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January 25, 2008

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Your kid IS wonderful. They ALL poop and fart and cry and that makes them wonderful. And those size tags on baby clothes? Are complete garbage. Even my (small kid subjected to repeated comments of "she's really tiny isn't she?") is wearing some 3 month items! Ridiculous.

Friction ... friction. The rubbing together of objects. In the physical world that happens a lot of time because of gravity. In the social world, it happen because some people like to show that they are some big- know-it-all-deal. The true is that they are not and that is why they are trying to be so know it all.

Prepare for much more bristling at others' choice of words. We were really poor this summer and were getting our food from a church-sponsored storehouse. My 3-year old was being a complete freak and throwing a huge fit. One of the ladies said "only good boys can have candy when they're done". I freaked out and went off about how he is still a good boy, even if he's throwing a fit. She was kind of shocked and stammered a bit. I was really embarrassed because my reaction was really over the top.

Good call, Daddy D.

I'm sure you realize this is never going to end, right? Because the second she is a toddler people will comment about how quiet she is in a particular moment, deeming her the angel of the universe, or if she's climbing something and making loud toddler-typical noises? Hellian.

I still get mad at myself for not having the right comebacks for people's unpleasant comments.

Just the other day one of our family members was visiting at our house, on a day that the boys decided would be The Longest Day of Fighting Over Toys Ever. On her way out at the end of the visit, yet another fight broke out over a toy train, and she commented, "There ya go. Have another one for them to fight with." This from someone related to us, no less. I almost threw up, it hurt my feelings so bad. Maybe I LIKE fighting children, I should have responded. Or, How awful of you, is what I wanted to say even more. But I gave an awkward smile like the jackass mother I am...

Darn people and their darn comments. There is hardly anyone who can keep their mouth shut. AND! You can never think of the perfect snappy comeback when they say them to you!

Hang in there, Frema, you're doing a pretty darn good job so far!

*squee* her hair! It's fabulous :o)

I always love Daddy D's comments...he is so cool.

Anyway, I can't believe some of the things people say! People are so rude and I am afraid it's never going to end. And it's not just with babies. When I first got engaged my clearly insecure, soon to be sister-in-law (Edgar's brother's wife) kept saying negative comments to me about choices I was considering for MY WEDDING. She kept comparing anything I said to what she did and twisting it to try to make herself sound better. It really hurt my feelings and also brought out my ugly competitive side. I decided that my wedding was not going to be based on a competition to do things better than someone else, but rather it would be based on what I want and what Edgar wants and what makes US happiest. Also, I realized that no matter what I do or how much "better" I do something, she is still going to twist it somehow to put me down. I'm sure it stems from jealousy or insecurity on her part and I can see that, but knowing that doesn't make what she says bother me any less. So I decided I would be very selective in what I shared with her in terms of my choices for the wedding. I've found that things have been much better since then.

I know I just rambled for a long time, but all of this was to say that people say stupid, rude things. The choices you have made for Kara so far have all been the right ones for you and your family. I really liked when you were pregnant and said "that wasn't very nice" when people made inappropriate comments. Maybe use similar tactics because I really think you were onto something with that. Maybe it'll make people think twice before they open their mouths.

And also, Kara is completely wonderful.

People don't think! ARGH! I am so sorry. I know you are doing great and you don't have to explain a single thing to anyone!

Babies cry and poop - that's just what they do. From my experience, people love to show off that they know a thing or two about babies, that's probably why they were saying those things. But you know about your daughter and you're doing a great job.

Recently after a rough flight with our baby that had been delayed until well past bedtime an airport employee said "she's got a bit of a temper" as she fussed while we tried to get her into the stroller. I really wish I would have decked her, or at least come up with a snappy comment. Instead I just said "it's been a long day."

Outsiders comments are totally irrelevant. Try hard to ignore them (or come up with killer come backs, whatever.)

