great that you cant grasp it, that no one can explain how you both will feel. You have to feel it yourself, and its so amazing that I was glad that I couldnt prepare myself. I think you and Luke will be too! The only thing you can know for sure is Little Freka will rock your world. it is a beautiful thing.

[alyndabear]

I loved reading along from the sidelines last year for NaBloPoMo, and I've loved it this year too. Just wait until NEXT November, and all the almost-one-year-old stories you'll have to tell!

[Jess]

When I was 39 weeks preggers, one day while sitting at the kitchen table with the man, I burst into tears. Because I truly thought I'd be pregnant forever. I was worried that I was the ONE CASE in the history of mankind where my body wouldn't go into labor, and I'd be pregnant forever. And the doctor wouldn't help, because I was such a freak. And everyone would wonder why I was fat, and when the baby was finally born, it'd be a toddler.

Yeah. I'm obviously insane. Late term pregnancy brain does some weird crap to your thought processes. In a few weeks, you'll be all bleary-eyes, stinky, and not able to remember a moment where your life was missing a little person.

[Trilby]

Oh it's real. And she's coming. It seems surreal to me even now! All last year, all I could think was, "this time last year I was pregnant"... "sigh"... it goes by SO FAST. Here's to getting the swing together BEFORE you go into labor! :)

[Christar]

Yay! It's so soon now! I can't imagine how surreal it is for you guys. But she will be here! And if my guess is right, she'll be here in 2 days! ;)

[Rachel]

It's so hard to be patient! That "unreal" feeling will happen the next time too. I can't wait until you finally get to meet her and hold her in your arms.