I am going to echo everyone else - it only gets worse! Wait until it's all about, "Oh you let them eat that? Watch TV? Do they walk/talk yet? Oh they DON'T? Do they know all their letters and numbers? Oh. not quite? Hmmmm... tsk tsk...." And I am telling you, kids just do what they do. They have to go through the stages: tantrums, testing you, drama, tattling.. etc. It is how they learn & become a rounded human being. Can parents screw up their kids? sure. Can parents "parenting" mold them into anything but what they are? NO! :) Real parents know this. Become confident in yourself (you will in time) and smile while you say, "Yep - still fighting! She'll be in the mixed martial arts circuit by the time she's three!" (And she'll be the reigning champ!)

One of our first big trips was to the dentist too! I can relate, and I fully understand how any comments seem judgmental. (We had planned a homebirth and, trust me, there's a lot of judgment about that.) Our issue was that I had leaked through my nursing pads and didn't have another shirt. I looked ridiculous and felt stressed as I heard my hungry daughter waiting for me. (Bottle feeding has advantages, certainly.) It sounds like you had a great 'big' trip. :) And she is so cute, of course!

A trip to the dentist does sound like quite an adventure. Maybe, sometimes we say thoughtless comments because we say them without thinking.

Kara and the bear are quite photogenic.

I think you two are very brave indeed, and that is nothing against your baby. :) She is beautiful! It is too bad babies don't come with a manual but I'm sure your new suit will be feeling nice and comfy very soon!

Yay, Frema! You've developed your "mommy-claws" (we all have 'em)!

I personally think that of my three children, my third child (5 months old) is positively the easiest, most laid back baby ever. But, uh, that's just when she's with ME.

I don't know HOW many people, especially family, have commented things like "she must be colicky!", or "oh, you must have spoiled her", or "do you have to hold her ALL the TIME?".

And that is when my mommy-claws come out. "No, NOOOO", I say. "She is such a GOOD baby! All these people around must just be making her upset. She NEVER does this at home."

When my hubby got frustrated with her fussing the other night, I plucked her from his arms, cooing in her ear, and retreated to the other room, accusing him of "not liking the baby." Seems QUITE unreasonable now, but you understand, right? My baby is DELIGHTFUL AND ADORABLE AND PRECIOUS and nobody better even HINT at anything different. ;)

She IS wonderful! I remember feeiling exactly the same way, if Kelton was too fussy, or spit up, or well... anything but quiet, I got so nervous that I would have panic attacks. I didn't know what else to say except that, "He's a perfect baby to me!" or "Well, he IS a baby, and sometimes he cries." Most of the time I just ignored them though!

Fear not... I'm sure that you are the most wonderful mom that Kara could hope for!

God, she is so cute - and the hair, man, that hair - awesome. Is she using a certain product for that kind of volume?

Of course she is wonderful! Sometimes people do not know when to keep their mouths shut. It is like a gaping fish.....
Hang in there girl. Water off a duck's back and all that.

I have exactly the same thoughts as you, take the same offense to what are probably well-intentioned or off-hand comments and desperately want everyone to think R is as wonderful as I do. Which I suppose is not realistic. But it's comforting to see I'm not alone. Thanks.

Some people still make me want to kick them in the teeth when they say things about my kids!!! I guess you just have to take no class morons with a grain of salt though.

I just came across your blog for the first time. I followed a link from LizaWasHere's blog. I hope you don't mind my stopping by to read the adventures of you and your family! I wanted to pop a quick post after reading this entry to tell you how absolutely beautiful you baby girl is! Oh My Goodness at all the beautiful dark hair on her little head!! She is just beautiful ... absolutely beautiful!

Why do people say idiotic things some times? Babies cry. Not all of them are colicky. Geesh!

Plus, hello! Did he see her and her awesome adorableness? Outranks crying. Or poopy diapers.

awh! i love that kara is chillin' next to the bear that i got her! awesome! i love all 3 of you guys sooo much!

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Reminders

  • "The Lord is my helper,
    I will not be afraid.
    What can anyone do to me?"
    - Hebrews 13:6

    "The best way out is always through."
    - Robert Frost

    "Breathe, pray, be kind, stop grabbing."
    - Anne Lamott

    "Mere completion is a rather honorable achievement in its own right."
    - Liz Gilbert

    "When we tell our stories,
    we change the world."
    - Brené Brown